Suddenly, she was regretting the fact that she was home. Now it was time for heart-to-heart talks with her mother, the talks that made her extremely nervous, the talks that she definitely wasn't fond of.

It was early. 6:00am, to be exact. It was Saturday and Souta was still sleep, her grandfather, too. Her mother had walked up the stairs herself, interrupting her peaceful sleep and dreams by shaking her until she was awake. She remembered the feeling she got when her mother told her that they needed to talk, that serious look on her face. It wasn't a genuine smile gracing her lips, it was a worried frown that made her mother look much older than she was. And it left her so scared and worried about the things that her mother was going to say.

She was pouring herself a cup of coffee now, and Kagome was sitting at the kitchen table, feeling tired and groggy, and the morning sickness was still there. The fact that she was so jittery and nervous only added to the nausea, it seemed. Her mother wasn't smiling brightly. There was a stoic expression on her face.

"Do you want breakfast, sweetie?" her mother asked her, but her voice wasn't cheerful like it usually was.

The thought of breakfast made her dizzy, and she really didn't want to end up sick in front of her mother. "No thanks, Mama."

Her mother turned to face her, giving her a stern look. "You've got to eat something, no matter how bad the morning sickness is. I want my grandchild healthy."

Kagome wanted to crack a smile, but the look on her mother's face was restraining her from doing so. So instead, she said, "You wanted to talk, right?" She wanted to get this over with, even if she wasn't ready.

"Yes, I did," her mother said as she sat down, placing her cup of piping hot coffee in front of her. Still, she wasn't bothering to smile. The same stoic expression was still there, the expression not changing once. Kagome decided she didn't want to smile, either. She was too nervous and she didn't know what her mother was going to say and that scared her.

"About what?" Kagome ventured light-heartedly.

Her mother looked up at her then, her face completely serious, her eyes telling her daughter that now was not the time for laughs. "I don't want my grandchild growing up without a father, Kagome."

Kagome wanted to laugh. But then again, for some reason, she wanted to cry from the reality of it all. The chances of her baby growing up without a father right now weren't small¾they were actually huge, and the thought of that bothered her every second. She wished that her mother would have brought up something, brought up anything besides this. "Mama," she managed. "…Tell that to Inuyasha. I'm not the once who decides if he stays or not¾"

Her mother caught her off, her voice frustrated. "You can try, Kagome."

"I am, mother," Kagome replied, wanting to bury her face into her pillow and run away from it all.

"You're not trying. I know you, and I know that it will kill you if you find out that he doesn't want the baby. I'm no idiot, and I know you well enough to know whether you're trying or not. Honestly, I don't know how the hell this happened. I don't know how the hell I didn't realize that you and Inuyasha were having sex," Kagome cringed as she realized how fast this conversation with her mother was going to hell, "but that doesn't matter. I'm not just blaming you. I'm blaming him, too. Maybe it means something if you two have feelings for each other. Maybe it means a lot. But what shouldn't mean anything is the past. Forgive him for the things that he's said. God knows that he's merely a man, Kagome. And men, they don't think. This is the present. You two have got to make things right. If not for anyone else, at least make things right for the baby. Just talk to him."

She was becoming frustrated. People always seemed to think that they knew whatever she was feeling, but no one did. "Mama, he didn't even call when he said he would."

"Another mistake. But what about you, Kagome? What about when I overheard you say that you hate him? And what about when you wouldn't even believe him in the hospital? He's not perfect. And you're nowhere near, Kagome."

She sighed, and ended up burying her face into her hands, all of these accusations making her feel even sick. She took a deep breath before looking up at her mother with a pleading look in her eyes. "Can we please…can you just please not do this to me right now?"

Right about now, her mother was getting snappy. "I thought you were brave enough to handle the truth. Grow up, Kagome. I'm telling you now, grow up."

"That's what I've been doing!" Kagome raised her voice in disbelief. In the past, before everything had happened, she had never raised her voice at her mother, and she had never looked at her mother like she had betrayed her. She noticed how rapidly everything was changing. "What else do you think I've been doing, Mama? What were you thinking when I gave him all of those chances, only to be crushed in the end? Did you like seeing me that way? Do you want Inuyasha to keep hurting me like he does? It's not fair to me, and whenever the baby comes, it won't be fair to him or her, either."

