Ninja Tales From Another Dimension!
Hola, readers! Bet you never expected to see an update for this series, eh? That is to say, if there's any of you that actually bother to follow this or add an alert for it. Anyways, have you ever wondered what it would be like if you were to leave behind a crazy will behind when you die? And you specifically say that everything that's written in the will has to be carried out? Well, you're about to find out.
55555
Tale 5: Naruto's Will
Rain poured down relentlessly in Konohagakure, matching the overall mood of all of the inhabitants. For it had been an entire week since the day that the village had lost their Rokudamie Hokage, and one of its most notorious and powerful shinobi that was ever born: Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze. Yes, the "dead-last" had finally completed his life-long goal of becoming Hokage, as well as being recognized as a hero throughout the Elemental Nations for his part in the Fourth Shinobi World War and for finally putting an end to the abomination that was the Uchiha clan. It was a long and destructive battle, but in the end, both Madara and Sasuke were utterly destroyed, never to terrorize the world ever again. While the majority of the people celebrated the fact that the two Uchihas were no longer amongst the living, there were a select few that still held the Uchiha in high regards, the youngest of the two in particular. Yes, it would seem that the old saying during Naruto's academy days still held merit: "Once an Uchiha worshiper, always an Uchiha worshiper". Despite all of the crimes that Sasuke had committed, there were a few idiotic villagers that villainized Naruto for killing the last "noble" member of the elite Uchiha clan, including his female comrade from Squad Seven. It appeared that Sakura still had a thing for the last traitorous Uchiha, and held the blonde Uzumaki in contempt for killing him. Though the villagers and Sakura's actions did hurt Naruto, he was able to overcome the pain thanks to his true friends, and his girlfriend, Hinata, whom he later married and raised a big and happy family with her. And through his reign Konohagakure, as well as the rest of the Elemental Nations, experienced a long period of peace and prosperity that lasted for many years.
That was why his death had such a negative impact on Konoha, and several villages outside of Hi no Kuni. Naruto had made lasting impressions with the clients and countries that had hired him for jobs, and, whether it was intention or not, had managed to change them for the better. They had viewed the blonde shinobi as a hero as well as an icon, and the news of Naruto's death had resulted in a massive memorial throughout the countries lasted for an entire week.
Currently, in a room within the Hokage Tower, sat six people at the long table, one of them petting a cat in their arms, while another was trying to control their crying. They had been asked to come to the room, since their names were listed in the will that Naruto had left behind when he died. At first, they were puzzled as to why only they were mentioned in the former Rokudaime Hokage's will, as they knew of the numerous friends the blonde made throughout his career. But they soon decided that they were better off not trying to understand why Naruto did what he did, considering his track record of being Konoha's Most Unpredictable Ninja.
Suddenly, the door opened, and in walked in the Nanadamie Hokage, Konohamaru Sarutobi. Naruto's self-proclaimed rival had finally grown into a young man, and made his dream come true in succeeding Naruto after he had retired. He was happy that his bro managed to fulfill his dream and have a happy life with his family. He had been one his most treasured people, and he was nearly inconsolable when it was announced that Naruto had died. Fortunately, his friends Moegi and Udon (who were now happily married), as well as his beloved wife Hanabi were able to help him overcome his grief.
Behind him followed a kunoichi that was formally known as Anko Mitarashi. Much had changed after the Fourth Shinobi World War. When Naruto had defeated Kabuto Yakushi, and rescued her from being used for the the madman's Edo Tensei, she was surprised to find out that the Heaven Curse Mark was no longer on her neck. After an examination from Tsunade, she had learned that Kabuto had used the chakra of her traitorous sensei that composed the mark, as well as her own chakra, to help power the damned technique. And that it was Naruto's timely arrival that she was saved from perishing as a result of the jutsu's constant use in the war. If it weren't for the fact that Naruto and Hinata were officially a couple at the war's end, she would have tracked the blonde down so that she could have given him a proper "thank you" for saving her life. But to this day, she was happy nonetheless. She was now a full jonin and head of the Torture and Interrogation department, as well as married to Iruka Umino, but they had decided to combine their surnames. She was currently two months pregnant with their first child, and was off the active duty roster, much to her chagrin. The T & I department was still in good hands, though, as her apprentice, Sai, was handling the more physically demanding aspects of the position as she would have.
Konohamaru's eyes swept across the room, his placid expression betraying the anger he felt as he saw a few of the very people that had made Naruto's life difficult. He wanted nothing more but to beat those people into a bloody unrecognizable pulp for the things that they had done to his bro, but knew that Naruto would have disapproved of such an action. Instead , he would have to abide to to Naruto's last will. His eye stopped on the person holding the cat, and couldn't stop the small smile from appearing.
'Oh yes, this shall be interesting.' thought the Hokage, as he got behind the podium that was in front of the table, gaining the groups attention by clearing his throat. "Thank you all for coming. Now we can begin. As your Hokage, I have been empowered to read Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze's last will and testament. " he said, pulling out a scroll and opening it. Anko withdrew a clipboard, with what appeared to be some sort of list.
"Finally! Can we please get on with it already, Hokage-sama? I've got an important meeting in a couple of minutes." said Kiba Inuzuka, who had failed to mention that said meeting was one of the four prostitutes that he usually frequented whenever he couldn't get a girl for a one-night stand.
"Oh, poor dear old Naruto-kun! WWWAAAAHHHHH!" Sakura wailed in a way that almost sounded forced. Though, most people couldn't tell these days, as the pinkette had gotten better at faking her emotions to the point that she had several men wrapped around her fingers, one of them being Rock Lee, until she finally settled down.
"There, there, Sakura-chan." said her husband, a brown-haired man by the name of Kentaro Sakata, in a comforting manner. No one liked Kentaro at all. He had the arrogance that was worse than the late Sasuke, and was often caught nearly breaking mission protocol whenever there was a chance that it could be beneficial for him. Of course, whenever someone would bring this to Konohamaru's attention, the bastard always managed to connive his way out of severe reprimand through the loopholes in their laws. Although, this had been happening less often, nobody trusted him. Many have joked that it was his good looks, opportunist mindset, and Uchiha-like attitude, that had drawn Sakura to him and eventually accept his marriage proposal.
Kakashi Hatake said nothing, that same bored look plastered on his face. He was still three hours late to everything, and read his Make-Out books out in public. For some reason, he and Naruto drifted apart after he became Hokage, but whenever someone asked the Copycat Nin about it, he would try to change the subject or flat out leave. Instead, he just sighed tiredly, lamenting on the fact that he couldn't be reading his book without looking disrespectful.
"I never worked for a kinder man." said Nabiki, young woman with brown hair in a pixie-styled haircut, who used to be Naruto's old secretary when he was Hokage. Her tone of voice didn't fool any of the people present, knowing full well she was trying once again to get as much money as she could by trying to look remorseful. Everyone in the room knew that she was infamously known as an opportunistic, greedy businesswoman that was willing to do anything to make a profit, including committing numerous corrupt and amoral acts at the expense of others (including her own family). But on one fateful day, her entire world came tumbling down, and she was soon wanted for orchestrating Ponzi schemes that had left hundreds penniless, as well as several counts of fraud, blackmail, forgery, and framing. She was going to be sentenced a prison sentence of ninety years, and her family had finally disowned her when she was arrested, leaving her high and dry. She was saved by this fate, however, by Naruto at the last minute by having her work as his secretary, and several other jobs at minimum wage until the she worked off all of the money she had laundered. Many had questioned Naruto's logic to saving such an amoral criminal, as they held no love for the woman. It was later revealed that Nabiki's mother had been amongst the few adults in the village to ever show kindness to him when he was a child, and had been saddened when he had learned that she had died. Surprisingly, Naruto was able to keep Nabiki in line whenever she tried to revert back to her old habits, under the threat that he had his family would administer a punishment so harsh that she would wish for death. Currently, she was still paying off her debt by working for the Ninja Academy and the barbeque restaurant that Squad Ten used to frequent.
