Santana wakes up thanks to the sun blinding her from the kitchen window and she reaches her hand beside her but it comes up empty. Brittany had been there at one point, she remembers. After their talk, which turned into whispered shouts and brushed off explanations, she had come to the couch from the coffee table to comfort a sobbing Santana. As much as she had tried to put everything into perspective for Brittany, nothing seemed to work. No matter what she said, no matter how many sorry's came out, Brittany appeared to be unmoved. She even said to Santana at one point, 'you're the one who taught me that two excuses equals a lie'.
It's not a huge shock to her that she wakes up on the couch. Considering how heated things had gotten the night before. But, she'd hoped that clearing the air, even the slightest bit, would lead them in the direction of a reconciliation of sorts. She tries to stretch but finds it hard seeing as her feet and arms won't reach out very far. She grunts remembering that she had slept on the couch last night, again. Then she remembers the conversation the night prior and she sighs out wishing that she could just erase everything that had happened.
Her eyes bounce around the room thinking about how different it looks. It isn't different at all, in fact, it is exactly the same and has been since the they had moved in. But the air is different, the smell is different, the lighting is different and the sounds are different. The place is actually rather quiet, a little too quiet and that makes her shudder.
Hesitantly she places her bare foot onto the hard wood floor, shivering at the cool wood under her. She sits up for a moment, rubbing at her eyes and resting her head in her hands, shaking it at herself. Her eyes wander around the room and her ears perk up trying to hear any kind of noise, but there is nothing. She pushes herself up and heads to the bathroom.
After flushing the toilet she moves herself to the sink to wash her hands and throw some water on her face. Looking at her reflection is like looking at a stranger. The person looking back at her looks exhausted, scared and guilty. Her hand reaches to the side and she grabs a face towel to dry up. But, as she is about to toss the towel to the side of the sink and walk out, her eyes catch a glimpse of something. Something that stood beside this sink ever since she and Brittany had stopped sleeping in the same bedroom is now missing. She brings her finger to the red toothbrush sitting in the glass next to the sink and she lifts it slowly. This red toothbrush had a friend once upon a time but now it is all alone. Her eyes dart to the door and she all but sprints out heading to the bedroom.
Pushing the door open she immediately notices the bags neatly placed beside the bed. Her eyes make their way to the closet which is half empty. Her side, just like her toothbrush in the bathroom, is now all alone. Finally her eyes land on Brittany who is sitting on a chair facing the neatly made bed, just staring at it. Santana goes to speak but her mouth is so dry nothing comes out.
"You fell asleep and then I watched you for a little while." Brittany breaks the unbearable silence, not once looking to the brunette. "I couldn't sleep next to you." She admits without any emotion, it's a simple fact. "I came in here, I don't really know why. I guess I was just so tired and… I couldn't even get into bed. So, I sat here wondering why my body couldn't just pull the covers down." She shrugs. "It's our bed." She announces finally looking to Santana.
"Britt…" She forces out but realizes she has nothing else really planned to follow that so, she shuts her mouth and looks to the ground.
"I don't want to do this anymore." Brittany tells her as she gets up from the chair and Santana's eyes dart back up to her.
"What?" She had an idea of 'what' is, but she doesn't want to believe it. Brittany locks eyes with Santana.
"I think… I… I'm breaking up with you." She reveals with forced strength, but her voice is so shaky. Santana is sure that her face has gone white and with the feeling in her stomach it is quite possible she is going to throw up. Brittany moves to grab her bags but Santana tries to stop her, pulling them away. Brittany lets her take it and moves for another bag, she is not about to fight with Santana.
"No." Santana pleads her voice is broken and she is not trying to hide her feelings. "Brittany, please I told you I'm sorry." She sobs through her words, pulling at every bag that Brittany tries to pick up. "Please don't leave me baby, I'm so sorry. I love you." She begins to back up to the door hoping to block her girlfriend from exiting. Brittany just shakes her head.
"I can't do this with you." Brittany tells her softly, making sure that her eyes show Santana that she is serious. "I can't pretend like everything is perfect anymore, because it's not."