"I told you a million times that when I got pregnant with you, and your father knew, it wasn't heaven," Kira was speaking a bit more calmly now. "Did I ever tell you that we split? Our relationship wasn't like you and Inuyasha's, it was a lot less complicated. But still, that's no excuse," her mother took a deep breath before continuing on to tell the story to her daughter. "Anyway, I was two months when I found out. Me and your dad¾we were actually happy. Things started to get complicated and we were arguing, wondering how we'd make it because we had to take care of you too, now. It wasn't just about us anymore. He left for a month and I was hurt. And then I knew that it was time to come to terms that I couldn't do this by myself, and that I made mistakes, too, just like your father. I had the pleasure of growing up with a father to take care of me, and I knew how amazing that was. I barely knew my mother before she died. And I realize how empty a child can feel when they don't have a mother or father there for them. Your father's father left him and his mother, and because of that, your father didn't grow up all that strong. He had to learn, he had to struggle. My grandchild doesn't deserve that."

She crossed her arms and huffed, acting like the child she still was, but didn't want to be. "Mama, your grandchild doesn't deserve to grow up with his parents arguing in front of him, either. He or she doesn't deserve to worry about his parents getting a divorce."

"Maybe if you'd actually try, things could work out. Even if you two don't get together, at least give him some sort of right to the child. After all, you weren't the only one that made my grandchild. It takes two¾so it wouldn't be fair for Inuyasha to be left out, Kagome."

"Don't say his name," Kagome snapped. "I'll try, Mama. Not for you, not for me, but for this kid. But if it gets to the point where I can't stand him, and if he does something stupid on purpose, he won't be forgiven, and I'll be on my own¾and I'll be happy."

Her mother finally smiled at the tiniest bit of faith. Kagome stood to her feet and began walking away to get her mother to leave her alone, but her mother interrupted her, slight amusement in her voice. "By the way, you were wrong. He did call last night."

"It doesn't matter," Kagome answered. "I'm sure I'll be seeing him soon enough."

Just as she was about to turn away again, her mother spoke up and Kagome let out a frustrated sigh. "Actually, he was convinced that you'd be angry with him for not calling you soon enough. He was right. But he told me that he was busy and he'd lost track of time. I told him that he should come over today, pick you up and take you out to eat since you obviously aren't eating enough and so that you two can talk."

Kagome stiffened, and turned around to face her mother. "Now, Mama? Why?"

"Because the sooner, the better."

Kagome was feeling snappy again. "That's too soon."

Her mother sighed. "Do you want him to prove his self or not?"

"Of course I do," she answered seriously. "I want him to prove to me that he's ready to be a father more than anything in the world. But what I don't want is for him to push me away again, tell me that he doesn't need me and crush me again, and then crush our child by not being in his life."

"But you don't know what he's going to do for sure. But I know Inuyasha well enough to know that's not the kind of man he is, and you should, too. Are you really this scared, Kagome?"

"Scared? What am I supposed to be scared of, Mama?"

"Don't act like that, Kagome. There's no use in hiding it, because I can see it in your eyes, all over your face, and I know that Inuyasha does too."

No matter how sick she felt, no matter how tired she was, she felt anger keeping her here in the kitchen, keeping her firing back at all her mother's questions. "How should I feel?"

"I'm not blaming you for feeling scared. Maybe that's how you're supposed to feel. But you've got to face your fears sooner or later for the baby, Kagome." Mrs. Higurashi said, still serious as ever.

For a while, Kagome stood there and looked at her. "Are you disappointed in me, Mama? To the point where you've lost at least a little bit of love for me?"

To her surprise, her mother cracked a smile. And then, she laughed. "I'm mad. I'm angry. I'm disappointed, too. Mostly for all the lying you've done for all these years. All the times you said you were staying over Sango's, all the times you said that he was just your best friend and nothing more, when you told me you wanted to quit college for other, untrue reasons, but the lie that hurt the most…" she trailed off before starting up again, and Kagome winced because she could tell her mother's voice was getting uneven, breaking, just like her heart. "The lie that hurt the most was when you told me you were only sick," her mother finally finished, taking a deep breath that was certainly need. "Because that lie…it lead to me almost losing you. But losing love for you? I could never do that, Kagome."

XXXxxxXXX

She was upset again, because of the things her mother had said.

But there was absolutely no reason to be feeling upset when she had been listening to her mother say nothing but the truth. It was true. Her mother could have lost her. She could have lost the child that kept her from falling apart, her first child, the one that brought so much joy for her father and mother. The daughter who had taken care of her when she began drinking, the one that always held her tight and whispered encouragements in her ear, encouragements of being strong for her and Souta.

Her mother once told her that things weren't as bad as they were when you woke up from a much needed sleep. After her mother had finished talking to her, she went back to bed. She had slept until 4:00pm. She was awake now, and she was remembering all of the things that her mother had told her. It still hurt like hell.

And worst of all, he would be here soon.

Where they were going, she didn't know. All she knew was that she had to take a stand for herself, take a stand for her baby. All she knew was that she couldn't keep running away, and he couldn't either. He would have to come back one day. But what if her mother was wrong? And her mother was counting on her to make things better. What if she failed her? She couldn't tell herself not to worry. This was a chance for her child's happiness, and her child came before her. And he or she would, every single time.

When she was finished with her shower, her eyes started betraying her. She was looking at her stomach and she wasn't meaning to. Unconsciously, her hands found her stomach and they rested on the small bump that was beginning to protrude out, making her lose her usually flat stomach. Her body…it was changing. Her breasts had gotten bigger, more sensitive. Her temperature was higher. She was tired all of the time. Hungry, too. But really, she didn't mind the baby making small changes like this. She loved him or her, and it was another reason to come to terms that all of this was indeed real.

She still worried about Inuyasha, still worried about the money her family needed, and worried to death that her grandfather may not be able to see his great grandchild.

And sometimes, it felt like this baby was all she had left.

XXXxxxXXX

Things were going to hell very quickly.

It all started when he walked through the door. When Souta ran up to him, bumping his fist with his and laughing, and shooting her an encouraging look that Inuyasha had definitely caught on to, she wanted to cry. And then, when her jii-chan came barging into all of it, giving Inuyasha some lecture while he looked guiltily down at the floor. And then, the worst came when her mother started rambling, saying things that would only hurt Kagome in the end, and being way too friendly to Inuyasha.

She had all but shoved them out of the front door, giving Kagome the same look that Souta had given her.

Right now, she was sure that her face was a bright red, but it didn't matter. Inuyasha didn't say anything as she walked past him, opened up the car door and hopped in. She didn't know why, but she wanted to feel angry. But then, she wanted to just allow herself to forget all the mistakes he had made and listen to her mother's desperate voice for once. Sometimes, she wished that she wasn't such a stubborn person like her father.

"So, where do you want to go?" he asked as he gently closed the car door, his eyes on her.

Things weren't even supposed to be like this. At least in her mind, they weren't. It was supposed to be simple. They were supposed to take baby steps. Maybe he could've just stayed for dinner, and then, they could have talked a bit, not too seriously, while she watched him play games with Souta as he usually did. Her mother had been the one to ask him if he was taking her out. He stuttered for a second, his eyes squinting as he tried to think of something to say. But before he could have said the answer that would have saved them both from the bullshit of awkwardness, her mother all but pushed her out of the door, telling her that whatever time she would be due home would be fine with her.

She knew her mother wanted to fix things with them for the sake of their grandchild. But Kagome wanted to take baby steps, and she wasn't ready to put her whole heart and trust into him again, because if all failed, the pain would be too much to deal with again. Her mother couldn't see that, and that might have been one of the reasons she felt like the baby was all she had.

She didn't want arguing. But then again, she didn't want talking and laughing like the old times, either. She wanted peace. "Go wherever," she told him. "It really doesn't matter to me."

He shot her a look that told her that she had better not be trying to start any arguments. Her eyes said that she wasn't, and he surprisingly picked up on that.

