A/N Yes, I'm a bit lazy, and each time when i have the chapter in my head my hands are heavy and I feel lazy to start the new chapter. Anyway, a little spoiler alert. There is a tiny part I "borrowed" from The Holiday (I'm in love with the movie and I do think it kind of fits well for Blair...what you are about to read). Hope you like it. :D
She wakes up unusually early, before seven in the morning. He sleeps next to her, with his shrunken arm around her hip. She removes slowly it and sits up in the bed, resting her back on the pillows. The sky outside is gray and she can see a few snowflakes falling down. It is time for snow she thinks and wonders if back home there are at least a few feet.
Something is weird, she thinks. She can't say what, but something seems different. And then she realizes:
"I'm ok" – She says out loud and Dan lazily opens his eyes.
"What time it is?" – He asks with a sleepy voice.
"Go back to sleep, I'm thinking out loud" – She actually smiles a bit. Although his face seems tired and sleepy he still looks at her. – "I was just thinking…You know, I haven't have woken up this early since…well not at all since I came here and now I'm just well rested and I don't feel…empty." – She smiles a little more. He observes her for few long seconds, and then adjusts his pillow under his shoulder.
"Could it possibly be because of me?" – He dares to ask.
"It could Humphrey. You are too chatty fro six in the morning" – She tries to look and sound serious.
"I am?" – He raises his eyebrows. – "You just snapped a whole president speech out loud…" – She opens her mouth to reply – "Ok, I know" – He smiles. – "You aren't about to get up right now, are you?" – He asks.
"No" – She pulls the duvet higher. – "Thank you for being here and being a friend in the true meaning of the word."
They remain quiet for a while, and just when she thinks he fell asleep again he continues:
"You know what seems to be your problem? And I wanted to tell you this since that day you were pouting in the hallway because Eleanor replaced you with Serena on the photo shoot"
She looks at him with disbelief mixed with curiosity. – "You are not the leading star in your own life Blair. You wanted to think you were, but once Serena or maybe even Chuck, were in the picture you were willingly letting them have their names first in the credits." – She doesn't say anything and he fears that he picked a nerve by saying that. But he still continues – "It's wrong on so many levels, not just alphabetically."
The silence after his words is so heavy he already curses himself mentally for opening his mouth at all.
"I've talked to a very respectable psychiatrist…" – She finally speaks. – "And she didn't even knew how to put it all in such a simple way. You're right. Not that I didn't know it…but it is so well said and…you're right" – She sighs and repeats again.
"I hope…I didn't insult you" – He looks at her, but her eyes are glued on the wall in front of her.
"No" – She faces him. – "I've been forced to believe that Serena…or Chuck had to have the pedestal whenever they were with me as if I were obliged to treat them like that. I cared about them more than they deserved. But you're right."
She slides and lies down again and he puts his arm over he stomach.
"But, I was the leading character in your book, I guess it was enough to piss certain people off" – She smiles while putting her hand over his.
"Also…" – He continues. – "Serena was always aware of you, your intelligence, your influence and I believe she was afraid of you most of the time…her only way to pay you back for you being who you are were…well you already know"
There are no words that she can think of in that moment to reply. She just nods very lightly and wants to tell him that he matured in the passed year. But she doesn't say anything…
….
When she wakes up again it's almost noon. Dan isn't in bed and she takes her time to wake up properly. It is snowing heavily now and she just stares through the window letting her thoughts drift away.
You are the star of Dan's book.
Just say it, that you like Dan…
You and Humphrey? We all had a Brooklyn phase…
How many times she had to simply swallow her pretentiously stupid friends and boyfriend's opinion about Dan. She is completely aware that she fell for Humphrey long before she even knew she began to understand his appeal, and that she fought as much as she could to make him want Serena again.
The same Serena that was almost having sex with other guys in front of him. The same Serena that stole her boyfriend as if it wasn't a big deal. A few tears and everyone must forgive her. People were not making a big deal out of it, oh come on, it's Serena, Nate loves you, and it was one time only…
No, it wasn't. And she had to pretend and shove her illusions about Humphrey deep inside because Serena was the easily crying one, and when Blair hurts someone it's on purpose, it's because she's still mad, it's because she is jealous of Serena, it's because she is insecure, it's because she is frustrated and mean, it's because even her own mother doesn't care about her, she even deserves every insult she gets from Chuck because she stood on the way of the love between the golden boy and girl…God, she is so sick from herself and the fact that she let herself be trapped into something so sick as her friendship with Serena and Chuck…she is kind of over him for a long time now. Serena was always floating above her head to remind her that she will always be a victim of Blair Waldorf's schemes and betrayals…
She lets the tears fall down and she cries so much, feeling all the pain getting out of her. It's probably the first meaningful crying since she came to Paris. Dan is probably out to get them breakfast, so she lets herself sobbing out loud.
When Dan comes back bringing her Americano and bagels in bed he can tell she was crying.
"Is it because I said that?" – He asks. She shakes her head.
"I just became fully aware of every time I was the supporting character in my own life. And I got sick, so I had to get it out of my system." – She sighs and sniffs. – "Americano?" – She smiles and he opens the top of the paper glass.
"No sugar" – He says and puts it in her hand. She takes a sip but it's too hot and she closes her eyes in pain.
"I burned my lips" – She says with painful expression and Dan leans (for the first time after years) and presses a very light and healing kiss.
tbc