Chapter 11

Just gonna stand there and watch me burn
But that's alright because I like the way it hurts
Just gonna stand there and hear me cry
But that's alright because I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie
I love the way you lie

Rachel twisted her hands and stood in front of the Glee Club casting a nervous glance at Artie and Puck who were sitting together in the front row. Artie grinned and nodded and Puck winked at her which still made her blush. He was being very circumspect while they were at school, keeping his PDA to a minimum though he'd made a point of making sure he was always around. He'd corralled Sam and Mike into helping him make sure she was never alone.

When the boys had asked her why she'd just said that she and Jesse were no longer dating and that he'd become more than a little obnoxious. She'd been jumpy at school ever since Jesse had begun hitting her and that hadn't gone unnoticed by the boys so they'd been more than happy to help out. Rachel would give her fellow glee clubbers that much. They might not be the most observant in the world but if you asked them for help they gave it.

She and Puck had become closer than ever and her dads, unlike her fellow students, were not unobservant. They'd very quickly figured out she and Puck were having sex. They had not been pleased with either of them at first. Puck had been quiet and then he'd told her dads that he wasn't going to break up with her. Then he'd shocked her and said that if Rachel decided she didn't want sex that he wasn't going to push the issue. He'd been surprised when she initiated it and happy but the more he thought about it the more he was worried she was having sex with him to prove something to herself.

Oh she'd been so mad at him. She'd started to yell at him, right in front of her dads, and Puck had just sat there and taken it. When she was done he'd just smiled and told her he loved her and he didn't want her to think she had to have sex with him for him to love her. Her boyfriend wasn't an idiot apparently, no matter how he tried to act at school. Her dads had liked Puck before but after that, he was pretty much a non-biological son for them. She'd done her best to explain her reasoning for sex, that she actually wanted it with Puck, that she felt good with him.

Her dads had finally seemed to accept that and watched Puck give her a fairly (for Puck) chaste kiss good night before continuing the talk over dinner. There had been a lot of arguing, and a lot of tears and explanations and them trying to understand her reasoning until she'd blurted it out, "Daddy, Dad, finally, finally sex feels good. I feel wonderful when I'm with him. He… he lets me be in charge, he's always waiting for me to tell him stop, asking what he can and can't do, Noah… treats me like I matter." She'd been blushing but persevered, "I know…I know it probably wasn't one of my brightest ideas but…when he kisses me I feel so much more. And I feel safe. I fell asleep and had a nightmare… he held me, woke up me up and held me, and I felt so much better…"

"Baby girl, I don't doubt that you love each other, but with what you've been through its going to take more than Noah loving you and you loving him to get healthy," LeRoy had said finally.

"Well make you a deal," Hiram was quieter than LeRoy but infinitely more stubborn. "We won't object to you having sex with Noah anymore. If," He held up a finger, "If you agree to go back to therapy. Right now you're happy and in love and you're avoiding the issues. That's not going to work forever. If you want this relationship to last then you need help baby."

"I don't want him to think I'm crazy," Rachel admitted softly. "He loves me…our first time…he kept stopping. Noah Puckerman, at least Puck, doesn't offer to stop with sex. If a girl says yes then until she says no he goes with the yes. But with me… he's so careful."

"Somehow I think the young man who tells you he loves your crazy will understand the concept of needing therapy to deal with abuse," LeRoy had pointed out. "If you like we'll even arrange for him to go with you sometimes. He might need a little help to deal with some of your issues if they begin to crop up in the bedroom."

Rachel had blushed so red she'd felt as if she had a fever but she'd agreed. There was no way she was going to give up sex with her boyfriend when she was finally with a man who loved her and took care of her the way Noah Puckerman did. But now she had to tell him about the therapy. And she was still stuck with the glee club and trying to figure out what to say about this video. When Mr. Schuester walked in and looked at the movie screen in confusion she'd had no choice but to rise and stand before the club.

"So you all know that I was dating Jesse St. James again," She began quietly. "And we broke up. There were reasons for why I broke up with him, and why I was out of school one day and why I'll be gone for a few days next week." She was jolted out of her prepared speech by Santana making a rude noise and took a deep breath.

"Right, none of you really give a damn about my private life," She shrugged. "But...something happened and I asked Artie and Noah to help me make a video. Because I..." She looked at Santana and then at Kurt and all the other girls, "When someone tells you they love you, it doesn't mean they have license to hurt you. Love shouldn't be a permission slip. I asked Artie to help me make a video because I wanted to make sure what happened to me never happened to anyone else. Ever again."

She began to walk to her seat next to Puck and was stopped by Mr. Schuester, "Rachel, does this have anything to do with you not singing the solo last month?"

Rachel looked at her teacher and turned off the lights before she took her seat, "Yes. I couldn't breathe properly." She smiled at Artie, "I think we're all ready."

Puck's arm slid around her shoulders and his free hand closed around hers to keep her from fidgeting, "Relax baby." He murmured into her ear, "It's great."

Rachel couldn't help herself, she leaned into him and let his warmth seep into her body. "I just want them to understand," She admitted softly. It had taken time, more than the couple of weeks Artie had hoped for, but finally two months after they'd started their project, the video was done, edited, added to, rechecked, edited again and finally completed. She'd had nightmares and now and then something reminded her of Jesse or she thought she saw him and then she was incredibly grateful Puck had insisted on driving her to and from school. He'd also started to call her right before she went to bed so his voice was the last thing she heard before she slept. She couldn't know if Puck was aware of how much his voice helped her but the nightmares weren't as bad when she talked to him before falling asleep.

Artie cast an annoyed look at them and Rachel bit her tongue and simply kissed Puck's cheek before their director hit the remote. The projector flickered on and the pull down movie screen brightened with the preliminary numbers counting down. And then there was only a dark screen and the silhouette of McKinley. And her voice singing the chorus before the boys began to rap. The scenes they'd filmed, flirting and hints of violence, fights, bruises showing on Rachel's wrists, shouting at each other on the football field, making out in the halls against his locker, more bruises, making love, fighting and loving each other flowed across the screen. And finally the last scene with Rachel's voice dying away, her naked expression staring at the camera the bruise from Jesse's fist marring her face.

Rachel smiled slightly as one of the band members turned on the lights and the credits rolled before Artie clicked off the projector. There was a moment of stunned silence that had the actress in her gleeful with delight and she looked at Artie who grinned his agreement. Then the noise started. Every voice in the room besides the three involved in making the video was shouting, asking questions, demanding answers until Rachel just leaned against Puck in exhaustion.

"Alla ya just shut the fuck up!" Puck roared over her head at the rest of the group, "Rachel told you why she wanted to make the video. And I think the bruises and broken ribs that son of a bitch left her with speak for themselves."

"That wasn't makeup," Kurt looked appalled, "Rachel why didn't you say anything?"

"For the same reason I didn't say anything to any of you when Finn dumped me in the Christmas tree lot," Rachel shrugged. "The people who needed to know did. The rest of you..." She'd decided she wasn't budging from her position within Puck's arms. This was where she felt safest and this was where she was going to stay.

"But why aren't you pressing charges?" Mercedes wanted to know, "You can't let the boy get away with that."

"Wow," Artie rolled his eyes, "You guys really can be clueless sometimes. She was gone a whole day because she was in court."

"Yeah she's gotta restraining order against St. James, so if any of ya'll see him around call the cops," Puck drawled playing with her hair. "He isn't allowed to be within a certain distance."

"How did this happen?" Tina asked quietly, "You never seemed like you'd...tolerate being treated like that."

"Which was why I was so ashamed," Rachel admitted. "I was raised to be a strong, independent powerful woman. But for some reason... love has always been my Achilles heel. I've had three men say they loved me who weren't related to me. Two of them turned around and...hurt me, deliberately hurt me. I suppose I thought love was supposed to fix everything, make everything all right. But it doesn't. It isn't an excuse, it isn't... the get out of jail free card they treated it like." She looked straight ahead and took a deep breath, "I know that nobody here really likes me, except Noah. That's all right. You don't have to like me because a lot of times I'm not likable. But even if you don't like me, or I don't like you, none of us deserve..."

She was forced to take a deep breath as her voice broke and Puck pressed a discreet kiss to her hair, "None of us deserve to be waiting in the emergency room, wondering how to tell our parents that the person who swore they loved us put us there. We don't deserve to wear pounds of make up or have trouble breathing or singing because we have cracked ribs. And we don't deserve to feel...worthless, that the person who promised to love us can treat us like that."

"Who's the third person," Quinn asked in a cool clear voice. The Cheerio was the epitome of control and Rachel felt like flinching from the chill in that oh so sweet voice.

"Someone who deserves better than what I've been giving him," Rachel said quietly. "Better than me. But he keeps saying he doesn't want better. He just loves me. And I'm selfish enough to let him." She looked up at Puck, "I'd like to leave now if you're ready."

"Yeah," Puck nodded and his hazel eyes were green and dark with affection. "Yeah baby, let's jet." He looked at Artie, "You okay to get home man?"

"Yeah I'm cool, gonna run some stuff by Mr. Schue an' then I'mma catch a ride with Brittany and Santana," Artie smiled.

"It went pretty well didn't it," Rachel smiled hopefully at her friend.

"Yeah," Artie's smile widened to a grin and he made shooing motions with his hands. "Go on, get. I'll stall the gossip twins."

Rachel smiled as Puck grabbed her bag and his before walking quickly with her out the door, "So I wanted to tell you something." She waited until they were down the hall before speaking. "Besides thank you I mean."

He grinned down at her, that lazy sexy expression she just adored, "Don't ever gotta thank me for helping with the video Rachel." He leaned against the lockers, "Or for other things either. That is my pleasure baby."

Rachel blushed, she knew Puck loved that he could still make her blush, "I wanted to tell you..." She moved closer, "You deserve to hear it." She watched his eyes go gold, hope brightening his expression, "I love you Noah." She kept her voice low, private, just for him, "I'm...I'm so in love with you...it scares me."

"Don't be scared baby," Puck's hand cupped her cheek lovingly; "I'll never hurt you."

"You can't promise that Noah," Rachel smiled, "I don't want you to promise that. Because if we love each other...we'll end up hurting each other... but I know you'll never want to. And neither will I. Just promise me that we'll never stop trying to make this work."

"That I can promise," Puck nodded. "I love you baby." He looked over his shoulder, "Let's get home before Finn figures out that we're official and starts to whine like a little bitch."

"You're too late," Rachel pointed over his shoulder and Puck groaned. "We may as well listen to him, he'll just follow us otherwise and we'll never get any time alone."

Puck rolled his eyes and looked at her, "Then I'm gonna give him something to rant about baby." His eyes gleamed wickedly and Rachel just knew that his days of discretion were over, she was about to be kissed within an inch of her life. His mouth came down on hers, hot and coaxing a response and she couldn't help moaning and parting her lips. Puck's mouth should be illegal she thought vaguely as his tongue slid past her lips and rubbed against hers. Capturing his tongue between her lips and sucking on it she startled a groan out of her boyfriend and she knew she'd be getting a workout that afternoon before her dads came home. "Fuckin' hell baby," Puck groaned into her mouth as he slowly drew away. "You tryin' to make me fuck you up against the locker," He muttered into her ear as he eased back.

Rachel was dreamy with everything he'd woken in her, "Hmm...maybe?" She lifted a hand to his face and touched his cheek tenderly. "I love you so much Noah." Out of the corner of her eye she saw Finn stop and stare at them. Puck leaned down and gently touched his lips to hers, such sweetness, tender love in his kiss, not even seeing the taller boy.

"I love you too Rachel," He told her softly. "You're fuckin' awesome baby."

"What the hell man," Finn finally found his mouth if not his brain and began his rant. Rachel rolled her eyes.

"No Finn, you don't get to start," Rachel stood in front of Puck, suddenly outraged that her ex boyfriend, one of the two men who'd lied to her and hurt her, thought he could object to Puck being with her. "I love him. We're together. Nothing you say will change my mind or his," She cast a glance at Puck, "I hope."

"Don't hafta hope baby," Puck wrapped his arms around her waist. "You know I'm stubborn." Rachel sighed in spite of her anger as he pressed a tender kiss to her temple.

"You see Finn? He loves me. Likes me even. He's good to me," Rachel said quietly, keeping her voice steady. "So I'm not going to be dramatic or loud about this. I want you to leave us alone. I don't deserve him but I love him so much. So please if you ever cared about me, even a little. Leave us alone." She saw Finn's hands clench into fists and couldn't help flinching back against Puck.

"Baby?" Puck knew when she was afraid, he'd held her coming out of a nightmare more than once, and very quickly put her behind him, "Finn, man ease off." He hissed at the bigger boy. "You're scarin' her."

"What?" Finn didn't get it and Rachel sighed.

"Fuck it," Puck rolled his eyes and grabbed his bag from the floor where he'd dropped it. "C'mon baby."

"Yeah," Rachel agreed tiredly. "I just want to be alone with you."

"You got it baby," Puck wrapped his arm around her waist and she leaned on him as he guided her out to his truck. She never got tired of how he held her, or helped her into the truck, tucking her inside before he shut the door. In his own way he was a lovely gentleman.

She was quiet on the ride to her house, humming along with his radio until they pulled up to her house, "Noah?"

"Yeah?" He threw the truck into park and looked at her, "You okay?"

"I'll be all right, Daddy wants me to go back to therapy and I think he might be right," Rachel sighed. "I just..." She looked up at him, "I regret being with Jesse, and in some ways I regret being with Finn, but part of me... part of me wonders...if I hadn't made those mistakes...would I be with you."

"Rachel, I was just bidin' my time," Puck told her with a smile. "I figured once we both got outa Lima I'd make my move. Thought when we were in New York we'd both be ready."

"When did you get smarter than me," Rachel couldn't help smiling. "It's not fair. If I don't have my brains what do I bring to this relationship?"

"Oh I'm pretty sure you're still smarter than me," Puck laughed and she sighed happily. She loved making him laugh. "But we're destined baby. We're a couple a hot looking Jews. It's only natural."

Rachel giggled and rolled her eyes at him, "Then I won't worry about expressing my regret in therapy." She sighed. "Come on inside, I'll start everything for dinner and then we can go up to my room."

"Can you teach me how to make that eggplant thing?" Puck asked as he hopped out of the truck and helped her down. "I think Mom and Amita might like it."

"I'm actually rethinking this plan," Rachel smirked up at him. "After that kiss you gave me in the hall I really need you to pay me some attention. I'll figure out something else for dinner. Right now I want to have you in a locked room and no one else around."

"Should I be afraid?" Puck asked as she unlocked the door and keyed in the alarm code. "I mean I knew when we first dated that if we ever got into bed it would be fantastic intense. But should I be worried I'm gonna get tied down? Because if we're gonna do that I'm up for it, I just need to call home and let Mom know that I'm gonna be over here a few days."

Rachel couldn't help laughing and shaking her head even as she locked the door behind her and reset the alarm, "God I just love you Noah."

"Enough to handcuff me to the bed?" Puck teased as he followed her up to her room.

"Maybe," She grinned. "But maybe I'll just insist on you showing me a new position," Rachel locked her bedroom door and turned to look at him. "Noah."

He smiled and put down their bags before wrapping her up in his arms, "I'm right here Rachel." He kissed her in that gentle way he had, the way that always showed her just how much he loved her. "No matter what baby, I'm always gonna be here." He put his hand on her heart.

Author's Note: So I told you Rachel's dads aren't stupid. I hope you are all enjoying this...we have the epilogue which is needful because I have to have my happy ending but this is the last full chapter.

I've found that its a weakness of mine, real life usually sucks in some way so I want my fan fiction to have a happy ending or at least the potential for one.

Thank you all for reading and all the kind reviews.