Quinn comes storming through the door and slings her bag to the floor. Rachel jumps and turns to stare at her current state, uncertain if their regular greeting is going to be of any use. With a huff, Quinn stomps her way towards the kitchen where her girlfriend is preparing dinner. With a quick glance down the hall to make sure Kurt isn't home, only to remember he's back in Lima, and she stops in the doorway of the kitchen.
"What the hell did you say to Santana?" Quinn asks in irritation.
"I have no idea what you're talking about." Rachel sighs with a tilt of her head and turns back to her previous task of making dinner for them.
"Don't play stupid Rach, it's a bad color on you." Quinn snaps, taking one final step into the kitchen and leans her hands on the back of the chair. Rachel's brow furrows as she dumps vegetables into a simmering pot of sauce.
"If you're referring to the conversation I had with Santana, then that's a different story." She assumes that whatever this outburst has to do with, it's most likely Santana. Everything has been about Santana the past two weeks.
"You have no right to say things like that to her." Quinn tells her authoritatively. Rachel scoffs and places the knife and cutting board into the sink. She turns towards her girlfriend and leans her back against the counter as she crosses her arms defensively over her chest.
"Oh, I'm sorry." She starts slowly. "I thought friends told one another when they're wrong." She defends, but this only gets an annoyed chuckle out of Quinn.
"But, you're not her friend." Quinn points out in a challenging way and she holds her hand up to stop Rachel from interrupting her. "Don't pretend like you ever actually liked her. I think you put up with her because of me, and most of the time I'm thankful." She tries to soften her voice the best she can and shakes her head. "But, you can't say shit to her like that. You live in this perfect world where it's black and white. It's either right or wrong. Nothing is that clear cut though. Maybe Santana wasn't acting like a great girlfriend and she did a bunch of fucked up things, but Brittany is no angel either." She explains. After a few long moments of silence and an unapologetic look on her girlfriend's face, she pushes the chair forcefully into the table and groans in disbelief. "You're unbelievable, you know that?"
"I didn't do anything." Rachel holds her ground of innocence, but judging from Quinn's body language and facial expression, it's a lost battle.
"The funny part is that you really think that." She says in defeat. "Sure, Santana is a hard ass and sometimes she's a bitch. But, she's probably the most sensitive person I've ever met." Quinn tries to shed some light onto the inner workings of her best friend, but Rachel just rolls her eyes and turns back towards the boiling pot on the stove. "Do you know how hard it is for her right now?" Quinn asks in a smaller voice as though she is speaking for Santana. "Do you know how hard it is for her and then to be like that in front of someone like you?" Silence is the only thing between her questions that don't need verbal answers, but she'd still appreciate some sort of response. "She was practically inconsolable when I got there. The only reason she's not like that anymore is because she's asleep. And that took me slipping some Nyquil into her tea." Quinn admits with her head hung low.
Back in Lima, Brittany is sitting in the same place she's been for the past two days; curled up on the sofa in the Pierce's living room with remote in hand. She idly presses buttons and stares on as countless commercials and reality television shows brighten up the otherwise dully lit room. The only time she's gotten up from the couch has been to go to the bathroom and grab a drink.
She hadn't even realized how the day seemed to slip by her until her mother comes through the front door. Apparently it's after four, which is when her mother gets home from work every day. Brittany doesn't turn around like she normally would to greet anyone who bounces through the door. She doesn't really give much of a response at all.
Mrs. Pierce carefully sets her keys down into the bowl that is beside the coat closet near their front door and sadly looks over at her daughter. Her poor Brittany has been sitting in the corner of the couch, knees to her chest, wrapped up in a throw blanket and the remote in her hand. She's never quite seen her daughter like this and it's a tremendous ache in her chest to have to witness.
Mrs. Pierce makes her way over towards the couch and gently puts her hand down onto Brittany's shoulder and squeezes it affectionately. When she does so, her daughter only takes in a deep breath and lowers her head as she lets go of the remote control. It's a sign to Mrs. Pierce that her little girl has done more thinking that watching anything on the muted television set.
"How are you doin'?" Mrs. Pierce asks in a soft voice and moves around the couch to take the spot just a few feet from Brittany.
"I can't stop wondering what she's doing." Brittany admits as she pulls the blanket closer to her chest. "Is she as sad as I am?" She pouts and stares dejectedly at the coffee table separating her parent's couch and television, much like at her apartment in New York. "Or is she fine?"
"Honey," Mrs. Pierce breathes out in a motherly concerned kind of manner. "I'm sure she's just as mopey as you are." She tries to offer her daughter some kind of smile, but it's almost of no use because Brittany is staring at the furniture in the living room.
"I'm not mopey." Brittany defends with a huff and buries half of her face into the fringes of the blanket. "I'm..." She tries at words, even with fabric in her mouth, but gives up because she can't think of anything to say.
"I know." Mrs. Pierce scoots closer to her and pats her back. "Your heart hurts." Brittany nods sadly and allows herself to fall into her mother's embrace.
Before either of them can say another word, the door opens once again and this time Brittany glances over. She's surprised because she is half expecting her father, but is instead seeing her older sister closing the front door to their parent's house. Laurie smiles in their direction as she leans down to put her bag to the floor and kicks off her shoes like she used to when they were little.
"Hey sweetie." Mrs. Pierce greets and with one last hug to her middle daughter, gets up to offer one to her oldest.
"Hey mom." Laurie hugs her mother just as tightly as ever and looks over her shoulder at Brittany as she does so. "Hey Britt." She offers her little sister a tight lipped smile as she lets go of her mother.
"I better go get dinner started." Mrs. Pierce lets out as she starts to put her hair up with the random hair tie she always keeps on her wrist. "You're staying right?" She asks Laurie before she vanishes into the kitchen.
"Sure am." Laurie nods with a smile and waits for her mother to be out of the room to venture towards Brittany, still sitting on the couch.
She takes a spot, a little further than where her mother had been sitting, and glances over at the state her sister is in. Brittany's hair is up in a messy ponytail, her shirt looks like she's been wearing it for a few days and is stretched out by the neck. Her socks are on the floor and one of her pant legs are up by her calf while the other is tucked under her heel.
After a few moments of silence and the tiny volume of the un-muted television set, Laurie takes in a deep breath and sets her clasped hands onto her lap. She twists her lips in thought and wonders if Brittany knows she's looking at her and just ignoring her or she's totally immersed in the thoughts swimming in her own head.
"I know this is none of my business," Laurie starts after a mini debate in her head. "But what are you doing?" She asks curiously.
"I'm watching TV." Brittany replies easily.
"No," Laurie sighs out in slight amusement. "I meant, what are you doing here?"
"Can't I visit?" She breathes out in frustration and with a bit of defeat.
"Well, yeah, of course." Laurie assures her, sending a quick glance at the television. "But, look, mom told me what happened." She confesses and Brittany drops her hand into her lap. "Plus, it's kind of obvious something is up because, you're short a girlfriend and you're mopey." She watches as her sisters eyes flicker around the entertainment center and then to the blanket. "Jaime keeps asking me what's going on." She adds, letting Brittany know that their younger sister is just as worried and curious.
"It's complicated." Brittany sighs.
"So, why don't you tell me about it and then maybe I can help make it a little less complicated." Laurie offers. Brittany takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly as she presses the mute button on the remote again.
"I don't really know where to start." She says softly.
"The beginning is always a good start." Her sister points out.
"Santana, sweetie." Mrs. Lopez's voice streams trough the apartment. "I haven't heard from you in two weeks. I... I ran into Laurie the other day." There's a bit of silence for a few long seconds. "Laurie Pierce. I don't know what's going on, but she... just call me, please."
Santana waits for the beep that comes when her mother has finished leaving her message to let out the breath she'd been holding. She wasn't sure if she was holding it to keep herself from answering or waiting to hear anything about Brittany. She glances around the living room from her spot on the couch. It's the same. It's warm and cozy. It's theirs. That thought tears through her like a knife through cardboard. It's rough and uneven. She groans inwardly as she lets her body fall to the couch, clutching a pillow to her chest.
