She cried that night. She had cried as soon as she had found out, but as time passed, it seemed to get worse. Tonight, she was crying harder than she ever had in her whole life. She was crying like she did when she got the news of her father being in that car crash. Maybe she was crying worse. She didn't really know. The pillow that was smothered against her mouth muffled her screams and sobs. Her whole body shook with emotion that came out in broken cries because she didn't know any other way to express what she felt inside.
She lied and told her mother that she was feeling better. However, the sickness still settled in her stomach, even if it was nighttime and not morning time. She was sure that her family was downstairs laughing, eating, watching television as they usually did while she was sick with life and sick of it. When her mother asked her if she wanted any hot ramen, hoping that it would help her, she almost regurgitated the little that she had left in her stomach. The though of food sickened her to the core. Her stomach growled out in disagreement, but she ignored that because her stomach didn't know what was good for her, only she did.
Therefore, she had decided that it was best if no one knew. Of course, she had cried all day. She almost cried again when she saw her mother and Rin sitting there, their faces full of concern. She almost cried when her mother wrapped her arms around her, because she hadn't realized how much she needed her as soon as she found out. She cried because it was all falling down and she had no clue what to do or how to pick up the pieces.
What was she going to do about college? What about Inuyasha? What was she going to do about this life?
One thing for sure, she couldn't take it away.
Her noises stopped when she heard footsteps, and her body went rigid, completely frozen with fear. What if her mother had found out so immediately? What if she told Souta? They were going to hate her surely, hate her for all that she stood for, for the mess she had gotten herself in, and for being so stupid and not thinking. Souta was twelve and way too smart for his age. He would hate her, too. Her own brother would hate her. Her mother would hate her, her grandfather would hate her, Sango would hate her a little more than everyone else, and Inuyasha would hate her the most.
She jumped when she heard a knock on the door. She had thought whoever it was had went away, but she had guessed that had stood outside to see if they could pick up from any noises coming from her. "Sis? Are you in there? Mom told me to come and check on you. Can I come in?"
She debated on telling him that he was a brat, telling him to go away. That would only make her feel worse. So instead, she cleared her throat and wished she wasn't going to sound like she had been crying, although she knew that her wishes were not going to come true. "Yeah, go ahead."
She watched as the knob on the door twisted, watched as he walked in, concern written all over his face and smothering his eyes. He gave her a small smile and went to sit next to her.
"Be careful, I don't want you to catch whatever I have," she told him carefully, hiding her face with the pillow.
He looked at her and gave another weak smile before his eyes went downcast. "Take the pillow away from your face, sis," he told her. She followed his orders, not wanting to seem too suspicious. He sighed and continued on, his eyes not holding her curious gaze. It wasn't like she wanted them to, anyway. She was scared. She was scared that any moment now, she'd break down crying again. "You're not sick. I know you're not. Maybe you're sick, but not with what mom thinks it is. No matter how much pain it is, sick people don't cry like this. They're too weak to, or either they ask for help again."
Fear made her body go rigid again, but still, she denied him. "I'm telling the truth, brat," she spat out at him, not meaning to. "You know nothing," but oh, he did. He was too smart, and his words always held some kind of intelligence to them. "I'm sick, and maybe you should leave. I was just about to rest, anyway."
He glared at his sister, and she almost cried again. There it was. He hated her. "You can't lie to me. You practically raised me. I know that look on your face, Kagome. It's the same look you had when dad died or when you watched mom pass out drunk."
Tears were swelling in her eyes now, and she closed them, willing the threatening tears, willing Souta away, willing her life away. "I don't need this now, Souta. I'm sick, I want to go to bed."
His eyes narrowed, and he was becoming impatient. She could tell by the way his fists were balled up to his sides, his knuckles turning white from the force. "Dammit, Kagome-"
"Watch your language," she told him and meant for her words to come out hard, but her voice came out watery, sobs threatening to break through, and she was weak once again and she couldn't keep up this façade anymore.
He rolled his eyes, but then, he got serious again, his eyes hard on hers, begging her to tell him the truth. "Mom said that the nurse told her that she couldn't tell her everything that was wrong with you. You told them not to, Kagome! Don't lie to me!" his voice raised even more, and he was desperate. Her eyes landed onto the hand he had placed on her shoulder, and her lips quivered against her own will. "You've always been there for me! You've never lied to me unless it was for my own good about mom! But now, it's not for my own good…it's for yours and you telling me the truth is the best thing to do right now. I've never lied to you, Onee-san, so don't lie to me right now. I want the truth!"