"I don't why I'm even here with Lady Shima's cat. I didn't even know the Hokage on a personal level." said Kei, one of the Fire Daimyo's servants. In his arms was none other than Tora, the very bane of every Konoha genin's existence. Everyone could see that the man really didn't like the animal he was carrying, evidenced by the slightly faded scratch marks on his face and hands.
"Before we start, would all of you please uncover the seals that have been placed in front of you on the table. They are the storage seals that will release your inheritance when I get to your name, and Anko crosses your name off of the list. This will make the procession pass quickly." said Konohamaru, as he waited for the gathered group to do as they are instructed. "Thank you. Now we can begin. I, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, being of sound mind and body,"
"HA! That's a laugh!" interrupted Kiba, only to be abruptly silenced when he felt something coil around his legs. Looking down at his lap, he was horrified to see two venomous vipers hissing at him, posed to strike at his manhood at any given moment.
"Please refrain from talking ill of our deceased Rokudamie Hokage, Inuzuka-san. Some people might take offense to that sort of behavior." said Anko sweetly, a bright smile on her face. Only those that were familiar of her methods knew of the amount of insufferable pain that was in store for them whenever they saw that smile aimed at them.
"F-forgive me for my rudeness, Mitarashi-Umino-san, Hokage-sama. It won't happen again." replied Kiba, who was as white as a sheet at how close he was to becoming a eunuch. He only breathed a sigh of relief when the two snakes slithered off his legs, but then blanched when he saw them slither up Anko, and rest upon her shoulders.
"Right then," said Konohamaru, "if I may continue without any further interruptions. I, Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze, being in sound mind and body, do hereby divide up my considerable estate as follows. To my overly-sensitive, former teammate Sakura Sakata,"
At that moment, Sakura's crying began again with renewed vigor.
"Sakura-chan, he's talking about us." reminded Kentaro gently.
"Oh." said Sakura, embarrassed at her "sudden" outburst.
"Who used me as her personal punching bag during the early days of Squad Seven. Who grubbed for money and favors from me when my familial heritage was finally revealed, grubbed with her husband, and then cried crocodile tears whenever I needed sympathy or support from a friend." continued the Hokage.
"Wait, what?" said Sakura, disbelievingly.
"To Sakura, I leave, a boot to the head." With that, Anko nipped her finger, and placed a drop of blood on a spot on her clipboard.
"A what?"
THUNK!
"OW!" exclaimed Sakura, her surprise over the will causing her to overlook that the seal placed in front of her glowed for a moment, until a boot flew out and crashed squarely against her forehead, knocking her back in her seat. Kiba chortled at Sakura's expense.
"Sakura-chan, are you okay?" asked Kentaro turning to face his wife.
"And another boot to her douche-bag of a husband, Kentaro."
THWACK!
"YEOW!" cried Kentaro, as he clutched the side of his head were the boot hit him. Kiba just laughed harder at the family's expense.
"THIS IS AN OUTRAGE!" snarled Sakura, her husband nodding in agreement.
"Ah, but still, you were my old teammate. You and your husband have both admired the private train that Princess Koyuki of Spring Country had given me, and since I will no longer be needing it,"
"Oh, Naruto-kun, he's too kind!" exclaimed Sakura, her attitude changing instantly.
"Hm, yes." said Kentaro, his eyes taking on a greedy look at the thought of auctioning off the lavishly designed first-class train.
"I bequeath another boot to the head."
"WHAT?"
THUNK!
"OOF!"
Kiba laughed even harder at this.
"And one more for the douche."
THUNK!
"AH!"
Surprisingly, the boots managed to hit them in the same exact spots as their brethren had.
"Next, to my alcoholic and extremely perverted associate, Kiba Inuzuka."
"Hey now, I don't want no boot to the head!" said Kiba, his eyes zeroing in one the seal before him as if it were a ticking time bomb.
