"Shopping trip!"
Brittany's squeal woke Tina up. She propped herself up on one elbow, rubbing at her eyes. "Is it time to get up already?" Tina asked. Next to her, Mike groaned and pulled the pillow over his head.
"Our one day off for a month," he muttered. "I'm going back to sleep."
Tina sat up. She was still exhausted, but, well, shopping. She shook her hair out. "What time does the shuttle leave?" she asked, poking her head out of the privacy curtain she and Mike had tacked up around their bed.
"Nine-twenty," Quinn said. She was sitting on her bunk, lacing up a pair of shoes. "You are coming, aren't you?"
"Are you kidding?" Tina said, a little more awake. "I'm so in."
Mike peeked out from under the pillow. "Keep an eye out for-"
"More toys, I know," Tina sighed. They'd been over this so many times. "I'll see if I can find some dolls, especially."
"And cars."
"And trains and planes and games and dress up clothes and…" Tina drifted off with a sigh. "I'll see what I can do. Are you going to lie there all day?"
"That's my plan."
Tina leaned over and kissed him playfully. "Lazy."
"Enjoying silence for once. Go. Shop. I'm spending the day hiding from kids."
"Love you," Tina said affectionately.
"You too."
***
The shuttle flight took about ten minutes, and Tina watched out the window curiously. The Prometheus was a rectangular ship, flat and bulky and ugly. It wasn't even close to as big as Cloud 9 or the Zephyr or the military ships, but it was still about five times the size of the Cybele. It was a freighter, and almost four hundred people lived on it, as opposed to the two hundred that lived on their ship.
The docking bay was so much bigger than the Cybele's, but it was spare and dingy looking. Tina hadn't been in that many docking bays- just the Cybele's, Cloud 9's, the Rising Star's, and two or three others- but from what she'd seen, the Prometheus wasn't an impressive ship.
It didn't matter though, because when she, Rachel, Brittany, and Quinn climbed out of the shuttle, there were people waiting for them. Santana and Mercedes were there, both in their BDU's, and Kurt was grinning at them as well.
"I know Mercedes and Santana asked for leave, but how did you rate time off?" Tina asked, once the squealing and hugging had died down.
"Please," Kurt said. "It's shopping. Rachel told me you were going, and did you really think I would miss it? It just so happens that Mr. Zarek had some meetings he wanted to conduct over here, and I conveniently scheduled them for today." He slipped one arm through Mercedes' and one through Tina's. "And if I can combine business and pleasure, what's the harm?"
"I kind of can't believe we're here," Mercedes said, looking around. "I hear all kinds of things about the Prometheus from everyone in the bridge."
"Spill," Santana ordered.
"I heard it's one of the worst ships in the Fleet," Mercedes said, her eyes sparkling.
"Like pick-pocketing and bar fights?" Rachel asked excitedly.
"No, more like theft and illegal prostitution and drug dealing," Mercedes said, side-eyeing Rachel. "Didn't you hear about the raid a couple of weeks ago? They found all kinds of things."
"Well, if it's so terrible, then why are we here?" Rachel asked.
"Because there are things you just can't get at any other market in the Fleet," Tina said, waggling her eyebrows. "Believe me, I've tried."
The Prometheus cargo hold had long since been emptied of cargo and was now divided into smaller rooms. Some were places for people to live, but the girls and Kurt quickly found their way to the area that was the marketplace. It wasn't clearly marked, but it didn't need to be, not with the flow of people and the smell of liquor and cigarettes. Excited, they entered the corridors.
A lot of vendors used tables, some with a huge inventory and some with only a few items to trade. Some sellers carried their wares on trays in front of them, like the hot sausage sellers at Pyramid games. It was dark and crowded, but at the same time it was exciting. Tina wished she could look in about five different directions at once. It was also going to be very hard to carry big, bulky items like toys through a crowd like this, especially as she found her group splitting up very fast.
Tina wound her way through the sellers, passing by medicine and cigarettes and porn and keeping an eye out for those who sold more legitimate forms of entertainment. It took some doing, but she was able to find a handful of little metal cars, a set of plastic dinosaurs with the previous owner's tooth marks on them, several well-read board books, and three dolls. It wasn't much, but at least it was something. Her pack was pleasantly heavy when she decided she was done.
Now that she had the toys, Tina relaxed and spent more time browsing the other sellers' wares. She finally found the girls and Kurt at a stall, and judging by the wide-eyed expression on Rachel's face and the smirk on Santana's, whatever they were looking at was good. "What's going on?" she asked, coming up behind Mercedes.
"Check it out," Mercedes said, gesturing to the table in front of her. "Sex toys."
"Can I interest you in anything?" the seller asked. She was a young woman, maybe in her twenties. "It's all new- never been used." Tina wasn't sure about that, given that most of them weren't in packages. "Most of what I have is in the personal pleasure category," the seller continued, "but with a little creativity, it could be used with a partner if you've got one." She gestured to the vibrators. "Believe me, there are things these babies can do that a man's dick can't."
That was hard to imagine. "Like what?" Tina asked.
The seller smiled at her. "Well, this one here, the pink one, see how it's contoured? Unless there's something seriously wrong with a guy's dick, you aren't going to get those ridges in nature. And these tumbling pearls in this one… have any of you ever used something like this?" No one answered her. "Very worth trying out. And this one," she pointed to a blue one that had an attachment to it, "clitoral and vaginal stimulation at one."
Quinn arched an eyebrow. "Does it really work?"
"I have a friend who swears by it. Especially the pearls." Quinn looked thoughtful.
"You should go for it, Quinn. It's bigger than you're going to find with any of the New Directions guys," Santana pointed out.
"Not true," Tina said immediately.
Mercedes looked at the toy and her eyebrows shot up. "Really?"
"Really."
"Damn, girl."
"If it runs on batteries, is it like sleeping with a Cylon?" Brittany wondered. Everyone looked at her, but no one answered.
"You have anything that's double-ended?" Santana asked instead.
The woman shook her head regretfully. "Sold that one. But you might be able to find one further down. Now you…" she looked at Kurt, who drew back with an alarmed expression and turned bright red. "You might be interested in this one." She dropped a packaged vibrator into his hand.
"It's kind of crooked," Kurt managed to say. Tina had to bury her face in Mercedes' shoulder for a moment, because the expression on Kurt's face was so comical.
"It is," the seller agreed. "It's shaped that way for maximum prostate stimulation."
"Oh my gods," Kurt handed it back to her, and all of the girls dissolved into laughter. The seller didn't.
"I'm serious," she insisted over the giggles. "What's even better is that it leaves your hands free, so maybe you can slip into one of these," she held up a giant ring, "and again, dual stimulation. Or, if you prefer, I've got a masturbator if that's more your speed."
Kurt actually buried his face in his hands.
"Come on, Kurt," Santana said, "this isn't Gemenon any more. So you take it up the ass. No one cares."
Kurt dropped his hands and glared at her. "That's not the point, Santana. The point is it's private."
"Whatever. I'll take that dolphin," she said, pointing to a little blue dolphin-shaped massager. "Is there a military discount?"
As Santana and the seller negotiated, Quinn, Rachel, Mercedes, and Brittany moved on to the next seller. Tina could get closer now, and she studied the rest of what was on the table. A small stack of boxes caught her eye. "What are those?" she asked when Santana was done.
"Oh. Birth control pills. I had a year's supply, but I don't exactly need them anymore, and they expire."
"Really?" Tina asked excitedly. "I didn't know you could still get them."
"They aren't easy to come by." The seller handed her a box to examine. The pill dispenser was still sealed. Twenty eight little pills were nestled neatly in blister packs.
"Why are they different colors?" Tina asked, running her fingers over them in awe.
"The red ones are placeholders," the seller explained. "That's how they work. All you have to do is just take a pill the same time each day. You start them on the first day of your period. Ninety-nine percent effective. But they don't protect against STDs."
"That's okay," Tina said. "How much?"
They haggled down to a price that took the rest of the cubits that Tina had. They bought her six months worth of pills. By the time she was done, the others had moved on to another table. "Are you coming, Kurt?" Tina asked.
Kurt blushed. "I'll be there in a minute."
Tina caught the seller's eye and they both laughed. Kurt scowled at her, but Tina just patted him on the shoulder and walked away with her birth control pills in hand. This had been the most successful shopping trip ever, and it wasn't even over.