"Please, let me fix this." Santana begs holding her ground at the door.
"Santana." She shakes her head and looks down for a moment. "There shouldn't be anything to fix." Her words are simple and soft, but it still hurts just as much. "I don't want this fixed, I… I just want it to be over." Her blue eyes pierce browns that are glazed over with heavy tears.
"Please!" Santana falls to her knees, her palms slam on to the ground and Brittany brushes past her crouching body. "I love you!" She declares, though her crying is making her scream. "You are the only one I want to be with and love." Brittany stops before she gets to the end of the hallway and places her bags quietly on the ground. She takes a deep breath and turns around to face Santana who is crying into her hands.
"My heart has been breaking Santana." Brittany explains, causing Santana to muffle her sobs and look up. "I've tried and tried but I just can't, I'm so tired." She feels a lump in her throat but swallows it before she continues. "Everything has been so screwed up between us and then I see you out with, her, and all I can think about is the thought of you with her like the way you're supposed to only be with me." She pauses because her voice is rising and she isn't about to yell and scream like her counterpart. She doesn't want to care. "We were happy, but that feels so long ago. I thought we were different, I thought I was different because out of everyone, you wanted me. You picked me, you chose me." She wipes some stray tears that have poured over, sniffles and looks at her phone for the time. "I'm leaving New York for a little while. I'm heading back home because I can't stand the sight of you, or the smell of you, or the way you breathe when you sleep." Santana's heart breaks. "Just talking to you makes me want to throw up." Brittany is even shocked by how she was speaking, but she tries to not let it show. "I do…" She looks away for a moment and Santana climbs up the wall to stand up straight. "I love you, I probably always will." Brittany shrugs and looks back to Santana. "Even right now, I don't hate you. But to be honest, I don't love you either." She admits and steps forward to Santana taking her hand for a brief moment and when she takes it away Santana looks into her hand. "I'm not sure I'm coming back here." Santana sees the key to their apartment in her hand and glances back to Brittany. "I talked to the studio and they gave the okay for a short leave for me. I don't have classes anymore and graduations are long and boring. I already told my parents a while ago I wasn't gonna go to it anyway. So…" She shrugs. "I think this is the right thing to do."
"Wait!" Santana shouts as Brittany picks up her bags and heads to the front door. Brittany turns to face her. "Is that it then?" She shrugs her shoulders and glares at her. "So, we go through a rough patch and you just bail?" She asks, sadness overcoming her so much so that she is now being harsh. "This goes on the both of us, it's not just me, Brittany! I've been trying too. And because of one stupid lapse in judgment and some dumb meaningless girl, years of being together flies out the window. Well, then obviously this never meant anything to you to begin with." Brittany shakes her head. She knew Santana was going to get low, she expected it.
"Santana, a mistake is forgetting to get my laundry done when I asked you to. A mistake is that time I forgot you were allergic to the cherry flavored oils. Those are mistakes." Brittany is getting annoyed now and she can't hold her tongue anymore, but she is sure to keep her temper in check and not raise her voice. "You went out with another girl!" She shouts and Santana stumbles back slightly at the power of her voice.
"I went to a bar, to tell a girl to leave me alone. It's not like we were out on a fucking date." She yells back in just the same tone.
"I've told you constantly that I didn't feel comfortable with you and her being alone because she totally hits on you and you totally let her." Brittany calms down a little but she is still very upset.
"I didn't flirt back Britt." She assures her but Brittany shakes her head. "Not on purpose." She mumbles.
"You obviously knew it would upset me if I knew you were planning to go meet up with her. How am I supposed to believe you when you've lied to me before about having drinks with her by telling me you are going to a study group?" She counters.
"I was at a study group all those times!" Santana yells in frustration bringing her hands to her head and gripping her hair. "And that one time was for school shit."
"I didn't know that people study at bars while getting wasted, but then again I'm stupid what do I know?" Brittany sighs and looks to the ground.
