"So," she spoke nervously, her hands folded neatly onto her nap as she looked at her mother with pleading eyes, "I was thinking about staying home and taking those online classes," she knew her mother would ask her why, and there was no way that she could avoid that question. Therefore, in a matter of seconds, her brain formed some kind of believable lie. "There's just too much temptation. Too many parties, too much alcohol. You know how bad I'm trying to make you and Souta proud," she felt guilty now. "And I really need to focus on studying. I think there's way too many distractions. Or maybe I could take a year off…" She suggested desperately and quickly as if she already knew the answer to her question.
Her mother gave her that look she had wanted to avoid seeing so badly. She looked at her funny. "Something's got to be up. Most kids I know would love freedom. You're lying Kagome, and I want to know what for."
Her brain was immediately searching for another lie. And when she found it, her eyes narrowed at her mother, not too harshly, but enough to make her feel like she was worried. "How are you doing with the bills? How is Souta doing? Mama, I don't know if you're taking care of him or not. And to be honest," or to be kind of honest, "I'm worried about him, I'm worried about you. I know you need my help. And I feel so guilty, being away like this. Let me come home. Souta says that he misses me too, and college is just so stressful."
She could tell that this was hitting her mother hard. Her mouth opened and then closed, and fear took over Kagome for a second. She was drinking again. Why hadn't Souta told her? "Baby…I'm doing fine. Souta's doing fine, too. He misses you, but he's…I think he's happy."
Kagome looked at her softly. She hadn't really expected her words to be true. "You're drinking again, huh?"
She didn't get a reply. Just a facial expression. Her mother looked down into her lap guiltily, and that was all the answer that she needed. Disappointment took over her, and she imagined the horrible feeling as how her mother would feel if she ever found out a baby. "Mama, you promised me you were doing fine. You promised me that Souta was, too."
Her mother looked up at her immediately. "Listen, Kagome Higurashi, you're not the only one that's stressed! I hate to tell you, but your grandfather is dying! You really think I can take another death in this family? Baby, were falling apart and all you can do to help is try to get a good job! You don't know how it feels to be in my shoes! Souta, he's falling apart, too!"
Fear took over her once again and her body froze. She didn't need this right now. She couldn't scream at her mother though. She was mumbling to her shoes now, and her heart was breaking again but it was something that she was use to. Her grandfather was going to leave them soon. The grandfather that had took care of her and Souta, tried his best to help her mother but to no avail. The grandfather that used to read her and Souta to sleep. He was getting old and weak and tired and nothing lasted forever, and people didn't either. "What's wrong with him, Mama?"
She sighed, shaking now, tears falling down her cheeks as she wrapped her arms around herself. No wonder why she'd been drinking. She was falling apart and she was lonely and no one was helping her through all of this. What could Souta do? And what could she do if her family wasn't telling her the things that she desperately needed to hear? Somebody should've told her. Somebody should've told her, because now she was even more stressed, confused. "He's falling apart, too. Just like this family. He's sick, Kagome. Really sick."
She still refused to cry even though now was the time when she needed to. She couldn't cry because she was being selfish. She only wanted to stay home for school because she didn't want to be judged. She didn't want people to look at her like she was something that she wasn't. She didn't want to be called names just because she made one mistake. And here her family was falling apart, her mother struggling to pay bills and drinking again because she didn't have enough money and she drunk her troubles away. And her young brother who didn't need to hear all of this. The only thing he should have to focus on was being happy, but his beloved grandfather was dying and it hurt him so bad that he probably didn't dare to tell her. Is that why he had held her so closely the night before, begging her not to let him go? Did he not tell her because he knew that things were already bad enough with the…condition that she was in?
Without a second thought, she rose to her feet and wrapped her arms around her mother, hoping she could be some kind of aid for her even though she needed that, herself. "Let me help you," she whispered into her ear. "I can get a job again…I can help you with Souta and take him to his soccer games, I can work hard enough to pay all of these bills. I can take gramps to the hospital whenever he needs it, I can put food on the table for us. Mama, I swear I can."
Once again, she couldn't be selfish. She had to be there for her mother, let her know she would always be there for her regardless of what she was going through, regardless of the life that she was going to bring into this world.
As her mother continued to cry silently, wetting her shirt, she knew she couldn't tell her. Not right now.
XXXxxxXXX
He was still walking around with the grim, sullen look on his face and it was impossible that if you looked him in his eyes, you couldn't tell that his heart was broken. He was running out of places to stay and he was running out of places to hide, and now, he didn't know when he was going to have his next meal since he didn't have anywhere to stay.
He didn't really have any friends to stay with, and he'd considered calling Inuyasha or Kagome, but he already knew what they'd say because they were too mad to consider anything. They thought of him now as who he used to be. But he wasn't, and he never would be that person again but it was hard convincing people that that was the truth.
Rain splashed against his scalp, and he found himself happy that it wasn't so cold and that the air around him was still humid and sticky. He felt dizzy when he thought about going back to her and apologizing. But he looked ahead of him and realized that the home he used to stay was so close now, he'd only have to take a few more steps and he'd be at the door, and perhaps he would get down on his knees and beg for her forgiveness, or perhaps he would pull her into his arms and kiss her from missing her so much even if it was without her consent.
He was tired of being angry and having a part of himself hate her for the life that she'd purposely taken away. He was tired of not knowing the reason why and always coming home to another argument, a million disagreements, he was tired of coming home to her ignorance, and he was tired of dealing with his. He didn't know anything anymore, and he remembered it all.
He knew she deserved so much better, and he wished that he could take back every single unnecessary argument.
Flashback;
It wasn't the first time that he'd found himself wishing that here wasn't the place that he had to come home to everyday. It was wrong, sure, but so were the arguments, the name-calling. He let out a sigh as he stepped closer to the door of his home that didn't feel like home. He closed his eyes and held his breath as he stuck the key into the lock on the door, twisting it slowly before pushing the door open.
He found her in her usual spot. She was seated on the couch, a remote in her hand as the television flashed before her eyes. She didn't acknowledge him and he was glad that she didn't. He made his way into the kitchen, glad for once that she hadn't uttered a word. He was still annoyed with her. She couldn't ignore all of their problems to make them go away, and she couldn't sit around watching television all day, hoping that time would solve their problems. Only talking it out would solve everything, but their relationship had gotten so bad that he didn't know if that would work. They could barely talk now. That's how messed up they were.
He stopped breathing when he heard the soft sound of a woman's footsteps. He turned to see her and let out the breath that he didn't really notice he was holding in. No matter how many bad things she said to him, no matter the way she used both hands to hit him, no matter the way she cried, she was still beautiful in his eyes.
For a second, he felt like it would be one of those days where she ran into his arms, kissing the neck and his jaw, telling him how sorry she was while he held her. But he watched her as her eyes narrowed, and he knew that it was another one of those days where they just didn't know each other anymore. Her fists were balled to her side and her mouth opened, and he waited until the sound of her ugly words filled his ears, made him think and scarred his heart forever and more. "What took you so long getting here?" She asked, deathly calm. That was the voice that made him nervous. He could handle her cannonball words and profanities, but he was nearly in agony when she spoke in that dead, calm voice.
"It's work, you know?" he lied. "It's been a busy day…I'm sorry."
Truth is, it hadn't been a busy day at all. When did walking around the park, visiting a few friends and bitching to them count as a busy day? He just couldn't call this place home anymore, and although he'd never tell her, sometimes he felt like he was living with a monster.
"Fucking liar," she retorted angrily. "You've done nothing! You were supposed to be home two hours ago! What was going on? Were you out, fucking another one of your whores?" she laughed cruelly. It was all a mask though, because this wasn't the girl he knew, and it never would be.
"Wouldn't you like to know?" he laughed sarcastically and that was it for her.
She walked closer to him, her angry eyes locked onto his narrowed ones. Her fists collided into his chest, and he almost fell back from the force of them. He steadied himself and tried to push her off of him, but she refused to stop hitting him. His face twisted up into anger, and he was so close to exploding. He was tired of all the disrespect being put into this marriage. It was failing already, and it had only been fourteen months. He couldn't take much, and every hit she gave him hurt physically and mentally and he was slowly breaking down, falling apart.
