Chapter 35 – Candle Flame
"Where am I?" Tai groaned waking up with an aching head. The light was bright, too bright, it forced Tai to shield his face as a woman walked in. He couldn't see anything of her as she came to sit beside him, her hand placed over his chest.
"Serana?" Tai asked weakly, acutely aware of a screaming sensation in the back of his head. Something wasn't right.
"Come with me my love, I'll carry you into immortal bliss on wings of ecstasy" The voice came, it sounded like Serana but again something wasn't right. Serana wouldn't ever call Tai "my love" and she wouldn't be caught dead saying that line.
"What's wrong with you?" Tai questioned further, she even smelled exactly like Serana. Her touch was near identical; this could very well be Serana.
Suddenly Serana leaned down, gripping his hair roughly as she kissed him. Desire told Tai, it's a woman kiss her back but his heart screamed, as did his instincts. She tasted wrong. This woman had a salty taste to her, a warm honey breath. Her lip was not scarred as Serana's was either, her teeth not as sharp. Tai tensed as he felt a tongue slip into his mouth, trying to tangle his own in a dance. Tai snarled as he pulled himself back with a sharp gasp as his eyes flared.
"Who are you?" He yelled loudly, ready to beat down the imposter.
"What have you done with Serana?"
"Nothing. I want to however, do bad things with you big boy" the woman laughed, eyes changing to a deep emerald green. Tai pushed her off him, spitting openly, much to the woman's shock.
"How dare you! Do you know who I am boy?" The woman puffed up. It was only now Tai realised she was barely dressed. Cloth straps covered her nipples, and a small portion of her breast falling to a flowing shirt that fell to her mid-thigh.
"A magical prostitute? Do you sell yourself for gold?" Tai inquired, his eyes venturing around the golden room. It was unlike anything he had ever seen. The light that shone started to ease on Tai's eyes as he forced himself to gaze around the room.
"You vile little man! I have half a mind t…" The woman was cut off by a second female voice.
"Enough Dibella, this man has suffered enough. No need pester him with your constant itches. Find another person to scratch your… back" The voice was female, strong yet as gentle as the wind.
Tai gazed at the elf it had come from, her body embraced by vines that seemed to grow from her, green eyes shone fiercely as white wisped across them. She was sharp featured, yet not ugly in her sharpness. She was however not worthy of Dibella's apparent beauty.
"Kyne... They can't even get your gender right, how dare you order me around!" Dibella taunted back. Another voice shook Tai further.
"Please. Dibella, Kynareth, now is not the time for arguing" The voice was heartbreakingly soft, motherly as the final figure walked into Tai's view.
She was beautiful, square faced yet soft featured. A sharp nose highlighting her fine ears and deep blue eyes. Her blonde hair fell over her beautiful silk dress, shining whiter than the stars. She smiled, again the light intensified.
"Mara preserve me" Tai whispered. The woman smiled.
"I know how to choose my children, now it is your time" Mara herself whispered. Tai stared around the room with sudden fright. What was that sobbing sound he kept hearing, he felt so drawn to it. By the looks of it the gods noticed this.
"Fear not for the living, I watch over them with my everlasting beauty" Dibella stated, Tai glared at her.
"Appearing like Serana!"
"Trust Mara to give us a lover boy" Kynareth retorted under her breath.
"I appear like Serana, because she is what you consider absolute perfection and... Beauty, what I embody" Dibella sounded slightly annoyed by Tai's choice.
"Believe me; my real form would not be so flawed"
"We all must assume forms, our full glory is not for anyone's eyes" Kynareth added, trying to sound wise in her hostile voice. Tai winced.
"Am I dead?" He asked finally, his eyes turning straight to Mara.
"Yes. We now will guide you to your true home" Mara whispered offering her hand, Tai turned to look away, towards the screaming.
"Be honest with him" Kynareth hissed, Dibella looked pained.
"He won't come if he sees… this form's owner"
"Her name is Serana" Tai snapped, right as the air distorted around him.
They sat in a dark room. Candles bounced from the walls, illuminating the parchment in a terrific ember glow. The light touched on their skin, reflecting the difference of all who gathered in the darkness.
"May you be in Sovengard half an hour before a Deadra knows you're dead" they all mumbled. It was Z who broke the silence. Her elbows rested on her knees, her ankles crossed politely.