"Brittany, you're not stupid. We would be at a study group and then to wind down we went for drinks, it was no big deal." She tries to explain but Brittany isn't having any of it. "We'd done it so many times before, it used to never bother you."
"Only now, you conveniently leave out the part about her being there, how nice for you." Brittany spits out. "For all I know you've been hanging out with her behind my back and having sex with her."
"Oh my god Brittany, do you hear yourself?" Santana takes a step towards her. "You're seriously going to accuse me of cheating on you?" She has tears falling down her face at this point.
"You used to cheat on Puck all the time." Brittany points out and Santana grunts and stomps her foot.
"That was in high school and I cheated on him with you." Santana challenges.
"It's still cheating."
"I did not cheat on you!" Santana rolls her eyes and crosses her arms over chest and leans against the wall.
"I can't stand you and your rules that you make up as you go along. You push me and push me. Do you want to see how far you can go? Is that it?" She starts crying now, not even realizing she's walking towards Santana. "You lied to me Santana. About something very serious to me and that was your 'mistake'." She gains control of her voice again. "My 'mistake' would be staying with you in spite of that."
"I didn't do anything, I swear! Nothing ever went any further than that fucking ambush kiss, you know that. I don't want to be with anyone else, Brittany." All of this circling around the same things is exhausting and Santana isn't sure she's helping any or making it worse. She figures worse.
"Yeah, maybe you didn't cheat on me physically. But, knowing how I felt, you still went behind my back and did it anyway, how am I supposed to trust you?" Brittany challenges and Santana pushes herself off the wall.
"You just are." It's a simple and soft response. "And maybe things haven't been perfect between us lately, but, at least give me a chance to get them back to how they were. Let us both give it a shot because this is too important, what we have, for me to just let you walk out the door and not even try." Brittany shakes her head.
"We have been trying, but, with school and everything, you're preoccupied and I guess I'm in my own world too." Santana looks away wiping tears away from her face. "I just, I need some time. Some time to think about everything."
"So, what does this mean for us?" Santana's voice is shaky and she has to force herself to look up to meet those blue eyes.
"It means that for now, I'm 'me' and you're 'you'. I'm going back to Lima to figure out stuff." Brittany says and picks her bags back up and takes small steps to the door again.
"I need you." Santana breathes out and Brittany turns around one last time.
"I know." She musters up through the lump in her throat and shifts the bags in her hands. "I need you too." Tears stream down her cheeks. "But, sometimes it's not enough to just know someone needs you, sometimes they have to show it."
"Stay and let me show you." Santana almost begs on her hands and knees but she refrains from letting her body fall to the ground. Brittany shakes her head 'no'.
"I can't, I have to go and then maybe you can show yourself you need me and then you'll be ready to show me." If ever there were a Brittany riddle that Santana got right away it would be this one. It pained her heart to know that Brittany did not feel needed. Santana whispers out just loud enough for Brittany to hear her as she opens the door.
"I just want you."
Santana walks to the opening of the door and at the end of the hallway she sees Kurt and Quinn waiting by the elevator taking Brittany's bags from her hand. Neither one of them chance a look in her direction, they keep their focus on Brittany. Santana watches as the three of them get on the elevator and the doors close behind them. She rolls her eyes and sighs as she steps back into her apartment and slams the door shut, resting her back against it. Her eyes wander around the room, taking it all in.
Her gaze goes to the hooks on the wall by the door and she sees a yellow scarf. It's Brittany's favorite scarf. She pulls on it till it is free from the hook bringing it to her nose and smelling it. It smells like her. Bringing it away from her face she looks at it thinking that she will never see her wear this again. Ever. Brittany has just left her. Like left her, left her. She broke up with Santana, or taking time. Her girlfriend of four and a half years officially and more than a decade unofficially just broke up with her and it is all her fault. Her back slides down the door and she brings her knees to her chest and breaks down in tears.
Santana wakes up thanks to the banging on the door behind her. Her eyes open to see that she was still in the living room, but she was on the floor. She looks behind her and notices that she was still slumped in front of the door. Luckily in her state she had managed to grab a pillow and a blanket though it must have been during a rage black out because she remembers nothing. She jumps again at the sound of banging.
"Santana." A voice from the other side calls her. "I know you're in there." Santana tenses up as the familiar voice speaks again. It was Quinn. Why would she be here? Shouldn't she be in Lima with Brittany? "Get off of the floor and let me in." How did she know she was on the floor? Out of curiosity Santana slides herself away from blocking the door and unlocks it.
"There." She yells irritated. The door opens and Quinn steps in glancing at the disheveled girl on the floor.
"Jesus, you look worse than you did the yesterday." Quinn tells her closing the door behind her and putting her jacket on the hook. "Are you going to wear that forever now?" She asks pointing to the yellow scarf that Santana had wrapped around herself. She looks down at it to but makes no attempt at removing it.
"Shouldn't you be wearing a 'Team Brittany' shirt and plotting my death somewhere in Lima right now?" Santana asks sullenly. Quinn sticks her head in the fridge and starts stacking things on the counter pulling a garbage bag from under the sink.
"My shirts at the dry cleaners and I'm not much for mercy killings." Quinn smirks at her before she continues to toss out the gross mold growing contents of Santana's refrigerator.
"Whatever." Santana rolls her eyes and moves her body to the couch still watching Quinn. Quinn snaps her head in the Latina's direction shooting her a dirty look.
"Seriously Santana?" She growls.
"Q I really don't want to hear it." Santana sighs.
"You're an idiot you know that?" Quinn leans her arm on the door of the refrigerator. "You had it made and you blew it." Santana looks to the couch breaking eye contact from the blonde. "What you two had was amazing, I've never seen that before. I don't even think Rachel and I have that." Quinn muses softly. "It's like fate had laid a hand down and made you two for each other." She closes the door and walks over to the couch falling next to the brunette who looks up at her finally. "I don't know what you were thinking and I don't want to know." Quinn tells her. "If Rachel did to me what you did to Brittany I really don't know what I would do." She shrugs thinking about being in the other blonde's shoes. "But I do know one thing I would try my hardest to forgive her because I love her." She nods at her friend hoping she understands. "I'm not about to speak for her but I'm sure deep down Brittany wants to forgive you, because let's face it she is completely in love with you and her world revolves around you. But obviously that's the problem, both of your worlds revolve around you. Yeah you clearly adore her and love her, absolutely, but she idolizes you and loves you." Santana weakly smiles at the thought of her blonde's love for her. "And if I were you in the situation…" She pauses to get the Latina to look back up at her again. "I'd fight for her until I got her back or my life was over." She quirks and eyebrow but maintains a firm still face.
Quinn sighs and pushes herself off of the couch and heads back to the rank refrigerator to rid it of the gross science projects beginning to grow in there. Santana sits back playing with the fringe on the blanket around her and thinks. She wants to fight for Brittany, she really does, but the thought of getting up and leaving the apartment scares her and make her feel sick. Brittany's words ring through her head and all she wants to do was cry.
"Why are you being nice to me?" Santana interrupts the clanging noises of jars and bottles being tossed into the garbage bag.
"I'm not." Quinn states flatly. "I'm doing this for B." Santana is not all that surprised by this and barely flinches at the harshness of her words. "And… because, no matter how much you fuck up, and piss me off, I am always your best friend." Quinn assures her even though her tone doesn't match the kindness of her words. Santana can't help but smirk a little at the blonde even though she can't see her.
"Hey, Q?" Quinn looks up from the fridge again. "How did you know I have been wearing this?" She asks lifting the scarf up pointing at it.
"Because you've been in it for the last three days." Quinn explains.
"Three days?" Santana is shocked. "Wait, but I was like barricading the door." She muses aloud.
"The first day I managed to push it open with you in front of it and then got you into the shower. But, as soon as I got you dressed you grabbed your pillow and blanket and camped out in front of the door." Quinn furthers her explanation and Santana's eyebrows furrow.
