Chapter 10

Queen Of Denial

Stephanie wishes she knows which way to go. The way home is on the right. It is late. She is hungry. She is tired. She's worrying about the kids. She can still hear JJ's tears. She wants to be home. she wants to hug her babies tight. But she doesn't want to give in. She doesn't want to see the triumphant satisfied smile on Joe's face. She doesn't want him to think he won. She doesn't know if she can ever forget and forgive him. She only knows her life will never be the same. She has been cheated on by her husband again. First Dickie. Now Joe. Both times she married for love and a happy life. Both times she ended up being betrayed. She has done her best. She has done all she can. Maybe she has been wrong for all these years: Marriage is just not for her. She is better off alone. She made the same mistake twice. She put her trust in the wrong men. Now she is a mother of two. She can't just walk away from her trainwreck of a marriage again. She is not free anymore. She can no longer fly. She has to think about her children. She has lost her wings. She thinks of Lucille's words. She knows what Lucille said is true. She can't put on a smile and pretend. She has been hurt too deeply. She will want to get revenge. She will pick fights and say hateful things. Joe will lose his temper and fight back.

An unhappy marriage will eventually hurt the kids.

But the kids need their father.

Stephanie is torn. What to do? Which way to go? Go home? Or divorce? The easier and more popular path? Or the more satisfying path? Does she really want a divorce? Is this her anger talking? Is she willing to go through all those troubles? How is she going to afford a lawyer? The house is registered under Joe's name. Can she just kick him out? Can she find another job? What will her mother say? What will Joe's mother say? She doesn't have any proof. She doesn't expect Joe to confess and tell the truth. He will keep on denying everything. He will say she's crazy. He will make it look like she's crazy. Everyone will believe him. Everyone will take his side. He's a cop. He knows that kind of stuff. He has many friends. He knows how to lie.

But he did cheat on her.

He's a Morelli.

It's his family curse...

Maybe it's just a one-time affair? Maybe it's just a stupid mistake? Maybe she overreacted? Maybe he feels regret? Maybe he will never do it again? The kids won't have to go through it. The kids won't be affected. The kids will be happy. Everything will be just the same. Nothing has to change. All she has to do is smile and pretend. Everybody will be happy. She will have to share the same bed with him. She will have to share the same bed with that faceless woman. The three of them will sleep together. Every night. For the rest of her life. The three of them will wake up together. Every morning. For the rest of her life. They will share the bathroom. They will shower together. They will eat on the same table. They will sit on the same couch watching the same movie and the same ball game. She will always see her in Joe's eyes. She will always sense her existence in their everyday life. She will always be there. She will never ever go away. There will always be doubts. There will no longer be trust.

Can she live with that?

Would she rather die?

Can her children be happy if she is miserable?

Can their family stay intact when everything is wrong and every smile is false?

Will Joe cheat on her again?

Can she forgive and forget?

Can she live with herself?

Can she stay sane?

Is this the life she wants? Is this the life she deserves? Where's the love? Where's the happiness? What happened to the vows? Where did all this loneliness come from? Is this how you feel when your heart breaks? What should she do? Where can she go? Once again Stephanie breaks down and cries. She cries for her kids. She cries for her life. She cries for her memories. She cries for herself. She cries for all the men she once loved. She cries for the man she still loves. She cries in remorse. She cries in regret. She cries in pain. She cries in ache. She ignores her phone. She ignores the world. She wishes she can turn back the clock. She wishes she can undo her mistakes.

But deep down within, she knows they are but empty wishes. They don't mean a thing.