Santana is here. Santana is standing right in front of me. The thing is, I no how stupid I'm being about this, I know what Tina is telling me is probably not true, but yet there's still a part of me that's so scared that this is actually too good to believe. I'm scared to lose Santana but at the same time I'm pushing her away. I hate everything right now, I was to be able to talk to her, to hug her and kiss her but I just stare at her blankly.
I can't believe how stupid I'm being, I know not to trust Tina, I shouldn't. I only do because she's the one person that always told me what was going on. Like in the eight grade when I went out with Mark, she told me that he was only dating me to gain popularity. I didn't believe her at first but a few weeks later I over heard the guys talking at the back of the class, Tina had been right.
Then again in grade 11 when I was dating Artie, she had told me that Artie was only dating me because people thought I'd be easy, which wasn't true, I wasn't easy. I didn't believe Tina that time either, and kept dating Artie but then he started to get really mean because I wouldn't have sex with him. He hurt me one day, and I knew Tina was right again. The last time that happened was this summer when I tried dating another guy. Tina came and told me that he already had a girlfriend. This time I went and confronted the guy and leant that for the third time in a row, Tina was right.
Even though I really think that Tina is wrong this time, I can't help but feel like I'll be wrong. She's been right about all those other guys, why should she be lying this time. I'm scared, I can't loose Santana she means to much to me. But as always my fear gets the better of me.
"I-I have to go," I manage to croak out of my system.
It's hard to talk to her, I have to hold onto all my will power in order not to cry in front of her. I try and move past her but she quickly catches my arm. Her touch feels so good, but I can't let her know that.
"Britt, please," I try not to look into Santana's eyes, I know there probably glossy because she's trying to hold back her tears too and if I look, that will be the end of me. Knowing that I won't be able to get more words out of my mouth and shake my head and hope that she lets go of me. "Please, just give me 2 seconds."
She's begging now, and I hate the way her voice sounds like she's going to break down at any second. It's shaky and hurt but I keep thinking back to what Tina said. I shouldn't believe it; I'm stupid to believe it. If I let her explain herself then the truth will come out and I could end up alone, at least now I know we're together.
"Fine," I say. "But not here," Santana nods and I lead her out to a near by bench. I manage to finally look at her, I was right. Her eyes are all red like she's been crying and she just looks so broken. I heart breaks at the sight, I try and be angry but it's so hard.
"Please tell me why you've been ignoring me, why I've been getting the cold shoulder from Rachel. Please tell me what I did to upset you?" A tear rolls down Santana cheek and the sight of it makes me break.
"I think you know what you did, how could you not," I tell her.
"I don't, Britt I would never ever want to hurt you," she manages to say.
"Then don't sit there and lie to my face," that came out more harshly then I wanted it to.
"I'm so clueless Brittany, please, just please tell me. I can't stand the fact that you're mad at me, or the fact that I haven't seen you in a week. I love you so much and I just..." she stops talking because the tears have gained control.
"I needed to tell you something important but you couldn't make it," I finally said.
"I told you I was studying," she told me.
"Yeah, ok," I said as I rolled my eyes.
"You don't believe me? Britt I swear I was studying, I'm sorry I couldn't make it, I just had..." I cut Santana off, I was pretty proud of myself. I wasn't letting my feelings for Santana get to me.
"You were with some other girl!" Santana's eyes widened like I had caught her, head on.
"How do you know...?" She trailed off still surprised that I knew that.
"Tina was right, you know, I felt stupid for believing her because I thought that you might be different, but she was right, she was right." I say.
"Britt, what are you talking about? What did you talk to Tina about?" Santana put on the act of being confused.
"You know exactly what! If studying includes going over to see another girl and fucking her, then yeah, I bet you had a really good study session!" I was now yelling and raised my hard to my face wiping off a tear. I didn't even know I was crying until I did that. "She told me that and when I didn't believe her she gave me the girls number and you picked up! Do you really think I'm that stupid, that I wouldn't figure it out," I tell her.
"I don't think you're stupid and I didn't..."
"Save it Santana!"
"No, you can't go accusing me of things and then not hear my side! I can't believe you would actually believe her. After everything we've been through, that she's put you through. I'll admit I didn't go over there to study but I defiantly wasn't going over there for fuck her! How could you think such a thing!" Santana was now really angry. Her anger only made mine worse, I could feel my heart beating fast from the adrenaline and the rage inside me build up.
"Then what were you doing over there!?" I yell.
"The girl makes necklaces and I wanted to get you something ok! Cause you mean so much to me, I wanted to surprise you! I wanted to show you how special you are to me, but I guess you don't trust me enough for that do you!" I my heart broke inside and my face fell. God I really am so stupid to believe such a thing. I feel like my insides have just been torn apart and what's worse is that I've probably lost Santana now.
"I..." I tried to get out but honestly I didn't know what to say. I could feel a whole new batch of tears creep up on me.
"Save it Brittany, I get that Tina would try and convince you of those things but I never thought that you'd actually believe it," she was right. I was so stupid. I stand there with my head down because I honestly don't know what to say. I know 'I'm sorry' won't fix anything because when does it ever.
"Next time, maybe get your facts straight before you accuse people. God Brittany, I can't believe you would do something like that, that so..." she didn't say the last word but I knew what it was. I look up at her, with the tears falling out of my eyes. She has every right to say it even if I stung like a bitch. She has never called me stupid before, I didn't think the thought would ever cross her mind but it did. I feel broken inside.
"Stupid," I finish off her last word.
"No, Britt, I didn't meant it like that, you know I don't..." I cut her off again.
"No you're right. It was stupid, I'm stupid to believe her. God, I'm just so, so stupid, I," this time she cut me off.
"Stop that!" I look back at her with fearful eyes. She's never used that tone with me. "You're not stupid. I told you not to call yourself that. I wasn't going to say stupid, I would never say that because you're not. Do you understand me?" I nod, there is a long pause after that.
"Santana, I'm so sorry, I don't know what I was thinking," I say through my tears.
"Can we just, I just need time to think," that truly made me weak. Just the thought of the words to follow that, I needed Santana, I don't know what I'd do without her. I slowly nod, hoping that there is some chance for us to still be together. "I just need to think."
I watched Santana walk away after that. As I just stood there, letting my emotions take the best of me. I went back in my room after that and cried into Rachel. I told her everything and after she consoled me to the point where I stopped crying she marched over to Tina's and god knows what she did to her. I couldn't believe what I had done, I knew it wasn't true and yet I still believed her.
Rachel came into the room that night and found me lying on my bed with a box of tissues in my hand and some chips in the other. Except I haven't even opened the bag of chips, I was too depressed to eat, too sad to do anything. I managed to look up at Rachel who gave me a little smirk.
"I don't think Tina will bother you anymore," Rachel says to me, making me curious for what she did.
"What you do?" I ask.
"You remember that girl Quinn?" I nod. "Well her boyfriend is sort of a bad ass," she tells me.
"Puck?" I say.
"Yeah, Santana's friends," I wince at the name. "Sorry. But they did help me get Tina back. Puck gave her a real good scare so I don't think she'll be bothering you two again."
"Yeah if there's a two to bother," I said just thinking about the fact that Santana could break up with me.
"I'm sure things will work out," Rachel says trying to make me feel better but honestly I don't even know.
The story will get happy soon, don't worry. But now Tina is like gone for good so be happy about that. Hope you like the story, let me know your thoughts.