"Shut up!" she cried, her eyes failing to hold what needed to not be shown. "Leave, Souta! Let me sleep! I'm tired, I swear I am…" she told him as she continued to cry.
She watched as her little brother's eyes watered, too, and she realized that she couldn't hurt him like this. She couldn't keep him in the dark like this. Wouldn't that hurt them both even more. "Onee-san," he said brokenly. "I'm here for you. I swear I am. Don't do this to me, don't cut me off like this. I already know the truth, so there's no need in lying. If you are tired, I know why. I know why you were throwing up this morning, and I know what you didn't want anyone to know, especially mom."
He hated her. He really, really hated her, and if her mother knew, she hated her, too. Just because she had decided to bring a life in the world, it wasn't fair that she had to lose everyone because of disappointment. But still, it stuck in her mind. The boy who she had practically raised her whole life would turn on her, would hate her for ruining his future like she did hers. Although she knew she was done and he probably was too, she couldn't help the sob, couldn't help her broken voice or her pleading eyes and pleading words. "D-don't…please, don't leave right now, and please, pretty please don't hate me. I-I…I ruined your future, I know. So asking you not to hate me is asking for a lot. But…everyone is going to hate me. Can I at least have you for support?"
He smiled a little. "Only if you promise me you'll stop crying."
"I promise," she told him and smiled a little, too, but it didn't feel right on her face.
He was quiet for a while, but then, he spoke up again. "How far along are you?"
"Just a little over five weeks," she responded, not noticing the frown on her face.
"You're crying again."
Kagome sighed, realizing that she didn't notice her tears, either. She raised her hands to her face once more, wiping them away and almost wanting to laugh at herself. "I'm just…frustrated, you know? You're a smart boy. Too smart, actually. You understand. I-I…I promise I tried to make you and mom proud. But now I'm…I," she had some difficulty saying the word and she realized that more tears were slipping down her cheeks. Souta leaned forward, wrapping his thin arms around her and kissing her cheek, clinging to her so tightly that she though for sure that he would never let her go. "I don't want this to be real." She whispered.
"But you know it is," he frowned as he held his sister tighter. "Does Inuyasha know, Kagome? What are you going to do about college? You need to tell mom, you know. If you don't, it'll just make things worse."
She pulled away instantly, her body tensing up and the sickness making her swim. "Don't you dare tell her anything, I swear."
He nodded, but still, she wasn't so sure. "Answer my question."
"About Inuyasha?" she asked, wiping the tears away even though there was no use because they kept coming.
"Never mind," he told her with a playful roll of his eyes. "Of course you haven't told him. You think he'll hate you," he laughed lightly and shook his head. "It's obvious you two are so in love, so why don't you just admit it? He's not going to hate you for having his child. I bet he'll be happy, actually."
She gave him a weak smile, reaching forward a hand to pat his head. "You just don't understand right now, Souta. He will hate me. Gods, I hate myself."
His body went rigid and his eyes widened. "You're…" he gulped as his eyes trailed down to her stomach, making her shift slightly, making her uncomfortable. "You're not going to kill my niece or nephew, are you?" he asked her seriously, his eyes meeting hers again. Kagome froze, too, gulping. "You're considering it? If you are, don't even speak to me anymore. It's not fair for you to try and take away a life just because of your mistakes, Kagome. It's not fair. My niece or nephew deserves to live, too, and not be punished for your mistakes. You're the one who deserves the punishment, and the best you can do is be strong. For you and the baby."
Tears were in his eyes now, and she didn't know if he realized it or not. She pulled him back into her arms as he cried quietly like she had did so many times when they were younger. "Just for you, Souta. Just for you."
He seemed to calm down. "You've got to tell him, you've got to tell mom."
She sighed. "Give me time."
He nodded. "Can I…can I sleep in here tonight? Like old times, Onee-chan?"
She nodded and laid down, her little brother still in her arms. She stroked his hair, willing herself not to shed any more tears. His breathing calmed down even more, and she smiled a little to herself. "You know," she whispered, "We haven't done this forever. You're a little too big for this now."
"I just want you to know that I don't hate you and I'm here for you, Kagome, even if no one understands," he said before he fell asleep.
She fell asleep too, calming herself down and still willing herself not to cry anymore. At least her brother didn't hate her. He was disappointed, sure, but he didn't hate her. With that in mind, she slept peacefully.
