Slowly I follow my father into the basement. I am walking this way for the 100. time now, always the same.

My mother is sitting on an old and dusty couch. She's humming an unmelodious song, while walking back and forth.

She's holding her black hair, which is the same colour as mine, in both of her hands and for a short moment it looks like she wants to rip it out of her head. But her hands froze and she starts walking again. I pass the living room and walk down the dark and creaky stairs.

All I can see is the blond hair of my father. He opens the heavy door and waits till I step into the room.

My father closes the door, but he doesn't lock it.

None of us, not even Justin, who is almost as big as he is, did ever try to run away.

The room smells musty. It smells like mold and dirt. There are only three things standing in the small room. An operation table, a bag with his tools in it and a camera.

The walls used to be white, but over the years the blood painted them in an ugly pale red.

My father is looking at me eagerly. Just staring at me until I lay on the operation table. My father never speaks. When he wants to operate on one of us he just comes into our rooms and we now what he wants.

To tell you the truth, I can't even remember how his voice sounds. The only thing I see is the small camera, which is hanging at the ceiling, just over me. My father is stroking his unshaved beard and then he turns on the light over my head. While my eyes slowly get used to the light, my father pulls a remote out of his breast pocket. He presses a button and a green light is now shining at the camera over my head. That means, the camera is now recording.

A small sigh escapes my lips as I'm waiting for my father to get his bag.

Screaming is useless, our house is standing in the middle of a forest. No one, except for my family, would hear us.

Slowly my eyes get used to the bright light however I don't look away. At my first operation I didn't want to stare at the light but it was a mistake. I watched my father coming to me with a huge needle. At that time I was pretty young, only 12 or 13 years old. And because I was never out of this house, I didn't know what this thing was or what it does to me. But when the blood started to flow, it shooked me, I cried and screamed. I was so afraid, that I thought I would die in here. But I didn't ... Unhappily.

Someday he has stopped using the anesthetic injections. He thinks you can get used to the pain. He has no idea! Although I am quiet and don't cry anymore, it still hurts. But I've learned to handle it. I dream about beautiful things even if I don't know whether they exist or not. I can hear father digging around in his case. Then he's walking to the operation table. Now I hear the crackle of ... Paper? I turn my head slowly to see what's going on. My father has a sheat of paper in his hand and I'm trying to see it before he puts it in his bag again. So many words ... That's all unimportant! I just want to know what will happen! He turns the paper around and after a few seconds he plugs it into his bag. I'm looking back to the bright light as he comes back to the table. I know everything what I wanted to know. The organ he will take just in a few minutes is called kidney. I don't know where the kidney is, but Justin told me about his operation. He lost his kidney a long time ago. He said it was really painful but it doesn't take long till you lose consciousness.
Father is digging in his bag again then he's coming back to the table.
I feel my heart as it starts to race. Although I know perfectly what's going to happen, I just can't control it. Not yet.
Deep breath. In. Out. In. Out
He holds a scalpel in his hand. I can see it flashing in the bright light. Father is looking into my eyes. His eyes are so…empty.
Do I start trembling? No, I just have tot hink of something beautiful and everything will be alright.
I am lying on a green meadow. Like in this book, I read a few days ago. Or a few weeks ago?
He shoves my T-Shirt of my belly. The kidney is in my belly? That hast o be painful.
Stop trembling, Jade! You aren't a baby anymore. You can do that. Just stay calm. When did I stop breathing?
Okay I can do this. My brothers would tell me that, too. I am strong.
At least it's me and not one of them. Nothing's worse than hearing them scream. Or just to know they are in pain. Now it's on. I can feel the scalpel slowly slide through my skin.
Don't scream. You are on a green meadow.
The scalpel is slowly sliding through my belly. Don't you dare screaming, Jade!
I am biting on my lip so hard that it starts bleeding. Blood has such a terrible taste!
It hurts so bad! Green meadow. I still am on a green meadow. Why is my hand wet? Is this water?

No, it's blood. I am at home. In the hell, I call home. My father is taking my kidney and my hands, which are lying next to my body, are blood-soaked. I move my fingers. Slowly I make small circles in the blood. My blood. It's getting more and more. I can hear it dropping to the ground.
And then I can feel his hands. They are slowly sliding in my body just to take my organ. It hurts so bad, I can't think. Black spots are dancing in front of my eyes.
Am I still breathing? His hands are gone and the world around me starts fading black and painless.
It's over.

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