A/N: Sorry this took so long to update (did it? I lost track of when I last updated...) Anyway, here's the next chapter. It's mainly a thought chapter but has some plot-ish stuff in it...Enjoy!~ :3

The elevator rang announcing its arrival at his floor. Tony looked up abruptly, having been lost in his thoughts.

When he exited the elevator he headed straight to the men's bathroom. He knew he probably looked like shit and wanted to at least attempt to regain composure before entering the bullpen.

As soon as he entered the bathroom, he checked the stalls and the urinals and found that he was – thankfully – alone. He slowly walked over to the sinks and lifted his head to see his face.

His eyes were still a little red and his face was still slightly stained from the tears. He sighed in frustration as he turned on the sink and began lightly splashing the water in his face. Tony walked over to the paper towel dispenser and tore off a piece to wipe his face with. After he threw away the paper towel he allowed himself to relax.

He leaned against the side wall and slowly lowered himself so he was in a sitting position while propped up against the wall. He then just let his mind wander.

His father had always been a…touchy subject. He'd never speak much about the man. Sometimes, though, he never thought about what he said before he said it and would end up revealing something about his childhood. Like that one Halloween, he had told McGee about one of his Halloweens as a child. God, that one sucked. He actually basically said his father spanked him. Tony shuddered at the memory.

The worst part of that was, though, was that McGee just thought Tony's life had been perfect. He should know that just because your family is rich, doesn't mean you had a pleasant upbringing. Well, sure, some rich kids probably have easy-going, spoiled lifestyles in their youth. Tony, though. Well, he was disowned at twelve, the same year that he was sent to boarding school. He was also constantly physically and emotionally abused. Yeah, he sure had an easy childhood.

Ziva, McGee, and Kate used to make snarky comments about 'spoiled Tony' and 'poor rich kid' about him. He had to fight the urge to tell them of the actuality of his youth or to simply punch their friggin' faces in! Tony growled slightly. It took a few seconds for him to realize that he had just thought badly about Kate.

Again, he felt tears springing up in his eyes. Kate. Here he was basically drowning in self-pity and in the process he insulted Kate (kind of, anyway). Man, he was selfish. He couldn't help but think that everything possibly good in his life was constantly being destroyed. First, Kate was murdered right next to him. He had felt her blood spray across his face. He felt a single tear roll down his cheek.

Second, Jeanne. Jeanne Benoit. Tony had really liked Jeanne. He had thought that they were meant for each other. Most of the time he was with her, the fact that their how relationship was an undercover operation seemed to slip his mind. To him, their love was real. He hasn't stopped loving her either.

He realized that she was the first woman he had loved since Wendy. Oh, there's another thing he has lost over the years.

Finally, Jenny. He and Jenny were really getting close. They were good friends before…Tony willed the memories away. Not here, not now. He's broken down too many times in the past few days anyway. Also, Jeanne and Jenny were solely his fault anyway. He shouldn't get a chance to release. He shouldn't get the opportunity to relieve himself of some guilt. Any at all. Plus, he knew Gibbs blamed him for Jenny's death, too. Usually, when Gibbs thought something, he was right.

Tony sighed as he realized that he had just rid his face of evidence of his crying and now he's crying again.

As he moved to stand, he felt something press against his leg. He reached his hand into his pants' pocket and pulled out the bottle of painkillers. He quickly read the label and found that he had to take another one now. Great. He was even more depressed now than he was before. Well, maybe if he just skipped it this time then he could make it through the day without crying again. Man, he was pathetic. He'd cried more in the past few days than he can ever remember doing.

Tony slowly rose to his feet to begin his previous procedure to clean his face.

When he finished, he couldn't help but notice the pain from his injuries slowly but surely rising in intensity. Tony shrugged, which he immediately regretted because of the jolt of pain it caused. He figured that since he lasted the morning and night without painkillers that he could last another few days. The worst had to be over, right?

Tony jumped at the sound of someone entering the bathroom and his head hit the pointed (and goddamn painful) edge of the paper towel dispenser.

He bite back a cry in pain as his head exploded in pain. He hadn't told Ducky, but he figured that he had gotten a concussion along with his other injuries. His vision was temporarily doubled and he tried to focus on the face of whoever had just entered the bathroom.

The second his vision cleared, his eyebrows knitted together in confusion. He blinked a few times before realizing that he was seeing correctly and that Ziva was in the men's bathroom…again.

"I thought you'd be here. Gibbs was looking for you, by the way. He looked pissed last time I saw him…" Ziva paused and quickly walked over so she was standing directly in front of Tony. "Is your head bleeding?"

"What?" Tony gently touched his head and when he brought his hand, sure enough, it had blood on it.

"Damn it." Tony muttered.

"You should probably go to see Ducky." Ziva advised.

"I'll be fine. Just go back and tell Gibbs that I'm fine and I'll be there soon. I'm just gonna clean up a bit." Ziva began to leave but Tony called after her. "Wait! Don't tell Gibbs about the," Tony pointed at his currently bleeding head. "yeah…just tell him I'm busy with something else. Say I'm…going to the bathroom or something…"

Ziva eyed him suspiciously. Tony elaborated, "I don't want to worry the 'bossman'. His hair is gray enough as it is." Tony grinned to try to lessen the tension residing in the room.

Ziva just nodded before quickly exiting the bathroom.

Tony let out a sigh of relief. Then readied himself for the task at hand. Should he tell Palmer? Ducky?

Tony wondered if it would be easier to tell Palmer and have him help him. Or to just try to handle the situation himself.

Tony growled quietly.

When did his life become so complicated?

A/N: Okay, yeah, cliche ending but hey, I tried, okay? Anyway, I hope everyone has a Happy Christmas (and yes, I say Happy there's nothing wrong with not being British and saying that . ) and I obviously have a life, writing fanfictions exactly an hour from Christmas -_- Anyway, Happy Christmas and I hope to update soon!

A/N 2: PLEASE REVIEW. It is GREATLY appreciated and adored and LOVED when I receive reviews. Anyway, I'd like to know how you like this chapter and if you have and questions, comments, critiques, advice, etc. Thanks!