XXXxxxXXX
It was 9:00am when she woke up the next morning. The rain pounded steadily on the roof, and she groaned, her body weak and tired. She looked over to see Souta still in her arms, and she smiled to herself and stroked his hair like she had last night when she remembered all the things that he'd said. When she remembered that he said he didn't hate her. She laid there for a while, and suddenly, it all hit her. It hit her hard, and she almost winced. She remembered her promise to Souta and she wondered how she would carry through with it. She remembered the questions that he'd asked. She wondered why he didn't hate her. How would she be able to get all of that money now to get him into college? How would she support herself? How could she go back to college?
Questions made her sick, and before she knew it, she was gagging. She rushed out into the hallway as quietly as she could, making her way to the bathroom. Just like the day before, she fell to the floor in front of the toilet and felt her throat burn as she regurgitated. She held her hair back with one hand, but still, the vomit got into her raven hair and she couldn't help it. She threw up everything that was left in her stomach, and the stench was horrible and it made her throat and nose burn, and she was no longer groggy. She was full awake, now. Finally, it was over. A light sheen of sweat had broken across her forehead and she panted, pulling a hand up to her mouth to wipe whatever was left away.
Why couldn't she have noticed this before? Had she really been too stressed to notice that her period was supposed to arrive a week ago? Why hadn't she taken note in the mood-swings, the way she had gotten angry in seconds at people for stupid reasons? Hadn't she realized that she had forgotten the birth control over that weekend she had spent with Inuyasha? Hadn't she realized that she didn't take it when they were in the bathroom of that cheap club, both drunk and out of their minds almost? She wanted people to be disappointed, because if they weren't, what could they be? Happy wasn't an option. Her plan had always been to make the little family that she had left proud. Having a baby, not finishing school and pursuing her career would make them disappointed and angry. Inuyasha would be indifferent. Her grandfather would be angry. Sango would be infuriated. Her mother would be disappointed and sad. Rin would say I-told-you-so. And if her father were here, what would he be?
She shook her head and stood to her feet before flushing the toilet, not wanting to think about things like that. She walked over to the mirror and took herself in. She wasn't fit to be a mother, not again. She had mothered Souta most of the time, and that was hard. No one had helped. She wouldn't dare ask her mother. She had been sad all the time back then, drinking herself to death. She didn't want her child growing up without a father, leaving only her to take care of it. She didn't want to be alone when she was so young. Even though Souta had said that he was okay, that she should only be worrying about herself and the baby, He would hate her in the end for it. He would hate her because she had promised all of her family, herself, and her deceased father that she would make something out of herself, help her mother with the bills that she struggled to pay all by herself. Her mother had given up everything for her and Souta, and she knew Souta thought more of her as his mother than their actual mother. What was she going to do now? Cry about it? She couldn't.
She stripped herself of her clothing and turned the shower on, deciding that maybe she could be unselfish for a little while longer, and that maybe she would pay a visit to Sango who was desperately in need of some kind of reassurance. She couldn't be selfish, even if she was the one who was having the baby. She just couldn't let all of these people down.
She washed her skin roughly as if she was trying to wash away all of her sins. She was having a baby, and the father was nothing to her, nothing to the baby that was soon to be here but a biological father. As she watched her hair, it really hit her that she would be alone. All of the realizations were coming to her way too fast, and she felt sick. She didn't like this. How could woman deal with being sick every morning? The act of regurgitating burning their noses, their heads swimming with sickness? But still, she couldn't be selfish. She couldn't take away an innocent life for her stupid mistakes.
Even though she was alone and bound to be hated, she just couldn't be selfish.
She stepped out of the shower, her hair up in a towel and another towel wrapped around her thin body. Once again, she looked at herself in the mirror. She wasn't doing good. She wasn't feeling good, either. Sickness still swam in the depths of her stomach, but she was sure she had thrown everything up.
Suddenly, the door opened. She pulled away from the mirror, her eyes wide in surprise as she watched her mother walk in on her, looking at her quizzically. "I'm sorry for not knocking," she apologized. "I just wanted to check up on you, see how you were doing."
Kagome nodded, trying to regain her composure. "I'm doing a lot better." Lie number one.
Her mother gave her a small smile. "Sango called. She said she heard about you going to the clinic, and she wants to make sure that you're alright. She said she was wondering if you two could go out for breakfast if you're feeling well enough. She wanted an answer. If you say yes, she said that she'd be over to pick you up whenever you're ready."
Perfect. Sango knew, and that lead to questioning, and questioning made her feel guilty and sick. Breakfast? That made her stomach roar in agreement, but her mind told her no. "I guess she's planning to get ramen for breakfast?" she forced a little smile. She wanted to go, but she didn't want to get sick. Sango was even smarter than Souta or anyone she knew. Sango didn't need to know. She didn't need to hear about her mistakes and failures, she knew that she'd messed up bad enough and she didn't need to hear it from someone else. She didn't need to feel more horrible about her situation, her condition. But still, Sango needed her, and hopefully, she wouldn't ask too many questions. "Thanks, mama. Could you call her back and tell her I'll be ready in about ten minutes?"