"Thanks." She meekly manages to get out and Quinn nods once again rummaging through the grossness that is the fridge.
Brittany is sitting on a bench at the playground by her house. She watches as the kids run around smiling and laughing, playing tag with one another. She wants to smile at them but, her muscles seem to be off today. Her thumbs play with the tab on the lid of her coffee which is still filled to the top. There is this little girl by the bottom of the slide playing by herself, having the time of her life. Behind her are her parents just watching her with bright smiles and giggling to themselves as their daughter entertains herself.
She used to come here a lot when she lived here in Lima and she even found herself going to parks in New York doing the same thing. Brittany would imagine that one of the children at the park was hers and Santana's. She would think of how she would interact with them and what she would say to them if they fell off of the swing and got a booboo. Then she would think about how great Santana would be with their child and probably play tag with the rest of the kids and chase them and tickle them just to make their child smile.
It used to make Brittany laugh to herself when she thought about Santana and children. Because, for someone who claims to hate children with a fiery passion Brittany could not imagine them not having kids and could not imagine Santana being incapable of being a mother. Santana would be the best mother ever.
But, now as she sits here watching this little girl and her parents, she feels nothing. She really wants to be able to imagine she and Santana were the mothers to this little girl, but her mind will not take her there. It is as if that part of her brain is locked behind a steel door and the key has been thrown away. They don't have that anymore. She didn't have that anymore. Brittany did not have the ability to imagine things like that anymore. Not right now anyway and Santana has taken that away from her.
Things have been very different since returning home from New York. She hasn't told her parents the reasons behind the sudden visit and especially left out the absence of her other half. If it comes up she will quickly make up a lie about how Santana wasn't able to get off of work and then change the subject or say something strange like she normally would do.
She hates lying. It has been the reason for her state right now. But, it is better than telling the truth because that hurt too much. Now she fully understands the meaning behind the saying 'the truth hurts'. But, she's sure she will eventually have to explain things to her parents considering she keeps dodging Santana's phone calls.
"Hey there." A voice comes from behind her, stealing away from her thoughts and she looks over to find Kurt standing beside the bench she is on. She forces out a smile but she isn't even sure if her face moves like she tells it too. "Thought I'd find you here." He lets out and takes a seat next to her as well as her cup of coffee. She watches him take a sip of the coffee she had forgotten was even in her hands. "How are you?" He asks, resting the cup in his hand on his leg. She shrugs because she can't think of words to describe how she feels at this moment. "I figured." He sighs and looks over to the playground. "You sleeping over tonight?" He asks, eyes still focused on the children playing but he can see from his peripheral vision his gal pal is nodding. Kurt places his arm around his friend and pulls her in closer to him rubbing her arm softly through her jacket.
"I'm so sad." Brittany sighs out, sounding utterly exhausted and broken. He looks to her as she places her head on his shoulder and his heart breaks at this sight.
"I know Britt." He tries to soothe her and kisses the top of her head. "I know."
Santana wakes up thanks to the really loud singing coming from her kitchen. Startled, she jumps up from the couch, instantly recognizing a voice that is not Quinn's. Rachel walks over and places a tray of food on the coffee table in front of Santana and grins through her singing. Santana rolls her eyes and sits up staring at the food and then at the diva.
"Really Berry?" She mumbles and Rachel stops singing when she plops herself next to the cranky Latina. "Must you sing all the time?"
"Practice makes perfect." Rachel beams and grabs the remote.
"What are you doing here anyway?" She spits out as she inspects the sandwich in front of her.
"Quinn had to go to work so I came to relieve her of Santana duties." The starlet informs her not even looking at her as she spoke. "I don't agree with her that we need to make you feel better, but that was a battle I did not win." She explains sighing at losing with Quinn about the Brittany-Santana situation. Santana doesn't say anything, but takes in the girl's words. Quinn wants to make her feel better after all. "Stop playing with that and eat it." She demands pointing at the sandwich. "If you are going to fight to win Brittany back you are going to gain your strength back." She tells her but her voice gives away to the fact that she really does not care.
"If Quinn did what I did, would you forgive her?" Santana asks shyly not making eye contact with the other brunette.
"She wouldn't do that to me." Rachel states factually and Santana sighs.
"Humor me."
"Ugh fine, ummm, I don't know. I can't imagine my life without her, but if she cheated on me I think I would be broken. So broken that I wouldn't know how to function." Rachel admits nervously at just the thought of this happening to her and Quinn.
"I didn't cheat on her!" Santana huffs rolling her eyes.
"Maybe not physically Santana, but you lied to her and in a time in your relationship when things were kind of on the fritz." Rachel points out and Santana is quick to shut her mouth. "It would be hard, but if I did, it would be a long road. It wouldn't just go back to the way it was." She continues and Santana nods. "And if I were in your shoes, I would fight like there was no tomorrow to get her back."
"Brittany is the love of my life." Santana sobs a little but sniffles back the tears. "I can't imagine myself with anyone else."
"Then why?" Rachel asks and Santana snaps her head up to the diva. "Why did you do what you did? Listen, I'm not going to sugar coat my questions or statements because I don't think you deserve compassion."
"I don't know, I was just doing what I wanted to do and I kept it from her because I knew she would get mad. And I was sure if I told her that something like this would happen. I was scared." She answers but even she rolls her eyes at her answer, it's so weak.
"That is a stupid reason Santana and you know that too. Being scared is no reason to go sleep with someone else."
"I didn't sleep with her." Santana blurts out.
"Whatever, you lied and to some people that's worse than cheating." Rachel corrects herself. "Which really confuses me to no end too because you even told me that things between you and Brittany were weird, before any of this and you didn't know why."
"Everything between me and Brittany has always been fun and exciting, and honestly it still is, or was. And then this past year it got all serious and I'm totally down for all that serious mushy crap. I even thought about asking her to marry me." Santana admits quietly but loud enough for the girl next to her to hear her.
Rachel turns to her and analyzes Santana's current state. Her hair is a right mess wanting to be controlled in a bun but her hair is not complying and going wherever it wants to. She has been in the same clothes since Quinn had changed her three days ago and she is most definitely certain that Santana is in need of a good shower.
"Then what was the point?" Rachel inquires. "You put your relationship at risk for what? Attention? I was right, I guess you can take the girl out of McKinley but you can't take McKinley out of the girl." She muses to herself looking back to the television. "Still a Cheerio deep down huh?" She asks but more to herself than to Santana who winces at the harshness and truth at the words.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She asks, feeling suddenly offended.
"It means that you are still the same person who wants to be wanted by everybody and needs to have the next big thing or, I don't know, your life's fulfillment is not met. I think that you liked the fact that this girl from your class hit on you and also love that Brittany was jealous." Rachel vaguely explains. How do you explain to someone that they are a vapid narcissist?
They sit in silence for a while, Rachel's words on repeat in Santana's head. Man-hands is right. Santana was a horrible person in high school and it seems as though she is exactly the same now as she was then. She cringes at the thought that she was still the nasty mean girl from her high school years and worse, had been treating Brittany of all people the way she treated lower life at McKinley. But she knows she didn't. She treated Brittany like a found treasure. Brittany is her inspiration for living and she would not taint that. Well, not intentionally.
She had zero intentions of ever cheating on Brittany. That was definitely not on her list of things to do. A girl from her criminal justice class had asked her to study a few times and like a good student she would never pass an opportunity to study with one of the best students in class. Deep down Santana is pretty certain she could read that this girl was sending her signals. The way she laughed at Santana when she made witty remarks about their professor or the way she touched her arm to get her attention in class. Maybe Rachel is right, it's nice to be wanted. But Brittany wanted her, wasn't that enough? It was. It is. Then why?
No, that isn't the reason at all. Trish had nothing to do with anything. Yeah, okay, so it has to do a little bit with why Brittany is pissed, but there is more going on. For the past few months their relationship consisted of them sleeping together. Literally sleeping. They had complete opposite schedules and by the time they'd meet up they would be so exhausted from school work and their jobs that they would just pass out.
Santana did feel a pang of guilt because in the past she would just push through the sleepiness to make sure Brittany was in her arms. To just be awake enough to have a conversation with her about something, anything and she would even go a night without sleeping because when Brittany is lying on top of her time does not exist and sleep has no hold over her.
But, they had gotten into a routine with the new semester and it just stuck. Brittany was always trying to make plans for them to spend quality time alone together but either Santana's study sessions ran late or afterwards she would go out with her group, or Brittany would have late practices or they would spend time together and within five minutes Santana would be passed out.
Brittany would stay awake and watch her sleep wondering if Santana still watched her sleep like she used to do back in their freshman year. She had told her that when she watched her sleep it was like she fell in love with her all over again. With that thought Brittany could only assume that Santana was no longer in love with her.
But then Brittany would roll her eyes at herself for thinking such things because, Santana Lopez is someone who would tell you if she didn't like you so she figured she would tell someone if she didn't love them too. But, just when things started to go downhill is when Santana started going to the study groups more and more and with that girl from her class. Now, all she can keep doing is replay everything over and over in her mind.
That night when everyone had met up at the bar and the girl was completely flirting with Santana, the worst part was that Santana let her. When they got home and Brittany let in on the fact that she saw how the girl was inappropriate and that she didn't feel comfortable with Santana being alone with her. Of course, Santana had brushed it off and made her feel like she had been seeing things but said she would tell her if she were going to a study group and the girl was there. So when she saw them at the bar together that night her heart dropped and she saw red.
One night, back in early October, Santana had planned a romantic night for the two of them. She had made reservations at a nice restaurant that was a little pricey, but she had some secretly saved money to pay for it. She had planned for dinner and a nice time at home alone with wine, maybe a shower or bath together to follow said dinner.
It had been a while since the two of them were going to be able to spend some good quality time together. Brittany would always leave her little love notes where she knew Santana would find them and Santana always made sure to tell her she loved her whenever she could. But, Santana knew this wasn't enough and so she figured if she went all out to plan a night then Brittany would know that she acknowledged the distance that had been slowly growing and that she was doing something to fix it.
Unfortunately, the night that Santana planned had not happened. While she sat on the couch waiting for Brittany, she fiddled with a box in her hand. She was nervous as anything, it almost felt like it was their first date or something. But, her nervousness faded when she got a text from Brittany saying that she wasn't going to be home till late because after practice she and the group were going for dinner to celebrate. Santana's heart dropped to her stomach and she sat on the couch a little while longer staring at the box in her hands.
This box had been hidden away in her sock drawer for almost over four years now and she thought that tonight would be the perfect night. Santana wasn't using this as a quick fix. This was something so much more meaningful than an 'oh my girlfriend and I are going through hard times, let me do something over the top' kind of thing. This was to prove to Brittany that she was Santana's always and only and that after this year they would only be looking to the future, their future.
It wasn't that she forgot about the ring or the question that usually goes along with it that she's also been keeping in a safe place, life kind of just got in the way. That night, Santana took it as a sign that perhaps the timing wasn't right. That is was the hands of fate telling her 'not just yet'. So, instead of planning her romantic dinner and question popping plans for the next night or week, she hid the box where she'd been keeping it all these years and figured she'll know when it's time.
When she comes back from her memory haze, she realizes that Rachel hasn't even noticed she'd gone. Not anywhere physically of course, but she's sure that for the past half an hour or so she's been traveling down memory and what if lane. She actually can't remember the last time she looked at the box. More importantly, she can't remember when she'd looked inside of it.
Of course she knows what's inside and what it looks like. She picked it out specifically for her lady and she was certain it would accentuate every single thing about her. Or that even Brittany would accentuate it. It's probably unbelievable that a college student working at an upscale diner could afford something at Tiffany's. Everyone she knows would probably slap her upside the head if she told them how she bought it.
