Hey guys!

So now I feel much better! Yay! So let's see how Clary's going to react shall we?

Love, Lilly

Chapter Thirteen: The Truth of a Thousand Lies

What are you saying? You can't be working for the CIA! I know you. You're a banker. You're sweet and loving, okay sometimes you're cocky and arrogant, but you're not a liar. You wouldn't do that to me, you just–

The sound of gunfire was still ringing in Clary's ears. She couldn't think straight; her fear-stricken heart was beating wildly in her chest, her vision was blurred by tears, and her head was aching. She was half-conscious of people staring at her while walking down the street. Blood stains tainted her shirt and hands, smelling of salt and metal, sour and bitter. She was cold.

But none of that – the pain, the smell, the sounds – seemed to matter as she hauled herself up on her feet.

"Clary, please say something."

Her mouth stayed shut while her eyes stared down at the pavement. She didn't know what to say –what she should say, what she wanted to say – it was too much for her to take right now. The world was like a dark tunnel with Jonathan's cruel smile at one end and Jace's lies at the other.

Somebody had tried to kill everyone she loved tonight. She shuddered. Somebody had almost killed everyone she loved tonight.

"Clary!"

Jace's voice seemed to call for her from a distance, as if he weren't standing right next to her. It sounded like it always had, a small voice inside her head observed. It came from the same mouth that had told her he loved her. But now, she wasn't sure she wanted to listen to it anymore.

"Jace, we have to go!" Alec's voice was urgent and tense. "Aline's sending a protective detail for my parents and Clary's; they'll be upstate by dawn."

"Clary."

She blinked, but didn't look up. She was tired…so tired. Her muscles were numb and her brain didn't have the strength to order them to do anything other than stand still.

She felt a warm hand against her bare shoulder and a jolt went through her, like an electric charge awakening her body from slumber. She yanked his hand away hastily.

"Don't touch me," she croaked and cursed that her voice sounded so weak.

She looked up and met his eyes. They looked just as they always had. Was she really so stupid that she had thought that she could actually see through them? Or had Jace always been able to mimic what he wanted her to see? Right now she saw hurt and confusion, but was it true?

"Please let me explain," Jace begged and took her hands in his.

"Jace!" Alec almost screamed. "We have to go! Now!"

The group started to move forward. She noticed that Simon had a slight limp, but he held onto Isabelle tightly. Magnus' fingers were intertwined with Alec's, but he couldn't help watching his back as if he feared someone was following them.

"I'm not coming with you," Clary declared, and crossed her arms over her chest. Jace stopped. She looked at him without flinching. She had never felt so angry before about anything. "No way!"

"Clary, please! I know you're upset but– "

"That's the thing Jace! There's no but. Right now I would rather be anywhere than near you. You lied. From the day we met, you've been lying to me. And it's on your lies that we've built our entire relationship? How do you think I feel? The man I married is someone I don't know, you're someone else entirely! And you want me to go with you?"

Jace took a step forward but stopped when she backed down. She felt more tears gather up at the corners of her eyes. "How could I be so stupid?"

"I never lied about loving you," Jace said, "and I only lie about work to protect you."

"No," Clary replied and she let the tears flood her cheeks. "You lied because you didn't trust me! Which is worse. And now you want me to trust you? Well, I don't see any reason why I should."

"You don't see any reason?" Jace scoffed. "I may have lied about work and other things, but do you really not trust me? Do you really think I wouldn't do anything for you? Give my life to save yours? Clary, I know you're mad and I don't expect you to forgive me right now, but you have to believe me when I tell you that your safety is all that matters to me."

Clary hesitated. "Clary." This time it was Alec who spoke. "It's not only about you, it's about all of us. Jace won't leave if you don't come and I'm not leaving him here, so please keep your anger back just long enough so we can get to the safe house. Do you think you can do that?"

She nodded and with a sigh she followed them.

"Besides, everyone lies," Alec added with a sad look on his face.

xXx

The safe house wasn't anything like Clary expected. But then again, she didn't know anything about working for the CIA other than what movies had showed her.

She had quickly changed into an oversized T-shirt that belonged to Jace and was sitting cross-legged in a corner of the largest room – she guessed it was the living room, although there was no furniture to back up that theory – with a bottle of water next to her.

Isabelle and Simon had disappeared into a room adjacent and were sleeping, while Magnus and Alec were getting dinner outside. Jace was sitting opposite her and talking fast on the phone. She couldn't help staring at him.

He had promised her some answers and Clary wasn't sure she wanted them at first, but now they were all she could think about. She closed her eyes and tried to remember a moment of her life with Jace that hadn't been stained with a lie – no matter how small – but those were so rare that eventually she gave up.

Everyone lies, Alec had said.

Well, of course that was true. Clary had lied. When she said that she loved baseball or that her first boyfriend was at the age of fourteen when in reality it was at seventeen and that he wasn't the great kisser she made him out to be. However, she never lied about killing people, about spying for the government.

When she reopened her eyes, Jace was sitting next to her, his back against the wall.

"You should drink something," he told her, gently pushing the bottled water in her direction.

"I'm not thirsty," Clary replied. "You said you would explain. I'm listening."

"Where do you want me to start?" Jace asked and although she could feel his eyes on her, searching her, she couldn't bring herself to meet them.

"How did you get into the CIA?"

"I was recruited."

"How?"

"By Hodge Starkweather. It was in high school. Alec and I were acing every subject, especially foreign languages. That caught their attention. They were looking at the colleges nearby – that's usually where they get their recruits from – and they caught wind of us, so Hodge decided to check us out."

"High school?" Clary repeated and he could see that she was horrified. "But you were just a kid."

"And we're the only ones who were ever taken in so young." Clary nodded. "We were eighteen, we needed adventures, we wanted to see the world, so we accepted. They took us to the Farm and trained us."

"The Farm?" What is it?"

"Hm, it's like a training center. We lived there. Training is supposed to take a year, more or less. They teach you how to assemble weapons in the dark, disable a bomb, charm your way into a politician's private mansion. Alec and I were done in three months. You know how my dad is, I started martial arts when I was twelve, so they didn't have much to teach me. And as for charm– "

Clary didn't say anything, but she started to relax as he started to open up. She turned to face him. Jace smiled, but made no move to touch her. He knew she needed some time, to understand and to forgive him…if she ever could, which he hoped she would, with all his heart.

"When we arrived at Langley, we were still kids in the eyes of everyone. No one took us seriously and it pissed us off. They put us behind a desk and in charge of monitoring information. Then, Archibald Aldertree, the DCS –"

"DCS?"

"Director of Clandestine Services – sorry – named Jules Moreau as the new head of the DPD – the Domestic Protection Division."

"And she took you seriously," Clary finished, guessing.

"Yeah. She said she saw our true potential, but we were too young physically to work on 'normal missions' so instead of promoting us as field operatives – that's what we called our agents – she gave us a different kind of job."

"And what was it?"

Jace looked away briefly. He wasn't sure how much he could tell her. "I –"

"You said you would be honest." Clary didn't enjoy having to resort to emotional blackmail, but the future of their marriage – and probably their lives too – were hanging in the balance.

"We worked black ops. It's a special division of the CIA. You're asked to be a black op agent, you don't work to be one, if that makes any sense. Those missions are special and above all, secret. We operated in countries where we weren't supposed to be," Jace explained.

"Did you kill people?" Clary asked. She remembered a movie where the hero – she had forgotten his name – worked those kinds of missions where he had to kill people. He died at the end.

"They were enemies of the state," Jace said, his voice unwavering.

"How do you know?" Clary replied.

"We spent hours watching them, learning about them. We did everything we could to make sure we weren't going to kill someone innocent."

"How many?"

"Clary," Jace said as a warning, though his voice only whispered her name.

"How many?" she repeated.

"14," he answered.

She took a deep breath and just nodded. "What happened next?"

"We worked there for five years," Jace continued, "but after a while, we couldn't do it anymore. Our lives were not our lives anymore and we wanted them back. So we asked for a transfer back into the main office of the DPD. Jules agreed immediately. No one had ever stayed that long in black ops.

"It took us time to readjust to a normal life – even if we were still under covert status – to going out, meeting people, seeing my parents for the holidays. But eventually we made it back to society." He chuckled. "And we started dating again."

Clary wasn't sure she wanted to hear about that, but didn't feel like interrupting him either. He must have seen it because he smiled and said, "Don't worry, I'm not going to tell you about that."

"But, what I can tell you is that the day I met you, I knew."

Clary blushed but held his gaze. "I knew that I wanted to be with you more than anything else. You can ask Alec when he comes back."

"If you loved me so much–"

"Loved? What? You think that because I lied that I don't love you anymore? That I never did?"

"I –"

"Clary," he began and took her hands, he sighed in relief when she didn't push him away. "Please, if you only want to believe one thing about everything I've ever told you, then believe that: I have loved you since the moment I met you – well, almost. I love you more and more every day, if that's even possible, and I'm going to love you until I die and if there's a part of me – my soul, my heart, my spirit or whatever – that somehow lives after that – whether there's a Hell or a Heaven – I will still love you then."

Clary's lips parted in surprise as she felt her heart tighten in her chest, skipping several beats. Without a word, she reached a hand across the space between them and grabbed his shirt. She tilted her chin up and her eyes seemed to drown in the gold purity of his. She pulled with all of her strength so that his body came crushing down on hers and she found herself lying against the cold floorboards of the room. She kissed him hungrily, feeling his love for her soaking through all the pores of his body, and lost herself in the sweet oblivion of giving everything up to a feeling you had no control over.

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See ya,

Lilly