Mrs. Higurashi nodded, but she looked at Kagome weirdly as if she could sense something and she forced a smile and shifted a bit on her feet in the comfortless atmosphere that surrounded them. She bit her lip, wanting her mother's eyes off of her. "Baby, are you okay? Do you promise to tell me anything but a lie?"
She went rigid and she cursed herself. "Of course I'm okay," she said smoothly. "I'm just a little weak. This virus has taken a lot out of me, you know?"
She nodded again, the eccentricity still showing clearly in her eyes. "You know you can tell me anything, don't you?"
"Of course I know that," lie number two. She couldn't tell her.
"And you know that I'll support you no matter what."
Her mother's words almost made her want to spill everything. But she was stronger than that. "Mama, I know you'll be here for me no matter what. I trust you, I really do. Thank you so much for everything." Lie number three.
"Are you and Inuyasha texting? Are you two calling?" What was up with all of these questions?
"I've been trying," lie number four. "I really have. I think I'm just going to leave it alone for a while. I guess that even best friends need space." Lie number five. What did she look like right now? A lying idiot? Liar, liar, pants on fire. She didn't want to speak to Inuyasha.
And that made her fifth lie. Oh, she was definitely going to hell now.
Her mother walked over to her, took her in her arms and kissed her forehead. "I hope that this sickness will go away soon."
"It will," lie number six. "I'm sure it will. I've got to get ready, mama, I'm looking really sick and I don't have much time before Sango will be here. I'll tell you when I'm ready."
"Kagome, will you at least eat something before you go? You haven't ate anything."
"What's the point in eating when I'm going to eat anyway when Sango gets here? I'm fine, mama. Stop worrying about me, please."
Mrs. Higurashi nodded in understanding and quietly slipped out the door, mumbling something along the lines of I love you and please take care and make sure you eat something. She didn't reply because she was too busy wondering what going to hell would be like. But the thing was, her whole life felt like it was hell.
XXXxxxXXX
"Can we just get something light?" Kagome asked, gulping at the rich food that the menu she held in her hands showed. She had taken forever to get ready, and by the time she was finished, it was 11:30am, which meant breakfast was over and they had to get lunch. "I haven't been feeling well lately."
Sango smiled. "So I heard. You've got to update me on what's been going on with you."
"Yeah," Kagome replied with a little smile. "It's been a pretty rough week. I haven't got much rest. Too many things on my mind. But you've got to update me too on some things. I feel like we haven't talked in forever."
Sango smiled again, but she realized that all of them were forced. Sango was going through a hard time, too, but she had never been the one to be open about things. "Ah," she says, brining the straw in the cup closer to her mouth. "I wish that I was still in college. Those were the good days."
"Yeah," Kagome muttered, the thought making her sick and giving her no other option than to think how she would go back tomorrow. She couldn't go to college in her condition. She looked through the salad menu, hoping to find something that wasn't too heavy or rich on her stomach. God knows that she didn't want to end up getting sick in front of Sango. That would lead to curiosity, then to questioning, and then to the first person who would actually say that they hated her for her stupid mistakes. She quickly brought the glass of ice water to her mouth, sucking hard on the straw and trying not to expect the worst thing possible to happen. "What are you getting?"
"Mmm, ramen, of course. You sure you don't want it? Ramen is one of your favorites, Kagome," she mentioned, a peculiar look in her eyes.
"Nah," she rejected, keeping her composure. "I really don't want to end up sick, especially here in front of all these people. Plus, I wanted to…talk to you about some things."
"About Miroku, huh?" Sango questioned, a sad smile on her face. Before Kagome could say anything, she was speaking again. "I don't know where he is. I kind of regret our argument, you know? I didn't try to fix anything. I just let him leave and now, things are hard. You don't have to say anything back, Kagome. I don't want to pile all of these problems on you when you're sick. I'm not that selfish."
"I know you're not," she told Sango, her eyes getting serious. "Listen, why don't you two just apologize to each other. I know you two love each other more than anything, and fighting with him is just going to put more stress on you," she tried to help. "He came over to…he came over to I-Inuyasha's that night," she quickly regained her composure. The sound of his name sent a million feelings surging throughout her entire body, and Sango picked up on this, raising a brow in confusion. "You know, he really looked broken. He said it was an accident, and I know he didn't mean it. I haven't heard from him. Even when he's upset, he'll usually call me or Inuyasha. But I don't think he has."