"Sadean, you will take over the Dawnguard. As champion of Stendarr, you are the best they could ask for" Her voice was cold, commanding. The room was filled with equals in the shadows and light, but Z was the obvious leader.
"I regret it came to the death of a man I once called friend" Sadean spoke, no longer rising ale to his lips. Drink had lost its taste.
"He tricked me, betrayed us all indirectly. He had one of us fall to his death. Do not pity those whom do not deserve it" Brand snarled, the lines in his skin glowing like the flickering candle flames. In darkness he was terrifying.
"Calm yourself Brand, Azura's champion should have some compassion" Vale spoke up. Brand glared at her.
"And Kynareth's champion should not be involved with Hircine's" Brand snapped back.
"One word and I will tear your tongue out. Not even the gods tell me who I can love" Aela now snapped.
"Z, silence the champions before I tear their waggling tongues out. I'm trying to think what to have for dinner" The Irish voice interjected. Z smiled.
"Ask old Has, I'm sure he would not mind Sheo" she replied lightly. The room shuddered.
"He's got more brains than a brain pie. Oh! Perfect. Brain Pie!" Sheogorath spoke lightly. His Irish voice was the very nature of insanity. The air once more became heavy as Z's eyes ventured the room.
"If he passes the challenge, he could be with us once more Brand" Sadean spoke up, Z nodded suddenly remaining silent.
"Tai would never submit to a Deadric lord" Aela huffed.
"Serana tried to turn him, he has not risen. We failed" Vale sighed.
"He is strong, lost in another. For her, he would try" Brand nodded.
"Z?" The room asked, the presence darkened as she stood, another had joined them.
"Malketh, speak to your Benefactor about this. Deceive him if you must" Brand commanded calmly, the new comer nodded, his grey braid flying against his head.
"It will be done"
"You're amazing Tai, sweet, caring. Everything I could ever want. I'm not a fool though. You've changed around me; women are not all over you. Mentally you've committed to me. I'm not the one Tai, sooner or later you'll see that and regret this time"
Serana sniffed through her freely falling tears. The memory of her words flooded her as she gazed into the fire, her hand weakly holding am empty mug of ale. Tai's reply to her words so long ago brought more tears from her eyes. They flowed down her cheeks, stinging warmly only to be replaced by the cool against their wet trail. She did not even bother to wipe them away.
"I could never regret you. I'm staying committed to you until I die, even after. I don't care about the chapel. One day, maybe but I don't regret a minute of our time"
Serana pushed her hair back with her left hand, the mug in her right shook as she tightened her grip. She stared into the dying embers of the forge, where Tai's body would be committed to the flames once he had been prepared and people had been blessed to mourn.
Serana couldn't. She had no idea how to mourn the loss of someone she loved; she had never loved anyone like Tai before. Her father's words played through her head.
"It only took you opening your legs"
Serana shook her head.
"No. You're dead. This is over!" She whispered, staring down into the mug as she tasted the salt of her tears brushing over her lips.
"I'm sure he slipped right between your thighs and into"
"Enough!" Serana yelled, throwing the mug into the embers. They burst to life in a furious flame for an instant as they caught the alcohol ruminates in the mug. Serana stared into the fire, panting desperately as the flames began to die. The heat blast left her face, again the cold of Skyrim bit at her skin. She desperately wanted Tai to hold her.
"That's never going to happen again" Serana thought to herself, wiping her cheek with a desperate longing it was Tai. She fell to her knees, back resting against the stones surrounding the forge before she began to weep uncontrollably. She had lost him.
"Curse it Tai! You couldn't have been selfish for once? You couldn't have walked away?"
Tai awoke lying on cool ground on his stomach, his hand tucked up beside his cheek with his other flat against his side. He groaned, candle flames were flickering in his eyes. The room beyond was completely dark, a single figure sat in a chair. Tai looked; there was a chair next to him.
"Am I supposed to sit?" Tai asked. His eyes pinned hesitantly on the wooden chair. Shadows flickered. His eyes returned to the figure. Shoulders like a male, but too graceful and expressive. His mind ticked as the figure extended her hand and spoke. Tai's jaw dropped.
"Please"
"Z?" Tai couldn't help gasp. The figure nodded, leaning forwards so the candle light caught her face. She flicked a smile.