She was crying now, and that was unusual because she never let anyone see her cry, not even him. She had even refused to cry as the phone dropped to the floor when she heard about what had happened to his father, when she heard that she had lost another parent. At first, she looked like she had fallen to the floor from the force of a harsh slap, but then she got back onto her feet, silently vowing to herself that she'd let nothing happen to her little brother and that she'd protect him from the cruelty of the world.
Sango had been hurt all of her life, he knew that. And he had tried his best to help her, hut she wouldn't let him. He seemed to be a punching bag. He seemed to get the blame for everything and he was tired of that. And now, their relationship seemed to be nothing but ruins. They were so used to having the other around, having the other bitch and complain that they forgot to be polite and quickly became monsters. Talking things out never fucking worked. He was losing all of his energy on trying to work everything out. Maybe it was time to move on, but moving on was a hard thing to do.
For once, he decided that he would face his problems and be the man that he was meant to be. She was tiring, her body slouching and convulsing and her breathing was coming out in huffs and pants. He grabbed her fists and pulled her close to him harshly, not meaning to. She looked up at him then with those sad eyes that seemed to get to him every time.
"What's wrong?" he asked her, his voice cracking. "Baby, please tell me."
She whimpered and looked away, burying her head into his chest. He sighed, knowing that she was a little too weak to tell him now. With all of the strength he could muster, he kissed her on the forehead before gathering her in his arms and carrying her into the small bedroom of their apartment. She lay there, still crying.
He laid himself beside her and shifted himself into a comfortable position before pulling her into his arms. "Even though we never have sex anymore," he began, "even though all we seem to do is fight, I still love you, I still trust you, Sango. You can tell me anything. You can tell me everything."
She was silent for a while, and then she let out a shaky sigh. "Will you still love me if I tell you?" she breathed out.
"Of course," he said calmly, sure that he wasn't lying to himself.
"I was happy," she began. "I was really happy when I found out I was pregnant again," she told him, a broken smile on her face. His heart was racing and his eyes sparked to life and he wondered why she had the melancholy smile on her face instead of the jubilant one that was on his face. "It's gone," and then, she started crying again. "It's gone and I don't know what happened and I'm sorry."
His heart dropped like it did the first time she told him that they'd lost the baby. But he didn't show it. He acted nonchalant, because he knew he had to be strong for not only her, but for himself, too. But still, he wanted a baby so bad. He wanted something that they made out of their love for each other, but it kept dying and it was making them die, their relationship die, too.
He gave a hopeful smile even though he didn't have much hope.
"We'll just keep trying. After all, trying is fun, right?" he was rewarded when she snuggled into him.
"I love you, Miroku."
"And I love you too, no matter what."
End of Flashback;
He would deal with his oppression. He would deal with her no longer being able to love him or trust him because he knew that whatever ounce of love or trust she had for him was gone when he decided to choose a whore over their marriage.
But if you really, really loved someone, you never really moved on, did you?
With just a touch of hope, he careened towards the door of his home that held so many memories, good and bad.
XXXxxxXXX
The park had always been her favorite place to go whenever she needed to think. She should've been happy. Her mother had agreed, telling her that she could go and pick up her stuff later today when classes were over and tell her professors of the news, that she was taking some time, maybe about a year, off to help her family. And she needed to help herself.
But never had she felt so selfish in her whole life.
Of course, she had really meant that she'd get a job despite how stressful that would be, too. She really meant it when she said she was going to help around the shrine, pay the bills, put food on the able, help her grandfather out, and take care of Souta. She'd meant all of that. Every single bit of it. But still, a big part of it was because she needed to stay home too. She needed to take care of herself, take care of this baby, take care of telling the people who needed to know the most. But she found that so incredibly hard, so extremely frustrating. No matter the convincing words Sango and Souta had promised her about Inuyasha's reactions, she knew well that it wasn't true. No one knew him like she did. Maybe she was judging him too quickly, but that was the only Inuyasha she'd ever known.
