Title: Bent, Not Broken- Our Lives
Rating: T
Pairing: Ryan/Esposito friendship
Disclaimer: I couldn't begin to take credit for the beauty that is Castle. That would be Andrew Marlowe's pride and joy. I just play with the toys and put them back in the toybox.
Author's Note: Nothing would please me more than to share the thoughts and love I had for 5x15 "Target". I can't stop watching the episode, and when I can't watch the episode, I watch clips. I was blown away by Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic and Molly Quinn. After I watched it the first time, the Castle muses began whispering the fiction you see before you now. I would like to thank Andrew Marlowe and the Castle crew for their hands in making something we love and believe in. And I would like to thank Vertical Horizon and Three Doors Down for giving me the rock music that inspired each one of these chapters. The music for each chapter is as follows, and if you'd like reasons why, please message me:

Our Rules (Gates/Perlmutter): "Miracle" by Vertical Horizon
Our Lives (Ryan/Esposito): "Citizen Soldier" by Three Doors Down
Our Hearts (Lanie/Beckett): "Won't Go Away" by Vertical Horizon
Our Souls (Castle): "Train" by Three Doors Down

This builds on top of my "A Day In the Life of Perlmutter" fiction, and happens right before Chapter 8 "Where We Stand". Enjoy.

Summary: Our lives may be bent out of place, but they will not be broken by circumstance. (Spoilers for 5x15 "Target")

The farmhouse busted. The van busted. Every fragment of evidence busted, and every step closer to Alexis felt like another step on a fast-moving treadmill: one step closer to nowhere. Over and over and over again, the facts led up to nothing, and Detective Kevin Ryan's eyes blurred and itched red by going over them. His partner fared no better; Javier Esposito called the FBI, called the El-Mazri's, ran down traffic cam feeds and ran down nightmare after nightmare of dead-ends. Every twist, every turn, every step they took or approached, it was like they ran up the mountain only to be thrown back down by an avalanche of nothing, burying them in an ever-present feeling of dread. And they couldn't lose this one, no, not this one; Alexis was on the line. One of their own, someone near and dear to their own brother in arms. They couldn't lose this one.

Ryan sipped a cup of coffee and sighed. "Nothing. We got nothing. I've been over this a dozen times, and I can't find anything on where the kidnappers would've taken the girls."

"We'll get it, bro," replied Javier, replacing the receiver on his desk and leaning back in his chair. "And when we do, we'll be heroes. Alexis will be back before you know it."

"Yeah, but you have to think realistically, Javi. We don't even know where to look."

He raised an eyebrow. "And you think that's going to stop us? We've gone through worse. Castle's gone through worse. Beckett too. Trust me, if there's anything here, we'll find it and hunt these bad boys down."

"Thanks for being positive."

"It's the only thing that's keeping me going right now." He swiveled his chair and shook his head. "Can't imagine how Castle feels right now."

Kevin nodded. "Yeah. He's devastated, and I would be too if it was my daughter. I don't know how he keeps it together sometimes."

"He doesn't. He just does what he can to hold the line." Javier smiled faintly. "You know, you learn how to deal with things sometimes when you're in combat, and he's seen enough to know how. In the Special Forces, you see a lot of dead bodies. Brothers in arms dead at your feet from enemy fire before you can blink. Sometimes, it's kidnapping, and you may or may not see the members of your unit come back, alive or dead. But when it comes down to the mission, you do what you're asked to do and hold the line, regardless of circumstance. It's never easy but… it's survival mode. It's what keeps you alive. Castle's just keeping himself alive, keeping strong."

"Even though it's Alexis?"

"Doesn't matter. He knows he has to get through this to get her back. He cracks when it gets too much, but then again, even I would. Like that van? If it was my family, my blood, my little girl? I'd be lying if I said I could hold a straight face."

"Then we got to prevent more of that from happening. We have to get her back."

"Then we better hold the line as well as Castle would. She's our girl now too. And we'd die trying to protect her. We'll find her. And we will make whoever took her pay for doing it."

"So, hold the line?"

Javier nodded. "Hold the line. And when we stare them down, they'll chicken and be the ones blinking."