"It would seem so" She spoke coolly; Tai used his hand to close his mouth.
"Wha?" His mouth dropped again.
"You may want to close your mouth before your tongue gets dusty" Z noted. Tai snapped his jaw shut. This was definitely Z; she was exactly as she should be.
She sat with one of her legs folded up over her knee, her elbows resting on her raised ankle. She was intent, almost a statue save the shallow breaths Tai could only see in the flickering shadows and her occasional blink.
Tai himself sat with his knees apart, his elbows resting against his hip and hands around his knees. He was like a child in a class room receiving a good lesson yet a scolding, attentive and nervous.
"What is this? Did you die too?" Tai demanded. Z's smile faded, almost sorrowfully as she spoke.
"No. This is the Candle Light" Z started, moving her hand in an expressive gesture.
"Candle Light? You mean Candle Hearth in Windhelm?"
"No. Although, this… room, for lack of a better word is partly connected"
"What is this then?"
"Candle Light" Z answered.
"I'm aware of that" Tai snapped. Z gave him a look that stilled his blood.
"If you allow me to finish. Candle Light is a room for the afterlife, but the living may enter. This particular room is used by the Family. We are the gods champions, sometimes the Deadras as well. We make the world operate smoothly, even when others give up. We are what goes on behind the scenes, like a machine. Sworn to silence, able to enter this room to communicate or just relax" Z leaned forwards, her eyes almost glowing.
"We are the balance keepers. We owe neither side allegiance, we are our own servant. We represent our investor's interest, power, but we are not bound by their word" Z finished. Tai's breathing was heavy.
"Am I to represent someone?" He chocked. Z nodded.
"You are Auriel's champion; Arkay is also interested as is Mara"
"I am sworn to Akatosh?" Tai gasped. Z shook her head.
"No. You are offered to Auriel. A different time. You have proven yourself to him, but I would recommend taking either Mara or Arkay's offer. Gelebor is whom I want for Auriel, as he has served faithfully. We try to match our champions to an investor they will serve well with, Malketh's disaster has opened our eyes" Z leaned back sadly. Tai took a deep breath. His heart wanted to serve Mara, but he knew she was not his. Somehow he felt trapped into one choice. He needed to think.
"Why am I here?" he whispered. Z sighed.
"Like your body, your soul is made of several levels. This is your subconscious, you do not wish to experience what Molag Bal is doing to you"
"What Molag is doing to me?"
"You know what was agreed upon, to return you must be claimed. You agreed for Serana. There are pressing matters we must debate when you rise, if you rise. The world is ready for a new beginning, you will be one of The Family" Z paused as Tai shook his head.
"So, Molag is violating me?"
"He does not like you; he believes he has forced himself upon your soul. He is unaware you permitted it" Z smiled devilishly.
"I would almost pay to see his face when he discovers his foolishness"
"Almost?" Tai raised his brow. Z chuckled with twinkling eyes.
"I am the best assassin in the world. I can sneak" Z looked solemn as she closed her eyes. Tai saw the disgusted shudder run through her body.
"It is done. Choose quickly before the chance fades"
"Life and Death"
Serana sat on her bed, tears streaming down her face once more as she held Tai's blade in her hands. She had been requested to stay with the Companions, that Tai would have a proper funeral in the flames of the Sky Forge. No one was admitting he was dead yet, much to Serana's joy and her dismay.
She longed that Tai would live again. Longed for his warm arms around her, to feel his heartbeat or lack of it should he return a vampire. She couldn't begin to imagine her existence without him, everything she had not told him that she wished she could. Memories. Everything weighed heavy on her. She hated that she had become so close to a mortal, someone she knew was only a brief moment of happiness, yet she couldn't regret it.
She hated that Tai had not been announced dead at the same time. She held hope there was a plot to bring him back, there was a chance. She wanted to be allowed to grieve, but she could not escape while she hoped. She was stuck in her loop of pain, unable to feel from the moment she had lost him to the void, as Z had said. She wanted to be able to tell the truth, not sob her wishes and longings out to the animals, or anything that would listen. She wanted to suffer alone, but she needed Tai. Her cure and her cause she could never have again.
"You need to go make your peace" Vale started. Aela stood beside her. Serana glared at them both, baring her fangs in a silent snarl before she whispered.
