A.N. Okay, here is where I re-introduce Shepard's internal dialogues, something which made this story so definitive and made Shepard so relatable when I first wrote it. I did not include it in the first chapters for a reason. I have brought it back because this is, primarily, Shepard's journey, and we're just along for the ride. So yeah, there's going to be a big change in how the narrative is told. Than being said...

Now for something completely different.

Shepard took the stairs slowly, pausing after each step. Her strides were unsteady, and each movement took all the concentration she could muster. She was cold and numb. Everything felt like a dream. Just another nightmare. She would wake up anytime now. She had to.

She didn't.

Shepard's feet left the steps, and she found herself moving back towards her quarters, almost automatically. She could still hear Kaidan's voice in her ears. The last words he'd ever said.

"You made the right choice Commander, I don't regret a thing."

She reached the door, opening it quietly and slipping inside. It locked behind her.

Several members of the Normandy's crew stood around the mess hall, each watching the door to Shepard's quarters apprehensively. Every single one wishing that they could think of something to say or do. Anything to help ease the tension. But no one could. So no one spoke. On the opposite side of the mess, near the med bay, Garrus and Liara stood next to each other. They, like everyone else, stood silently and watched, and waited. Liara cringed mentally at the force of the emotions she could feel radiating from Shepard's room. They were almost overwhelming. Garrus nudged Liara lightly with his elbow, breaking her from her thoughts. She looked up at him, confused.

He tilted his head towards Shepard's door. "You should go talk to her. I think she really needs that right about now."

Liara's expression turned into one of surprise. "You think-"

"It couldn't hurt."

Liara still didn't seem convinced.

"Liara?" Garrus asked quietly. "Have you ever seen Shepard smile? Genuinely smile?"

Liara paused for a moment, then nodded.

"I haven't."

Liara turned her gaze back towards the door. She took a deep breath, and began to walk forward.

It was a strange sensation, feeling rage, sorrow, despair, and grief, yet still managing coherent thought. Shepard paced the room, a violent battle raging in her mind as her conscience fought her rationality.

It wasn't my fault!

Tell it to the dead.

If I had gone back for him, then Ashley and the salarians would've been overrun.

And we'd still be having this discussion.

She took deep breaths, trying to calm herself. She only succeeded in hyperventilating. Part of her was still thinking logically, trying to reign in her emotions. The rest of her didn't want to. Finally the stress was too much. With a yell, she let out a torrent of biotic energy which sent her few possessions flying about the room. When the artificial gale subsided, Shepard was left standing in the middle of the room. Her head was down, her teeth clenched, shoulders rigid. Before her on the floor, lay a small picture. It depicted Toombs and Ali standing on either side of her. Ali had her arms around her shoulders, and Toombs was holding a pair of fingers above Shepard's head. They were both grinning madly. Even Shepard had allowed herself a slight smile. Shepard felt something inside her break.

I can't do this anymore. Not again. I have to…to keep my distance. It's for the best. I can't let them get too close…I can't lose them like this. Like everyone else.

Shepard fell to her knees, overwhelmed by despair.

I care…I care too much. Anderson would be proud. I'm too close…to everyone…especially Liara. I can't-

There was a knock at the door.

Shepard felt rage build up inside her yet again. She stood and began walking towards the door. She needed an outlet, and whoever knocked, just volunteered. She slammed her fist into the access panel, and glared at the door as it opened. Then Shepard immediately deflated. It was Liara.

The asari almost gasped at the sight of Shepard. Her normally ordered hair was disheveled, her uniform was ruffled, and her eyes were wild, yet pleading.

"Shepard." Liara whispered.

Shepard opened her mouth, then promptly closed it, not quite trusting herself to speak.

"May…may I come in?" Liara asked, quite out of her depth. Shepard stood to the side, and Liara stepped in the room. The door slid shut behind them. Shepard took a seat at the edge of her bed. Liara sat beside her. She noticed Shepard's hand was clenched at the edge of the mattress, squeezing it repeatedly. Liara laid her hand atop Shepard's, and felt the Commander relax. She stared up at the distraught woman, unsure what to say. Instead of speaking, Liara interlocked their fingers and squeezed gently. Then Shepard did something neither of them expected. She began to cry. For the first time in years, tears slid freely down Shepard's face, pausing at her chin before dripping into her lap. Shepard made no attempt to impede them. Shepard sat there for several minutes, crying for Kaidan, Toombs, Ali, her old company, her parents, her brother. And then it was over. With a simple shuddering breath, as quickly as they had started, the tears stopped.

"Thank you." Shepard whispered.

The two of them stood. Then Liara pulled Shepard into a tight embrace, one that was eagerly returned.

"You are not alone Shepard." Liara muttered. "You do not have to take everything upon yourself."

"I know." Shepard replied. "Thank you for reminding me."

And then they pulled apart, pausing a second before each going their respective ways. Liara left the cabin. The door closed behind her, now unlocked. Shepard righted her terminal and chair, then began typing at a brisk pace. Her actions were fueled by a new determination. Now she had something worth fighting for. And she'd be damned if she was going to let Saren take it-or anything else-from her.

Shepard tried another bypass, still nothing. The Normandy couldn't even start her engines at this rate. Not without the council's authorization. Shepard let out a deep sigh. Then punched the bulkhead, denting it.

At least my hand isn't broken, that's the nice thing about biotics.

"I'm sorry, am I interrupting?" Liara's voice sounded from behind her.

"Not really." Shepard twisted to face her. "What's up?"

Liara eyed her curiously. "What are you doing Shepard?"

"Oh that's easy." She replied, twisting back around. "I don't know" she growled through gritted teeth, punching the bulkhead again.

"Shepard."

"He can't win." Shepard muttered frantically. "I can't let him win. Not after all this. Everything that we've lost. Everything we will lose." She stopped, her shoulders slumped "I just can't." She whispered. Shepard closed her eyes.

The asari helped Shepard to her feet, and there they stood, staring at each other. Their faces began inching closer and closer until…Joker called Shepard up to the bridge on the intercom, a slightly more jovial tone to his voice than usual.

I will kill you for this Joker.

Shepard sat at her desk, staring at her terminal. It displayed a collection of all the notes from every council species' archives that had to do with Illos. It wasn't much, and Shepard found herself skipping large sections that simply restated earlier information. As Shepard flipped from a salarian archaeological report to a turian one, the door to her cabin opened. It was Liara.

"Shepard?"

Shepard stood and turned to face her. "What is it Liara?"

"I was thinking about tomorrow, and…. I thought that…we might not make it back Shepard."

Shepard wanted to console her, but couldn't find the words. She was haunted by another thought.

What If you lost her too?

I won't.

Wont? Or can't?

Shut up.

Now you're just avoiding the question.

Shut. Up.

Could you go on if you lost her too?

SHUT UP.

This could be Akuze all over again.

"Shepard," She just noticed Liara was still talking. "If these are our last hours, I would like to spend them with you. She took Shepard's hands in hers.

"If you're sure Liara."

They gazed into each other's eyes. Suddenly, all of Shepard's doubts and concerns simply vanished.

"I have never been more sure of anything in my life." Liara breathed. She paused a second before adding, quietly. "Embrace eternity."

And with that, their minds were joined, and together, human and asari, soldier and archaeologist, but united by a common emotion, they stepped beyond the veil of reality.