"Dear Kiba, who has never wasted a single moment oh his life attempting to sleep with any attractive woman he saw before him, whether they be single or married, including my beloved wife Hinata on numerous occasions,"
"I'm covering up my head." said Kiba, trying to cover as much of his head as possible with his arms, partly because of what he was expecting to come flying out of the seal, and partly so that he couldn't see the dangerous looks that Anko and the Hokage were sending towards him.
"I leave behind a three year subscription of Playboy and Kuniochis Gone Wild magazines, as well as a crate of Wave Country's finest sake."
In a poof of smoke, two receipts for the aforementioned magazine subscriptions and a crate appeared before the Inuzuka, who lowered his arms in disbelief.
"Really?"
"And a boot to the head."
THUNK!
"ARGH!" exclaimed Kiba, the lightning fast boot nailing him under the chin, nearly knocking him out of his seat.
"And another for Sakura and the douche."
THUNK!
"AH!"
THUNK!
"UUGH!"
"Next, to my know-it-all, lazy sensei, Kakashi Hatake,"
"Sorry, Naruto, but I think I can predict where you're going to hit me with your little gift." said Kakashi, talking for the first time that he arrived.
"I leave a boot to the head."
Kakashi ducked down at speeds befitting a veteran jonin, when-
THUNK!
"YEOUCH!"
the boot seemed to have predicted Kakashi's actions and managed to nail him in his right eye.
"I stand corrected. Ow, that really hurt." said Kakashi, rubbing his lone eye.
"And one for Sakura and the douche."
THUNK!
"AGH"
THUNK!
"D'OH!"
"This takes care of personal obligations. And now to Ms. Nabiki,"
"Uh, that's okay, you don't really want anything." she said, shakily.
"Dear Ms. Nabiki, who has faithfully worked for me for several years, made me laugh, was willing to go on ramen runs for me."
"Oh, I really didn't mind at all." she said, thinking that she might not be as bad off as she thought.
"To Ms. Nabiki, I bequeath, a boot to the head."
THUNK!
"GAH!" she exclaimed as the boot nailed her on the nose.
"And one more for Sakura and the douche."
THUNK!
"GYAH!"
"THUNK!"
"AUGH!"
"And to dear Tora, I leave my vast stash of-boot to the head!"
THUNK!
"MROW!" howled Tora, as the boot sent the cat flying out of Kei's arms, and crashed against the wall, before collapsing into an unconscious heap on the floor. Everyone couldn't help but smirk at the prone furry hellion having in some way been on the receiving end of its claws.
"And finally, to the Nanadamie Hokage, Konohamaru Sarutobi, one of my closest friends who I have known since childhood. I leave not a boot to the head, but an extremely, pissed off badger, to be placed in his pants?" Suddenly, there was a poof of smoke that soon followed by a deep, angry, growling sound that soon gave way to the sound of slashing, ripping, and snarling. Though the group couldn't see what was happening behind the podium, but Anko's shit-eating grin, and Konohamaru's pained expressions and cries were enough for them to know that whatever was happening to their Hokage wasn't pretty. Yet, despite the obvious pain he was enduring, he continued on with reading the will.
"OOEERRRGGHHH! GAH! URK! AH! AH! And,...And I leave my entire estate of 20 million ryo to my family and the people of Amegakure: 10 million to my wife and children so that my family will be well provided for in the future, and 10 million to the citizens of Amegakure so that they can rebuild and heal their war-torn homeland and finally have a decent place to live!" said Konohamaru as fast as he could, the sound of the badger's snarls and slashing disappearing after he had finished. With the angry mammal no longer attacking him, he collapsed against the podium in relief, trying to ignore the lingering "pain".
"So, that's it?" asked Kei, a bit shell shocked at what had just transpired in front of him.
"That's IT?" exclaimed Kentaro, indignantly.
"That's disgraceful!" seethed Kiba, angry that the blonde had managed to make a fool out of him, even after he had died.
"Actually, there's one more thing for everybody." said Konohamaru, regaining his composure.