"He's gone"
"So go set his corpse on fire. Fondle it. Whatever gets you off" Aela grunted. Vale actually punched Aela in the shoulder.
"Allow me to handle this love" Vale whispered, Aela walked away holding her arm Vale had punched. The little elf fist had left a mark.
"Serana. I know it is hard, but you need to go to him" Vale whispered as she leaned against the doorframe. Serana's eyes flashed with blind fury and pain as she rose to her feet.
"Why?" she barked before she could control her tongue. Vale looked to her feet, unable to speak.
"To make your peace" she finally whispered. Vale saw the lost look in Serana's eyes; she had seen it before in her friend. She knew Serana was on the opposite side however, she had not had her hand forced rather she had no control over Tai's life. Vale didn't understand how to help Serana, but she knew Serana needed to be present.
"He's going to be burned at noon. Then my peace will be made" Serana sighed, Vale lifted her chin gently, looking Serana in the eye.
"Do you really believe that?"
"Yes"
"Then go say your goodbyes before another interrupts. You were in love with him Serana; you have an hour before he is announced dead. Make good use of your time. Do not take a moment for granted" Vale wrapped her arms around the taller woman as Serana began to cry again.
Unlike Z, Vale was softly comforting Serana. She quietly began to sing a song in elf tongue, a song that soothed Serana's tears before she strode out of the room she and Tai had shared towards the Underforge where Tai lay at rest.
"Who will start?" Z asked sombrely. The town was gathered at the Sky Forge. Logs were piled, placed upon them was a body wrapped from head to toe in furs. Serana couldn't stay. She hung her head in the shadows of the Underforge as she listened to Tai's funeral. She had said her goodbyes, she regretted not been able to say them when they mattered.
"I will" Aela stood forwards just as she had for Kodlak years ago.
"For my fallen brother, I grieve" Aela spoke clearly. Her face was blank, her eyes dull.
"For my departed brother, I grieve" Vilkas spoke with a shaking voice. He refused to let any see his face.
"For my dead brother, I grieve" Farkas added next with his own voice hoarse. Tears openly fell from his eyes.
"For my fallen brother, I weep" Vale spoke honestly, earning many looks. Her own teas fell.
"For my brother, I take my leave to grieve my last" Z completed. Z held no expression.
"Vale, Aela sisters let us journey to grieve our last together" Z spoke as she threw the torch into the wood.
The flames slowly rose from the ashes, the body of a fallen hero to fuel the rebirth of the Sky Forge. The flames soared into the night sky, burning the air orange with the glory of Tai's legacy. It was regrettable to many that such a man had fallen doing a deed for others, but Tai had to. It was his true destiny to die; Molag Bal had even claimed this. In his death though Tai had won, he had claimed everything from the Deadric Prince.
Farkas and Vilkas stared into the embers, sorrow all over their faces as Vilkas hung his head.
"He saved me when we downed him" He finally spoke. Farkas nodded.
"He would have made a good uncle"
Serana let her body fall, her forehead rest against the wall as she pounded it with her fist. Tears again were streaming down her face; it was all she could do lately. Cry. She felt so useless. She had let Tai take that fall for her, had she fallen Tai would be with her. They would both be alive, as she could be anyway.
"He died because of me" Serana sobbed weakly. She winced as a strong set of arms wrapped around her waist. She felt the cold, vampiric breath on her neck as lips trailed. She snarled, thoughtlessly she spun on her attacker and drove her fist into his gut. They both fell to the ground; somehow the attacker was on top of her.
Serana expected roughness, instead the hands were soft around her wrist as she was pinned, just enough pressure to hold her down. The attacker knew her well. She felt the cold breath, smelt blood on his lips. She could almost taste the metallic life source she fed upon in the small void between them.
Serana used her legs and strength as leverage and rolled, her attacker was flipped onto his back as Serana sat over him, her hands around her throat. His hands instantly came to her shirt. Serana yelped as she was pulled down to meet the glowing eyes.
Next she knew her lips had been attacked, the taste was familiar as was the sensation but there was a deathly control to it, but such a passion Serana lost herself. When she broke away she began to understand. Instantly she started trembling as the man beneath her rose to a sitting position, his legs trapped beneath her.
"I'm not dead yet"