But, no one needs to know that when she graduated high school, her mother handed her over a check that had a lot of zeros on it. According to Mama Lopez, she'd been saving money here and there for Santana since she was born, as if she were preparing for the day for her first born to leave the nest. Santana's certain that Quinn would say her mom gave her the money so she'd never come back. That thought always makes her chuckle.
Sure, she could have easily used the money to pay rent for a few years. Probably would have had to work at Nelson's for as long as she has. But, when her mother told her to do something great with her life as she handed her the check, she knew what that something great was. It was Brittany. It still is Brittany.
So, when Santana is positive Rachel is sucked into the show that is on, she slips off to her room slowly shutting the door. She turns to her bureau and wraps the blanket around her arms so that her hands are free. With the top drawer open she gets onto her tippy toes and reaches her hand into the back moving it around until her fingers cross over a hard square object. She pulls out a sock in a sock in a sock, sticking her hand inside and undoing them until she is left with three pairs of socks in one hand and a little, wooden box in the other.
It's a small box. Nothing too fancy or out of control; simple yet elegant. Her eyes dart to the door when she thinks she hears movement, but, after a few seconds of standing completely still she realizes it is Rachel talking to the television.
Santana walks over to the bed, planning on sitting down at the edge of it but can't find the energy to. It is still made from the day Brittany left. Instead, she goes towards their vanity, places the box onto the table and leans with her hands on either side of it.
She stares at it for a while and thinks about what is in there, why she has it and who it's for. Her eyes climb up the mirror in front of her and she looks herself in the eye shaking her head. Standing up straight, she holds the bottom of the box firmly and flips the little clasp open, pulls the top up and back to expose its contents.
"Here have some." Kurt pulls her out of her own mind and she notices a bowl of soup being placed in front of her on the table. She glances up at him and forces out a smile that doesn't last long. "You need to eat."
"I'm not hungry." Brittany answers, making a face at the soup pushing the bowl away. Kurt sighs and rolls his eyes.
"You need to eat something Britt." He tells her pushing it to her once more. She scrunches her nose and shakes her head pushing it away again. "Fine." He huffs and takes it away. "Quinn said she and Rachel are going to come here next weekend." Kurt informs her while walking back to the couch. Brittany only nods, not wanting him to notice her tense up. "Quinn asked for you but you were in the shower. I told her I'd let you know she called." Brittany tries to smile again but just like the times before she fails miserably and chooses to bring the covers up to her chin and lean further into the couch. "She said she tried calling your cell phone, but all she got was your voicemail."
"Yeah I shut my phone off." Brittany tells him flatly staring at the television, but it isn't even on. He mouths 'oh' and nods. "I don't want to sit around and have to ignore her phone calls, or sit around and get more upset because she hasn't called. So I turned it off and threw it in the back of her truck when we were leaving." She explains picking some lint out of her mouth from the blanket.
"Your phone is in the back of Santana's truck?" Kurt asks raising an eyebrow and she turns to him and nods like it is the most reasonable place to toss unwanted things. "Okay, but, I mean you are going to talk to her eventually, right?" He ponders softly. It's the question on everyone's tongue. The whole will they won't they? Brittany slowly but firmly shakes her head from side to side twice. "So you are never going to speak to Santana again?" She glances over at him staring at him for a few moments before she readjusts herself to face him a little pulling the blankets down to her lap.
"I don't owe her anything Kurt. She messed up not me. If she wants to talk to me then she has to make it happen and calling me on my cell phone isn't going to cut it." Brittany explains to him and he nods to show he is listening. "She really messed up, not like telling me I look fat messed up."
"But then how is she supposed to get in touch with you?" He almost gasps. "I mean she's been calling your house, but we all just tell her to stop calling. So…"
"Like the people in those romantic movies do." Brittany tells him matter of factly. "She'll find a way."
At first Kurt seems confused by her logic, but letting it marinate made him admire the sad blonde girl. Even after being scorned by her love she still saw some optimism from it all. She still had hopes and dreams of some romantic happy ending regardless if it was plausible because let's be honest, this is Santana Lopez after all.