"Okay," Laurie nods a few times after Brittany finishes. "Listen, I think somewhere along the way, you two have forgotten what is really important." She points out. "You have each other and you love each other." Brittany tightly shuts her eyes and rubs the heels of her palms into her eyelids. What her sister is saying is the truth, but even so, she's not sure if the rest of what Laurie is going to say is. "Everything that gets in the way doesn't take that away or diminish it. Only a few years ago you were in Santana's shoes and she was in yours. Maybe the details are a little different, but it's pretty much the same. I'm not gonna say you're overreacting, because, everyone is entitled to the way that they feel."
"I just... I felt like I was losing her." Brittany admits quietly. She opens her eyes and looks down to watch the way her fingers twist and tug at the strings of the blanket on her lap.
"Thing is little sis," Laurie scoots a little closer to her. "You're not a teenager anymore. You can get upset with Santana or the way your relationship is going all you want. But, you can't resort to picking up and leaving at the drop of a hat. You're kind of an adult now." Laurie explains carefully, giving little moments between her words for Brittany to interject. But, when she doesn't interrupt or nod or anything, Laurie continues. "I mean, I get that you're still young and this is your first real relationship. For the both of you. But, I think it's safe to say we both know you want it to be your last." Brittany looks down at her lap and stills her hands. "Maybe this past year has been rough and things between you guys have been feeling like they are going backwards or at a standstill." Laurie smiles and pats her sister on the arm. "But, baby, that's life and that's how relationships are. Some days they are so exciting, you can't believe it and other days it feels boring and repetitive. But, it's never really that boring." The chuckle she lets out is not forced, just more knowing. "How can it be boring when you're loved and in love?" She lowers her head to get a read on Brittany's facial expression. It's sad, but she assumed it would be. "Disagreements happen. So do fights. It's nerve racking to put all your trust into one person, other than yourself. But, if they are 'the one', then you don't really have a choice." Laurie moves until she's close enough to throw her arm around Brittany's shoulders and pulls her into her. She presses her cheek to her sister's head and puts a kiss to her hairline. "Santana loves you and I know for a fact that she would never put her relationship with you on the line for anything or anyone. At least not on purpose."
"It's not..." Brittany tries to chime in but her voice catches in her throat.
"What?" Laurie jumps in before the silence takes over. "It's not that simple?" She challenges. "It's not that easy to forgive her?" Brittany slowly shakes her head. "Britt, like I said before, it was only a couple of years ago that the roles were practically reversed." Brittany lifts her head and shoots her sister a quizzical stare. "How would you have felt if Santana had up and left you because of that teacher thing?" Laurie asks. "I get that this hurts. But, relationships are hard. The thing you gotta realize is that if it hurts this much, then it's gotta be real." When she senses that this conversation is becoming more of a lecture than she had initially intended, she pushes herself up from the couch with a sigh. "It's a life sentence." She comments as she steps away from the couch and around the back of it. "Neither of you are going to forget the wrongs each of you have committed. Ever." She looks on as her little sister continues to play with the frayed strings on the throw blanket in her lap. "Sometimes, they'll be times you even bring up things from the past that are irrelevant just to win an argument. This can't be one of them. But," Laurie takes a small breath and lets it out slowly. "That's a decision you are going to have to make on your own. Are you willing to push this aside and save your relationship? Because, you have to ask yourself, is it worth it?"
"If my relationship is worth it?" Brittany breaks out of her silence, stunning her sister into a dead stop before reaching the hallway. She turns around and finds Brittany looking back at her.
"No," Laurie shakes her head and sends Brittany a kind smile. "If this is worth your relationship."
When Santana reaches the doors to Nelson's for opening, she's greeted by Quinn with a small smile and quick nod. It's been hard, having to come to work with everything else in her life being turned completely upside down. But, there's no real choice in the matter because she has to work. She still lives in the real world even if her world is currently in shambles.
The first two weeks, she's been working like a zombie. Her body was simply going through the motions of getting coffee, taking orders, swiping credit cards and wishing people a good day. Even now, nearly three weeks since Brittany's been gone, her mind is still not with reality.
Luckily, school has finally ended and she no longer has to shake with the slight feeling of possibly having to see Trish or even fathom a face to face confrontation with the girl. She'd gotten the chance to talk to Dina though, who assured her that Trish would no longer bother her. Apparently, upon hearing about everything, Dina gave Trish a piece of her mind and then quit going to study sessions in protest.
Of course Santana felt awful for Dina's decision, not liking that it had something to do with her problems. But, her friend told her that she was just waiting for Trish to do something to piss her off and this was just the reason to tear into her. Ironically, all Santana could think was that after all of this, she actually did make a friend.
"I talked to Brittany." Quinn announces in a soft voice once they are in the back putting on their aprons. Santana's hands still behind her, strings in her hand, and she looks at her friend. "Yesterday." Quinn adds. "She's…" She tilts her head side to side, as though finding the right words to describe the girl in question, and she purses her lips.
"Is she coming back?" Santana asks, with so much hope that she cringes when she hears her own voice. Quinn finishes tying the bow of her apron at her back and smoothes her hands over the front.
"I don't know." She shakes her head and lets out a sigh through puffed cheeks. "But," She lets out slowly. "She asked about you." Santana ears perk up at this. She doesn't want to get her hopes up though, it could just be Brittany being sweet and kind Brittany. "I didn't know what to tell her." Santana lowers her head at this. Of course, Quinn is still on Brittany's side.
She nods a few times, pats Quinn on the arm and then turns to head out into the dining room.
"I didn't know what you wanted me to tell her." Quinn says, making Santana stop at the swinging doors. "Look," She sighs and looks down to the ground when her friend turns towards her. "I'm sorry." She apologizes and when she finally lifts her eyes she finds Santana shooting her a perplexed look. "Not just for what you're going through, even if it sort of is self inflicted." She explains with a shrug of her shoulders. "I shouldn't be telling you what an ass you've been." Her lips twist and Santana breathes out a half hearted laugh. "You don't need me to remind you of… well, I should be telling you how to fix it." She offers a small smile and a nod, admitting defeat in the 'best friend' department.
"You've been fine." Santana assures her and clears her throat as she shifts her feet. But, Quinn simply shakes her head.
"I haven't, but, thanks." She replies, uncomfortably crossing her arms over her midsection. "I guess I just want you to know that I'm not 'Team Brittany'." Santana grins and gives her an approving nod. "Actually, I'm 'Team Brittany and Santana'. So…" They stand there in a comfortable silence that hasn't existed in weeks between them and smile back at one another.
The little 'tender' moment with Quinn, even if only a little bit, lightened up Santana's day. The guests at Nelson's annoyed her a little less and she was even able to allow herself, well her mind really, to think of others things. At shift change, she received a whole hearted 'I'll see you later' from Quinn who was pulling a double.
Maybe there wasn't exactly a little pep in her step, but knowing that her friend officially had her back, it made her feel a tiny bit more at ease. Even if that feeling was fleeting.
On her walk home, she tried to enjoy the cool spring breeze that was slowly being taken over by the upcoming change of season. Normally, she'd be over the moon about summer approaching so rapidly. But, to her at least, the weeks and days and hours and minutes seem to be passing her by at a glacial pace. Every second she doesn't hear from Brittany or is unsuccessful in getting in touch with her, it only makes her wish the season would pause, not wanting time to continue on with them apart.
She's not suicidal or anything that extreme, she's heartbroken. Every inch of her body aches. A breath of the fresh air stings because it isn't mixed with the sweet scent of Brittany's perfume or even her natural smell. The sun burns her eyes, but that's probably due to the fact that she keeps her shades drawn whenever she is at home. And even though the temperature is rising, she has a constant chill that sadness can only bring on and there is nothing she can do to shake it.
Her days and nights spent at home when she doesn't have work, are boring and depressing. It's easy when Quinn is around and ironically, even when Rachel is around, even if all she does is berate her. But, company is company she figures. It's when she is alone though that causes her chest to ache and her tummy to jumble around until she feels ill.
In their earlier years of friendship, Santana and Brittany often watched those romantic movies of long lost love. Of course they did, it's what girls watch when they have sleepovers and the boys they 'dated' wouldn't want to watch a sap-fest like 'The Notebook'. Sure, they watched the various independent films here and there that seemed interesting. They dabbled in the horror flicks, much to Santana's protest and silly movies as well.
For some reason or another, at this moment in walking home from work, all Santana can think about is how she felt after the first time seeing 'The Notebook'. She couldn't for the life of her understand how these two characters could be so connected and completely enamored with one another. She grew increasingly confused at how detached from the rest of the world the guy was after losing his lady love. Of course she got he was 'in love' and all of that mushy stuff. He was sad or whatever. However, she couldn't quite grasp the feeling of not being able to let go. Could something really be that strong?
Santana understands now. She's there. She is trapped in that mist of the unknown. There's this uncertainty mixed between all of the certainty she has grown accustomed to. In a way, she envies the way the two characters in the movie were ripped apart. For a second, she wished that there were other reasons that separated herself from Brittany. But, she shakes her head at herself, it doesn't matter how or why they are apart right now. Whatever the reason, it would hurt just the same.
"Santana?" A voice catches her off guard and she nearly stumbles over her own feet. Through the evening hustle of the city streets, she glances over her shoulder to find a familiar face smiling cautiously back at her.
"Brittany." A voice catches her off guard and she nearly stumbles over her own feet. In a rather empty cereal aisle, safe for herself and the person calling her name, Brittany glances over her shoulder to find a familiar face looking curiously back at her.
"Mrs. Lopez." Brittany says nervously, yet as sweetly as possible while she fumbles with two boxes of Cheerios. She places them back haphazardly, clears her throat and attempts a smile. "How've you been?" She asks, turning her body fully towards the older woman who firmly but hesitantly pushes her cart closer.
"Worried." She admits evenly, not at all sugar coating her concern for whatever it is going on. It's obvious to Brittany, judging by the woman's posture and slight tilt of the head, that Mrs. Lopez has more of than just a bout of confused concern as to what has happened between her and Santana. Just as Brittany is hanging her head with unease and a tad of embarrassment, Mrs. Lopez continues to speak. "Santana hasn't been returning my calls for a month." She admits, catching Brittany's attention quickly. "I ran into your sister a few weeks ago and she said you were home." The Lopez eyebrow raise comes to the scene and Brittany has to do her best at trying to avoid the inquisitive stare.
"Oh." She can't bare it to meet her girlfriend/ex-girlfriend's mother's eyes. She can't even believe that the only response she can give is 'oh'.
Sure, there is a ton to say. There is a ton to explain. But, at the same time, Mrs. Lopez isn't her mother and she just doesn't feel right in telling the sordid details of her and Santana's current situation. Especially considering she isn't even sure what that situation even is. Luckily, before Brittany can enter a long tirade of hums and other various stuttering, her mother shows up in the same aisle.
"Oh, Britt, there you are." Mrs. Pierce chuckles and makes her way towards the middle of the aisle where she's just spotted her daughter. Her stride slows down however, when she spots Mrs. Lopez standing in front of Brittany. "Anita." She smiles, sending a quick look at her daughter who is shuffling her feet from side to side.
"Kate." Mrs. Lopez greets in the same fashion. "How are things?" She asks with genuine interest.
As the two older women make small talk, Brittany slinks behind her mother and just watches. One of the greatest and most amazing things that Brittany and Santana had received during the duration of their relationship was understanding and support from both of their families. Not only that, but their families got along so well too. Sometimes, she couldn't believe how incredible their lives were and were going to be in the future.
A big fear for Santana and one of the many reasons it took her so long to come out and declare her feelings for and to Brittany was what would happen to her relationship with her family. The way things had turned out, well, Brittany couldn't have been more proud that regardless of that fear, Santana took that leap anyway. It showed her that no matter what anyone thought, even family, she was going to love her fiercely and fearlessly. The fact that the Lopez clan barely flinched at the news of their daughter's sexual orientation was definitely an added bonus.
But, it's moments like this one in particular that bring old, made-up memories rushing through Brittany's mind. It's similar to the ones she would have sitting at the park watching parents with their children. Only, this one is of her and Santana throwing some sort of party or family gathering. She would imagine coming into the kitchen for something, chips, dip or more wine to find their mothers chit chatting about when they were going to be grandmothers.
She hadn't had one of these visions in a while. It's been hard and kind of an everyday sort of task to think of these things. But, even now, it's not difficult to smile regardless if it is a sad one.
"Dina." Santana greets kindly and turns towards the other girl.
"Hey," Dina grips her purse that hangs from her shoulder tighter while she pushes through the small crowd brushing by them on the street. "I thought that was you." She shoots a friendly smile even though she gets a hard shoulder in her arm from some guy in a suit on the phone. Santana nods, because, it is her.
"Yep." She adds once Dina gets closer so they aren't yelling through quickly moving bodies.
"I've been meaning to call or text." Dina admits in a softer tone and shrugs her shoulders. "I, uh," She stammers, eyes taking in the current state Santana is in. "I heard what happened." She says regretfully with a tilt of her head. Santana nods twice and sucks in her lips, letting her chin come down to her chest.
"Yeah," She lets out a small chuckle and looks back up to Dina. "I heard her nose was broken." Dina's head jerks back slightly and looks momentarily confused until understanding finally shines in her eyes.
"Oh," Dina shakes her head and waves her hand between them. "No, I meant about you and Brittany." This stops Santana from smiling, instantly turning the corners of her mouth upside down which she tries to control into something that appears neutral.
"Oh." Santana blinks a few times, her eyes flit around to the people walking by and around them. "That." Dina bobs her head up and down, lips twist, unsure if she's just overstepped.
"I was hanging out with Alexis," She frantically starts to explain, using her hands as she speaks. "She said Brittany hadn't been seen in a while. Long story short, she got in touch with Kurt and he gave her the short version and… well… yeah." She takes a breath, finally, and lets it out slowly and tries to gauge Santana's reaction. But all Santana does is stare off to the side and bite on the inside of her lips. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry." Dina offers, moving her head to find Santana's eyes.
"Yeah," She just looks to the ground and kicks the concrete. "Me too."
"Listen," Dina interrupts the silence that slips between them and adjusts her bag again. "I'm actually running late, but, maybe one of these days we could get together." Santana finally looks up with sad uncertainty. "I mean," She shrugs and playfully rolls her eyes. "Truth is, you and Lauren were the only two in our whole little group I could actually stand." A small chuckle escapes Santana's throat finally letting Dina grin comfortably. After a promise to get together, the two say their farewells before heading off into opposite directions.
It's kind of hard to forget that she isn't heading home to her beautiful girlfriend these days. Sometimes, only a few, she has come home and caught herself opening her mouth to holler out a greeting to someone who is not there. Luckily, she won't be making that mistake today because of her short conversation with Dina. Sure, it was nice to have her classmate and possibly 'friend', show concern for her well being. But, it also just reminded her of her current life.
Tossing her keys onto the side table, she lets out a sigh and kicks her work shoes off. It used to be nice to get home to a bit of quiet. Sometimes it meant she had just enough time to prepare an impromptu romantic dinner for two, fixed with candles and flowers from the shop at the corner. Other times it meant Brittany was lying in bed waiting for her.
Truth is, she misses all the times. She misses the quiet unpredictable things that happened in the apartment as well as the loud, noisy things that happened. Biting on her bottom lip, she looks dejectedly over at the kitchen floor. There had been many times they would just lie there, staring at one another after a spontaneous intimate moment. They would discuss their lives at the moment and the things they wished and hoped for in the future. She remembers one time, on that very floor, they spoke about how moments like sex on the kitchen floor would not be as readily available to them when they decide to have a family.
It wasn't a question of 'if', but more of a 'when'. Santana was content with the fact that both she and Brittany knew that their future together contained the same dreams. It was things like that, that made Santana feel so secure not only in herself but in their relationship.
Making her way over to the couch, too tired to get changed out of her Nelson's uniform just yet, she sets her elbows on her knees and jams the heels of her palms into her closed eyes. It breaks her heart to think that over in Lima, Ohio, Brittany could be sitting down on the Pierce's couch erasing all of the spoken, and more importantly the unspoken promises that they have made to one another.