"Cover your heads, everybody!" warned Kiba, breaking the eerie silence that had settled in the room after the Hokage's announcement.
"And lastly, I leave each of you a lifetime supply of ramen." finished Konohamaru.
"Really? Ramen? That's all?" asked/demanded Kentaro.
"That's all." replied Konohamaru, as he and Anko made to exit the room.
"But wait a minute. What flavor is it?" asked Nabiki, but at that time, Anko and the Hokage had already left, or so they thought when Konohamaru's head poked through the door way, with a mischievous smirk.
"Boot to the head!" he said before his head darted back out and he shut the door, so as not to be accidentally nailed by the onslaught of boots that shot out of the seals. Outside, Anko and Konohamaru laughed as they heard the many curses, pained outbursts, and panicked cries, before they walked away towards the Hokage's office.
"Well, Rokudamie-sama sure knows how to leave behind a will, doesn't he, Nanadamie-sama?" asked Anko mirthfully.
"I'll say." said Konohamaru. "I was worried that the recording was going to be found out when it came to that part. And I was really surprised that Kakashi was willing to be such good sport throughout the entire reading."
"Well, even though they had a falling out between them, they still cared about each other." said Anko solemnly. "Aside from Hatake and Kei, you do know that the others are going to storm into your office bitching about how they were cheated, right?"
Konohamaru's face darkened at that. "If they think that they can get me to bend to their demands, then they've got another thing coming! I am the Hokage, and my word is law! And I'll be damned if those bastards and bitches try to steal from Naruto and his family!" he retorted, with steel resolve in his voice. Anko just smiled at the young man Konohamaru Sarutobi had become. The man had matured into a wise and benevolent leader that firmly stood by his ideals, the very type of person Naruto wanted in his successor.
"Naruto, Asuma, and the Sandamie would have been so proud of you, Ko." she said, using the nickname his wife and Kurenai used for him.
"Ko" just smiled, not having it in him to tell the older woman off for calling him that name.
"Is there anything else that you need from me, Nanadamie-sama?" asked Anko, her attitude switching from mirthful, to gentle, to formal far more quickly than Konohamaru had expected her to. Quickly glancing to her belly, he surmised that her pregnancy had something to do with her mood swings.
"Konohamaru just shook his head. "No, that will be all for today, Anko. I know that you're itching to get leave and go hara-uh I mean spend time with Iruka, so you're free to go." he said, careful to catch his slip up before it was too late.
"By your leave, Lord Hokage." said Anko, with a short bow, before she headed off to go find her husband.
"Oh! Before I forget," called out Konohamaru, stopping Anko in her tracks, "Hanabi wants me to ask you if you and Iruka will be able to join us and Hinata's family for dinner tomorrow?"
Anko just blinked owlishly for a moment. "Pickled sea urchins and stuffed mushrooms?" she asked, innocently.
Konohamaru had to resist the urge to gag at the food that she requested; who knew that a woman's pregnancy resulted in some of the craziest cravings. "I'll be sure to let her know, and we'll see what we can do." he said, a large sweat drop forming on the back of his head.
"Then, we'll definitely be there! What time do you want us to come?"
"Well, how about around eight? Will that alright with you?" he asked.
"Perfect! We'll see you then!" said Anko brightly, disappearing in a leaf shunshin. Konohamaru just laughed at the kunoichi's antics, wondering what it was like for his old academy instructor to be married to her. He had encountered her numerous times whenever she was in her blood thirsty mood, yet she and Iruka truly seemed to be happy together. With a small chuckle, Konohamaru set off to prepare his meeting Hinata and Naruto's real friends regarding his true will.
END!
55555
And thus another tale has ended. I'm so sorry for the delay, but technical issues, and a severe case of laziness, made things harder than they should have been. Anyways, the inspiration for this tale came from the sketch "Last Will and Temperament" (a.k.a. "Boot to the Head") by The Frantics. Anyways, I'll be adding some links to so artwork that I had commissioned, which will go along with my other stories, so be on the look out. But I'm still looking for talented artists. Don't forget to R & R!