The weather seemed to suit her mood. She'd ignored the weather forecasts, ignored the people and her mother who said it was likely to be a thunderstorm. The sky was gray, and she felt like she owned it, controlled it, felt like she was the cause of it. She frowned when the first drop of rain landed onto her scalp. Letting out a sigh, she buried her face into her hands like she had been doing a lot lately and decided that she felt like a hurricane, decided that she felt like she was on a road of self-destruction. Since when did the sky, the rain, and thunder know her exact feelings? Was it taking sympathy on her? She sighed again, deciding another thing. Maybe she was losing her mind. The stress she felt was enough to make her lose it completely, see it swimming out somewhere and not daring to rescue it back.
Her mind was swimming and she felt like she was drowning. Drowning in a realm of misery and selfishness, and she knew that this was the only way to feel and she deserved it. Now wasn't the time to try and figure out her feelings and why she loved and missed him so much, why she wanted to stay and talk to him so much. It wasn't the time to feel sad about her grandfather. Now was the time to worry about herself, but it didn't feel right.
Light drops of rain fell down on her, and she looked up and closed her eyes, the rumbling of the sky seeming to match with the sounds her heart was making as she continued to think. She didn't mind the rain splattering across her face. It was nice, she felt like she was coming clean, getting her sanity back. She sighed in contempt, happy that the rain wasn't cold on her skin.
But then, the rain started getting heavier and it snapped her out of her peace. She sighed and stood, although she didn't feel like leaving. She wouldn't be able to leave before it started getting really bad. She didn't need to be sick now, she was already sick enough. Her mood had soured now, and it soured even more when the rain started to get colder. She wrapped her arms around her fragile figure, her bottom row of teeth colliding with the top as she began shivering and wanting to be anywhere rather than where she was.
Her mood soured even more, and she felt herself cursing as a car drove by fast, making the water that had started to make pools on the roads splash on her. She growled to herself and closed her eyes as it hit her, getting her more soaked than she already was. She pushed her soaking wet hair back and opened her eyes to see the car slowing down. And then she realized, it looked familiar.
She froze. She knew that car. She knew those sneakers that were walking towards her fast, steadily. She knew that angry posture, she knew that face that said he was infuriated. She knew those golden eyes, she knew the wrathfulness that swarmed around in them when she annoyed him to no end. But what mattered the most was that she knew that compassion in his eyes as she stood frozen, unable to do anything but stare.
She knew that grip on her arm. She'd felt it so many times before when he tried to stop her from walking away forever. And, she knew that angry voice. "The fuck are you doing out here, Kagome?"
XXXxxxXXX
It was warm in here, and he liked that. It felt like home again, and he liked that, too.
His eyes were betraying him as he watched her walk into the kitchen, her hips swaying and her backside seeming like the most attractive thing that he'd ever seen. He missed his hands on her hips, and he missed the way she felt underneath him. He missed the soft texture of her neck as he kissed it passionately, and the way her long hair sometimes tickled his skin. Most of all, he missed her loving him. He didn't want to be the only one who was still madly in love. He didn't want to be weak in front of her and beg.
She came back with his tea, her eyes scrutinizing his face and he shifted uncomfortably before bringing the hot cup up to his mouth, ignoring the scold it left on his tongue. This would feel okay again, it would feel perfect if she wasn't looking at him like that. "Thank you, Sango."
"Yeah," she said quietly, her eyes falling to the floor and he could tell that she was sad.
He didn't say anything. He was scared to ruin the peace that he felt surrounding them, the silence. He didn't want to fight. He was all out of energy. So he leaned back, trying to make himself comfortable on the couch but failing to do so. Finally, he gave up and sat rigid in his seat, sipping on his tee.
"Are you hungry?" she asked him quite guiltily.
He gave a small smile. "I'm…I'm fine." The gods knew he wasn't.
What he wanted was for things to be fine between them again. He thought of warm food and the scent of the things that Sango used to make and his stomach rumbled in disagreement. He wasn't fine. He was hungry. Hungry for food and definitely hungry for her love, for her lips. Not only was he hungry for her body, too, but for the way she made him feel. He wanted to feel those warm feelings again.
