Last night we had gotten back to the motel around 9:30. It was too early to sleep, so Mulder and I went out for a drink. I had a glass of wine and he had a beer. We talked and talked, mostly about how I was unpopular in high school. He couldn't believe that I was an ugly duckling. I was flattered. Mulder was being extremely sweet. I was hoping he would continue with this new side. I didn't want to go back home and be just Mulder and Scully, FBI. I loved my job as his partner and a FBI Agent, but I also loved Mulder. I liked this obedient and mundane side of him.
We left the bar at 10:30 and I still wasn't tired. Mulder and I decided we would head to my room and watch a movie. I think we watched Twilight Zone. I definitely passed out on his shoulder. Even though I wasn't tired, the warm body next to me was cozy enough to knock me out. I woke up around eight in the morning and realized that Mulder had left during the middle of the night. I was a little offended, but at the same time flattered that Mulder was being a gentleman and respecting my boundaries.
I suddenly realized that I was supposed to be meeting Amanda at Starbucks in fifteen minutes. Panic mode set in. I ran about the room freaking out for about five minutes before I got my act together and grabbed sweats and a tank top. Amanda and I had a tradition. When we were in college together, we would always go get coffee together in our sweat pants and sit there for hours. We would either do homework or gossip. I just hoped Amanda had remembered our tradition. I knew she would, so I brushed it off. I washed my face and threw on just a little make-up. As I was putting on my mascara, I heard a knock at the door. It couldn't be Amanda, so it must be Mulder.
"Come in!" I yell throughout the hotel room, hoping Mulder had heard me. "Scully, I can't believe you would leave that door unlocked. Do you know how many creeps could have easily crept in here?" I wasn't in the mood for his little 'what if's.' "Well, that was the point, Mulder." He giggles a little, and I smile. "Scully, I hate to point out the obvious, but you are going to be late for coffee. Amanda warned you!" Seriously. Did he really just have to go there. I am already frustrated. He just unleashed the beast!
"Yes, Mulder. That is why I am running around all flustered. Amanda is going to kill me if I am late." I put away my mascara and look around the room for my shoes. I look up and Mulder is holding them out for me. "Relax. If she is anything like you, which she is, she probably predicted you would be late. That's probably why she scheduled it so early." I stop for a minute and realize he is probably right. "I just realized something. You are me and Amanda is you!" I scoff. "Mulder, I am not you!" I say this with a little too much offense. "Deny it all you want, Scully, but I was the one late yesterday. And if I am correct, you were the one who predicted I would be, so you gave me a little extra time to get my act together."
I am totally appalled. I want to deny it, but I know he is correct. I go to open my mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. He is looking at me with the 'you know I am right' eyes. I just roll my eyes at him, and he helps me into a light jacket. It might be summer, but the mornings are a little chilly. I grab my room key and I am out the door.
Just as I suspected, Amanda is in her sweats and she is patiently waiting at a table. She has already ordered my coffee, and I am incredibly thankful. "Dana, how nice of you to grace me with your presence." Great, here we go. "I am so sorry, Amanda. Mulder and I stayed up kind of late last night, and I didn't set my alarm." Her eyes grow wide at my excuse. "Yeah, well you need to start explaining what you and Mulder are. I am curious." I roll my eyes. "Didn't curiosity kill the cat?" She laughed. "I am afraid curiosity was framed. Stupidity killed the cat. I am a tiger, anyway." She was always a smart ass."Well, you know what I am saying."
How was I to describe mine and Mulder's relationship to Amanda, if I couldn't even figure it out myself? I didn't even know where to start. I guess the beginning would be the best place.
"I really am not sure what Mulder and I are. Friends with benefits isn't quite accurate. We aren't intimate, so quit looking at me like that." She looks at me with innocent eyes, and she throws her hands up in mock surrender. "Mulder is a complicated human being. I love him more than I have ever loved anyone. We both love each other. I am without a doubt sure he loves me. I am just not sure if he is in love with me. What I do know is that if anyone of us dated, we would not be the same." She looks so interested in what I am saying. "I've never really had a relationship like I do with Mulder. I feel like we can communicate through quick glances. I know him more than I know myself, and he I. I guess what I am saying is that it isn't our time. I believe that someday Mulder and I will be together. Right now, work seems to be more important to him."
Do I really believe that? Do I really think that work is more important to Mulder. Do I believe that we will be together? I am not sure what I believe, but I do know that neither of us can date. I guess that is the only thing that makes me believe that he loves me too.
"Dana, you are so blind. If you asked Mulder to be with you, he would drop everything. He would run away with you. He would die for you. I just know it." I am shocked by what she has said. "How do you know Amanda?" She has only known Mulder for literally three hours. "Because, Dana, I see the way he looks at you. I see the way he touches you. He looks at you like Cody looks at me. I can feel it. Everyone at the reception was talking about your love for each other. And they believed you were together, which you aren't. Well, not physically, but your spirits are intertwined." What? "I don't even know what you just said." She laughs at me. "Dana, you are both so madly in love. Wouldn't you do anything for him?"
Why, yes. I would do anything for Mulder. I would follow him across the world. In fact, I have. In all honesty, he has chased me across the globe too. I let Amanda know this, and she claps her hands together. She is so proud of herself. I couldn't believe it. I had just discovered that Mulder felt the same way about me as I do him. It felt like I had my heart in my throat. I literally was so happy tears stung my eyes. I got the sudden urge to tell Mulder.
"Amanda, you have never been more right in your entire life!" She gives me an expression that reads 'duh!' We sit there for another hour, and she is trying to persuade me to tell Mulder how I feel. "It could be my wedding gift." I laugh at her. "Manda, I already bought you a gift." I cross my arms and rub it in her face. "Yeah, well, you can return that. Telling Mulder that you love him will be a ten times better gift."
I love my best friend. It's been so long since I have had girl conversation. I really should make more time for her. We make plans to tell Mulder how I feel. It all sounded so childish. I wasn't the gushy type. I told her that I would just be myself. I would just tell him when it was right. I wasn't going to corner him. I wasn't going to tell him while we were cuddling. I wasn't going to tell him at the wedding. I wasn't going to do it like they do it in the movies. It would be a time when we were both in our zone. I didn't want to say it after we had had a few too many drinks. I know he would think it was the liquor talking. I wanted him to know it was the complete truth. I didn't want to spring it on him. Nothing is worse than a surprise love declaration.
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