Dear Regulus,
School is ridiculous. The teacher I told you about Mrs Smith gave me detention for the second time today. Apparently I was daydreaming. It is not my fault that maths is the worst subject in the world. I am rubbish with numbers and went to the deputy head mistress to talk about switching to any other subject in the world. The only reason I picked it was because Dad insisted. He said if I was going to do food technology I had to do a real subject. When am I ever going to use algebra in my everyday life.
Sorry for the rant. I cannot believe your family have a butler. I am slightly convinced that you made up Mr Kreacher and that you really do all the cooking and cleaning in the house. Are you making it up. If you admit it to me in the next letter I will write to you again but if I find out otherwise I will hate you forever. (NOT REALLY)
Jane and Paula are trying to read what I am writing over my shoulder. They love Kalliope. They have never heard of letter delivering owls and were convinced I was getting it confused with Carrier pidgeons, until they saw Kalliope tonight they had been pointing to birds in the sky during break time and going "Look Hannah, that's a bird but its not an owl." I am happy they have been proved wrong.
They are quizzing me massively about you. Paula wants to know your favourite joke and Jane wants to know what colour you would paint the front door of a country college. She also asked me if you knew what date Queen Elizabeth I died, but I think she should try to do her own history homework so you don't have to answer that question.
You never got round to telling me about your start of term feast and I want more information on your friends. Especially Priscilla, you should describe her to me, of course you should hide the information about her warts and crooked teeth.
Hannah
Dear Hannah,
The start of term feast was amazing. I had quiche but it was nowhere near as good as yours. And I ate an amazing custard tart. I love custard tarts (for future reference).
I cannot believe you would doubt my stories about Mr Kreacher. He has been working for our family for years and I don't know what we would do without him. He calls me Master Regulus and makes the most amazing steak pie in the world.
I am glad they like Kalliope, but warn them to be careful, she tends to bite ginger peoples hair (I don't know why but she wants attacked one of my brothers friends ginger hair) and I believe you said Jane was ginger. In answer to Paulas question my favourite joke is her face. Not really, I can't think of one. Maybe don't tell her I said her face, I have never met her and I want to make a good impression on your friends. Tell Jane I am rubbish at history and I would paint my front door black because it's my second name and a good colour.
Right now Thomas is moping about as he had a fight with his girlfriend Maude. If he doesn't stop whinging I am going to throw something at him. Barty takes life very seriously so is spending a lot of time in the library and at his prefect duty. I also spend a lot of time in the library but I am not sure Barty actually sleeps.
Priscilla has no warts and her teeth are straight. Do I detect hint of jelousy? Because if there is even a hint I promise there is nothing to worry about, I have known Priscilla since I was three and I am as attracted to her as I would be a fruit bat.
Did you manage to change subjects? What did you/ are you going to change to?
Missing your contagious smile
Regulus Black
Dear Reg,
They allowed me to change so I am now doing literature. So its poetry all the way, which I surprisingly love, maybe by the end of the school year I will be so inspired by Seamus Healy and Robert Frost that I will be writing award winning poetry.
Ok I now believe you about Mr Kreacher, although it is a very strange second name.
Also you should know I don't know what your level of attraction is with fruit bats. You might like fruit bats, they maybe your favourite animal, you may just be drawn to them. So I don't know that you don't find Priscilla pretty. Oh and I reject the claims that I am jealous, I just assumed she must look that way as she must find you smart and funny and your not interested in her.
I got an A in Food Technology exam and am so happy!
Poor Thomas, try to be more sympathetic and don't throw stuff at him, unless they are mint humbugs. Jane failed her history exam and I threw mint humbugs at her and it cheered her up massively. Tell Berty to lighten up, maybe throw stuff at him, it might make him remember he is young and school is just school.
Paula has a great sense of humour and doesn't mind that you think her face is a joke. But she says its not a very funny one so please send another.
Also I will keep in mind your love for custard tarts.
Hannah
Hannah,
Classes are dull so I writing this to you in the middle of one. I am going to sports training tonight and I am captain of my house so I get to be in charge of it and I am quite excited.
Barty has lightened up a little thankfully and I didn't have to throw anything at him to achieve it. Turns out he was going to the library so much because of a girl. Her name is Nulla, she is from Ireland and is very clingy. They are inseparable so I hardly see him without her and as I want to avoid her…..
Thomas is still upset because Maude was seen kissing a guy called Roger Flinch. Thomas reacted by punching Roger Flinch and so now has detention every Saturday for the next month which is only adding his depression. Hanging around with him is like being at someone's sick bed. You cannot laugh or joke or he shoots you a dirty look like your being inappropriate. Thank goodness for Priscilla who has been keeping me sane while I wait for your letters.
Tell Paula I will send her a list of jokes in my next letter. I have actually been compiling a list on a different sheet. There is ten so far. Tell Jane I am sorry to hear about her History test and that I can share her dislike of Elizabeth I (although I am not entirely sure what she ever did to annoy me).
Have you won any poetry prizes yet?
Love
Regulus