She let out a small chuckle when she heard his stomach and he smiled to himself. He had always loved the sound of her laughing, especially when he was the one who brought that laughter on. "You're not fine," she said and he wished that she knew that he wasn't fine in the other ways, either. "I'm gonna fix you some ramen. I know you haven't had a nice meal in a while."
Why was she being so nice after all that had happened? It made him feel guilty, and he mumbled an okay to her, his eyes betraying him again as they looked down to the low-cut shirt she was wearing. He was hungry for her the most. He wanted her back. His eyes were on her hips again, on her backside again as she made her way into the kitchen once more, and he could hear her rummaging through some things. She could take really good care of him whenever she wanted to. He knew that she felt guilty. It was written all over her face even though she was great at hiding emotions. She couldn't hide this.
And he couldn't hide it either. He wanted it all to be okay again. He couldn't think straight, and he was in a daze and almost didn't notice that he had rose to his feet, and he was slowly making his way over to her.
He felt her jump beneath his fingertips when his hands landed onto her perfectly curved hips. His mouth was on her neck before he could stop it and he heard her whimper in something that he hoped was agony because she needed him just as badly as he needed her. His lips continued to work on her neck, and then, he was sucking on her skin, hoping to leave his mark. Her eyes fluttered shut and her back arched back into his chest, and he smiled to himself. She was giving in. She wasn't fighting him.
She moaned again. She wasn't fighting him at all.
"Baby," he panted into her ear. "I'm sorry."
Her eyes widened for a second, only to flutter shut again when she felt his hands caressing her curves. She realized that she wasn't in for talking. She wanted him, maybe because she hadn't had intimacy for months, but her arousal was so strong and she couldn't deny it. She didn't care if this would make her feel guiltier. Maybe it could help fix things. Maybe they could make it. Maybe she wouldn't have to fill out those divorce papers that waited for her choice. She missed him. She missed his hands and his eyes and his smiles and the way he made her feel. That feelings was nice, possibly the best feeling she'd ever had.
She felt his hands on her hips again, and he turned her around and pressed his body against hers, making her back arch and her chest bump into his even more. Without any warning, he slammed his hips against hers and she cried out. Being pushed against the cabinets was uncomfortable, but she didn't mind. She felt his hands underneath her thighs, lifting her up. She wrapped her legs around him and her hips had their on mind as they repeated his movements, making her head toss back and a loud moan slip from her lips as her eyelids shut tightly. He took this as the opportunity to lean down and kiss her neck again, increasing her pleasure. His hands were still holding her up and it was starting to get difficult, so he sat her down on the cool, granite cabinets.
He took a break to breath. She sat there, her chest moving up and down from her pants. Her eyes were glassy and she was biting her lip, wishing that he knew just how much she really wanted him, just how much she was really sorry. She wanted him to know how the guilt had nearly ate her alive. But then again, she knew that if he forgave her, he was an idiot. She knew how much he had always wanted children. She had seen his eyes when she'd first told him that she was pregnant. She had seen the way they dimmed in seconds and seen the way the smile was wiped from his face when she'd told him that she lost it. She wanted to try again. She wanted to forgive him for what he did, and she wanted to be happy with him because she loved him and she knew that he loved her, too, and they were too young to be this sad.
"I love you," she whispered, and her voice was cracking even though she had forced herself not to cry, promised it to herself. She was usually good at keeping promises but she didn't know if she was strong enough to carry through with the promise she'd made not to cry. He was here. He was here and in her arms and giving her everything that she wished for…love. He was giving her another chance and she was giving him another, too. "I really, really love you. God I do. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry and I want to try…I want to try again."
He almost looked like he didn't believe her, but he did. "And I love you, and I'm sorry, too. Let's try again."
He leaned back in to kiss her neck, but she pushed him away. "What if I'll never be able to have your children, Miroku? I know you've always wanted children and what if I can't give you that?" she looked away. "You'll leave me. You'll find someone who can have your children and I'll be lonely and I'll never be happy. You'll hate me, won't you? You still hate me about what happened. Miroku, I can't do this. I can't."
"Shh," he calmed her down, pushing against her again as if to calm her down. He didn't like the sound of her crying and he didn't like the sight of it either, so he closed his eyes, hoping that everything would be okay. "You're still my wife. When I said until death do us part, I meant it. I meant it to the skies and to the stars and to the moon and back to earth. Sango, I love you. I was mad, but I think I can understand," he said with some difficulty. "You didn't think I loved you. You were uncertain and you were angry and you weren't thinking. But right now, you're forgiving me. And right now, I'm forgiving you, too. We deserve to be happy. We deserve something beautiful and we deserve something we created out of this crazy love. I'll never hate you. You're part of me. If there is a god out there, he wants us to be together," she looked up at him as he spoke his words, and he looked into her eyes and without second thought, he captured her lips with his in something soft, his mouth moving against hers in what he felt most for her. Love. Undeniable, compassionate, irrevocable, mad love. "I love you forever and more." He panted against her.
She whimpered at his words, whimpered at the way he felt against her, and cried, cried happily, because he loved her just as she loved him. He loved her madly, and she found it all to be crazy, but she kissed him back, the saltiness of her tears on her tongue now as she kissed him with everything she felt. Things were okay again.
She wanted him. She wanted to feel everything. She wanted to feel his body join with hers like it did so many months ago and after, she didn't want things to go bad again. Small, simple, irrational arguments she could handle, but she didn't think she could handle the big, complicated, desolating arguments.
She grabbed a fistful of his shirt and pulled him even closer, wrapping her legs tight around his lower waist. He groaned and she cried out from the feel of it, and she realized that she needed to feel more. His tongue thrust in and out of her mouth in what she hoped his arousal would mimic later while he was inside of her. She moaned as she felt his tongue brush against hers, playfully pushing it back, fighting for dominance. But somehow, she always seemed to win.
She yanked off his shirt, a sneaky smile on her face. He smiled, too. Finally, things were okay again.
XXXxxxXXX
"Are you fucking crazy? Don't you know that there's flood watches? It's all over the news! What are you, a fucking idiot?"
For a while, all she could do was stare at him. He was soaking wet, but he wasn't shivering like she was and she knew it was because he was a half demon. Sometimes, she envied them, envied them all for being so strong while she was so weak. His hair seemed to be even longer due to the rain that poured over them, and his jeans were getting damper by the second, and the red shirt he'd decided to wear, since she still knew that red was his favorite color, stuck to his skin. And he was still as beautiful as she remembered with the same ugly attitude.
Her eyes trailed down to the grip he had on her arm. She'd felt his grip so many times. But he was touching her, and even though her jaws were clenched together, trying to keep from shivering, and even though her whole body was wet and now cold from the heavy rain that poured down on them, his touch made her feel warm and she missed him. She felt dizzy, and she tried to break away from him when she realized that all she was doing was standing there like an idiot, but she stumbled and his grip on her tightened and he growled.
"Let me go," she said weakly, and she was shivering again.
He didn't say anything. He looked at her like she was stupid and she couldn't stand that. She tried to break away again because his touch was doing weird things to her that she couldn't take right now, but his grip on her was steady. Just as she was about to open her mouth and will him away and tell him that she was doing fine, he jerked her towards him, into him. He wrapped an arm around her and she couldn't do anything but walk with him. She realized that he was dragging her towards his car. She tried to keep her feet glued to the ground, and he let out a loud, warning growl, so she instantly shut up, almost in tears.
He all but shoved her into his car even though she had given up struggling against him. She was too weak to cuss him, so she sat in his warm car and folded her arms angrily, looking out the window and fighting tears. What if he could smell it on her, smell that she was carrying his pup? What if all the hard work that she'd put into trying to keep him from knowing was all in vain, and what if he found out and things got worse?
He looked angry when he opened the door. He shot her a glance and growled, his mouth twisting up into a snarl. She wrapped her arms around herself and sunk down in the seat, sure she was screwed.
"This is new, huh?" he started, sarcasm in his voice. "This thing about trying to kill yourself when you swore you were sick. You think being out in the cold rain will make that better, Kagome? What were you thinking?"