Giving up on looking for a nice restraunt that wouldn't cost too much, he ended up taking her to a burger joint, through the driveway.

She let him order for her, and he still knew all of the things that she liked the most from this place.

Small fries, a bacon cheeseburger without any pickles, and a vanilla milkshake.

The title 'morning sickness' was bullshit. She knew that now. It was all day sickness. Her mouth was watering at the sight of the food, but she took it slow. Only taking small bites of her food and little sips of her milkshake. He was French friends into his mouth, and she giggled. It was feeling like old times again, and she didn't want that, but she was afraid that maybe she couldn't help it.

By the times he was finished, and she had given up, sort of terrified of getting sick all of a saddened, he opened his mouth to speak. It wasn't awkward before when they sat in silence eating, and surprisingly, it wasn't awkward now as he spoke.

They knew each other so well.

"Is that really all you're eating?" he asked her, gold eyes burning into hers.

She smiled a little. "If only you knew what it was like to be pregnant, you wouldn't finish the rest of this food, either."

His eyes flashed down to her stomach, and she felt uncomfortable. She felt like he was judging her, just as everybody else did who took one look at her. But still, she smiled a little and realized that she didn't want to feel uncomfortable in front of him. She wanted to be at peace with him for the sake of her child, even if her and Inuyasha would never end up together.

He studied her stomach for a bit before he looked into her eyes again. She couldn't decipher the emotions in his eyes, but she knew that they were sparkling more than they did before now. "You know, you're gonna get bigger¾like¾a lot bigger," he told her, and she rolled her eyes and let out a laugh.

"Of course I am," she told him.

"No, Kagome," he explained. "I mean, maybe to the point where it'll look surreal. At least I think so. That's what happened with my mom. You know this baby is half demon, right? It's not like most babies. They're more powerful. They're stronger, healthier," he said with some kind of pride in his voice that kind of made her smile and forget about all of the bullshit between them. "At least, that's what mom always told me."

She looked away from his gaze. "I'm not worried about it. As long as he or she gets here safe and healthy, it won't matter. It doesn't even matter how fat I may get, or if I'm bedridden by the time it's all finished."

He let out a chuckle, and didn't say anything back.

And when the awkwardness came, it was so unexpected. They weren't digging into their food anymore, and she didn't know what to say because everything was constantly changing. Nothing was stable anymore. It was all volatile, and it wasn't something she was used to. She wasn't used to this, and he wasn't either. And she wished that she knew what exactly was going on inside of his head.

So she decided she was going to ask.

"What do you think of all this? About the baby, I mean?" she asked him, badly wanting an answer.

He didn't seem to be himself. This was a calmer him, one with apologetic eyes, one that was trying to work things out for once instead of destroying them. Words were dangerous. You had to use them right. That was his case. On her case, she couldn't break down anymore. She couldn't show him that this was her weakness. She couldn't depend on her tears, or her depression that seemed to steal her identity and completely change her, to make things any better. She decided then that no matter how bad the situation was, she wouldn't turn to tears.

She had to steady herself, learn how to get stronger, not weaker.

She was still looking at him expectantly. She wanted to forgive him so badly. He looked like he was hard concentrating on his words by the way his brows furrowed and how he averted his eyes from hers, but when he opened his mouth, his words sounded like honey. They held honesty, truth. "I'm sorry," he blurted out, not really answering her question. "I ain't really good at things like this, you know," he growled a little, looking at her. "but I'm sorry. That crash…I could've lost you. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to save you. And then, I smelled her on you. I felt stupid and miserable and hopeless."

She knew him long enough to know that he definitely wasn't great at apologies, but this was his own way of saying that he really was sorry. And she believed him, but she wouldn't cry. She refused to, no matter how broken he had caused her voice to sound. "I know," she whispered. She really didn't have much to say. She wasn't used to this and it was different, because finally, he was saying something that held power and truth. It scared her. "I don't blame you."

