Title: Bent, Not Broken- Our Hearts
Rating: T
Pairing: Kate/Lanie friendship
Disclaimer: I couldn't begin to take credit for the beauty that is Castle. That would be Andrew Marlowe's pride and joy. I just play with the toys and put them back in the toybox.
Author's Note: Nothing would please me more than to share the thoughts and love I had for 5x15 "Target". I can't stop watching the episode, and when I can't watch the episode, I watch clips. I was blown away by Nathan Fillion, Stana Katic and Molly Quinn. After I watched it the first time, the Castle muses began whispering the fiction you see before you now. I would like to thank Andrew Marlowe and the Castle crew for their hands in making something we love and believe in. And I would like to thank Vertical Horizon and Three Doors Down for giving me the rock music that inspired each one of these chapters. The music for each chapter is as follows, and if you'd like reasons why, please message me:

Our Rules (Gates/Perlmutter): "Miracle" by Vertical Horizon
Our Lives (Ryan/Esposito): "Citizen Soldier" by Three Doors Down
Our Hearts (Lanie/Beckett): "Won't Go Away" by Vertical Horizon
Our Souls (Castle): "Train" by Three Doors Down

Enjoy. This builds on top of my "A Day In the Life of Perlmutter" fiction, and happens right before Chapter 8 "Where We Stand".

Summary: Our hearts might be bent, but they're not broken. (Spoilers for 5x15 "Target")

The facts didn't change. For years, wading amidst the piles that became mountains, nothing changed. Through the summations of the dead and what was left of their lives, Kate Beckett searched, weeded, and scoured for hope. But no matter what she did or the more she cleared out, the more cases she closed, the longer the battle became… a battle that had no end. Homicide was always in business, and it became her honor, her duty, and her sacred vow to bring those who committed it to justice. She spoke for the dead, and until she herself was six feet under, there wasn't a moment where she let that responsibility to slide. It was still her privilege to lay their souls to rest.

Throughout the years, she'd learn quite a bit about the dead, but even more so about the living. The beat of her heart now reminded her of every precious moment, of every second spent in this world, something she hadn't altogether realized when she first started at the academy. She used to see the mundaneness of it all through the occupational mindset of a cop. She did her job and she did it well. The moments of self-aware pleasure sifted through her fingers in fleeting seconds here, or there, just long enough to grasp before the next body of the recently deceased cried out for justice. But now, life had taken a radical deviation from "the plan" she always had for herself.

Castle was that deviation, and he was a detour that she thanked God everyday for. When she was busy recounting the last moments of the day, it was him who taught her how to enjoy every second of life.

But every step and every turn in the roads less traveled had their own obstacles and perils that rocked with unrelenting severity. And in one of the happiest years she had ever had in her life, Kate was rocked so hard, it brought her to her knees. No skill or trait could ever stop the unspeakable from happening, and she felt more lost, hopeless, and defeated than she ever had before.

Kate ran her fingers through her hair and pulled at the roots, breathing ragged and emotionally painful. "I don't know what to do."

Lanie, ever the comfort, snapped off her gloves and threw them in the morgue's waste management bin before she drew her arms around her best friend and hugged her. "I know."

"Every second, Alexis is in danger, and I feel so helpless… I can't do anything, and Castle's going out of his mind…"

"We miss her too."

"It's more than just that," she replied. "That's his little girl. That's a part of him. I mean, I don't even know what that's like, to lose a child like that, and I feel useless. I don't know what to do to comfort him, and I'm trying to be strong, but this…" She stiffened, and shook her head. "I don't even know if there's anything I can do for him. I'm trying my best, but I don't know how."

"I think you're doing everything you can for him, Kate," replied Lanie, releasing the embrace. "And for her. Alexis knows that you both won't stop until you've found her, and she's a smart girl. She'll find a way to survive."

"I've never seen him like this, Lanie. I've seen him upset, but this… this is new. And when I left him alone in that room with that driver…"

"Don't. Don't think like that, honey. He will do anything to get his daughter back, and you know that, but don't torture yourself with the 'what if's' about him now. There will be plenty of time to work through that later on."

"I don't want anything to happen to her, Lanie. Not just for Castle, but… for me too. I mean, I've been dating him for half a year now, and being a part of his life, being there with her, it's strange how used to things I am. I called her a few days ago to ask her about what classes she was signing up for next semester, and if she was going to do summer classes. She got so excited, talking about an intro to speech class she'd been dying to try, and I told her she could practice her orating skills on me while we took a trip to Serendipity's next Saturday. It was so ordinary, and the thought of never having that again… Lanie, I can't live with that. We have to find her."

Lanie nodded, and smiled. "Sounds to me like you know a measure of what he's going through, girl. You're already on your way there."

Kate faintly smiled. "I don't know. But I'm not going to rest until she's back in his arms."

"Not unless you're dead. And then, I wouldn't put it past you to haunt the people behind this after you're gone." The coroner reached for her black wool coat and put it on. "I've got to get back to work, Kate. I'm working this case and a few others. I've asked Perlmutter to look over the blood samples and the bodyguard's body for more clues while I'm out at a different crime scene. But you stay strong, ok? We're going to get these guys." Kate was halfway out the door before Lanie addressed her one last time. "Kate."

"Yeah?"

"I think all you can do is be there. As long as you don't leave his side and you help him solve this, you're doing everything you can do for him."

"Let's hope that's enough."

"From you? It is."