"What I was thinking was frankly none of your fucking business!" she was starting to lose her control. "You've got some audacity to just grab me and fucking shove me into a car when you knew so god damn well that I didn't want to go! I said I wanted to be away from you!"
She could tell he was angry by the look on his face. It was a look that she'd seen many times before. His mouth was twisted up into a snarl and he was driving faster than usual on the slick roads. Her heart was beating faster and she wished that he would slow down, but she wouldn't show that or tell him about the bad feeling she had that something terrible was going to happen. "You know what?" he growled. "There you go being the childish, immature bitch you always were, Kagome! I don't really give a fuck if you wanted to be away from me…you were fucking sick and you, being the imbecile that you are, didn't fucking realize that a fucking thunderstorm was supposed to be going on, or that rain would only make you sicker!"
She was near tears again. She didn't feel like crying, though. She felt like arguing and she felt like hating him, but even though he was screaming insults and profanities at her, she couldn't bring herself loath him the way that she wanted to. Maybe he had shoved her into the car, gripped her arm so that his claws almost dug into her flesh, screamed and cussed her, calling her stupid and foolish and immature, which she was, but in the midst of it all, the fact that she was next to him in his comfortable car like she had been so many times before was a lot to take on, and she was still getting those same feelings and she was stupid for that, too.
She found herself laughing from the irony of it all, and he was looking at her like she was mad. "What's so fucking funny?" he was still driving fast and all of the roads were still wet with rain and when they hit a bump in the road, the rain would splash up on the windows. She was still laughing, her cheeks and nose turning slightly red from her laughter. "Are you fucking mad or something?"
"I don't know," she gave a silly, sad smile. "It's funny. I tried my best to stay away from you, because I don't think I can stand you anymore. I really meant it when I said I was done. I thought it would be the end and I wouldn't be bothered by you anymore and I thought that for once, I could be really, truly happy, but I guess not. You're always going to show up and be here although I wished you weren't."
He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye. Her words had always gotten the best of him but he wouldn't admit that. He watched as her eyes watered and the salty scent of her tears filled his nose. He knew that he had hurt her. And he knew that yelling at her wouldn't make things better between them, it wouldn't make any sense come into that head of hers that maybe he did miss her. She had claimed to be his best friend. She always had. But if she really was, she should have known that his actions spoke louder than his words. But still, she didn't seem to realize that he cared about her, like really fucking cared and for that, she was an idiot. He didn't want to fight anymore.
When he'd seen her walking out there, her dark hair seeming even darker because it was wet by the rain, and when he had seen her almost in tears and wrapping her arms around her fragile figure, he'd broken down. He couldn't help the way his car slowed and he couldn't help feeling the funny things he felt inside when he had seen her again. And then, he felt angry. He felt angry because she said she was sick and she was only making herself sicker. And he'd been angry when he realized that this time, he couldn't help her because she wouldn't want his help.
"Don't cry. Don't you dare," he told her, but she buried her face into her hands before letting out a loud sigh and pulling back so she could rub her eyes. The scent of her tears, though, was still there. "I'm serious, Kagome."
She was making him feel guilty. He decided that maybe if he would have left her alone, even if that did mean her getting sicker, it would have been for the best. "I hate you," she muttered, hoping he could hear her.
Apparently, he didn't, or either he didn't want to believe what she'd said even though she had said it many times before. "What'd you say?" He demanded harshly.
"I said I hate you!" she broke down. "You shouldn't have even cared if I would've died from being sick, stupid! You don't know anything and you're the one who said I meant nothing! You're the one who didn't want me to stay-"
"I didn't want you to leave! I only let you leave because you were so fucking desperate to, Kagome! And you can't lie to my face and say you weren't! The thought of actually staying with a half-breed must disgust you, huh? Why would you stay, anyway?" he cried out, not even paying attention to the sad fact that she was making him admit things that he wasn't supposed to. "You probably have that wolf from the club to look after, right?" he snarled in disgust, his eyes hard on the road. "I'm not supposed to be wondering what would make you stay and what would make you go!"
