Lucy was fairly sure that this was an interesting situation, but it was also difficult. The group of four mages and two exceeds had met up at the guild the following day. There had been a brief discussion on how they were going to get to the quest's location. Natsu and Gajeel refused to use the train, both hating the idea of showing weakness in front of the other.

Now they were walking, a trip that would take about two days by foot, much to Lucy's distress. But the group mechanic was interesting to watch. Natsu and Gajeel pressed a fast pace, refusing to slow down. Gajeel was seemingly more of a jackass than normal. He was clearly wound tight, probably due to Natsu and Levy's presence here.

Poor Levy trailed at the back with her much shorter stride and heavy backpack full of books. Lucy was sure that Gajeel was going to offer to carry it, but instead the pair had argued about nothing. Lucy, a shrewd character study, was sure that both of them wanted Gajeel to take the load, but neither would admit it. To admit that he cared. To admit that she was weak.

Mentally, Lucy was drawing a box with the four corners as themselves. Between Gajeel and Natsu you had fierce rivalry and competition, but some brotherhood and commonality. Between Natsu and Lucy you had great friends with the awkward undertone both were starting to feel. Between Lucy and Levy you had best friends, but ones that currently didn't want to talk, particularly about boys. And then you had Gajeel and Levy, completing the box with their weird tsundere relationship. Lucy hoped they'd both wise up sooner or later.

But…Lucy wondered about the corners. Her and Gajeel. They never really talked much. Well, Gajeel rarely talked to anyone. Perhaps that was unfair; he wasn't exactly a loner, but he wasn't a conversationalist. And how did Natsu feel about Levy? Lucy had never really thought about it; they never interacted much either.

And overhead, the exceeds floated around on their wings, both clearly amused by the situation. Well, Happy was always amused, but Lily seemed to be enjoying himself too. Now, what insider information did that black exceed have?

"Oi!" Natsu shouted back down the road. "The path goes up here; we'll be taking a rest in a mountain village tonight."

"Up!" Levy moaned feebly. Her limbs were shaking!

"That's right, Shortstuff!" Gajeel shouted crassly, hearing her comment with his slayer senses. "You should feel happy that you're going up for a change! Gihihi!"

"I'm not short!" Levy shouted back reflexively. Gajeel merely laughed and headed back up the road. Lucy watched as Levy went bright crimson and flailed her arms around in a petulant manner.

"It's alright Levy-chan," she soothed. "You know he teases you because he likes you, right?"

Levy didn't respond, turning an even deeper shade of red. Lucy cocked her head fondly. She always considered Levy a very 'in-control' sort of person. Always in her element, doing the things that she was good at. Lucy suspected that one draw of Gajeel was that he was an uncontrollable element, something that stuck under her skin and refused to get in line nicely.

In fact, now that Lucy thought about it, she wasn't used to seeing Levy like this. She looked so vulnerable that it made Lucy protective. That damn asshole better figure this out quickly, or she was going to have to get involved!

===][===

They reached the mountain village, a tiny place consisting of no more than two dozen buildings. It didn't take too long to find the only restaurant in the place, Gajeel and Natsu leading the way with their noses and rumbling stomachs.

They sat around the table, a plethora of dishes in the centre. It was a bit one-sided, as the dragon-slayers began to eat with a passion, fighting over any dish that was about halfway in between two. At the third time that Levy had something snatched away from her, she'd had enough.

"I was going to eat that!" She shouted at Gajeel. He smirked and quickly gobbled down the food. "You asshole! Why can't you act more like a gentleman?"

"You're too slow eating! Maybe if you're stomach wasn't so little, you could eat faster!"

"A gentlemen would allow a lady to eat!"

"I ain't no gentlemen and you ain't no lady!"

"So Natsu, how was your day?" Lucy asked feebly, trying to break the argument. Natsu looked at her as if she were insane. After all, they'd spent the day walking together. And he was enjoying the argument. Maybe there'd be a fight! He needed little excuse to wail on Gajeel!

"What do you mean, I'm not a lady?" Levy huffed.

"Well, ladies are…" At that moment, Lily threw himself at Gajeel's head, bowling him over. He'd seen the thick-headed dolt's train of thought and didn't like it. The moron would probably think that it was just teasing, but there was a limit! On the floor, separated briefly from the others, he whispered into Gajeel's ear.

"Don't insult her!"

"Get off me, damn cat!" Gajeel shouted, throwing his partner back up and over the table, colliding with Natsu's head. A few minutes later, the party of Fairy Tail mages were outside the restaurant, forking over jewels for the damage bill the ensuing fight had caused. Still, Lily mused, he'd managed to avert relationship suicide from Gajeel.

"You three!" Lucy shouted. "We need to be able to stay in an inn tonight! I swear that if you get us kicked out and we have to spend a night in the cold mountains sleeping outside that I will knee you repeatedly in the balls!"