***
Tina unlocked the door of the daycare, and to her surprise, Mike was sitting at the low table, hunched over and working on paperwork. "I thought you were taking the day off today," she said.
Mike frowned. "I got a call. We've got a couple new kids coming in from some of the ships without any sort of daycare."
"We've already got nineteen kids," Tina said. "Any staff?" Mike snorted a negative, and Tina sighed. "Figures. How many?"
"Three. But there're special circumstances on the one."
Tina looked over his shoulder. "What kind?"
Mike shrugged. "Doesn't say. Anyway, I thought I'd get a jump on all that, so I'm in here. Plus, Sam brought Rya over to the Cybele. I got kicked out of the room."
"Oh. She should have come shopping with us."
"I don't think they were very interested in shopping," Mike said, making a wry face. "Did you find anything?"
"I did." Tina began unloading her bag and setting the toys on the table for Mike to examine. She sat down at the table. "It's so quiet in here."
"I know, right? It won't be when they see these." Mike picked up a car and turned it over in his hands.
The quiet and the bright colors of the daycare were even more pronounced after the noise and the darkness of the Prometheus. Tina had to admit she was proud of what they'd done with the room. Brittany had gotten them paint, and the walls were now bright primary colors. Mr. Hummel had rigged up a system of metal bars on one of the walls for the kids to climb on, and even managed to make a little slide. He'd also saved a lot of small wooden scraps, cut them into shapes, sanded them down and painted them so the kids had blocks to play with. Two low, round tables were surrounded with small mismatched chairs, and they had managed to make a cubby system out of empty boxes. A changing table and a gliding rocking chair were their two big treasures, tucked into one corner along with a big box that they used as a crib. Without the kids in here, the room was very quiet and peaceful.
Mike was watching her. Tina smiled. "What?"
"You know," Mike said, his voice pitching low, "this door does at least have a lock."
Tina giggled. "Should we get out the naptime mats?"
"I think so, don't you?" Mike dug in his pocket. "I thought to bring a condom."
"When do you forget?" Tina wrapped her arms around Mike's neck. For a moment she thought about telling him about the birth control pills, but she decided to keep it a surprise. Then Mike started kissing her, and Tina was happy not to think about anything at all.
***
Rya Kibby was exactly the kind of girl Tina had always expected Sam to go for. She was pretty, skinny, and had long brown hair and big eyes and a sweet smile. Although Tina had wanted to dislike her for Mercedes' sake (although Mercedes didn't seem to give a frak about who Sam dated), she had to admit that she really liked Rya. So when she and Mike went to get dinner, Tina sat down next to Rya at the New Directions table. As she did, Carole sat in the seat across from them.
"Rya," she said, leaning across the table, "did you contact your parents?"
"I did, Mrs. Hummel," Rya said. At Tina's confused look, she sighed. "My mom isn't too thrilled about me coming over here with Sam. The only way she lets me come is because Mrs. Hummel is here, and I check in with her every night."
"Which totally stops you from sleeping with Sam," Tina giggled.
"Tina!" Rya flared red, looking furtively at Carole. Fortunately, Carole was listening to Artie and Brittany recounting something and didn't hear. Tina lowered her voice anyway.
"There's no need to get so shocked about it," she said sympathetically. "It's not like we don't all know."
"I know. It's just…" Rya fiddled unconsciously with the prayer beads on her wrist.
Tina patted her awkwardly on the shoulder. Rya came from the other side of Gemenon, half a world away from Lima. She talked about big cities and temples and technology, but at the same time, she was still considered the property of her parents and insisted on calling Carole Mrs. Hummel, despite the fact that Carole hyphenated her last name. But she didn't go around quoting scripture and she was sleeping with Sam, so Tina figured she probably wasn't as nuts as her parents were.
"You should have come shopping with us today," Tina said. "It was hysterical."
Rya flushed. "I didn't know-"
"I know. I don't know why I thought Sam would have told you." Tina shook her head. "I expected a guy to tell you about a shopping trip. I'm sorry. Next time I'll tell you myself."
"It's all right," Rya said. She blushed. "I did have fun today."
"I'll bet." Tina nudged her.
"Can I ask you something?" Rya said quietly. "Do you and Mike, you know…"
"Have sex? Absolutely."
"Oh." Rya seemed taken aback by her candor, despite the way Tina had been teasing her. "Can I… can I ask you some questions about it later? Without the whole table listening? There's some things that my mom never really explained, and I just don't know if they're normal."
Tina grinned evilly. "Finish up," she said. "You want the other girls as well?"
"Will I regret it?" Rya asked dubiously.
"Santana's back on the Pegasus, so no."
"All right." Rya looked nervous, but a little excited. Tina didn't blame her. But it was really time that Sam's girlfriend became one of the girls. After all, it looked like she was going to be around for a while.
***
Tina's period started a few days later. She stared at the birth control pill for a long time before she took it. Granted, it wasn't that big of a deal- she and Mike had been having sex for over a year. But something about this felt different. Big. Committed. Adult. It was like some sort of statement, even if no one else knew about it. To be honest, it was a little scary. She pushed the fear away and swallowed the pill.
***
It was only ten o'clock, and already it was a long day.
When Tina and Mike had first started sitting for the kids on the Cybele, they'd joked about dirty diapers. Now Tina knew that dirty diapers were nothing. After all, when a kid's diaper was dirty, it was easy to figure out what was wrong and fix the problem. Wipe their butt, give them a clean one, and more often than not the urchin was on their way, happy as could be. It was when they stopped using diapers that it got hard.
"Okay, Colin," Tina said patiently, sitting on the floor in front of the training potty. "Let's poop."
"No," the three year old boy said with a fierce glare. "I don't wanna!"
"Come on. You do it for your mom, right?"
"Tomorrow!" Colin insisted. "I do it tomorrow!"
"Please?" Tina begged. "I'll read you a book."
"NO!" Colin shrieked. "NO POOP ON POTTY!" He burst into tears.
Tina pressed her lips together and lifted him off the stupid thing, and then put his underwear and pants back on. "Fine," she said angrily. "Go play."
Five minutes later, Colin was back. "I pooped."
"Of course you did." He stunk. Tina scooped him up and started the business of changing him.
Across the room, Mike had his own hands full. "This slug is very dangerous," a little boy named Brandon was explaining. "It can shoot acid at its enemies, and then it can use x-ray vision!"
"That's great," Mike said, rocking a baby and trying to get her to take a bottle. "Come on, Sarah. Let's eat."
"And then the slug flies off to defeat its enemies!" Brandon swooshed the slug constructed from tinker toys over his head, narrowly missing Sarah's head. Sarah followed it with her eyes, ignoring the offered bottle. "That's right, right Mike?"
"I don't know, Brandon. Right now I'm trying to get Sarah to eat." Mike's patience was clearly straining. "Go play."
"No. I want to talk to you. Did you know that some slugs can fly?"
It was chaos, and that wasn't even taking into account the pair of girls squabbling over a doll, a little boy putting stickers all over his brother, or the fact that three kids had pulled out the homemade modeling dough that Tina and Mike had made and were spreading it all over the table. Tina put Colin down, took the stickers from the brother, corralled the play-dough, and was trying to convince the girls to play house and that they could both be mommies when someone knocked on the door.
"Ms. Cohen-Chang?"
There was a couple standing at the door, the woman holding a little girl by the hand. Tina caught Mike's eye. Mike nodded acknowledgement and she slipped away from the table.
"I'm Mark," the man said, extending his hand when Tina closed the door behind her. "Mark Gremple, and this is my wife Michelle. We're over on the Persephone."
"Nice to meet you," Tina said. The little girl was staring up at Tina with what looked like terror. Tina bent down. "And who are you?"
"This is Grace," Michelle put in when the little girl didn't answer. "Ms. Cohen, is there a place we can talk in private?"
Tina wracked her brains for a minute, and then shrugged. "We'll see," she said, and then led them to the New Directions room. Fortunately, everyone was out. Grace clung to Michelle's hand, but when Tina closed the door and the room was quiet, she seemed to relax a little. "Do you like the stars?" Tina asked, pointing to the ceiling. Grace nodded. "Me, too. My friend Brittany painted them." She turned back to the parents. "Mike said that there were a few new kids coming in from other ships."
Mark smiled faintly. "Mike is your husband?"
"Oh, no." Tina put her hands up and laughed. "No, we're too young. Boyfriend. He's good with the kids though. How old is your daughter?"
"She's not-" Mark began, and then cut himself off, looking at Grace. It wasn't an angry denial, Tina realized. It was a hesitant one.
Michelle jumped in. "Grace has just come to live with us very recently," she said, sitting down on one of the crates and pulling Grace into her lap. Grace scrambled up, clinging to Michelle. "She was traveling with her father when the Cylons attacked, and unfortunately, he died from pneumonia a few months back."
Tina's heart melted. "Oh. So she remembers him?"
"She does." Michelle's face was troubled. "Mark, maybe, if it's okay with Ms. Cohen-Chang, I could take Grace down to the daycare to look around while you explain the rest?"
Mark nodded, and Michelle and Grace left. "I apologize for all this," he said, rubbing the palms of his hands against his pants. "We should have done this alone, but there aren't many people she'll stay with."
"Is something wrong?" Tina asked.
Mark sighed. "Like my wife said, Grace has just very recently come to live with us. When her father died… well, he didn't have anyone he could really trust, I guess. I don't know. I've never met him."
"Okay…" Tina was definitely confused.
"There was a raid on the Prometheus a couple of weeks ago, did you hear?" Tina nodded. "Well, one of the things that they'd found was a child prostitution ring."
"Oh no." Tina could see where this was going.
Mark nodded. "Yes."
Tina closed her eyes and sighed heavily. "You'd better tell me what I need to know."
***
Life in the Fleet was hard for a child. Tina had figured that out months ago. The scrounging for toys, the lack of any sort of outside, and the constant fear of Cylon attacks reminded her all the time. But Grace's story added a new edge to it all- what could happen to a child if they didn't have an adult to protect them.
"It's disgusting that people would even think of doing that," Mike said that night as they climbed into bed together and pulled the curtain. "I don't get it."
Tina didn't either. "Mike? What if we get this wrong? What if we can't do this? What if we make things worse for her than they already are?"
Mike looked surprised. "We won't. We can do this. You can do this, Tina. You're awesome." He kissed her on the cheek. "It will be okay. We're just helping- we're not the only people on this. We just have to keep her safe while her parents are working."
He was right. Just like the other kids, they weren't in charge. Not really. Tina relaxed enough to lie down beside him. "You really think we can do this?" she asked, just to hear him say it again.
"I really think we can do this," Mike reassured her. "We'll figure it all out."
He made it sound so easy. He made Tina believe it could be easy, even though she knew it wouldn't be anything of the sort.
It was no real surprise the next morning when Grace spent the whole morning howling for Michelle, and the afternoon curled up in a corner with a blanket. Tina wished desperately that she could hug the girl and make it better, but that was the last thing that would help. But maybe, with a lot of hard work and patience, Grace would open up and see that Tina would never, ever hurt her.
It wouldn't be easy, but she could do this. Really.
***
"Happy birthday to you!"
Quinn set the cake down in front of Mike. "It's vanilla," she said regretfully. "Chocolate is getting too hard to come by."
"I like vanilla," Mike said, and then blew out the candles. "I don't suppose Puck made the cake, did he?" They all laughed, remembering that first bake sale, but of course Puck hadn't been anywhere near the kitchen. Puck was still over on the Galactica and unable to get leave to come over for the night.
Tina, who was perched on the edge of the table next to Mike, laughed with the others. Mike winked at her and began to cut the cake. Cake and sweets weren't impossible to get, but they were getting harder to come by. Tina and Quinn had had to promise several dishwashing shifts to the kitchen in order to get the ingredients and they'd had to trade a cleaning shift because neither of them could remember how to make a cake. But Mike's smile made it worth it.
There were no presents. The days of picking up a book or some music or a scarf for a few cubits were over. But the one thing that Tina was sure was a gift was that when she and Mike slipped away and back to the New Directions room, it was empty.
"Now that's a birthday present," Mike laughed, wrapping his arms around Tina's waist.
"Mmm." Tina tipped her face up. "I have another birthday present for you, too."
"Oh yeah?" Mike was already starting to tug at her clothing a little. "What is it?"
"I went on the Pill." Mike went still, staring at Tina with huge eyes, and the corners of her mouth tugged up in a smug smile at his response.
"Are you serious?" he asked.
Tina nodded. "Completely."
"So we don't have to use-"
"Nope."
Mike kissed her hard. "I love you," he said as they broke away from each other, his forehead against hers.
His heart was beating against his chest and the skin of his neck was hot under her hands. Tina closed her eyes and pressed closer. "I love you, too."
***
She felt different the next morning. More adult. Like she and Mike were a grown-up couple now, and that this was so much more intimate and serious. But she didn't have long to dwell on it.
It started with a scream. A blood-curdling, howling scream that made Mike and Tina run for the nursery.
"No!" Grace was shouting, clinging to Michelle. "No, no, no, NO!"
"Shouldn't this be getting better?" Tina asked. She crouched down. "Grace, honey. Do you want to come in and play the game the kids were playing yesterday? The other kids aren't here yet, so it would just be you and me."
Grace shook her head and buried her face in Michelle's stomach, and Tina sighed in frustration. Michelle frowned. "You can't expect miracles, Tina." She sounded a little sharp. "She's only been coming for a week."
She had, but she hadn't made any progress forward. Tina bit her tongue. She wished she had Mike's backup, but Mike had disappeared into the nursery to start getting things ready for the other kids arriving, and besides, he still made Grace nervous. She was on her own.
"Come on, Grace," she said, sitting on the floor. "We all had a good time yesterday, didn't we? Wouldn't it be fun to play the checkers game?" Grace still wouldn't look at her, and Tina sighed. This was going to take a while.
She and Michelle were still trying to convince Grace to come in when the other kids started showing up. The chaos didn't help Grace's state of mind at all, and Tina was positive some of the other parents were watching her, judging how much time she spent with this kid as opposed to theirs. Mike stuck his head out of the nursery and mouthed something about backup, and from inside Tina could hear howling already. This had long day written all over it.
***
"I just don't know how to handle it," Tina complained to Mr. Schuester as they ate lunch together. "Grace just needs so much time and attention, but there are twenty-one other kids who need it, too, and just two of us."
"Well, you can't let one student dominate the whole classroom, Tina," Mr. Schuester said. Tina gave him a flat stare over her sandwich, which made Will sigh. "I know, I know. Some students just do it anyway." At least he looked sheepish.
"Right. But it's not like Rachel," Tina continued. "Grace has good reasons. I just don't know how to deal with it."
She was hoping for advice, for answers. After all, Mr. Schuester had taught for years before the attacks, and he was still teaching now. But instead, he just patted her on the hand.
"You'll figure it out, Tina. I have faith in you. You can do wonderful things with this."
Tina knew that was supposed to be empowering and encouraging. And it did feel good to hear someone say she could do this. But when Mr. Schuester left the table and went back to his own class, the optimism drained away, replaced by reality. She was a high school student who babysat on weekends to make some extra cash. She didn't need empowerment or encouragement- she needed education. She just had no idea where in this frakked up world she could go to get it.
***
Days ticked by, and nothing changed.
Grace still screamed for hours when she was dropped off. Tina tried to pay more attention to the other kids, but somehow dealing with Grace left her no time whatsoever. She tried to find out more about how to help children who had been the victims of sexual abuse, but the psychologists in the Fleet were overworked and there wasn't exactly a library on the subject. Mercedes sent over some information from some files that were on Galactica, but some of the language was so clinical that Tina couldn't make much sense of it.
Tina didn't even know why she was fighting so hard. She hadn't bonded with Grace at all. She didn't even really like the girl, if she was honest with herself. But when Michelle and Mark pulled her aside, their faces serious and set, Tina knew what was coming and still felt like a failure for it.
"It's just not working out, Tina," Mark said. "She needs to be on the same ship as us."
"But the Persephone doesn't have a daycare," Tina said.
"No. But our application to move over to the Zephyr was finally approved," Mark said. "Which is better all around. The daycare there is run by professionals- people who know what they're doing." He saw the look on Tina's face and backpedaled immediately. "Not that you kids aren't doing a good job. You are. But you're still kids yourself. Grace needs someone who has training." It was completely true, but Tina pressed her lips together angrily anyway.
"Thanks for trying," Michelle said, a little lamely. "We appreciate it. And thank Mike for us, too. But I really think this is in Grace's best interests."
And that was how you got fired in daycare, apparently, with a half-hearted smile and a handshake, and the parents hustling their daughter away. Tina watched them go, trying just to feel relieved and instead feeling like she'd failed miserably.
***
"I don't get why I'm so upset over this!" Quinn handed Tina another tissue as they sat at the table in the little infirmary. Tina took it and blew her nose. "This is good. It's what Grace needs, and this isn't about me." But her words didn't help, and all that happened was she started crying harder.
Quinn watched her quietly, with that weighing sort of look she got when she was thinking. She didn't say anything until the storm finally let up and Tina's tears stopped.
"Why are you telling me all this?" Quinn asked calmly when Tina had gotten a hold of herself again. "I mean, why not Mike or Mercedes or Kurt?"
Tina shrugged. "I don't know. Doctor-patient confidentiality? Does that apply?" Quinn didn't answer. "I just needed to talk to someone who wasn't going to tell me it wasn't my fault."
Quinn raised an eyebrow. "But it wasn't," she said.
"No, but I don't want to be patted down." It was hard to explain. "I just want… someone can help her. Someone who knows what they're doing. But not me. And I'm just tired of feeling like there's nothing I can do anymore. Like I don't have any control over anything that goes on in my own life."
"It's not your life you couldn't control," Quinn pointed out.
"But if I'd known more, I could have helped. If I'd gotten to go to college…"
"You were accepted at Nemea University, weren't you?" Quinn asked. Tina nodded. "What would you have majored in?"
Tina shrugged. "I don't know. I wanted to go on stage, but I don't think that ever would have happened. Not for real." Quinn didn't jump in to assure her it would have. "I was thinking about occupational therapy, actually. Working with kids. If I'd just gotten a little further and known a little more… but right now I don't know anything! I want to be able to do so much more and I just can't!" To her annoyance, she found herself on the verge of tears again.
"So is this about Grace, or about what you didn't get to do?"
"I don't know," Tina admitted sullenly. "Grace. Me. Both. It doesn't matter. Figuring it out doesn't change anything."
"No. But at least you know what the real problem is," Quinn said. "It's not Grace. It's a lack of agency."
Tina glared at her. "Since when did you become the expert on emotions?"
"I never said I was. But you'll be fine, Tina. You couldn't help her, but no one really expected you to." Quinn stood up and started organizing her supplies. "Life goes on, and all you can really do is go one as well."
***
Quinn was right about one thing- life went on. And the truth was, it was easier without Grace. Now Tina could spread her attention out more fairly, and life in the daycare returned to the same balanced craziness that she and Mike were used to. It was terrible to be so relieved that Grace was gone, because Tina knew the girl deserved every ounce of sympathy that she had, but it was undeniable that things were easier.
"Am I a terrible person for thinking that?" she asked Mike as they lay in bed.
"Not at all," Mike said. Tina had thought he was miles away, but he was obviously listening. "Sometimes there's just nothing you can do."
She felt better knowing that she at least hadn't let Mike down. Mike was the one thing Tina felt sure of in her life. It was more than most people had. She snuggled against him and closed her eyes.
Her mind wouldn't settle down, and it took her a long time to fall asleep. When she did, she didn't notice that Mike was still awake, staring at the bunk above them.
***
The clock said 5:12 when Tina crept back into the New Directions room, and Mike had stolen all the covers. Burt was snoring- loudly, too- and Sue was talking in her sleep, something about Principal Figgins. Tina didn't even want to know what that dream was about. She sighed, decided she wasn't going to get back to sleep before the alarm went off anyway, and traded her shorts for a pair of sweats and pulled a bra on under her shirt. She must have slept on her stomach wrong or something- putting on the bra hurt her breasts. She slipped back out of the room, closing the door softly behind her, and decided to go looking for breakfast.
The Cybele was quiet. Tina reveled in the silence as she made her way down the corridor and then climbed the ladder up to the passenger cabin. People were awake in there- the lights were on. Tina grabbed herself some breakfast, and then realized that Kurt and Artie were already sitting at a table. She walked over. "Can I join you?"
They looked startled at her interruption. Kurt nodded and moved a stack of papers, and Tina thumped down. "You're up early," Artie said. His voice sounded funny.
Tina shrugged. "I had to pee," she said. Kurt winced at the crudeness of it, but it was too early in the morning to be that polite. "I really could have used the sleep, too." She dug into her cereal, and managed to eat three bites before she noticed the silence. "What?" she asked. "Is the kitchen out of coffee?"
Kurt was slumped in his chair and staring at the table in front of him, and Artie had his head bowed. It began to dawn on Tina that something was seriously wrong. "What is it?" she asked, fear suddenly spiking in her gut. "Is it Santana or Puck?"
Artie was the one who spoke. "Billy Keikeya."
Tina's first response was one of overwhelming relief. It wasn't Santana or Puck or Finn or Mercedes. She relaxed, air rushing into her lungs. Which, when she thought about it, was kind of an awful reaction. They'd just told her that someone had died, and her first reaction was to be grateful that it wasn't someone she cared about? That was pretty disgusting.
"It was a terrorist attack over on Cloud 9," Artie continued after Tina didn't ask. "He was shot."
"Oh." Billy really didn't mean much to Tina. She barely knew him. But Artie and Kurt had both already lost a lot, and to lose another friend like this… she could see how badly it was affecting them. Sadness was radiating off of them, and before Tina knew it, tears were flooding her eyes.
"Tina?" Artie asked, sounding more than a little alarmed. "Are you okay?"
She was crying now. "I'm fine," she tried to insist, but good gods, the news that this guy she barely knew was dead was so sad, and it wasn't helped at all by either of their faces… or by the fact that were now looking at her like she was crazy. "I'm sorry," she said, grabbing her bowl and standing up. "I'm sorry. I'll go."
She retreated, Kurt and Artie still watching her like she was about to explode. It didn't help, and she fled the room, horrendously embarrassed. This was definitely going to be another bad day.
***
The last strains of the song hung in the air, and then Mr. Schue smiled and clicked off the tape recorder. "That's great, guys," he said, smiling.
"I don't get why we still have to do all this mopey crap," Santana said, tossing her sheet music to one side. "It's like the emo hour over here."
"Because we're living in an apocalypse," Kurt said snippily. "I rather think it's relevant, given that people are still dying."
"Whatever," Santana said, and then happened to look right at Tina, who was crying again. She scowled. "What the frak is your problem?"
"I don't know," Tina said, trying not to break down in sobs.
"You're awfully weepy," Artie said suspiciously. "Is it shark week?"
"Sharks died when the Colonies got nuked," Brittany said.
"No, it's slang for a period," Artie explained. "Blood in the water and inciting frenzy."
"You deserve to be smacked for that," Quinn said, but Tina had frozen. It had been six weeks since she'd been on the Pill, and no period. Her mind was reeling, because what if.
"You okay?" Mike asked her, squeezing her hand.
"Yeah," Tina said, and then shook herself. "Yeah," she said, much more confidently. She'd heard talk about girls using the Pill to avoid getting their periods, so of course she didn't have hers. "I'm fine," she said, squeezing Mike's hand back. "It's just been a long few weeks."
She wasn't pregnant. Definitely not. How could she be? She was on the Pill. She wasn't throwing up, like Quinn had done, or getting bitchy. She was just crying a lot. And her breasts hurt all the time. And she got up several times a night to pee. But didn't that happen later in a pregnancy? Tina really didn't know that much about it, but she was pretty sure the peeing thing happened when the baby was bigger, not at the beginning.
But the seed of doubt was there, and Tina was starting to worry.
***
"Quinn?"
Quinn looked up from the giant book she was reading. "Tina. Come in."
Tina stepped in. "What's that?"
"Oh." Quinn sighed and rolled her eyes. "Dr. Robert gave it to me. It's an anatomy text book. He said if I'm going to be a doctor, I still have to go to med school. I told him I wasn't going to be a doctor," Quinn arched one eyebrow to indicate her annoyance, "but he didn't exactly believe me. I guess they're desperate."
"I guess so." Tina shifted uncomfortably. "Do you mind if I close the door?"
"Go ahead." Quinn marked her place and pushed the book away. "Is something wrong?"
"I don't think so," Tina temporized. "I just…." Quinn didn't let her off the hook- she just sat quietly and waited, an expectant expression on her face. "I know everything's okay," Tina said. "I just want to be sure."
"All right. What sort of symptoms are you having?"
"A lot of little things, but the big one is that my period hasn't shown up." Quinn froze. "I know it sounds bad," Tina said, "but I've been taking birth control pills. I'm not pregnant."
Quinn frowned. "Were you on the Pill before the attacks?" Tina shook her head. "Where did you get birth control pills?"
"Last month, when we went over to the Prometheus." Tina said. "They were fine, Quinn. They were sealed and everything- I'm sure they were all right."
"They probably were," Quinn said carefully. "Have you and Mike been using condoms still?"
"Isn't that the point of the Pill?"
Quinn exhaled slowly, and then got up and went over to her cabinet. She stood there for a very long time, her back turned to Tina, and then gathered a few things.
"It could be nothing," Quinn said, pushing back her hair as she came over and sat across from Tina. "But I think I'd better take a couple samples, just to be sure."
"Why wouldn't you be sure?" Tina asked.
Quinn focused very hard on Tina's arm as she prepped it for a blood sample. "Because," she said, picking up her syringe, "the Pill isn't effective right away. You usually need to use back up birth control for a few months. There is a very good chance that you are pregnant."
***
Time was moving slowly to begin with, but for the next twenty-four hours it slowed to a crawl. Tina could barely breathe. Every time she went to the bathroom she looked for those streaks of blood that would mean her freedom, but nothing. Absolutely nothing. She only picked at her food and she found herself sitting in the daycare tapping her fingers, barely paying attention. The only thing she was able to do was sleep- she was exhausted.
She reported back to the infirmary after work the next day and she knew the answer as soon as she looked at Quinn's face. Quinn tried to look blank, but the concern and the sympathy was clear in her eyes.
This time, when Tina cried, it wasn't the hormones at all.
***
"Tina?" Mike was waiting in the New Directions room. "Are you okay?"
Tina stared at him for a long moment. He was still Mike, still concerned and loving. She opened her mouth to tell him, and then shut it again.
"Tina?"
The words were in her mind, but she couldn't force them past her throat. Instead, she just smiled and nodded. "I'm fine, Mike. Just tired."
He believed her. His entire posture relaxed and he lightened and smiled. And when they went to bed, he fell asleep immediately.
Tina lay on her back in the darkness, her arms folded behind her head as she stared at the bunk above her and contemplated all of the options in front of her. The thing was, there just weren't very many options at all.
***
"Have you told Mike yet?" Quinn asked. She was sorting through the bottles of medicine from the new shipment, looking for something.
"Not yet," Tina admitted, perched on a stool and watching her. Quinn's figure was so amazing- you'd never know she'd had a baby.
"You've got to tell him," Quinn said. "Not to put too fine a point on it, but believe me, I speak from experience."
"It's not that," Tina said. "I just don't know what I'm going to do yet."
"You mean keep it or give it up?" Quinn asked. "If you wanted to give it up you probably could; there's a long list of people who want children again."
"I didn't mean either," Tina said. "I meant…." Oh, wow. Saying the words- especially to Quinn Fabray, of all people- was a lot harder than she'd ever thought. "I meant terminating."
Quinn's voice was like ice. "You wouldn't do that."
Tina shrugged, trying to look more casual than she felt. But now that she'd said the word, the option felt like it was really on the table. She could get an abortion. "Would it be possible?" she asked.
Quinn drew a little hissing breath in between her teeth. "I don't know," she said, in a clipped sort of tone. "Maybe. A lot of the doctors over on the Rising Star won't do it."
"Will any?" Tina asked. She didn't need a lot of doctors who would do it- she just needed one.
"I don't know," Quinn said. She didn't offer to find out, and the silence hung between them.
"It's not something I want to do," Tina said.
"Then don't," Quinn snapped. She slapped a bottle into Tina's hand. "Take these instead. Prenatal vitamins. They were important enough on the Colonies, but without sunlight, they're essential. Now, don't you have work to do?"
Right. Tina shoved the bottle of vitamins into her pocket. "Thanks," she muttered, and slunk out of the infirmary. Quinn didn't even look up to watch her leave.
It wasn't that she wanted to get an abortion. Tina wasn't rubbing her hands together planning on how to murder a baby. She didn't want to do this at all. But she didn't want to have it, either, and none of her choices were ones that she liked.
She stood against the wall, leaning her head back against the cold metal. This was not good at all.
***
"Attention all passengers. This is Captain Xu. Condition One has been set throughout the Fleet. Prepare to jump."
"Okay, everybody!" Mike shouted. "Jump positions!"
With squeals and shouts, the kids took their spots. "I'm a Viper pilot today!" Brandon shouted. He began making firing noises as he sat in a cardboard box.
Some of the kids got into the game, but others were still pale and shaking. They knew. Just because they were little didn't mean they were stupid. They knew the Cylons had found them again. And if the Cylons hit the Cybele, these kids would die without their parents. Or just as bad, if the Cylons hit wherever their parents were for the day, these kids would be orphans. And Tina had seen what happened to orphans in the Fleet.
Running, running, running. That's all they were able to do, that's all they were able to look forward to. She felt the weariness and fear in her bones, saw it in Mike's face when he met her eyes and thought none of the kids were watching them. He was tired and scared too, even as he laughed and joked around for the kids. All the upturned faces, looking to the two of them for protection and reassurance that everything was going to be okay.
How the hell were they supposed to bring a baby into a world like this?
***
She had to talk to somebody about this. Someone who would listen, someone who would help her consider all of the options without judging, someone who knew what it all felt like. And that someone was obvious.
Carole Hudson-Hummel had told them, back in those first days after the attack, that she was thirty-eight. At the time they'd all just laughed because Mr. Hummel was forty-five and the seven year age difference seemed funny. But now, the most important thing to Tina was that Finn was almost nineteen, which meant that Carole must have been twenty when she had him, and probably nineteen when she'd gotten pregnant. Carole would get it.
It was hard to keep her mouth shut for the two days it took for Carole to come home from the Daru Mozu, but Tina had had practice acting. After faking a stutter since middle school, this was a piece of cake. She hated shutting Mike out like this, but it wasn't fair to him. Not until she knew if she was going to keep it or not. She waited in the New Directions room, anxious for Carole to come in to get a change of clothing before she headed for the showers.
The door opened and Tina sat up nervously, but instead of Carole, Sam walked in. Tina deflated.
"Hey," Sam said, kneeling down and rummaging through his own clothing.
"Hey," Tina said, and she couldn't keep the disappointment out of her voice.
Sam noticed. "Sorry I wasn't Mike," he said, sounding a lot more snappish than he usually sounded.
"I'm not waiting for Mike. I'm waiting for Carole. Is she coming?"
"Mrs. H? Yeah, but Mr. H. caught her before she could."
"Oh." Which meant it would be forever. Those damn hormonal tears sprang to her eyes, which only made things worse because it was a brutal reminder that she was frakking pregnant.
"Hey." Sam looked alarmed. "Are you okay?"
Tina shook her head. She was trying to bite back the tears, but the sob burst out of her anyway. "No," she said, wiping her eyes furiously. "No. I'm not okay."
"Do you want me to get Mike?"
"NO! No, I mean." Tina fumbled for a handkerchief. "Can you keep a secret?" she asked. Sam sort of half-shrugged, half looked terrified, but she answered her own question. "Of course you can. You did last year. I'm pregnant."
Sam closed his eyes. "Shit."
"I know," Tina said, and the tears were starting fresh. "I know. I'm pregnant and I'm scared and I don't know what to do and I-"
"Stop," Sam said. "Just stop. Look, Tina, I'm really sorry about this, okay? But I just can't deal with this right now."
He couldn't deal with this? Tina froze up inside. "Well, that's nice of you," she said. "Especially since it's not your problem."
"That's not fair," Sam began, running a hand through his shaggy hair. "There's more to it than that."
"There's more to it than what?" Quinn strode into the room, looking between Sam and Tina. She arched an eyebrow at Tina as she took in Tina's tearstained face. "You told him, then?" she asked. "It's not Mike, but at least it's a step in the right direction." She turned to Sam. "Please tell her that this plan is an abomination, and that she shouldn't go through with it."
"Wait, what plan?" Sam asked, looking back at Tina.
Tina looked at the floor. "I was thinking about getting an abortion."
"Oh." Sam's jaw was set.
"I was just thinking about it!" Tina protested. "I haven't decided anything yet!"
"Well, good, because it's a sin," Quinn said definitively. She gentled a little as she looked at Tina. "You don't have to abort. If you don't want to raise it, find someone else. Beth was really happy with Shelby before the attacks."
"How do you know that?" Sam asked.
Quinn treated him to a flat glare. "It was an open adoption. She sent me letters, dimwit."
Sam straightened up. "You know what, Tina?" he said, still glaring at Quinn. "I think you should ask about it. Consider it. It's not the evil option that some people think it is."
"How can you say that?" Quinn said incredulously. "You went to church."
"Yeah, I went to church. But where are the Gods right now?" Sam asked. "They've already punished us enough- they aren't going to give one flying frak if someone decides to terminate a pregnancy. What are they going to do? Hit the ship with lightning? Set the Cylons on us? It's a little late for that, Quinn, don't you think?"
"It doesn't work like that!" Quinn shot back. "It's not about retribution, it's about your soul. Do you really think you could live with the knowledge that you had been instrumental in the death of a person?"
"What, by not bringing a helpless person that I can't support into the world to live in a tin can and be hunted by genocidal robots? This is death, Quinn! It's just a slow one!"
"You don't know that!" Quinn shouted back.
"I know enough!" Sam yelled.
"Oh my Gods." Quinn laughed bitterly, rolling her eyes and tipping her head back. "I can't believe I'm hearing this. I am so glad I broke up with you before I found this out about you."
"I broke up with you," Sam said sullenly. "And besides, right now this isn't about you. It's about Tina."
Quinn took a deep breath and turned to Tina. She had calmed down in that she wasn't shouting, but her face still had that scary, determined look she got when things really upset her. "You can't do this, Tina," she said. "It's not just a sin against the Gods. It's a baby. He or she… who knows what they could do? What they could grow up to be? You can't kill your own baby." She wiped at her eyes angrily, and Tina suddenly realized that Quinn was crying. "There are other people in this Fleet who would love it."
"There are other people in this Fleet who are sick," Tina said. "We had a girl in the daycare…." A girl she couldn't even begin to help or take care of. Tina closed her eyes. "I can't do this. But I don't trust anyone else to do it, either."
"So you're just going to end it? Like it's nothing?"
"What other option is there?" Sam asked dully. "When the world is so frakked up, how can anyone bring a kid into it? I can't give a kid anything. I can't even…" he broke off, angry and frustrated. "Until you have to go through this, don't tell me-"
A knock on the door cut him off, and Carole opened it slowly. "Sam? Are you in here?"
Sam swallowed hard and wiped his nose on his sleeve. "I'm here," he said. "Is everything okay?"
Carole's face was grim. "There's a problem," she said. "Can I talk to you alone?"
Sam shrugged. "You might as well talk to me in front of them. They know."
They knew? They knew what? And slowly, it dawned on her- Rya must have gotten pregnant and had gotten an abortion. Tina looked at Sam with new sympathy, especially as he turned pale. And Carole must have known, because she looked like Tina felt.
"You'd better come with me, instead," Carole said gently. "There's a newscast you need to see."
***
There were several people gathered around one of the televisions in the passenger cabin, but none of them were from New Directions, except Burt, who was watching with his chin resting on his folded hands. A lot of them were older, or at least older than Tina. The television was tuned to the news station.
"The question of abortion must be addressed." Tina recognized Sarah Porter as Playa Palacios held a microphone out to her. "It is unconscionable that President Roslin has evaded this subject for so long."
"It certainly is a controversial one," Playa agreed.
"Every abortion performed costs a life," Sarah said. "Let's not pretend any differently."
"But not everyone agrees on that," Playa pressed. "The Gemenese interpret Scripture far more strictly than any other Colony, save Sagittaron. Why should the Gemenese beliefs be imposed on those who are not from that Colony?"
"It's not an edict from Gemenon. It is the word of the Gods."
Playa made a face that indicated frustration, and rather than engaging Sarah, changed the subject. "Let's talk about the case that prompted this. A young woman was found on Galactica attempting to obtain an abortion."
"Yes, and the fact she had to go to the Galactica rather than the Rising Star indicates just how many doctors in the Fleet are against this practice," Sarah said.
"Or aren't familiar with the procedure," Playa said firmly. "Of the twenty-two doctors that are in this Fleet, only two of them dealt with obstetrical procedures before the attacks."
"Regardless," Sarah said coldly, "the girl's parents are demanding that she be returned to them."
Sam sat bolt upright, white as a sheet. "They can't do that!" he shouted. Everyone looked at him. "They can't do that," he repeated, this time a little quieter. "Can they?"
"They can," Burt said. "Rya's seventeen. She's still- by law- her parents' property." He snorted a little at that one.
"But they-" Sam began.
"Shh." Carole put her hand on his arm.
"The girl requested asylum," Playa was saying. "Representatives from the President's office indicate that she is thinking of granting it."
Several people in the room murmured at that. Angry murmurs, Tina realized. And the way they were watching Sam, who was huddled over with his face buried in his hands…. The atmosphere was becoming thicker.
"Regardless of the girl's individual decision," Sarah continued, "this issue must be addressed. The President cannot continue to ignore it now that it has been brought to the forefront, especially with the election looming. And without the Gemenese support-"
"The Gemenese will go so far as to withdraw their support of Laura Roslin over the issue of abortion?" Playa asked incredulously.
"Absolutely."
The group around the television exploded into excited conversation, but Carole caught Sam's arm and indicated with a tilt of her head that they should leave. Tina looked at the group- Quinn and Burt were both participating in the conversation- and then back at Carole and Sam. Deciding that at least it was an easy way for her to leave without being noticed, she followed them.
They didn't even make it to New Directions' yellow door before Sam started crying. Tina stood to the side awkwardly as Carole pulled him into a hug. "She's going to be all right. Okay? She's all right. It's okay, Sam. Everything's going to be all right."
***
Tina stood shivering in the docking bay. It wasn't cold, but she was nervous. After Sam's breakdown, she'd sat with him while Carole made a few calls. The calls apparently resulted in a trip over to the Galactica, and Tina, Mike, and Mr. Schuester were being pulled along. Sam wanted to keep the whole thing quiet, and said that since Tina already knew that it was good as Mike knowing, so he got drafted. Carole insisted on Mr. Schuester being present, and Sam didn't argue. Tina knew that whatever they were being dragged over to Galactica for had to do with Sam and Rya and her abortion, but she had no clue what the three of them could possibly be needed for, and no one was elaborating.
"Did the doctor take care of it?" Burt asked as he and Mike entered the docking bay. His voice was low and urgent, and Tina realized that this was something that both Burt and Carole had known about for a while.
"I don't know," Carole said. "I couldn't find out."
Mr. Schuester joined Tina and Mike. "Do either of you two know what's going on?" he asked them quietly.
"Nope," Mike said. "I just know we're going over to Galactica."
"Okay… but why?" Mr. Schuester asked. Mike just shrugged.
Sam was standing helplessly near Burt and Carole, looking a little lost. Tina caught his eye and smiled grimly at him, and Sam broke away a little. She moved from Mr. Schuester and Mike to talk to him privately.
"Are you okay?" Tina thought about asking why he wanted them to come over, but he looked so miserable she couldn't. He probably just needed the moral support.
"Hanging in there," Sam said. "Worried about Rya." He frowned. "This wasn't something we wanted to do, you know."
Tina squeezed his arm sympathetically. "I know."
"Yeah. You would, wouldn't you?" Sam sighed.
"Her parents," Tina began, but Sam laughed bitterly.
"Funny, right?" he said. "Everybody on Gemenon gets so worked up about unborn kids, but it's still legal to physically punish an actual kid who defies her parents like that."
"They're going to…." She didn't want to finish that sentence.
"I have no idea what they're going to do," Sam said. "But they're strict."
Tina was saved from having to say anything else by the blast door opening to reveal a Raptor tucked into the docking bay. It was Finn's Raptor, but the co-pilot was a tall, broad, good-looking man that Tina hadn't met before. He was all muscle and chiseled cheekbones, and his face was kind and sympathetic.
"You guys ready?" Finn asked. "You're going to have to explain this all to me when we get there, because I have no idea what's going on."
"Don't worry about it right now," the co-pilot said. "Remember what I told you about your docking."
"Right. Clip left." Finn focused his attention back on the controls. The two them began talking in low tones, but Tina could hear them laughing as well. Whoever the co-pilot was, Finn obviously liked him.
Mike was still sitting back with Mr. Schuester, and Sam was sitting beside Tina. He looked sick. Tina reached out and squeezed his hand. Sam squeezed back so hard her fingers hurt, and he didn't let go.
***
They were taken to a small conference room on the Galactica, Finn leading the way. It wasn't much of a room, but inside was a long table with a man sitting at it. The man was fairly unremarkable in terms of looks, although he wore a rumpled suit coat and a pair of sunglasses. A cat was sitting beside him, and it regarded them warily as they came in.
"Right," the man said, and his voice was clipped with an accent that Tina recognized as being from the Thessaloniki area. He sounded like the movies, anyway. He surveyed their group. "Are you sure you all want to do this?"
It was Carole that spoke. "We're sure, Mr. Lampkin."
"All right." Lampkin pulled the cap off a pen and pulled a stack of papers towards him. "First the adoption. Which one of you is Sam?"
"I am, sir." Sam stepped forward.
Lampkin made a face that suggested he wasn't often called 'sir', but all he said was, "You're under eighteen?"
"I don't turn eighteen for three more weeks, if we've kept track of time right." Sam rummaged through his pocket. "I brought my driver's license."
Lampkin took it, studied it, and then pushed it back across the table to Sam. "All right. So, the first thing we do is make you," he pointed at Burt and Carole, "his legal guardians. That's these papers here."
"All right." Carole took the pen and signed first, followed by Burt, who read the whole document thoroughly, first- something Lampkin seemed irritated at.
"Do I need to sign?" Sam asked.
"Nope. Property doesn't," Lampkin said briskly. "But I need two witnesses, both over eighteen. I assume that's you two?" he looked at Mr. Schuester and Finn.
"I don't even know what's going on here," Finn said.
"I don't think Finn can serve as a witness for this one," Carole said. "He's my son."
"You're right." Lampkin handed the pen to Mike instead. "You over eighteen?" Mike nodded. "You're a witness. Sign right there." Mike looked at Carole, who nodded, and then obeyed and handed the pen to Will. Will picked up the document and started to read, his brow furrowed.
"Right. That makes Sam Evans the legal ward of Burt Hummel and Carole Hudson," Lampkin said. "Because she requested and was granted asylum, Rya Kibby is extended the protection of Caprican law, which declares a minor a legal adult at age sixteen."
"Is that legal?" Tina asked, incredulous. "It seems kind of sketchy."
"It is sketchy," Lampkin told her. "That's what we want. Sketchy and confusing. It muddies the waters enough that the prosecution can't answer the question either, and with the rest of the Fleet not being Gemenon, it will be enough. We don't need to be legal- we just need to keep them confused until she turns eighteen." Somehow, Tina didn't find that overly comforting. "So we get her married to you," Lampkin jabbed his pen in Sam's direction, "as soon as possible in a legally binding Gemenese ceremony, and then, by Gemenese law, Rya Kibby is now the property of her husband's parents, Carole and Burt Hummel."
"Property," Burt muttered.
"Wait," Mr. Schuester broke in, "I don't understand. If Rya has asylum, that's permenant. She's not subject to Gemenese law."
"Ah, but tell that to Gemenese captains," Romo said, shaking his finger at Mr. Schuester. "She's safe here, where people don't think the Gemenese interpretation is above the others. But put her back on the Gemenon Traveler and you're going to have trouble convincing them that she's now Caprican. And if she's married, her parents have no right to her under Caprican or Gemenese law. To put it succinctly, they're screwed. Problem right now is you've only got three witnesses for the wedding. Gemenese law says you need six, all Gemenese citizens."
"We've got four here," Carole said.
"He doesn't count," Lampkin said, indicating Finn. "They have to be unrelated, and he's Sam's brother now."
"I am?" Finn asked, surprised. "Wow."
"Sorry about that," Sam said.
"No, it's okay. Just… wow." Finn frowned. "Helo's originally from Gemenon."
"That's four."
"Are Mercedes and Puck around?" Carole asked Finn. "They'd be the obvious choices." She brought herself up short. "If that's all right with you, Sam."
Sam shrugged. "Why not? It's not like this can get much worse."
"All right, then," Lampkin said. "Let's have a wedding."
***
Rya was still in the hospital wing. From the little Tina knew about abortion that seemed odd, but Sam wouldn't answer her whispered question and just shut his lips tightly, and Tina figured she'd better not push it. Rya was pale and despondent, and Tina's heart went out to her immediately. Sam sat down by the bed and took her hand, and Carole explained the situation. Tina hung back, unsure of what she should be doing.
"Are you really all right with all this, Burt?" she heard Mr. Schuester ask Mr. Hummel.
Mr. Hummel shrugged. "Guess it's better than the alternative. Besides, it's not like it's not true, really, us being the guardians of the kids and all that. This just makes it legal."
"Still…"
Tina's attention was pulled from them by the arrival of Mercedes and Puck. Mercedes came right over, and she and Tina hugged.
"Did Finn tell you what's happening?" Tina asked.
"He did," Mercedes said. She glanced over at the tableau by the bed. "How's Rya doing?"
"I don't know. I haven't had a chance to ask her," Tina said. She looked at Mercedes, remembering those days after Mr. Hummel had had his heart attack. "Mercedes…. You know why she's here?"
"I figured it out," Mercedes said. But the sympathy on her face didn't waver. There weren't going to be any lectures about gods and killing and sins- just sympathy for the pain Rya was in right now. Tina squeezed her hand in gratitude.
The wedding ceremony was an awkward one. Rya managed to get out of bed, but the gruff, grumpy doctor made it clear that he didn't want her leaving the infirmary. Tina wished she'd known what they were coming over for, because she could have brought Rya something better to wear than a hospital gown. Rya and Sam stood together in the center, with Carole and Burt flanking them. Mr. Schuester, Mike, Tina, Mercedes, and Puck formed a semi-circle around them.
The priest wasn't Gemenese. He was an older man named Brother Cavil, and he seemed to find the whole thing ludicrous. "Because chaining two people's lives together is the best way to ensure a happy family," was his assessment.
"It's more than that," Sam said. "If I didn't love her I'd just let her go back to her parents, or petition the President or something." That seemed to mollify Brother Cavil, and the ceremony began.
Sam did love Rya, Tina knew that. And she knew that Rya loved Sam. But as they stood hand in hand, both of them were just so joyless and solemn. They said their words and vows and promised to love and be faithful and obey from here until eternity, and Tina knew they meant their promises. But it was still depressing when it should have been uplifting. She kept a smile plastered on her face and avoided meeting anyone's eyes, and waited for the ceremony to end.
***
Rya had to stay on the Galactica another night, and Sam had to be back at work the next morning. After kicking Puck as he tried to make a few really inappropriate comments about the wedding night, Tina hugged Rya goodbye and headed back to the Raptor with the others.
"It's going to be okay, honey," Carole told Sam, squeezing his hand. "The circumstances aren't great, but that doesn't mean you won't have a happy marriage. Chris and I would have been happy if he hadn't been killed."
"I know," Sam said, but Carole's words did seem to lift his spirits. He was even smiling when they climbed into the Raptor.
"Don't suppose you can get music in this thing," Burt joked to Finn once they had launched off the Galactica. "If nothing else just so Carole and I can fight over the station and get a little revenge?"
"Funny," Finn said dryly. "But as it happens…" he flipped a switch and the sound of a newscast filled the air. It was President Roslin's voice, but she sounded strange. "Whoa," Finn said, listening. "Did a ship blow up or something?"
She did sound like she was almost crying, Tina realized. "Since assuming the Presidency, I've made it my mission to maintain the rights and freedoms we so enjoyed prior to the attack. One of these rights has now come into direct conflict with the survival of the species, and I find myself forced to make a very difficult decision," Roslin said in a measured, shaking voice.