He was too much of a man to cry in front of her. He was close, but still, he felt so far away from her and that wasn't what he wanted. He had had so many things to say, so many things he'd told himself he would say to her, so many things that he had practiced and played out to ensure himself that he wouldn't fuck things up once again, but now, he was at a standstill. The feelings that she caused him to have still scared him. The feelings he had now scared him. And the intensified feelings, maybe because of the fact that she was carrying his child, scared the fuck out of him.

The way her mouth opened when she was about to speak scared him. The truth of her voice, the honesty in it, the way it went from broken and raspy to delighted and playful in a matter of seconds scared him. The look in her eyes. Her silence. Her words were everything to him. He didn't want her silence. He wanted her forgiveness and her understanding.

There was silence and he could tell that she was over thinking his words, analyzing them, judging them, and trying her best not to get hurt by them once more. She was a fighter. He smelled her confusion and her interest, and her eyebrows furrowed and her face kind of scrunched up, and suddenly, he had some inane fear that she'd found some kind of fuck up that he didn't know about in his words. "…What do you mean…she?" Kagome asked him, intrigued.

He chuckled. "That's how I imagine it. I want a girl."

More silence on her part. "Does that…does that really mean that you want this baby?" she asked him, wanting an honest answer so bad.

"What else could I want, Kagome? I know none of this was planned, and I definitely know it's not the best time, but I'm not leaving my baby. I'll tell you that until you believe it. He or she doesn't deserve to grow up like I did."

Like she'd said before, she didn't know for sure if she could trust him. But she wanted to and it seemed like the right thing to do. The look on his face spelled it out that he was serious about this, serious about her, serious about this baby. She gathered herself and when she looked at him again, her brown on his gold, a smile was on her face. "I think want a boy, and sometimes, I wish I would have a girl, but I know I want a boy more," she said to him. "I don't want to call this baby 'it', because it's not that."

Truth be told, the baby was nowhere near an 'it'. This baby wasn't the product of alcohol. It was something much more, something much more real. He was the result of love, of feelings. He was the product of passion. Even if that love was only one sided, it was something.

"What's the baby to you?" she asked him, again, wanting an honest answer.

He paused for a while, a playful smirk on his face, and she was falling in love all over again whether she knew it or not. Their faces were close and it was getting dark, and what had seemed to be awkward, was now something that was completely natural, and it was a moment that she wished wouldn't have to end. But wasn't this what life was all about? Great moments ending? Being so in love from before, falling out, only to fall all over again? She didn't want this to be one of life's tricks. She wanted every word that he was saying to be real. "To me…? She's," he started enthusiastically, only to lose it. "I don't know, I guess she's like…just…life. This is what really happens. And I guess that it happens for a reason. Baby girl or baby boy, they'll have a reason in this world; I can feel it."

His words were utterly vague and instantly they caused confusion in her mind. The emotion took over her face, and she heard him chuckle. "What do you mean?"

"There's got to be a reason why the man up there, who controls everything and most likely laughs at his own creation's stupidity, decided to give you a baby and make it mine, Kagome. Maybe it's time for us to grow up, even though that idea scares the shit out of me. And maybe he's giving us the chance to be good parents so our child will grow up without feeling like I did when I was young, or how you did when it came to your mom and her…problems."

Even though things were getting private and personal real quick, and even though he was bringing up things that he didn't have the right to, she still couldn't be mad at him anymore. And maybe not at all after tonight.

"I'll love him, always. I'll catch him when he falls. For the rest of my life, I'm going to be his mother, and you're going to be his father. It seems so unreal when it's actually happening to you. You're not talking to other people about it, you're not gossiping about it, and you're not judging yourself because you know exactly how your baby came to be. Everything's changing, and it's always changing. But I'm happy," she said with a smile on her face. "I know who I am, and I know my baby's not something to be ashamed of."

"Why do you say that?" he asked quietly, but thoughtfully, so she would know that he wasn't trying to say that she should be ashamed.

"I was ashamed at first," she admitted. "And I guess I was so ashamed because soon I knew I would have a bump, and I knew that I would have to go somewhere and the baggy shirts and sweatpants wouldn't be enough to hide him. But I think that he's a gift now. And I feel like there's really something wonderful inside of me, and I can't wait until I really know him and his attitude, until I know what he's like. And I know my body's changing and my life is too, and me, myself is changing, but I think that's something wonderful, too. I'm learning about life, and I'm learning about myself. And soon, I'll be known about my baby boy¾or girl. It doesn't matter which. Either is a gift."