Sango nodded, her eyes still glinting with a hint of confusion. "Things aren't that simple, Kagome. I…I told him that I wanted a divorce."
She restrained herself from gasping, but she couldn't help it when her eyes went wide. "S-Sango…" she said with some difficulty. "He's a human being. He's going to make mistakes and he's not perfect, but neither are you. You two have got to work things out. Please work them out. Miroku doesn't need this, and neither do you."
She paused. "It's not that easy, Kagome. I'll try," just when Kagome was about to speak up to give her friend a little but more of reassurance, Sango spoke up before she could, a little smile on her face once again. "Could you please tell me what's up with you?"
She didn't want to. She didn't want her to figure anything out and she didn't want to hear those hateful words when she did. Just in time, a waiter came up to them, politely asking for their orders.
"A salad with a bit of dressing on the side for her, and for me, ramen please. Any kind you have, it doesn't matter," Kagome watched as her friend gave the waiter a bright smile, showing off her pearly white, straight teeth.
The waiter smiled and gave them a nod, then went off to retrieve their orders before telling them that it would only take a couple of minutes.
Sango snapped her head back to Kagome, a sneaky smirk gracing her pink lips. "Back to what we were talking about. I'm worried about you, and I swear if you don't tell me what's up, I'll kill you. Why did you pass out and everything?"
Kagome winced playfully before laughing. That's what she loved the most about Sango. No matter how hard times were, the girl always seemed to make her laugh. "It can't be that bad…right? You're not dying or anything, are you?"
"No, no, of course not," she smiled a little and rubbed her eyes, hoping that it would stop Sango from seeing them water. She didn't want her to know. She was scared that all of these questions were going to lead to an answer, and she was scared that she'd lose her best friend, she was scared that if the question, 'are you pregnant' ever popped into Sango's head she didn't know if she was going to be strong enough to say no and lie to another person that she loved. "It's definitely horrible, complicated, frustrating and tiring."
"Kags," Sango said quietly. "You're crying."
All she could do was give herself a pathetic laugh as the tears strayed from her eyes and fell to her cheeks and onto the table. She buried her face into her hands, suddenly wanted to rip all of her hair off. That was how frustrated, confused and angry she was. "I know, I know. I'm just frustrated. I'm worried about mama and Souta and you, and me, and Inuyasha. It's just so stressed, worrying about everyone."
Sango frowned in sympathy, reaching across the table to take her hand. Just then, the waitress came back with their food, and Sango muttered a small thanks to her, speaking for Kagome, too. "I know you are. Kags, maybe you should just focus on you for right now," Kagome nodded, wiping the remaining tears away. She had disappointed herself once more. She had promised herself that she wouldn't cry. "Babe, let's talk about this later. Can I have the prognosis?"
"What?" Kagome asked, confused.
Sango rolled her eyes playfully, taking some of the ramen into her mouth and giggling. "What did the doctor say?"
She didn't want to remember everything that had went on in that doctor's office. She didn't want to remember them asking her about her period, if she was late or not. She didn't want to remember the fear she felt when she finally realized that it hadn't came. She didn't want to remember them asking her if she had been sexually active late, and she didn't want to remember them telling her that she needed to take a test. She didn't want to remember how they all handed her tissues and held her hand when the results were in. "Well," she started, deciding to explain why she had passed out. "I fainted because I was dehydrated and I was sick." Wow. What an explanation. She wanted to smack herself.
Sango's eyes narrowed in something that she hoped wasn't hate. She took another taste of her ramen before speaking again. "What exactly were you sick with?"
Tears welled in her eyes again and her body went rigid, and suddenly, she felt as if her stomach couldn't hold the coarse pieces of lettuce that seemed to stick to her throat. She gulped and said nothing, just shoved more of the lettuce that was smothered in dressing down her throat, slowly grabbing her glass of ice water to take a long sip.
"You're about to cry again," Sango probed. "You're going to make me guess, huh?"
She said nothing again, and for a while, Kagome thought she had forgotten about the conversation. "You're pregnant, aren't you?" she gasped, looking at her incredulously. Kagome froze and tears threatened to break her down, but she hoped that she would keep guessing so she continued chewing her salad again, forcing herself to swallow it all down and not caring anymore if she paid for it in the end. "You're fucking pregnant…" She said again as if she was trying to get herself to really believe it.