"Oh, no," Carole said quietly, and Tina's stomach twisted. On some level, she knew exactly what Roslin was going to say before she said it.
Roslin took a deep breath. "The fact is that if the civilization is to survive, we must, must repopulate this fleet. Therefore, I'm issuing an executive order. From this day forward, anyone seeking to interfere with the birth of a child, whether it be the mother or a medical practitioner, shall be subject to criminal penalty. Thank you."
The newscast exploded into questions, but Finn flicked the switch off. Silence filled the Raptor.
"Sam?" Carole said, leaning forward. "Are you okay, honey?" But Sam wasn't looking at Carole. He was staring at Tina.
For a long moment, the words didn't penetrate Tina's brain. Then they started to trickle in slowly. Anyone seeking to interfere with a birth of a child, whether it be the mother or a medical practitioner, shall be subject to criminal penalty. Such clinical words to tell her that abortion was illegal. One of her choices, completely gone. Completely cut off from her.
It was ridiculous to be upset. She hadn't even decided to have an abortion, after all. She'd seen just a bit of what Rya had to go through, seen the look on her face and the way Sam cried. The decision to terminate that pregnancy wasn't one that they'd made easily, and they were both suffering for it. She didn't know if she could go through with it herself. But then she thought of having a baby now, of all times, and she didn't know that she couldn't, either. But she was going to have to, because the choice wasn't there anymore. Tina knew she had been very lucky on the morning sickness front, but right now she had the urge to puke all over the Raptor.
Oh gods, she was going to have a baby.
She couldn't even look at Mike right now, because she couldn't bear to see his expression. It was probably confusion, worry, or compassion, but right now, she just couldn't. Instead, she reached on and squeezed the hand Sam offered her, holding on like her life depended on it.
***
She had to face Mike sooner rather than later. When they climbed off the Raptor, neither of them felt like going to the New Directions room. They walked side by side down the corridors, and Tina knew they were headed for the quiet nursery.
"So," Mike said.
"So."
Mike shoved his hands in his pockets. "She was pregnant, wasn't she?"
"She was. Dr. Cottle did a…" the word stuck on her tongue.
"Yeah." Mike whistled through his teeth. "That's got to be tough on her."
"Yeah."
"She was the one Roslin and Porter were fighting over?"
"Yeah." Tina twirled a piece of hair between her fingers.
"Are you okay?" Mike asked, his brow furrowed as he studied her. "I mean, I know it's not cheerful, but you seem really out of it."
"I am," Tina said. She stopped, and Mike stopped, too.
"Tina? What is it?"
He looked so worried about her, so loving. Those damn tears started again, but this time, she couldn't resent them. "I'm pregnant," she said.
"What?" Mike's mouth hung open after he spoke the word.
"I'm pregnant." Her voice was choking up again. "I know I'm on the Pill, but I guess I took it wrong and you have to be careful the first few months and… oh gods, Mike, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"You're pregnant?" Mike repeated.
"I know, and I didn't want to ruin your life with it but-"
"Ruin my life? Mike laughed bitterly. "Tina, my life's been… you're pregnant." He was crying now, too, not sobs but tears just streaking down his face. "The thought crossed my mind but…. You're pregnant."
"I said I was sorry, and I was going to-" Tina began, but she broke off when Mike suddenly fell down to his knees in front of her, arms wrapped around her waist and his face buried in her abdomen.
"Mike?"
He pulled back, and his hand splayed across her belly. "You're pregnant," he repeated again, and this time Tina finally realized there was wonder and happiness in his voice. She stared down at him.
"You're happy about this? You're nuts."
Mike shook his head. "I know. I know it's crazy. But I'm happy."
There were people watching them now, smiling little smiles because Mike's posture left very little to the imagination. "Stand up," Tina said, grabbing his wrist and hauling him to his feet. She pulled him the last few yards to their nursery, unlocked the door, and then pulled him in. "You're joking," she said, once the door was closed behind them.
Mike shook his head. "Don't freak out about this, okay?" he said, catching her hands and sitting down on the table. "It's not like I have a plan or a gun or pills or anything. But have you ever wondered what we're living for?" There was no humor in his face, and Tina didn't like his expression.
"Mike…"
"I'm just saying. We've lost our parents and our families, and we're here working this job we didn't want and there's no end in sight. And Earth… it's not going to happen. Even the President is giving up."
"What?"
Mike shrugged. "Why would she outlaw abortion if there's an entire planet of humans out there?"
"It's a political move," Tina said impatiently. "Anyone can see that." Because the pandering of one politician was a lot less depressing than Earth not being real. Mike shook his head and left the subject.
"Anyway, the thing is, Earth's… I can't hope for it anymore. I want to, but I can't. I can't picture it. I don't even know where to start. But a baby… it's something we can hope for again. Something real. Something good. I'd never thought of it, but when you said it… it was like being hit with light, you know? I'm scared, yeah, but at the same time… it's good."
Tina stared at him, amazed. Good was the last word she'd use to describe this. But even more than the new law, the look on Mike's face told her she'd better get used to it, because this baby was here to stay.
***
"You told him?" Quinn asked incredulously. "And he was happy?"
"Really happy," Tina said. She hugged her pillow closer to her. "He's so excited."
"I told you it would all work out," Quinn said.
"You had no idea he would react like that," Tina said dryly.
Sam leaned forward. "You know, that's great," he said. "But what about what you want? Do you want this baby?"
Tina shrugged. "I don't know. But I've got time to get used to it, I guess." She chewed her lip. "Do you regret it? What you and Rya did?"
"No," Sam said. He very carefully avoided looking at Quinn. "I mean, I regret that we ever had to even make the decision. But it was the right one for us." He looked comfortable with that. "But it's different."
"How?"
Sam shrugged. "You're not Rya and Mike's not me. That's all that needs to be different, don't you think?"
Tina nodded absently. "Mike's right, you know," she said finally. "College isn't happening, and life in the Fleet might suck, but we'll be able to take care of a baby. Probably better than lots of people, given what we do."
"Yeah, but looking after other peoples' kids isn't having your own," Sam said.
"Carole said she didn't want Finn at first," Tina said with a sigh. "But when he showed up, she was excited. I guess I'll get used to it." She smiled. Her smile was forced, but forcing it was getting easier. Mike's happiness made a world of difference, not because it made this all right, but because it removed one of the things Tina had feared the most from this pregnancy. She had so little left to lose- she didn't want to lose Mike because she'd gotten pregnant. Now that she knew that wasn't happening, everything seemed a little easier.
Maybe it would be okay, after all.
***
The pendant was small and simple, set with a microscopic sapphire chip. "Tina," Mike said, draping it across her hand as they sat at the table, "will you marry me?"
Tina stared at the pendant for a long time, and then placed it back in Mike's open hand. "No," she said.
"No?" The intensity of his sad expression was almost comical. "But-"
"Let me finish," Tina said, closing his hand around the pendant. "I don't know if I want to marry you or not. I think I probably do, someday. But right now, I'm pregnant. I don't want to get married because of this baby. I don't want what Sam and Rya have, what Carole and her husband had. You were right, Mike, that we've lost everything to hope for. I don't know how much choice we have anymore in what we want to do with our lives. We certainly aren't going to college. I didn't get to choose to get pregnant, and I don't get to choose what happens to this baby. This is the one time I can choose. And what I choose is to wait until we're sure. I want us to get married because we love each other, not because someone or society says we have to."
Mike nodded. "Okay," he said, and then frowned. "So, should I ask you again?"
Tina grinned. "How about when I'm ready, I'll ask you?"
"It's not fair," Mike complained. "You already know my answer."
"Well, it will just make it that much easier to ask," Tina said lightly. She covered their joined hands with her free hand. "I love you, Mike. I just need to do this on my own time. To be sure I'm doing it for the right reasons."
Mike nodded. "I guess I can't ask for more than that." He leaned across the table and kissed her.
It was way, way too early to feel the baby moving, but Tina was suddenly very aware that the baby was there, inside her, and in less than a year it would be the three of them. The three of them together, and if they were lucky, they'd be a family bound by love, not by obligation. It was more than most people had anymore, and for the first time since she'd found out she was pregnant, Tina felt like she might actually be lucky.
She guided Mike's hand to her stomach and they both smiled.