"I wasn't desperate to go! When I said I would stay by your side, I meant it," she said sadly remembering the promises that they'd made to each other. "You never cared about my feelings. You never, ever did. All you cared about was the sex-"
He interrupted her by crying out again. "That was all there was supposed to be, Kagome! Sex. Sex whenever we needed it, whenever we really wanted it. Feelings weren't supposed to have any involvement in that. Our friendship was supposed to remain in tact," he calmed his voice down so that it sounded deadly and she felt that scared feeling take over her. "I remember how you taste," he acknowledged. "I remember how you feel, too. I've had you so many fucking times and it wasn't supposed to mean shit you or me. Just pleasure and that's it. What happened?"
She was crying again. "I made a mistake, and you don't deserve to know what the mistake is."
Things were deathly quiet for a while and she could feel him about to explode. "God dammit, Kagome! I'm trying to make this better, I swear I am! I'm trying to figure out what went wrong!"
"Just let it go. Drop it. Forget about it, because my feelings never meant shit to you."
He pressed harder on the gas and his jaws were clenched and she knew she had went past the brink. She didn't want to talk anymore, and she was still crying silently. She angrily wiped the tears away because they weren't worth it anymore. He glanced at her out of the corner of her eye and drove faster, ignoring the speed limit.
"Inu…calm down," she found herself almost wheezing. "…You're going past the speed limit," he ignored her and she sat up. "Inu-"
"Just shut the fuck up and let me drive you home, and then hope that I'll never fucking run into you again or give a fuck about any of this shit anymore!" He growled out loudly, and she shut up, her hands clenching onto the seat. The way he was driving was scaring her.
She wanted to lay a hand on her stomach as if to protect her baby from his words and whatever would happen. She was angry with him and he was angry with her, even though he had no reason to be. He was the one who wanted her to leave. Nothing she did ever seemed to be right.
He was still mumbling under his breath.
"How about you shut up!" she cried out, and his eyes snapped over to hers quickly, only to land back on the road. His face was turning red and she wouldn't care if his demon came out right now. "I didn't do anything wrong to you, and you're getting mad at me!"
"Don't you know how it fucking feels for you to tell me that you hate me after everything that we've been through? You're a fucking idiot, Kagome!"
"If I'm depressed then I'll tell it like it is!" she cried.
"Stop crying like a fucking baby!"
"Do you want the truth?" she asked angrily, at the brink of her emotions. She was so sick of him being the idiot he was and she was sick of taking this abuse when he didn't know anything that was going on.
"Hai!" he cried out and she knew he was at the brink, too, and she was tired of fighting with him and she wanted it to all be over.
"I never wanted to have a child, knowing that the father wouldn't love him or her, and knowing that he wouldn't love the mother, either!"
With his driving still out of control and his heart beating even faster, his body went rigid and no sound was heard except for the beating of his heart, and she was looking at him expectantly. But still, he couldn't give her an answer and he couldn't breathe. He was too busy looking at her, spacing out and not being able to breathe properly, that his eyes weren't even on the road, and he barely heard her cuss or tell him to watch out.
He didn't even have the time to focus on the road again. The only sound he could hear was the beating of his heart and then the collision of his car hitting another, of the screech it made when it slid. He thought about her and he thought about the life she was carrying. It only took seconds before she passed out. Those seconds must have been awful as her heart nearly burst and her lungs almost collapsed and the only thing in her head was a horrible panic. Panic of losing her life, and their child's life, too.
She was bleeding. He could smell that, and he could see it, too. She had a cut down the side of her face and she sat there limply. His vision was starting to go out and he could've cried because it was all his fault.
"Kagome."
In a matter of seconds, his vision went out and all the screaming and the sound of his heart beating he heard in his sensitive ears did began to fade out. Before he knew it, his world went black.
A/N: I haven't updated in a while, I know. I got in big trouble and I needed some time to think to myself. I've been stressed and it's been hard to write.
This chapter didn't really go the way I wanted it to. I really tried, but I just wanted to hurry up and update so I could get started on the next chapter. Gosh, you guys, thanks for all the reviews! I'm so close to a hundred reviews, so thanks a lot for that, and the things you guys say means a lot to me! I promise, I'll try to make the next chapter better than this one!