Chapter VI: Hard Decisions
He walked through the trees in the darkness; the dew from the grass leaving wet slashes across his black leather boots. He thought of how he had told himself he shouldn't come back; yet he just couldn't resist it. He needed to see her again. He walked closer to her house, pausing at the tree he hid behind the night before. He was hoping to hear her play music and sing. He listened...but all he heard was...a man's voice?
He looked at her house and saw her through the window on the first floor. She was sitting at a table and facing the window; the warm yellow lights inside the house illuminated her. He was able to see her more clearly than he had the night before. She was smiling. He had never seen her smile, and he thought it made her even prettier. He smiled as he looked at her, his heart beating faster.
He shifted his focus to the man sitting across from her, the one who she was talking to and smiling at. He couldn't see much more of him than his back. His hair was longer than most men kept theirs and it was dark with some gray strands all through it. He didn't know how he felt about this guy....was this jealousy? He did wish it could be him in there, sitting with her, having her look at him with that smiling face.
Her laughter drew his attention back to her. He had a clear view of her, and as he looked he couldn't help but feel a strange nervousness in his stomach. Every time she laughed at what the man was saying, her face lit up. He found himself smiling with her, happy for her happiness. He wanted so badly to talk to her, to know her.
He looked back to the man she was with, and wondered who he was. His smile faded when it dawned on him. This was most likely her boyfriend, or maybe husband? His eyes took on a look full of sorrow while his brows knit together. He felt like he was sinking. What a fool I am. Of course she would have someone. She is so beautiful, how could she not. She would have never liked me anyway. I have just been torturing myself by thinking of her so much, and coming here to look at her and listen to her.
He almost walked away then, but couldn't stop watching them. They both laughed again. It had been so long since he saw how nice it could be...just talking with someone. He wistfully smiled with them, wishing to be able to talk with her too. To have what they had. He felt he was always on the outside looking in. Even when he was able to live with a real family, that is still how he felt. He didn't belong anywhere, but alone in his forgotten home.
After a while, they got up from the table and cleared the empty plates and glasses. They walked to the door on the other side of the room and walked out it. He saw the car pull out of the driveway and drive down the street. They were gone.
He walked right up to the window that he had been watching her through. The lights were still on and he was able to look around her home. It looked so nice, and warm. He bent down so he could be eye level with the brilliant colored glass bottles that lined the window sill. He raised a blade and tapped the window where he could see a bright red bottle.
A black cat appeared in the window and locked eyes with him. He smiled at the cat. The cat raised a paw and touched the window, while he touched the same spot on the other side. Animals always like him. They seemed to be the only ones that weren't initially frightened or surprised by his appearance. He lowered his hand with a sigh. He wished everyone could be like that.
He stood up and looked at all of the pictures hanging on the walls inside her house. He wished he could go inside and look at them closer. He wanted to know more about her life. He wanted to be a part of her life; and she didn't even know he existed!
He made a decision right then and there. He wouldn't be coming back here again. It was too much torture for him, and if she ever saw him she would be frightened. He had already frightened her just with the noises he made. It would be best for them both if he never came back.
The decision was painful. She had woken him up after so many years of being numb. Nothing good would come of it though. He just felt hurt, standing here, looking into something he would never have. Thinking of someone he could never have. He thought maybe he even loved her. Was such a thing possible? To love someone without ever talking to them? He didn't know, all he knew were the emotions that were flooding him.
He turned his back on her house and regretfully made his way back to his lonely home. He started to feel that familiar feeling again. The numbness...and sorrow slowly creeping in. He didn't even notice the lights as they flashed through the trees he was walking through.