She had tried not to make this like their old times, but it was. She was comfortable, and her stomach didn't feel as huge and she didn't feel as sad. She felt alive and he was her best friend again, and maybe a lot more than that, and someone she told everything to. It was nice. She was filled with love. With hope, and joy.

"I'm not ashamed. At least we're trying, right?" he tried to smile, but it faltered.

"What…what's wrong?" she had taken notice.

"What're we gonna do?" he asked seriously. He sounded like a scared child who couldn't find his mother, and she let out a deep sigh. "What's she gonna think when she grows up? What if we fuck up and we can't be there for her, just 'cause we've got our own issues? What's she gonna think, Kagome? What's she gonna do if she grows up angry just because we couldn't stick it out and we failed and fucked our lives and our kid's life up, too?"

"Well, you care about him, right?" Kagome asked quietly.

"Why the hell would I have a reason not to?" he spat back, and she sighed as she realized that he had gone back to his old self. "Of course I care about her," he emphasized the 'her', and Kagome growled lightly at him. It was like he got so worried that he was going to fuck up, that he ended up fucking everything up by himself.

"You care about him, and I care about him," Kagome concluded. "That means all that we can do is try. We don't have to be together. I don't want to be together. I just want my baby boy to have a father who's there."

IMPORTANT A/N. PLEASE READ:

Okay, it's short. Fucking sue me. I've been brain dead lately. I don't know. I think I want to just quit for a while because I feel like this whole story is going up in flames. I really don't want to give up, but everyday I wake up, I'm like 'shit, I've got to finish that damn chapter. I can't wait until that story is finished,' and that's not the way it's supposed to be.

Writing's starting to feel more like a chore, and basically, it's not supposed to feel that way. It's supposed to be something enjoyable, not something that you don't look forward to. And I really don't know why I'm feeling like this. Maybe I've just got the blues, or maybe I'm just growing up. I feel like for now, I need to get my life back on track and try to figure myself out, but then again, writing was the thing that helped me figure myself out!

I'm only good at writing about pain, because I feel like people should be able to relate to that. I feel like people can read my stories and really understand and feel the emotions that my characters feel. I wanted my writing to be some kind of reminder that with whatever you're going through, you're not alone. I still want to share my stories, but I seriously don't know about this one. People just don't get it. I try to emphasize that Kagome loves and misses him, and it's like they think he deserves hell for something he had no control over, and just because he's confused by and scared of his feelings. They just Don't. Get. It.

I had all these story ideas for this summer, but my brain isn't working the way it's supposed to. My words are just losing their depth, and I feel as if I'm losing my characterizations for this story because the main character is pregnant, and the father doesn't know how to deal with that. It's like I just can't give them the personalities that I want to anymore, and that absolutely kills me. It's hard to focus, too. I've been going through a hard time lately. It's about first love, first heartbreak, making the wrong decisions, and learning how to be strong and depend on myself. And it's like when I'm thinking of all of that shit, I can't focus or get that depth in my writing that I'm desperately longing for.

I know I've probably lost all my reviewers because I haven't been updating and this story has gotten pretty shitty. I can't even stand to look through the chapters. It's like I was a child while writing this, and I'm so much more mature than that.

But please, if there is at least one reviewer, please give me your opinion and if you believe I should quit or not. I'm so tempted. And also, I've heard this thing where FF going around deleting fictions with sexual themes and violence and shit? I think that's stupid.

I honestly don't know when I'll update again, it's extremely hard to say. It could be within a week, a month, or it could be years. I don't want to give up, but I just don't really know what to do. I've got this one story idea, it's going to be called Insecure, and even that's going to hell. So I don't know, I guess I just need some inspiration.

I hope with all of my heart that I can somehow grasp this seemingly intangible inspiration that I've been missing, cause God knows I don't wanna give up. I'll try my best. Goodbye.