Kagome sighed and buried her face into her hands once again, letting out a shaky sigh as she realized that the tears had won their battle. "It was an accident," she whispered brokenly. "I never meant to end up like this. I'm sorry for not listening to you or Rin. I'm sorry, and I understand if you hate me. It's something I have to deal with."
"How long have you known? How far along are you?" Sango asked, honestly concerned.
"I found out yesterday," she gathered herself together and picked up the peaces, calming herself down so she could talk steadily. Right now wasn't the time to act weak and hopeless. There had to be some hope, and she'd die looking for it. "They said I'm a little over five weeks."
"Holy shit," she cursed, her mouth agape in surprise. Kagome winced at the curse word. "I'm sorry! That wasn't exactly directed to you," she paused, her eyes still wide. "What're you going to do, Kagome? Does your mom know? Does Inuyasha know?"
Her defense mechanism came barging in at the wrong time. "Why does everyone instantly assume that it's Inuyasha's, huh?"
Sango laughed. "Of course it's his child. Nobody is stupid, Kagome. Everyone knows that he's the only one that you've ever slept with. Don't lie to me and try to deny it. But seriously, what're you going to do?"
Kagome looked at her, surprised. "So you don't hate me?"
She shook her head, giving her best friend an encouraging smile. "I'm disappointed in you. I thought you were smarter than this, I thought you took your pills everyday and when you didn't, I always thought that you'd have some other form of contraception. But it's okay. Everyone makes mistakes sometimes, Kagome. I couldn't hate you. All I can do is be here for you, let you know that I always will and nothing will ever change that. But baby, you can't go to college like that," she pointed down to Kagome's flat stomach, her eyes also landing on the soon-to-be-bulging belly. "You just can't. There's morning sickness, the studying causes stress, and you definitely don't need that right now. Telling Inuyasha and your mom will be enough stress. Deciding what you're going to do with the baby is enough stress, too."
Once again, she felt defensive and Sango could see it in her eyes, and she winced. Why couldn't she have been more careful with her words? "What do you mean, 'what I'm going to do with it'? Inuyasha is nothing. He's simply the biological father, nothing more. I've raised Souta nearly my whole life. You don't think I can handle this baby?"
"Of course I do," Sango reassured her carefully even though she wasn't so sure. "But Kags, you're young. Two years younger than me. And I'm worried for you, I honestly am. I'm worried about what your mother will think, what Souta will think, what Inuyasha will do or say."
"I told Souta," she told her. "He doesn't hate me, at least not yet. I don't really think that it's hit him yet. I'm not telling mom."
"So," Sango's eyes narrowed. "You're going to go to college…pregnant, not letting your mom or Inuyasha know? Kagome, I'm sorry, but that's the stupidest plan that I've ever heard. I know you think she's gonna hate you. I know you think Inuyasha will, too. But they'll be even more upset if you don't tell them. Kags, Inuyasha's your best friend. Even if you two aren't…regular best friends," Sango blushed a bit, her eyes lowering. Kagome blushed, too. "But do you really think he'd leave you behind?"
"I remember everything he said, you know," she replied sadly. "I asked him if he ever wanted kids. He said that he didn't. He said that no one would be getting pregnant since birth control and condoms practically ruled the world," she sighed. "It's a lot more difficult than you think. The entire weekend I spent with him, I paid no attention to the fact that we didn't use any contraception. And when we went to that club and got drunk, we didn't use any then, either. But then again, he said if it ever does happen, he wouldn't leave his pup alone, or the girl that he got pregnant. But Sango, he wasn't thinking. He probably just didn't want to make me feel bad, I guess. He's going to be mad. He knew I was on birth control. We were always so careful. I don't know what was going up inside my head."
Sango giggled, trying to lighten the mood although the things that she'd heard from Kagome had her worried, too. "Well, it's pretty fucked up in there," Kagome frowned. "Hey, hey, don't take it so offensively. It was just a joke," Sango smiled a little, reassuring her. But then, she ended up frowning. "Listen, I really can't tell you if he's going to stay or not. But you're going to have to tell him. You're going to have to tell your mom, Kagome. And to be honest, when they find out, they'll probably be just as scared as you are. They aren't going to hate you for your mistake, though. They'll never hate you, especially Inuyasha. You're his best friends, Kags. He trusts you, and I know he misses you because I haven't seen him around at all. C'mon, Kags. You can't keep this a secret forever."
"I know. It's…difficult. I have to handle myself, first. What am I supposed to tell my mom? Tell her that I want to drop out? She'll look at me funny, she'll be disappointed and I can't handle that. The morning sickness is bad…like really bad. How am I gonna help with all those bills at home? What if mom starts drinking again when she finds out?"
