He growled.
It had seemed like such a long time since he'd found himself sleeping on this cold mattress. Actually, it wasn't that long. Those times when they used to fight constantly, he'd never admit it to himself, but it would hurt like hell, possibly because she was not there, possibly because without her, he just felt…cold.
That's how he felt now. He growled again, wondering how he had survived in this apartment. She was his lifeline. He depended on her, and when he started thinking just a bit too much, one smile from her brightened his whole day, made him weak in the knees, made him melt a little. He hated admitting that, and he hated thinking about it, but he couldn't deny it.
At first, she scared the shit out of him. The things she was able to make him do…the way he longed to be near her. So he tried to keep her at distance as much as possible so he wouldn't miss her. Damn sneaky wench had crossed all borderlines and made everything impossible, except for chemistry and definitely love. He laughed to himself, realizing that the clumsy, completely imperfect, innocent little Kagome Higurashi was the first girl- or woman, he should say- he had come to love. The thought made him smile.
She wasn't his mate, or at least, she wasn't yet. He knew he was pitiful, though, because whenever he thought of what his father said, his heart thudded unevenly inside his chest and he got this horrible- yet wonderful- feeling in his stomach. He had her acceptance. And he had most definitely not forgot the night when she had told him she loved him. How could he?
But tonight, he didn't want to think of that. He couldn't wait to see her again, and he hoped that she knew this was for her own good. For his own good. Somehow, she'd surely make him admit the truth, and right now, it would be too stressful. It would be soon, though. But he wasn't thinking of that, either. He was imagining his hand on her bulging stomach, feeling his kid's power. Or maybe, his hand on her heart as he felt the beat of it, sat awake in wide admiration and amazement of her power. Not just physically, but emotionally.
He quivered when he felt her heart beat. It possessed power, strength. It wasn't magical, but it was certainly real. She had power to go on, he knew that even if his hand wasn't on his heart, because God knows how many scars he'd left her with. He liked to think of them as battle wounds. She had the power to endure, she had power to teach, to love, to create and bring light to other's lives. Mostly, she had the power to amaze him.
He felt like nothing. She was everything. So once again, he imagined feeling all the things she made him feel. He stared into the darkness of his room and hoped that this feeling that he felt, this feeling that was keeping them connected, wasn't eating her alive.
He needed her.
XXXxxxXXX
She laughed often, so she supposed that she was going to be just fine, with or without him.
Dare she say it, she knew that Sesshomaru liked to think of women and humans as silly things. He saw them as vain, he saw them as toy-things. She wondered how in the hell she'd fell for an emotionless man. At least, she saw him that way. He saw her as someone who was completely open to ridicule. He saw her as a toy, something he'd be able to throw away in the end.
She smiled softly.
Love hurt, but she continued on with her day, keeping a smile on her face. She saw the rain a lot, and because of that, she liked to think of herself as strong - even though she knew Sesshomaru would deny that. She was just glad that no matter what happened, she'd be able to smile again. A lot of people didn't know how to do that, so she considered herself lucky.
Books were her friends, and she believed that music connected everyone and everything, she believed that it was something that made people feel, made them relate. And feeling and relating - she thought of them as two important, compulsory things. Every book she read made her have her own conscience, her own outlook on the dirt her feet rested upon.
She believed, and she believed that she'd never stop hoping.
She took a sip of her coffee again, only to realize it had gone cold.
Sitting at the table in front of her, there was a man who'd let his coffee go cold, too. And at the table beside of her, there was a woman and a man sipping on their morning coffee, also, smiling like they meant it. And somewhere, some kid was growing up in the orphanage where she grew up. Somewhere, a teenager was driving recklessly, getting away from it all like she used to do when she was nineteen and mad at the world. And somewhere, she knew that Sesshomaru was thinking about her just as much as she was thinking about him.
She took all of this in, a clever smirk on her face. And she decided that she would definitely keep a smile on her face, because if she did, she was lucky.
Always the optimist. There was no other way.
XXXxxxXXX
He had broken into a sweat, his face twisted up into a snarl. Adrenaline rushed through him and he declared that it was the sweetest thing he'd ever known. And just looking at the youkai pissed him the fuck off, but he wouldn't push away his anger. He took comfort in it. He enjoyed it. Relished in the fucking bitter emotion.
He lunged at his half brother, scoffing and mad and hot as fuck. He had a look of aversion on his face, and his punches were vehement, his fists oscillating as they collided with his brother's hard stomach. And even though he couldn't see it, he could feel his brother smirking. And he hated him. He hated this. He hated his fucking life, damn it.
He hated Sesshomaru and Inu no Taisho almost more than he hated himself. He hated them for just up and tearing him away from Kagome and his kid, the only people he knew how to fight for. He hated his brother for spitting in his face, torturing him for what he could not change, and that was being a half-breed. He hated Inu no Taisho for even believing Naraku, he hated him for wanting to meet Kagome, hated him for leaving him defenseless with a half-brother who didn't give a shit about him.
Such a sadist his half-brother was. Such a venal, acerbic person he was. Such a conundrum he'd caused him all of his life. This was his stupid, godforsaken, no good brother. But still, he'd fed him when Izayoi died, watched after him when Inu no Taisho left.
Still, all coherent thoughts went out the window as he tried his best to fuck his brother up, show him the pain he'd caused him. Show him the pain he was causing Kagome. And he could practically feel all she felt, even though they weren't mated, even though she didn't know he loved her. Maybe it was because of his kid. Maybe it was because of the power that she was so unaware of it. He wasn't sure, as usual. He wasn't sure about anything anymore.
But still, this was his own volition. He didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be training. He just wanted to know she was safe. But in order to keep her safe, he had to make himself stronger. Not for him, but for her. And he just hoped that she'd still love him when the weak was up.
He knew that her and his pup didn't belong here right now. So when he thought about how Kagome was feeling, his vehement assaults that he forced upon his brother lightened up, and that received him a punch in the gut.
He fell to the hard ground, howling at the pain that the hit inflicted. He growled, looking up at his brother's gleaming eyes and clever smirk. He looked in hate, and he looked in admiration, wishing he was the stronger one. And in that moment, all he knew was complete and total oblivion.
His fists collided with Sesshomaru's face, and he quickly lunged into him, throwing them both to the ground. He heard a crack, and he hoped it was Sesshomaru's head. He hoped that he had fucked his mind up even more. He hoped that the bastard's head would fall off, but unfortunately, there was no such luck. So he continued to let his fists collide with that precious face that his father adored so much.
"Enough," came his father's brief voice, and even though he didn't want to, he broke away from his brother and quickly stood to his feet. Sesshomaru chuckled and stood, too.
"Just not good enough, half breed. Never good enough." Sesshomaru spoke, panting and hoping that the half-breed would be seeing red soon. "Is that all that you can do, Inuyasha? Will that be the only thing you'll be able to do when Naraku happily takes the life of that worthless human girl, your pup, too? Is that the only thing you'll be able to do?"
Inu no Taisho didn't bother stopping his youngest son as he ran forward, clawing at the elder's face.
And Inuyasha was seeing fire. The smell of blood shed and war became something so addictive in that one moment of enmity between him and the bastard. He let himself go as he let those horrible images fill his mind.
Inu no Taisho was sure that anyone would have heard the growling, and the howling. They would assume murder. And maybe in the end, murder is exactly what this would be.
XXXxxxXXX
Sango had a smile on her face, Miroku's hand in hers, as they walked up to the shrine door. He'd kept his promise, and she couldn't thank him enough for that.
The smile was wiped off her face, however, by the sudden strange feeling that crept up her spine. Miroku seemed to since this, too, and hesitantly, he knocked on the door only for it to push open too easily.
Miroku's grip tightened on her arm, but instincts got the best of her as she ran forward into the darkness of the living room. And she remembered calling out Kagome's name and she remembered Miroku trying to hold her back, calm her down. But still, there was some sort of aura in this fucking place that made her feel like she'd never smile again. Still, she let her ears guide her.
In the kitchen was where Kagome stood, paying no attention to her presence as she continued to steadily chop vegetables on the cutting board, probably for dinner. But Inuyasha wasn't there and still, there was a strong aura emanating off her, making Sango frown, making her hesitant to move forward.
"Kagome?" she asked her friend incredulously, the frown still on her face. Miroku was looking at her questionably, and he tried to grab her arms, hold her back. Sango looked at him, shaking her head. Miroku's hand went limp and so she continued on forward.
"Kagome?" she tried again, placing a hand on her shoulder, only to quickly jerk it away, hissing all the while.
Miroku stepped forward then, looking at her intently, wondering what had happen. "Kagome," Miroku tried. "Your…your aura…" in all honesty, the aura that encompassed and also radiated from her made him feel like crumbling to his knees. He looked at her, his eyes wide as she turned around, tears streaming down her cheeks. "What's wrong, Kagome?"
Sango tried to come near once again, only for Miroku to grip her arm protectively. She looked at him, her eyes wide too, and it was evident that she wanted to help Kagome. After all, this was her best friend, but at the moment, he didn't know if Kagome would lash out or not.
Sango hissed again as she watched Kagome crumble to the floor.
XXXxxxXXX
Inuyasha…
Inuyasha, come back to me.
The room she was in was completely unlit, and darkness seemed to suffocate her. She sat up, her hand going to her belly and then to her head as it pounded harshly. And then, she fell back. Fell and fell and fell. And somewhere, she could make out Sango and Miroku's voices clearly, so she calmed down for a second and tried to think about where she was.
The things they were saying confused her, though.
"What the fuck do you mean, Miroku? If there was someone after her…she would have told me…Inuyasha would have told me. You're not being serious. Just shut the fuck up."
She closed her eyes, really concentrated on the voices outside of the door.
"The truth's a little more difficult than that. She's human…but not like us. She's…different. She isn't supposed to know that Inuyasha's out getting more info on Naraku, and I need you to keep that a secret, Sango. Please-"
Naraku.
Naraku…
She squinted her eyes, her heart thundering in her chest and flutters in her stomach. Her hand landed there again, and she was shocked. Her baby…
"And if he wants her dead, Miroku," Kagome heard Sango interrupt him. "doesn't she deserve to know? How's any of this going to help when she's unaware of what she is and what this fucker wants with her?!"
She held her hand tighter to her stomach and closed her eyes. Her baby made her feel safe somehow. Her baby…it seemed to be protecting her. And for the first time, she knew what Kagura was talking about. His or her power…it amazed her to no end and she took pride in this.
"Inuyasha," she heard Miroku sigh heavily and at the sound of his name, she shut her eyes tighter and she swore she felt her baby do something inside of her stomach, something that had to do with being upset. "Inuyasha's protecting her, Sango. That's why he went away. If we're dealing with Naraku, we all need to be strong. Kagome's always been strong, she just never realized it. But that jewel that's inside of her, it's tainted and Inuyasha doesn't know this. It will attract…bad things. Things that Kagome doesn't need. So maybe it's a good thing that he went away. She needs to figure this out by herself, and she needs to learn how to use that power she's got."
Figure what out? She sat up in bed, her heart and her head still pounding and her hand still on her stomach because he- or she, was the only thing that was making her feel safe. But what were they talking about? There couldn't have been some kind of jewel inside her body. That was insane, maybe the most insane thing she'd ever heard. And if it was corrupt, or tainted, how was she surviving. And she was human. Completely human, just like them…
She heard tears in Sango's voice. "And what if we can't protect her? He needs to come back, you know. I'm absolutely lost and I don't know what the hell I'm doing, and what if she dies, Miroku? Nobody deserves to go through these things alone. And what will Kagome think about all of this?"
"God, Sango, can't you feel her aura? Do you know how strong that kid that she's carrying is? The son or daughter of a Miko and a Dog-Demon. She's dangerous to be around right now. And Inuyasha, she could turn him to ashes if she got pissed enough. And I agree with you, he is an idiot. He fell in love with her when he was supposed to stay away from her. He got her pregnant when he knew there would be people after a kid that was never supposed to be conceived."
She heard Sango scoff, and she didn't realize that she was wrapping her arms around herself, trying to protect herself, trying to protect her kid. "That kid is a blessing, that kid is my goddamn godchild, and I'll be damned if I lose my best friend and the baby. Not only is he an idiot, Miroku. You are, too. Oh god, you knew they were fucking, and I knew that, too, but I never knew that Kagome…I never knew she wasn't like us. You could've smacked some since into him. You could've done something instead of being too much of a pussy to speak up. Inuyasha's away from her. And that's the reason why she passed out, that's the reason why she's crying and fucked up! Don't you dare call him an idiot without knowing you're one, too."
"Sango-"
"Just leave me alone. I need to go check on her to see if she still has her fever. And Miroku?" she heard Sango pause. "She deserves to know."
"I know…"
The next thing she heard was footsteps. But the door was opened before she had a chance to make herself seem peaceful and in a deep sleep, and then, the light switched on and Sango gasped, her eyes wide.
"How much did you hear?" Sango asked, her voice almost angry. "You had to hear something. We were pretty loud."
She found herself too stunned to say anything back, and she watched as Sango walked forward, pressing her cool hand to her forehead. She muttered some obscenity under her breath and walked off to the washroom, only to come right back with a cool towel, a cold drink of water, and a simple pill in her hand. Sango sat down on the bed, looking at her almost sadly.
Kagome snatched the pill out of her hand and placed it on her tongue, then swallowed it down with a big gulp of water. She looked at Sango, her hand pressed to her stomach and fear evident in her eyes.
"What am I, Sango?" she asked softly and simply, vertigo in her head, making her feel even more nauseous than she already was.
A/N: I am sincerely sorry for my lateness. School started, and of course, that's just a whole bunch of bullshit and problems and heartbreak for me. And also, I'm sorry for the cliffy and the shortness. But my ass needs to go to bed so I can wake up early tomorrow. I can't thank you enough for all the reviews, and I hope to see you guys again soon. (:
Feedback would be absolutely and wonderfully lovely. (: