Falling Stars
The disappointment in Helen Plum's eyes is driving Stephanie crazy.
She now works part-time at Albert and his associate's office. She really likes her job as secretary and receptionist. The money is not that much, but she gets to leave the house and meet people. In more than one way it reminds her of her life as a bounty hunter. Most Saturday mornings Joe will show up at her door at 9:00 sharp to take Rosa Maria and JJ out for the day. He pays child support and alimony on time and spoils the kids with ice cream, soda, pizza, and cupcakes. And sometimes when the weather is nice, he will take Bob with them, and Stephanie will spend the day on her own. She has been cut off by the Morelli family. But that's OK. She never really likes them to begin with. She recently bought a Kindle and downloaded a lot of free or bargain books. She enjoys reading and loves her new-found freedom. From time to time she gets together with Connie and Lula. Every Friday evening she brings the kids to her parents' for dinner.
Her parents' house is quieter than it used to be. Her father never talks much, and Grandma Mazur's absence is still deafening even after all these years. Stephanie miss Grandma terribly. She doesn't know how to make her mother understand. Of course she knows life is not a game. Of course she knows life is not easy. She's not stupid or naïve. No one can say Joe is a lousy father, but nothing can ever change the fact that he cheated on her. No, they are never getting back together. Not even for the sake of the children. Especially for the sake of the children. Some things can't be forgiven. Some things can't be forgotten. And she's not interested in finding another man. She's done with marriage. She's done with relationship. Right now she just wants to concentrating on being a mother. She needs to take good care of her children. She needs to take good care of Bob. She needs to take good care of herself. She's in her forties. She's no longer young. She has done plenty of stupid things. She has made too many painful mistakes. She has wasted too much time. Now she just wants to rebuild and restart her life. She wants to be happy. She knows she deserves to be happy. She knows she made the right decision. She knows she's doing the right thing. But still the resigned look in her mother's eyes makes her sad and a little bit mad.
She wishes she can find a way to make Helen understand. She wishes she can tell Helen what she thinks and how she feels. But she's afraid that as soon as she opens her mouth to speak, she will burst into tears. She needs to stay strong. She doesn't want to show her weakness in front of the kids. She hates feeling helpless. And she has a feeling that no matter how hard she tries, her mother will never ever understand. They may be mother and daughter, but they are too different, and never want the same things. And Joe never apologizes for what he did. He acts as if she's a mad woman and he doesn't owe her anything. They barely even talk.
Stephanie pours some gravy on top of the mashed potatoes and starts eating. She listens half-heartedly to the conversation around the table. All her kids and nieces love their Grandma's cooking. Frank is very happy with the pot roast. Albert and Val are thinking about buying a bigger house. Mary Alice has a new boyfriend. JJ can't wait for the baseball season to begin: Joe has promised to take him to a Yankees game. Both Helen and Rosa Maria are exceptionally quiet tonight. The little girl is still struggling to learn to cope with the changes in her life. Stephanie can't help feeling a bit guilty about it.
C'est la vie. A little voice in Stephanie's head silently says as she looks up from her plate and meets her mother's eyes. Embrace the changes. Stay true to yourself. Don't dwell in the past. So she swallows the sudden sadness and gives her mother a brave tiny smile. It's her life. It's her decision. It's her happiness. It's her choice. She has chosen to let go. She has chosen to move on. She has chosen to be her own master. Whether her mother approves or not.
She's no longer Stephanie Morelli. She's Stephanie Plum.
~The End~