"Of course I know it's difficult," Sango leaned over to place a hand on her shoulder. "I know it's going to hurt to know she's disappointed in you. But I know she won't give up on you and Souta again. Mrs. Higurashi is stronger than that, Kagome. And as for Inuyasha- wait…shit, is that him right over there, ordering food?" Her voice was serious and her eyes were widened, and instantly, Kagome snapped her head over, and her eyes widened at what she saw.
There he stood impatiently. She wanted to smack herself. How could she forget that he always came here to get his favorite food, ramen, claiming that they served the best. "Wow," Sango said, her mouth hanging open in surprise as she continued to goggle her eyes at his figure, which was currently not facing them. "That's really Inu-"
"Shut up!" Kagome cried quietly, swiftly standing to her feet, careful not to cause any of his attention on her. "We've got to go Sango…we've got to go!"
"Right on it," Sango said before pulling out a few dollar bills to leave the waiter a tip. "I'll block you."
Her heart rate increased as she swiftly walked over to the door, in a hurry to get out of the noodle shop, tears already fogging up in her eyes. "Shit," she heard Sango curse, and she froze, not daring to turn around. "He's walking towards us," she gave a defeated sigh. "Kagome, no matter what kind of shit you two are going through, you can't fight him off forever and you're going to have to tell hi-"
"Hey, Sango," Kagome heard his voice and she knew that all hope was gone. There was no use in running now. She turned around, watching as Sango gave him a fake smile. Her cheeks reddened and her eyes fell to the floor, and an awkward atmosphere seemed to be surrounding her when his eyes landed on hers. "Hi, Kagome."
He still had that same effect. He could make his words sound like honey whenever he wanted them to. His voice was softer when he spoke her name, and finally, she raised her eyes to meet his once she was sure that all the tears were gone. But what was the use? He was a half demon and he could smell them, anyway.
"Hi," she said politely, gulping after she said the strained, hard words. She was angry and she wanted to stay that way.
"Um, hey," Sango said finally, observing Kagome for a while before deciding to step between them. "What're you doing here?"
Sango could tell that he was forcing smiles, too. Everyone seemed to be so unhappy lately. He sighed before he spoke again, his eyes still on Kagome's face, making her shift uncomfortably and stare at her shoes. "I ran outta ramen at home. Didn't have anything to eat and grocery shopping would take too long."
Sango gave a fake, soft smile. "Oh. Well, I guess that we'll just go on now. After all, Kagome's not feeling so well, and I'm about to drive her back home. I guess we'll see you soon enough, Yash. Take care."
"Are you okay, Kagome?" Inuyasha asked, moving a bit closer to her. And without realizing it, she took a few steps back. His eyes burned into hers, and she didn't bother trying to be nice anymore or forcing him a smile. He didn't deserve that right now. She was angry. She hated him for acting as if he forgot about all those words that he'd said to her, those hateful words, those possessive words, too.
"You're mine…my mate."
What had he meant by that? She glared at him. Couldn't he smell it? Couldn't he smell that she was carrying his pup, or was he too much of an idiot to not realize that either, just like he hadn't realized her feelings? Fuck him. He was just the biological father, nothing more and nothing less.
"Damn, if you wanna go, then go!"
She had done exactly as he had said. So why was he bothering to even speak to her now? Maybe there friendship had been okay in the beginning, but then, they needed the sex, the kisses, the comfort that their bodies had brought each other almost every day. "I'm doing just fine." She answered him coldly.
"That's really good," he said, no signs of confusion showing on his face now. He knew exactly why she looked at him like he had betrayed her. Damn, he had betrayed her, hurt her over and over again when he said they should stay as friends. Didn't he know that she wanted more? Didn't he know that he was the father of the child that she was carrying now? He was an idiot and she hated him, hated him with every fiber in her body. Wait…scratch that. It was another lie but she didn't bother counting it. She had lost count in her lies now, and hell didn't scare her anymore because she was already living in it. But he was going to hell, too.
Sango looked worried now. "Come on, Kagome. Let's go."
Yes, let's go.
"He's only there to fuck you up, Kagome."
She tried to walk away, but he latched on to her arm, his eyes wide like they had been when he had tried to stop her from walking away from her before. Her eyes narrowed.
"Can…can we at least talking things over, Kagome?"
How dare he ask her that? Especially out in public. Out of the corner of her eye, she could see Sango giving her a look as if telling her that maybe she should consider it.
"Hey, Kagome, I'll be out in the car. I'm ready whenever you are," Sango said with a smile, walking out the door.