"Yes! Lucy!" Natsu affirmed quickly. Gajeel made a dismissive noise and turned his head to the side. To Levy's absolute amazement, Lucy marched over to him and planted her knee exactly where she promised that she would. Gajeel went down like a lump of iron.

"Do. You. Understand?" Lucy asked. This time Gajeel confirmed that he did in a voice several octaves higher than normal while rolling on the ground in pain. Levy felt a little weird. She didn't agree with Lucy's action exactly, but she felt ashamed that Lucy had successfully dealt with Gajeel in mere moments. She couldn't have done that.

"That's because she spends too much time with Erza!" Happy declared cheerily.

"I…I'll bear that in mind," Gajeel gasped.

===][===

They reached the inn as night was falling. As it turned out, there were two rooms available, both doubles. Despite some argument, the girls got one and the boys got the other. Lucy reminded them of the imminent kneeing that any fights would cause.

In their room, Gajeel and Natsu were glaring at each other wordlessly. The double bed was like the most powerful of enemies, an insurmountable obstacle. Happy and Lily watched on with some amusement.

"No one's takin' their clothes off," Gajeel stated.

"Agreed, I get enough of that from Gray," Natsu deadpanned.

"There is a bathroom," Lily said. "You can change in there, you know."

"NO!" Gajeel and Natsu snapped at the same time. A painful silence dragged on for a while. At last, Gajeel sighed and his shoulders sagged.

"So…you and Lucy banging each other yet or what?" He asked crassly. The look on Natsu's face as he blustered away was priceless.

"Nope!" Happy chimed in. "Natsu has no idea what body part goes in which hole!"

"Gihi! It ain't hard, Salamander! You just hang on and give it to 'em at full force!"

"What would you know?" Natsu shouted, clearly unsettled by the way this discussion was going. Gajeel leaned in, a shit-eating grin all over his face.

"Some of us have actually done it with a chick before…virgin."

"You asshole…you're older than me! I'm only eighteen!"

"Ah? I was sixteen when I first did it!" Gajeel was bragging now, all confident and superior.

"Really?" Natsu looked curious now and Gajeel's demeanour changed suddenly, becoming more doleful.

"I ain't proud of it, but I was the top dog of Phantom Lord. I had women lining themselves up just to get a taste. Women love power and danger, after all." He shrugged. "It was stupid, meaningless stuff, and nowadays I wish I'd saved myself, but at least I know how it's done."

"Is…is it good?" Natsu asked, gulping with trepidation. Of all the humans on the planet he didn't want to have this conversation with, Gajeel might only be topped by Erza.

"Better than the one-handed waltz," Gajeel confirmed. "I'm not in the business of being nice, but don't panic so much. Sex is dead simple." He grinned lewdly and thrust his hips. "Do that about a hundred times and you're done! No, the tricky part is the woman. It'll be about getting Lucy to the bedroom in the first place."

"Who said anything about banging Lucy!?" Natsu shouted. Gajeel pounced, covering the other slayer's mouth. The pair waited and listened as Natsu saw his mistake. But thankfully, the girls didn't have slayer hearing and hadn't heard the outburst.

"You're too obvious," Gajeel said with a triumphant smirk. "You and Lucy are always together."

Natsu looked away, and to Gajeel's surprise he appeared to be thinking. "I can't remember the last time that I saw you and Levy wasn't within a few metres."

"It's a small guild!" Gajeel replied shakily and defensively. "Of course she'd be somewhere nearby. So was Cana and Elfman, I bet!"

"Just admit it; you like her!" Natsu teased, glad to have the offence again. Gajeel hemmed and hawed, not really saying anything, but Lily stepped in.

"Yep. He likes her, but he's too much of a big girl's blouse to admit it."

"Shaddup, damn cat! I don't fancy Shorty!"

"Okay," Natsu said with a fierce grin, "if I called her Shrimp, you wouldn't mind?"

"N-no," Gajeel lied.

"Shrimp," Natsu said with relish. Gajeel was shaking violently with pent up rage. No one else should call her that! It was his name for her, damn it! Natsu grinned further, clearly up for the torture. "So, what do you like about Shrimp?"

"I said that I didn't like her," Gajeel hissed.

"Do you like her eyes?" Natsu teased. "Tell me what you think of them!"

"I, uh, they're fine. They're good at reading."

"That's the best thing you could think of to lie?" Natsu mocked. "How pathetic!"

"He meant to say that they're pools of chocolate that draw him in to love her deeply!" Happy sang, circling Natsu's head. Gajeel's teeth ground together and he decided that the best idea was to retake the offensive.

"What about Lucy's hair? What do you think of that?" He demanded. Natsu went red in turn. At last, Natsu and Gajeel came to an agreement. In order to work out their frustrations, they'd have to arm wrestle. Hopefully, that wouldn't destroy the inn.

===][===

"This is so fun!" Lucy squealed. "Just like a sleepover!"

The pair had changed into their sleep wear, both wearing a t-shirt and shorts. Lucy's shirt was white while Levy's was pale yellow. The pair was dwarfed by the double bed with its voluminous sheets.

"I think the law of media says that we should have a pillow fight and then practise making out!" Levy joked, sticking out her tongue.

"Oh? And just who are we practicing for?" Lucy asked with a wolfish grin.

"Don't joke about that," Levy replied with restrained annoyance.

"Think positive, Levy!" Lucy chirped. "If you want to get Gajeel as your man, think about your strong points!" Lucy easily followed Levy's thought process as the smaller girl looked down, then at Lucy's chest. "Think harder, Levy-chan! What does Gajeel like?"

"Um…big boobs?" Levy guessed.

"You really are dense about this particular subject, aren't you?" Lucy chastised. "Gajeel likes cute."

"What?"

"Cute. Cuteness. Cute things. It's the darkest secret of the big, bad iron dragon. Haven't you noticed?"

"No…"

"Who are Gajeel's three favourite people in the guild?" Lucy asked.

"Well, Lily."

"Who is cute."

"Umm….Wendy, but because she's a slayer."

"Nope. Natsu's a slayer, and so is Laxus. He likes Wendy because she's cute."

"Hah! But Juvia is next, and she's not cute…well, not like that."

"You silly little girl. Juvia's not in his top three – you are!" Lucy grinned as Levy went red and started making denials. As if everyone in the guild didn't know that those two spent an excessive amount of time together. Or if not together, then always in the general vicinity of the other. "You gotta focus on the fact that Gajeel likes cute, and you are as cute as any human ever can be!"

"I…I…I don't like it!" Levy squealed. "I'm an adult woman, and the best attribute I have is being cute? Not sexy, but cute!"

"You're sexy!" Lucy asserted. "But like a little kitten."

"That's not what sex kitten means!" Levy fumed and threw herself at her friend. The pair giggled as they fought on the bed, but Lucy was far stronger than Levy and pinned her down, lying on her back.

"Stop avoiding these things," she said devilishly. "You act all pure and innocent, but you know better! You told me that Erza liked ecchi novels – well, where was she getting them from?"

"Um…," Levy filled in. She was a poor liar indeed. She flailed around underneath Lucy. "Get off of me!"

"Okay…if you admit that you like Gajeel!"

"What? No fair! And haven't we been talking about this anyway?"

"Yeah, but you've never actually admitted to it. I want to hear you say it."

"I'll never admit it!" Levy cried, trying in vain to dislodge Lucy. "You know that you're not helping my confidence here, forcing me to see that I'm too little to shift you."

"Little means cute, Levy-chan. Cute means that Gajeel likes you. C'mon, that's the thing he always calls you, right? It's because he likes how small you are!" Lucy leaned down, uncomfortably close to Levy's ear. "Go on; admit that you like it when he picks you up!"

Levy made an expression like a fish gasping for air. "I-I will do no such thing! I hate it!"

"You are a terrible liar," Lucy said happily, finally leaning back to let Levy up. She really must be the littlest person in the whole world, Lucy thought fondly.

"Mou! You're mean, Lu-chan!" She looked around at her friend. "You want me to admit to these things, but you won't even acknowledge Natsu as your boyfriend."

"He's not-"

"Psh. You've been together for ages now, you just haven't realised it."

"Bitch, I will pin you to this bed again," Lucy said playfully, making Levy stick out her tongue. Lucy frowned, looking thoughtful. "So neither of us have admitted to anything, right? Not admitted to liking anyone?"

Levy nodded, straight-faced, but then her mouth twitched and broke up into a broad grin. Lucy returned it and they giggled. They weren't fooling anyone, were they? They stopped talking though, and the lights went out. As she lay there, Lucy was wondering if she should have summoned Nicola. Having nothing to cuddle was boring. But at some point, Levy wriggled across to hug Lucy's arm. Lucy smiled lovingly to watch her friend sleep. She didn't think that Levy'd even been awake, she was just a cuddly type of person.

Damn Gajeel! Levy was the sort of person who needed hugs and cuddles…well, so was she in a way…wasn't everyone, really? When would he stop being so goddamn ignorant and just look after Levy? Wasn't one of his better failings being over-protective?

And Natsu…Lucy shook herself, not allowing herself to follow that train of thought. Suddenly, the pair jerked upright as there was some sort of loud bang. They looked at each other, knowing the likely outcome.

There was a knock, and Lily and Happy joined them apologetically, saying that Natsu and Gajeel had just been kicked out. Apparently, Natsu had kicked in his sleep and things had just spiralled from there. Levy and Lucy settled back into their beds, now having an appropriate exceed to cuddle.

Outside, Natsu and Gajeel settled underneath a tree to sleep. They'd agreed to wait until morning to kill one another.