And Inuyasha was still latched onto her arm. She looked down at his hand and glared before jerking her arm away from his. "I don't want to talk to you!"
Not when he was still with all of those pretty superficial girls who wore more make-up than she did, had better bodies than she did. She wasn't his girl, but he was the father of her child and she just couldn't bring herself to admit that to him, and now, he would never know. He didn't have to. She would raise it by herself. He didn't deserve to know. He had other girls and he had no right to be clutching onto her arm like this, his voice and eyes desperate when he begged to talk to her.
He had other girls, and she wasn't one of them.
"Does the idea of me being with someone else bother you, Kagome?"
Fuck his words. Fuck how he knew her feelings and refused to return them.
"What happened to us?" he asked her.
"You're words is what happened! Sex is what happened! Gosh, I can't even be your friend anymore, Yash!" she whispered fiercely, not wanting to make a scene in front of everyone. "Let me go now…I'm tired, I wanna go home."
And then, she was crying as she remembered the words that hurt her the most.
"What I said earlier meant nothing….How could you ever mean anything to me? You're nothing but an insignificant girl to me. You're nothing! And if you think you're something, you better think again, bitch!"
"Bye, Inuyasha," she walked away, out of the door and wiped her tears away. Like she had said earlier, now wasn't the time to be weak. She looked down at her flat stomach. She had to be strong for her and this new life that she was bringing into the world. She was tired of him breaking her over and over again, telling her that she meant nothing and using her body for his pleasure. She remembered the way he held her tight as he moved himself in and out of her, and all along, she had called it 'making love'. Maybe that's why she was so fucked up today.
She shook her head to herself and calmed herself down, sighing when she heard her racing heart go back to it's regular pace. Never again. Never, ever again would she long for his love. She slipped into Sango's car, avoiding her gaze. "How'd it go?" she asked.
"It went horrible," she told her. "You shouldn't have left me alone with him like that."
"I'm sorry, Kagome. You can't do this by yourself. You need someone. You need him. You two are having a baby together and no matter how bad things are right now, both of you need to grow up and fix these problems. Think of the baby. Think of him or her growing up without a father."
"He's the one who never asked me to stay, and he's the one who never wanted more from me besides sex. You think that he'd want a baby? No. I'm not having a baby with him. I'm the one carrying it, and it's just his seed into my egg. It's my baby, and I can take care of it by myself. He's the biological father and that's it. I'm this baby's mother and I can give it love, and he can't when he doesn't even love me."
"I still think he does," Sango whispered. "I tried to prevent you from ending up like this. I really did, Kagome. I kinda always knew that he loved you, though," she admitted, a dreamy smile on her face as she drove. "I think you two can work it out."
"I can't even stand being around him," Kagome replied, stopping her shaking hands. "I'm done, Sango."
Sango didn't know what to say to this. This was Kagome's baby, and she would be the one raising it, all by herself because she was too stubborn. But she didn't want her best friend to end up regretting everything in the end. She sighed. Maybe she'd try to help them fix things another day, but Kagome wasn't having it today. "Well, have you considered your options? There's always adoption. And there's always…" she was having some difficulty saying the word, and she could feel Kagome's eyes boring into her. "There's always abortion."
Kagome calmed herself. "Abortion is definitely not an option. It's cruel, it's selfish," she sighed tiredly and brokenly. "I think I already love my baby."
"So, what about adoption?"
She was angry again because she didn't know the answers to any of these questions, so she said, "Only if I can't handle this. Only if things get to be too bad. Adoption isn't selfish, especially when my baby deserves a better life. Maybe you're right."
She didn't say anything as she felt herself regret the options she had brought up.
After all, it was Kagome's choice, and her choice only.
A/N: Wow, I'm proud of myself. I finished this chapter so quickly. Don't worry, Kagome and Inuyasha will work things out soon enough. And Sango and Miroku, too.
I know Inuyasha is dense as ever, but think about it, he never considered Kagome being pregnant with his child because he was sure she was taking birth control. In the next chapter though, he'll find out in a horrible, horrible way, her mother too. Sorry, I just had to get that out, lol.
I didn't get many reviews on the last chapter, lol. I feel unloved! Am I boring all of you or something? I hope not! Please review though, I really need some kind of inspiration and I love hearing everything that you guys say about this story, and when you tell me you like it, it really makes me happy. Just simple things, reviews that aren't long, too. They really make me feel good. So thanks for the few reviews I did get.
Pleaseee review and tell me what you think of this chapter though. I'm seriously excited about writing the next chapter. See you guys soon! (: