A/N: So, erm, I made quite a big boo-boo with the continuity in the last chapter, specifically concerning Aubrey knowing about Kate. Of course I didn't realise until someone pointed it out (thanks to introvertedmisanthrope :) so I've had to go back and change some of the previous chapter. It won't affect much, but it still proves I'm a bloody idiot. xD If you reread you'll find I've edited those bits, now.

'This seems familiar,' Beca comments, plopping herself down into the seat directly opposite Chloe. She notices Chloe has chosen the exact same table they sat at the first time they came here together, and she's even gotten Beca's coffee order the same way she did the first time, with a hot chocolate of her own sitting in front of her. Just like before. Wordlessly, she pushes the Styrofoam cup over to Beca, who accepts it gratefully.

'I thought it was appropriate,' Chloe says quietly, her eyes lingering a little too long on Beca's face, in a vaguely melancholy way. 'Considering we were basically starting from the beginning then, and we are again now.'

'Difference is, we have a little more history now than we did back then.' Beca rests her chin on the palm of her hand, gazing at Chloe. She seems oddly nervous – and while Beca is too, she tries her best not to show it. Don't expect anything good, Beca had told herself when she got that text from Chloe, and she's still keeping it as a constant mantra in her head now. 'So…' she begins. 'How have you been? How was your spring break?'

Chloe blinks a little, not immediately replying as though surprised Beca doesn't want to jump straight into talking about their issues. That's Chloe, though. She doesn't really like to beat around the bush, while Beca pretty much runs her whole life around it. 'It was okay,' she responds carefully. 'Quiet, mostly. Yours?'

'Mine too. Except when Jesse was around.'

'Did neither of you go home for the break?'

Beca shakes her head. 'Nope. I kept telling Jesse to visit see his parents, but apparently he wanted to stick around and look after me. Which mostly consisted of him coming around every so often to yell at me and make me get out of my dorm.'

Chloe purses her lips, an unreadable expression on her face. 'I see…' Her attention seems to drift away temporarily, staring without really seeing at something over Beca's shoulder. Considering there's only an old couple sitting there, Beca guesses there's something deeper on Chloe's mind.

'What's that face for?'

'Hm? Oh, nothing. I was just thinking.'

'Chloe,' Beca chides gently. 'We might as well go home if we're not even going to talk.'

'Fine.' Chloe lets out an exasperated breath. 'Jesse is the one who convinced me to text you and set up this meeting.'

Beca snorts. 'Really? That nosy little asshole.'

'He cares about you, that's all,' Chloe mutters. Again with that unreadable curling of her lip. Beca tries her best to decipher what it might mean, but in the end decides it might just be her default expression when it comes to talking about Jesse. After all, she wears a similarly disgruntled yet mildly fond one when talking about him too.

'Jesse doesn't quite know the different between caring and meddling,' Beca says. 'Same with Aubrey. Speaking of, how is the old tyrant?'

Judging by the continued lack of cheer in Chloe's face, it was the wrong topic to bring up. 'I don't know. We're not talking right now.'

'You aren't? Why not?'

'Because of all that drama at the semi-finals -' Beca winces apologetically, '- and we also disagreed on some other subjects, so…' Chloe bites her lip, and Beca knows by "other subjects", Chloe means her. She should feel guilty, but honestly only feels a little twinge of satisfaction. If they're arguing that means Chloe's standing up for herself for once.

'I'm sorry,' Beca says, and means it. 'That must be rough.'

'Never mind… It's over now.'

'Still. I hope things get better for you two soon.'

'We'll work it out.'

Beca clears her throat. '… Good.'

An uncomfortable silence falls. Neither she nor Chloe seem to want to make eye contact, and simply sit for a few minutes sipping their respective drinks and staring out of the window. Beca knocks out a complicated beat with her foot, attempting to distract herself.

'You seem… different, somehow,' Chloe remarks eventually, drawing a finger around the edge of her mug to collect some cream.

'How so?'

'Colder, for one,' Chloe admits. 'It kind of feels like you're just talking to a casual acquaintance, not…' She sighs. 'Well, me.'

Beca tilts her head to the side slightly. 'Did you expect me to come running into your arms, all happy to see you again?'

'No. But I have to say I didn't expect this,' says Chloe.

Chloe looks so disheartened and discouraged, that the guilt Beca had been trying to keep locked away at the back of her mind finally starts escaping and running rampant.

'Chloe,' she says, tapping the table for her attention. 'Chloe, look at me.'

Chloe does. And typically, Beca forgets anything she was going to say from one look at those watery eyes. Whatever immunity she developed before to Chloe's puppy dog look when she's sad is obviously now gone. She's really going to have to make Chloe wear sunglasses or she'll end up losing her train of thought a lot more.

'Um,' says Beca.

Chloe's eyelashes flutter, her tongue peeking out to wet her lips. Beca takes a breath and forces herself to concentrate.

'We both fucked up,' Beca says simply, once she's remembered what she was going to say. Chloe opens her mouth to speak, but Beca puts her hand up. 'Let me finish. We both totally went about this friendship – or whatever the hell we are – the wrong way from the beginning. Neither of us was totally honest with the other. I didn't tell you about how I felt about personal space, or relationships in general. You didn't tell me you actually wanted a relationship – at least, not in a way that I could process. I freaked out, you freaked out, it was a whole circle of freaking out. And we never stopped to just calm down and think about it, not once.'

'Can I say something now?' Beca gestures for her to go ahead. 'You're right, we did both mess up. And I'm glad we're talking about it now.' She licks her lips again, looking anxious. 'What I'm worried about is whether we can actually get past all that.'

'We can… If we both try.'

Chloe sits up, eyeing her suspiciously. 'Okay, now I know something happened to you while I was away. Your attitude towards this is so different now.'

'More mature, you mean?' Beca snarks.

'You said it. Not me,' Chloe says, smiling. 'So what brought on this change?'

'Ah, well. When your best friend, one of the last people you have left in your life, tells you to sort yourself out or you're going to lose everything, you start thinking about things.' Beca tries to keep her tone light-hearted, but thinking of that conversation still hurts badly, and it shows a little in her voice.

'Oh yeah, he told me about that,' Chloe says softly. 'Are you okay?'

Beca shrugs. 'As much as I can be. He dropped some pretty harsh truth bombs on me in that conversation… I didn't exactly take it well.'

'I heard you told him to fuck off.' Chloe is clearly fighting back a smirk.

'Along with a range of other things I can't say in public with innocent ears around,' Beca says, laughing a little. 'I was a real bitch to him.'

'If it helps, he feels pretty bad about it, and he's been trying to apologise but says he can never find you to do it. Are you avoiding him?

'Only a little,' Beca says sheepishly. 'Mainly because I don't want to hear an apology about something he was right about. And I never like telling people they're right – you know this.'

'Yeah. Which parts do you think he was right about?'

'The whole thing?' Beca raises an eyebrow. 'Like, he was right in saying I needed to stop pushing people away, because eventually people would give up on me. It must be exhausting, like trying to run into a brick wall repeatedly and never getting through.'

'Is that how you see yourself?' Chloe asks. 'A brick wall?'

'I guess so. I'm not very good with metaphors and stuff. That's more your forte.' She cocks her head slightly. 'What would you say I am?'

Chloe appears to think this over for a few moments. She attempts to take a sip of her chocolate, but she left it too long and it has evidently gone cold. Beca notices her grimace.

'You want another?' Beca questions, nodding her head at the hot chocolate. 'My treat.'

'You don't have to do that.'

'No. But I want to.'

'I probably shouldn't,' says Chloe guiltily, 'I shouldn't have even had this one. I just crave sugar sometimes.'

Beca chuckles, standing up. 'Like you need to be any more hyperactive. Tell you what, I'll get you a cookie or something. We can share it, then you might not feel so bad.'

'Are you sure? I don't want to put you out.'

'Who's putting out? It's just a cookie.' Beca pauses. 'Bad choice of words. I'll be right back.'

Beca decides to buy Chloe an oatmeal cookie, considering it a reasonably healthy choice. As she queues, she looks back at Chloe who has gone back to gazing out of the window. Beca can't decide whether she's feeling good about the way things are going right now or not – they're talking properly for once, even joking but who even knows how long that's going to last.

The barista has to call Beca several times to get her attention, because she's too busy lost in her thoughts and gazing at Chloe. When she turns back to the counter, she realises the cashier is the one that has served Beca pretty much every time she's come here – the one who, Beca realises now, Chloe was a tiny bit jealous of.

'Busy thinking about your girlfriend, there?' she comments, grinning.

'She's not my girlfriend yet,' Beca says, almost by reflex.

'Yet, huh?' She winks at Beca. 'Sounds promising.' She passes her change and the cookie back to her. 'Good luck with your not-yet-girlfriend, then.'

Beca flushes all the way to the tips of her ears and quickly stumbles away.

Thankfully, when she brings both things back over, Chloe doesn't notice her blushing face. Instead, she smiles in thanks for the cookie, telling Beca, 'You're a castle.'

'Aca-scuse me?' Beca says, imitating Aubrey. Chloe tries to fight it, but ends up snorting nonetheless.

'Stop that.'

'Sorry,' says Beca, sniggering to herself as she sits back down. 'Anyway, what were you were saying?'

'You asked me what I thought you were… And I decided you're a castle.'

'A castle. Huh. Somehow I expected something more creative from you, Beale,' Beca comments, hiding her smirk behind a sip from her cup. Chloe bats ineffectually at her hand, not actually touching her but making it clear she's indignant.

'You didn't even let me explain my reasoning.'

'Go ahead… I'm not stopping you.'

'It's like...' Chloe thinks for a moment, narrowing her eyes in concentration, before her face lights up. 'Okay – uh, pretend you're a castle.' Beca presses her lips together in an effort not to laugh. Chloe struggles to keep a straight face as well. 'No, humour me, c'mon.'

'Right. I am a castle.' Beca raises her arms. 'See how castle-like I'm being? I hope you're impressed.'

Her snark earns her a glare. 'You're such a dork. Why anyone thinks you're a badass, I have no idea.'

'I can be a badass dork,' Beca argues. 'They're not mutually exclusive. Anyway, go on – I was being a castle.' She holds her arms up again, a diligently austere expression on her face, as befitting a fortified structure of her calibre.

Chloe lets a little giggle escape, then tries her best to school her expression back into seriousness. 'Right. Anyway, so the whole of you is the "Beca Castle". You've got stone walls, a moat… Machine guns on top. The whole package. No one can get in without being shot or attacked in some way.'

'Wait, wait, stop right there. A moat and machine guns? What century was Beca Castle built, exactly?'

'Shut up, let me finish. I'm painting you a beautiful visual image with my words,' Chloe deadpans.

'Ugh, fine. Go on, then.' She reaches across the table to break off some of the cookie; however, she has her hand slapped away.

'I thought you were being a castle. Castles don't eat.'

'I am, but I'm a hungry castle.'

'No cookies until you've heard my explanation,' Chloe says sternly.

Beca rolls her eyes. 'Whatever.'

'Okay. So there's all the people inside Beca Castle. Inside, they're all fine and safe, but there's people outside trying to get in. The people inside the castle are firing at them to make them go away, because they don't know the outside people and they might want to cause trouble. Except, the people outside the castle are actually really nice, but it's not the insane people's fault that they don't know they're nice. So to get into the castle, people need to show that they're one of them – that they're on the side of those… inside.' Chloe trails off a little. 'Did you follow any of that?'

Beca leans in across the table, encouraging Chloe to lean in too; their faces are only a short distance apart, and she hears Chloe audibly gasp when she puts her hand atop hers which rests next to the little plate with the cookie on.

Chloe's eyes are wide and bright, the earnest love and care clearly reflected in the way she looks back at Beca, searching her face. It's a little overwhelming… but in the best way possible.

Beca says, 'No, I have no clue what you're talking about. You're just as bad with metaphors as I am, Chlo.' She then swoops in and breaks off some of the cookie, shoving it in her mouth before retreating back to her side of the table.

'That wasn't fair!' Chloe complains, looking aghast at the theft of her baked treat. 'You distracted me with your feminine wiles.'

'Dude, I don't have any feminine wiles,' Beca says, talking with her mouth full.

'That you know of,' Chloe shoots back.

'Ooh. Tell me more…'

'I don't think so. Then you'll be using them all the time to steal my food.'

'We agreed to share it!'

'We didn't shake on it. As far as I'm concerned, the cookie is all mine.'

'You can have it back,' says Beca, sticking out her tongue.

Chloe fans herself, pretending to swoon. 'Oh my gosh. Put your tongue away, Beca, or you'll give me the vapours.'

Beca swallows the rest of the cookie down thickly, arching an eyebrow at Chloe. 'Chloe Beale, are you flirting with me?'

'Depends.' Chloe mimics Beca's expression with a raised brow of her own, her eyes being the ones to twinkle now. 'Is it working?'

'Not really,' she lies.

'Hmm,' says Chloe, unconvinced. 'Well, that's all you're getting while we're in public, with "innocent ears" around.'

'Maybe we should go somewhere more private, then,' Beca says without thinking. When Chloe's eyes get even wider, Beca hastens to add, 'Not for that reason. Just - so we can talk, and stuff, without people listening in.'

'We don't have to. We can stay here if you want, I don't mind,' Chloe says quickly. 'You didn't drink all your coffee yet.'

Beca wonders why Chloe seems suddenly reluctant to be alone with her. 'Are you okay?'

'Yeah, I'm fine,' says Chloe.

'Your voice just went all high-pitched, which it does when you're lying,' Beca points out. 'Tell me the truth.'

'I just…' Chloe sighs. 'Beca, do you not think we're maybe going too fast here? I mean, we met up for the first time today in weeks, months even. And it's not that I don't love that we've fallen back into normalcy so quickly, but I can't help but think that's going to fall apart if we don't actually talk about what went wrong before.'

'I wasn't suggesting we go back to mine to fuck,' Beca says, suddenly irritated. 'We're going back to talk, like you just said.'

'Beca, that wasn't what I meant,' Chloe starts to say, looking upset, but Beca just sighs and interrupts her.

'I want to sort through our problems just as much as you do, but I don't want to air out all our dirty laundry here. Let's go, we can finish this back in my dorm.'

They don't quite hold hands on the way home, but they walk close enough to each other that their arms and hands brush with every step. It's not an awkward silence, but it's not quite as comfortable anymore. Without the buffer of people around them, Beca is beginning to wonder if Chloe might have been right - that things were just going to disintegrate without the bustle of the coffee shop reminding them to keep the drama to a minimum.

No, Beca tells herself determinedly. It's not going to go that way this time. She is done running away, and done letting Chloe run away. Whatever they became after all this mess was sorted out – friends, or more – there was no way she was allowing Chloe to disappear out of her life again after this. She'd already found out first-hand how awful that felt.

'So,' Beca says a little too casually, trying to make conversation. 'How're your nodes these days?'

Chloe gives her a sideways glance. 'Did you see my Facebook post about it?'

'Yeah... I did.' Beca smiles a little, remembering Chloe's simple, unemotional declaration that she was going to have surgery, and her slight amusement at the fact Chloe chose to post about it publicly rather than telling her friends in person. 'I thought it was weird no one commented on it, though. I would've thought at least Aubrey would have.'

'Maybe they didn't know what to say,' Chloe mumbles in reply. Beca frowns as Chloe steps slightly away from her – not enough that they weren't still walking closely together, but their arms were no longer brushing.

'Chloe? What's the matter?'

'It's nothing,' Chloe says abruptly, shying away when Beca tries to move nearer again.

'Chloe Marie Beale, you explain yourself right now,' says Beca sternly; it has the desired effect, as Chloe comes to a stop.

'Oh, so now you're using my middle name too?' says Chloe, her lips twitching. 'Where'd you find that out?'

'I have my methods.' Beca taps her nose. 'Also known as, it's on your Facebook profile. I'm starting to be thankful for the day you made me get back on that website, especially since you seem to advertise your whole life on it.'

'I really need to change that.'

Beca puts her hands on her hips, tapping her foot expectantly.

Chloe groans, throwing her hands up. 'Alright, fine. If you must know. That status was only made for your eyes. I set up a friend group so you'd be the only one who could see it.'

'Are you serious?' Beca says incredulously, her jaw dropping. 'Why?'

'I don't know. I was feeling pretty shitty about it, so I wanted some support… But I didn't want everyone to know.'

'But why only me?' Beca persists.

'You're the only one who ever really cared.'

'That's not true,' says Beca, not liking the hint of sadness in Chloe's eyes. 'Aubrey cares, and so do the rest of the Bellas.'

'Not the way you do, though. Did,' she adds after a moment, averting her gaze.

'Do,' Beca corrects gently. 'Are you still in pain?'

Chloe shakes her head, smiling ruefully. 'Not as much as before, but it still aches sometimes. They don't usually suggest surgery, so I must've really done a number on my vocal cords. I had to have vocal therapy to get me out of the habits that made it worse in the first place.'

'Like singing for hours every day when you should be resting?' says Beca wryly. 'Well, since you guys have another shot at the finals, you better be careful. If you mess up your vocal cords again you'll have me to answer to.'

'"You guys?" You aren't coming back to the Bellas?' Chloe looks horrified at the very prospect.

Beca pretends to consider it. 'Nope.' Beca carries on walking, making Chloe have to run after her to catch up.

'But… why?! I thought you liked it there. With us.' With me, Beca thinks she hears silently, although she could just be projecting.

'I do, but… Well, I doubt Aubrey would want me there.'

Chloe hesitates, but says, 'She would.' Beca scoffs. 'No, really. She just feels… let down, I suppose, by you, and that whole semi-finals debacle. Speaking of…'

'Here we go,' Beca says, sighing heavily.

'I'm not going to tell you off, Bec. In fact, I wanted to apologise.'

This takes Beca aback, naturally. 'Apologise?'

'I never got to tell you how awesome I thought that was.' Chloe reaches out, tentatively wrapping her fingers around Beca's elbow, finally linking them again. 'And how sorry I am that I didn't stick up for you at the time.'

'Don't worry about it.' Beca kicks a stone, making it skitter into one of the drains on the side of the road. 'I know how hard you find Aubrey to deal with.'

Chloe grasps her arm, making her turn. 'It's not okay,' Chloe says softly. 'Let me talk to her - I'll try and convince her to let you back in.'

'You don't have to.'

Chloe shakes her head. 'No, I do. I've spent way too long letting her walk all over me… Letting most people walk on me, actually.' Her eyes glaze over for a moment, evidently lost in thoughts and memories Beca isn't privy to. It only lasts for a second, though, before she's smiling at Beca again. 'But for me to get anywhere, I think you might have to consider apologising to her, I'm afraid.'

'The horror!' cries Beca dramatically. 'What is this "apology" you speak of? I've never heard of the concept.' Chloe laughs, bumping her with her hip.

'Dork.'

'You love it.'

'I do.'

The honesty in her voice makes Beca's stomach flip and her palms grow sweaty, but she grins nonetheless.

They walk on.

'No Kimmy Jin?' asks Chloe when they get inside the dorm room, peering around as though Beca's roommate might suddenly pop up from behind a desk with a knife.

'Conveniently, no. I dunno where she is,' Beca says, setting her bag down and starting to toe off her shoes.

'You sound like you care,' remarks Chloe, likewise taking off her coat (the soft grey one she wore to the Riff Off. It's rare to see her repeat clothing; Beca swears Chloe owns like a dozen different coats).

'We have an odd relationship,' says Beca. 'I don't get her at all, to be honest. Her attitude to me changes constantly – one moment she's glaring at me for having my headphones up too loud while she's working, but then she actually told me to have a good Spring Break before she left.'

'Maybe she's like you and takes a while to warm up to people,' Chloe suggests. Beca considers this, thinking that it actually does make some sense.

'Maybe. Although how do you explain the way she's bitchy to me one minute, but civil the next?'

'She probably just gets annoyed easily. I mean, I would too if I was trying to finish an assignment and you had your music up really loud.'

'Hey, why are you taking her side?' says Beca huffily. 'Aren't you supposed to stick up for me?'

Chloe giggles. 'You asked. Don't hate me for being honest.'

'I'm starting to regret bringing you here if you're just going to be mean to me,' Beca grouses.

'Aw, Bec.' She pats her shoulder condescendingly. 'Okay, Kimmy Jin's a bitch and I'm sure you don't have any annoying habits that drive her up the wall. Does that make you feel better?'

'Totally,' Beca says, rolling her eyes. 'Just sit down. I hope Kimmy Jin has boobytrapped my bed and you get your butt trapped in a bear trap or something.'

'Jeez, Bec. That's pretty harsh.' Chloe (tentatively) sits down regardless, smiling triumphantly when nothing happens. 'Ha. My butt is still intact.'

'We'll just see about that.' Beca flops down beside Chloe, curling up in the corner of her sofa bed and shutting her eyes.

'You tired?'

'Mm,' says Beca, fighting a yawn. 'Yeah. I've been pulling some pretty ridiculous shifts at the station lately and it's catching up on me.'

'Why don't you have a nap or something?'

'No, that'd be pretty rude of me considering I brought you all the way here.'

'Sure, and you've never in your life considered being rude.' Beca cracks open one reproachful eye, seeing Chloe trying to keep a straight face. 'You can go to sleep, I don't mind. I'll entertain myself by watching you.'

'Yeah, that's not creepy at all.' Beca sits up, forcing herself to stay awake and not give into the fatigue trying to coax her to just lie down and sleep. She only told Chloe half the truth – she'd stayed awake half the night before, tossing and turning, imagining the many ways this meeting with Chloe could turn out. The reactions she thought of ranged from Chloe screaming in her face to taking her in the bathroom (the latter kept her up longer).

'You're kind of adorable when you're all sleepy like that,' Chloe comments, making Beca quirk an eyebrow.

'You just like when I'm defenceless.'

'No, that's Aubrey,' Chloe retorts, sharing a laugh with Beca. 'On a serious note, though… thank you for meeting up with me. Today has gone so much better than I ever thought it would.'

'Same here. I thought one of us would've ended up in tears somewhere along the line, but we're getting on fine. It's like...'

'Like nothing bad ever happened?' Chloe finishes for her. Beca nods in agreement. 'I suppose we were good at being friends, before. It was only when all the other stuff got involved that we fell apart.'

'Do you think we would've been okay if we'd sat down and talked about it all earlier?' Beca wonders.

'I don't know. It's a possibility. At the same time, though, neither of us was handling the situation very well, so maybe it's for the best that things happened the way they did or we would've never known what the other was feeling.'

'I still don't feel like we've made much progress, though,' Beca murmurs, fiddling with the edge of her blanket. 'I told you to come here, and now I don't know what to say. There are so many things we haven't talked about yet.'

Chloe rolls her head towards Beca, her expression tender. 'Considering we weren't even talking before yesterday, I think we've made a lot of progress, Beca.'

'True. Not talking to you was pretty damn hard, I have to say,' Beca confesses. 'Except for that weird text you sent me. What was that about?'

Chloe blushes, and it's her turn to start fiddling with the blanket as a distraction. 'Oh yeah. I'm so sorry about that! I was kind of drunk and depressed, and you know what I'm like. No filter… I swear I wasn't intending to send it, I hit the wrong button.'

'So it was about me,' Beca notes, watching the way Chloe blushes harder and hides her face in the wooden frame of her bed. 'Why did you say it wasn't?'

'I panicked – I didn't know what else to say.'

Beca smiles. 'I'm kind of relieved, actually. I was worried you had another girl on the side with the same problems as I did.'

'God forbid,' Chloe jokes, unearthing her face so Beca can just see her eyes peeking out at her. 'I don't think I could handle two of you. I'd probably combust.'

'Or have a nervous breakdown,' Beca says. She clears her throat, twisting her fingers together. 'So… did you mean what you said in the text?'

'Which part?'

Beca shrugs, looking down at her lap. 'Oh, you know. Nothing big.' Her voice cracks from the effort of trying to inject so much false nonchalance into her voice. 'Just the part where you said you love me.' She watches Chloe carefully out of the corner of her eye, and sees that she visibly swallows, but nods once. Beca draws her knees up to her chest. 'How can you? After everything I did,' says Beca bitterly.

'You said earlier we both fucked up,' Chloe reminds her. 'The blame lies with the two of us.'

'Well, yeah, but… I don't know, Chloe.' Beca shifts uncomfortably in her seat, running a nervous hand through her hair. She's really starting to regret bringing Chloe here now. 'I can't help but feel guilty.'

'And you probably will for a while. So will I. But Beca,' says Chloe, grabbing Beca's hand and holding it to her chest, 'that's why things are going to be better this time. Because we know what went wrong last time and we won't let it happen again.'

Beca groans, tipping her head back. 'This whole thing is so exhausting. I wish I could just wave my hand and it'd all magically be okay.'

'I know. But that's not going to happen, unless we both try to make it better,' Chloe says. 'I don't want us to fight anymore.'

'Me neither.'

They fall quiet for a few moments, where Chloe seems to be looking rather intently at the hand she's snagged – her fingers curved around Beca's, her thumb gently grazing her palm. She stays like this for a whole minute, an odd look on her face.

'What's so fascinating about my hand?' she asks, making Chloe jump a little.

'Nothing,' Chloe squeaks, letting go of her.

'Chloe Marie-'

'Okay, okay! I won't use your middle name anymore when I'm telling you off. Please stop doing it to me.'

'I will if you tell me what you were doing with my hand.'

'Nothing. I was looking at it.'

'Uh huh,' says Beca, unimpressed. 'And you needed to look at it for 5 minutes?'

'It wasn't five minutes, it was like ten seconds! They're pretty, that's all,' Chloe says, a small flush starting to creep up her neck.

'Pretty?' Beca chokes out. 'Hands aren't pretty, Chlo, they're… hands.'

'Whatever,' Chloe growls, folding her arms over her chest. 'I think they are.'

'You're such a weirdo.'

'This coming from someone who literally fell over herself staring at my butt,' Chloe shoots back.

'That was an accident!'

'Or was it an ass-ident?' Chloe quips, her eyes sparkling – she chortles when Beca moans and buries her face in the blanket. 'Don't make that face, you love it.'

'Having you make fun of me and make ridiculous puns? Yep, highlight of my life.'

'I knew it.' Chloe beams at her, so widely that Beca can't help but start smiling back. After a moment, though, Chloe's face falls slightly. 'Beca, not to ruin the mood, but can I ask you something?'

'Shoot,' she says, wondering if she's going to regret that in a moment.

'Is what we're doing right now… Are we…'

'Spit it out, Chloe.'

'I'm just wondering, are we still looking at being in a romantic relationship at some point?' Before Beca can say anything at all, Chloe rushes to clarify, 'I understand if you need to think about it some more before you give me an answer… And I won't get angry or leave you, if you say no, or say nothing at all.'

Beca lifts her head a little, giving Chloe a little grimace. 'Jesse told you about that, huh.'

'Yeah,' Chloe whispers. Her fingers twitch in her lap, giving Beca the impression she's aching to touch Beca but is holding back for her sake. 'Beca, I never meant to make you feel like you weren't worth anything to me if we weren't romantically involved. I love being your friend, and I'd absolutely love to be your girlfriend, but I'll take whatever you want to give me and do it with a smile on my face.'

'Really?' says Beca sceptically.

'Really. I should never have acted the way I did before; I was basically throwing a tantrum because I didn't get exactly what I wanted, when I wanted it.'

'And what is it you want?' asks Beca, knowing the answer but wanting to hear it.

'You,' Chloe replies simply. 'In any size, shape or form… Although I do like the fact you're so tiny.'

'Always with the size jokes.'

'You're just so adorable, though.' Chloe reaches out and pinches Beca's cheek. 'Like a little elf.'

Beca scowls, pushing her hand away. 'Not making me want to answer your question, Chlo.'

'Sorry, sorry,' says Chloe, retreating her hand back to her side but still grinning. 'Go on. What were you going to say?'

'I don't know,' says Beca, rolling her eyes self-deprecatingly. 'I always say that, but it's true. I don't really whether the things I want I could get from being your girlfriend, or your friend.'

'Well, then tell me what the individual things you want are. We'll work from there.'

'I want us to be like before,' Beca says, surprising even herself with her honesty and the fact she's actually answering the question instead of deflecting for once. 'I want you to ask if it's okay if you hold me, but then at other times, forget and grab my hand without thinking. I want you to tag me in silly Facebook statuses and take photos of me when I'm not looking. I want us to be able to talk about everything, but nothing, sometimes. Things like that.'

'That's a little confusing… and contradictory,' says Chloe, scrunching up her nose. 'But okay.'

'Yeah well, that's me. One big old contradiction.' She lies down moodily, pulling the blankets over herself.

Chloe touches her arm, her fingers wrapping gently around her wrist. She apparently gave into her urge to touch. 'Don't shut me out, Bec.'

'I'm not, I just… I don't know what to do,' Beca says, frustrated. 'Why can't I just be normal? Why does everything have to be such a big deal for me?'

'You are normal, Beca.'

Beca snorts derisively. 'Whatever, we both know I'm not. What's worse is that I don't have a clue why I'm this way. It's not like I had an abusive childhood or went through some sort of trauma – I shouldn't be acting like this. Why is it so fucking hard?' She drops her face into her palms, grinding her teeth and squeezing her eyes shut.

She feels Chloe gently running her thumb along the inside of her wrist in a soothing back and forth motion. 'I don't know, Beca,' Chloe says slowly. 'I don't know why it's hard for you. But I promise I'm going to try and make it more bearable for you, even if it never gets easier.' She sighs. 'I just wish I knew what to do to help. I think I make it worse sometimes.'

'You don't,' Beca insists.

'I did in the past. I'll try not to anymore.' She lifts Beca's hand, giving her a kiss on the knuckles. 'Talk to me, Beca. What triggers you feeling crappy about this stuff?'

Beca pulls the blanket up over her head so she doesn't have to look at Chloe. For some reason, that makes her feel better. 'I don't know. I'm not like, afraid of crowds, and I'm actually not that bad at meeting new people…'

'So it's not being around a lot of people at once, or them being unfamiliar that bothers you,' Chloe clarifies. Beca shakes her head, even though Chloe can't see. 'So what things do you find difficult in particular?'

'Well, touching, namely, but you knew that one,' Beca says. 'I'm okay with some of it, but sometimes, being really close to someone for a long period of time… I find that a bit overwhelming. I don't know if that's really a problem of its own, or if it's actually the emotions involved which I find it hard to deal with.'

'But some types of touching you seem okay with,' Chloe points out. 'You said a minute ago that you wanted me to ask you if I wanted to hold you, but sometimes, just to hold your hand because I've forgotten. Can you talk that one through with me?'

'It doesn't really make a lot of sense. I'm not sure you'd understand even if I did.'

'Can you try for me?'

Beca sighs, rolling onto her back. 'I like that you used to ask if you could hug me, because it told me you were respecting my wishes and trying to make me comfortable with you. At the same time, though…' Beca trails off, chewing her lip. 'At the same time I liked when you forgot, because it meant you weren't always worrying about me and reminding me I have a problem with it all. You just did it, and that was that.'

Chloe frowns. 'Beca, I … I really don't know how I could do both of those at once.'

'Nor do I,' replies Beca gruffly. 'Like I said, it's stupid.'

'It's not stupid. It's how you feel.' When Beca doesn't respond, Chloe goes on. 'So what about initiating contact? How do you feel about that?'

'Ugh,' says Beca. 'No thanks.'

'What's the problem there?' Chloe asks curiously. 'Is it about trust, or not being comfortable with someone?'

'No, it's just me being awkward.' She pulls the blanket away from her face, letting out a tired breath. 'I – I don't really know when to do those things? Like, when it's appropriate to hug someone, or how long to do it for, or where to put my hands and face or whatever. It's like everyone took some sort of class on all these things when they were little, but I wasn't at school that day.'

'Doesn't that depend on context, though?'

'Sure, but… even if I know in theory what I should do, I still can't seem to get the nerve up to do it, just in case I'm wrong.'

'Okay,' says Chloe, looking as though a lightbulb just went on above her head. 'Okay, I just thought of something.' She unwinds from her position at the head of the bed, getting up from the bed and taking a slightly resistant Beca's hand. She pulls until she gets to her feet, facing Chloe. 'Let's have a little lesson.'

'Chloe, what are you doing?'

'You said you didn't really ever learn about social cues and things like that. So I'm helping you.'

'I don't think it works like that.' She pulls her hand out of Chloe's. 'And, no offence, Chlo, but you and I are complete opposites in terms of boundaries, so I'm not really sure what you can teach me.'

Chloe shakes her head. 'No, for now we're just going to focus on how those things work for me and you, not anyone else. That I can teach you about, and we can work through it together.'

'Chloe…' says Beca. Hearing the doubt in her voice, Chloe steps closer and gently puts her hands on either of Beca's arms, stroking up and down. Gradually, Beca relaxes with the familiar motion. 'I kinda missed that,' she admits quietly.

'So did I,' responds Chloe, just as quietly. 'Now… Are you going to humour me? We don't have to, but I feel like it might help. At least a little.'

'Does it involve cardio?'

Chloe laughs. 'No.'

'Then sure,' Beca drawls, mentally throwing her hands up and giving in to Chloe's will. 'Why not.'

Chloe grins broadly at her, clapping her hands together. 'Yay! Okay, so - lesson number one.'

'You've numbered the lessons? How many are there? Is there going to be a test?'

'Lesson number one,' Chloe repeats loudly, talking over Beca. 'It's always appropriate to hug me. I'm not even kidding, I could be doing literally anything and I would not turn down a cuddle from you.'

'Even if you're in the shower?' Beca jokes feebly.

'I'd have to question why you were in there in the first place since you made such a fuss the first time, but I'm totally down with "hugging" in the shower if you want to,' says Chloe with a flirtatious wink, giggling when Beca becomes flushed. 'You're so easy to tease.'

'Now who's using her feminine wiles?' Beca mutters. Chloe smiles at her fondly, using her thumbs to massage the fronts of her shoulders.

'Number two. There's no time limit on how long or little you can hug me, although I'd prefer it to last as long as possible.'

'So basically... You'd be okay with me hugging you forever?'

'I would love nothing more,' says Chloe, nodding decisively to punctuate her words. 'We might struggle a bit while we're eating or getting dressed or using the toilet, but I think we'd manage with a bit of careful planning and manoeuvring.'

'Yeah… Somehow I think I'll stick to not hugging you while either of us are doing those things.'

'Dammit. Foiled again,' says Chloe, pretending to pout.

'And you say I'm the dork.'

'It's your influence. Anyway… Number three.' Chloe waggles her eyebrows. 'I can think of a few places I'd especially like you to put your hands and face…' Beca rolls her eyes, flushing harder but can't help but laugh. '… But honestly, I have no problems with anywhere you decide to put them. That isn't a joke, I could happily have your hands and face anywhere on my body when we're cuddling.'

'Even your butt?' Beca deadpans.

'I don't think it'd be much of a hug if your face was on my butt, but whatever floats your boat, Mitchell.'

Beca picks up her pillow and smacks Chloe with it, but she's laughing, and Chloe's laughing, and shit, she actually feels so good for once. Chloe – when she puts her mind to it, anyway - has this knack for alleviating Beca's fears and knowing exactly what she needs. Maybe this conversation should have and could have happened sooner, but that doesn't matter. It happened, and hopefully things like this will keep happening…

Beca finds her smile slipping a little as her thoughts start spiralling beyond her control, the old insecurities seeping in before she can catch them.

'Beca? Are you okay?' Chloe touches the corner of her lips. 'Where'd that cute little smile go? I was enjoying it.'

'It realised something, and it had to go away.'

Chloe's brow knits worriedly. 'What did it realise?'

'None of this is going to last, is it?' she mumbles, talking to Chloe's collarbone instead of looking her in the face. 'You were right. We're fine and joking around right now, but sooner or later you're going to get tired of me again. I'm going to go back to old habits and you'll get sick of waiting around, so you'll just leave.'

'Oh Beca,' says Chloe, sounding heartbroken. 'I promise you, I'm not going to get tired of you, or leave. I made some stupid mistakes – we both did – but they're in the past now and we're going to work through all this, together.' She gently tilts Beca's head up, wiping a tiny tear that escaped from underneath her eye. 'I promise.'

'Chloe… I…'

'What is it?' Chloe tucks a small tendril of hair back behind her ear. 'You can tell me anything.'

In reality, Beca isn't going to tell Chloe anything. Instead, she wants to ask her something. Namely, if she's allowed to hug Chloe. But the words somehow get caught in her throat, and she feels more tears start building up in her eyes – tears of frustration, this time, because she's so damn sick of being scared, of not being able to touch people, of not being able to hold the one person in the world she cares about more than anything.

'Oh fuck it,' she breathes, shuts her eyes, and just goes for it.

She snatches up Chloe's arm and tugs her forward into a clumsy, awkward hug; it's horribly uncoordinated, and she sort of flails about before managing to settle her hands somewhere, and she keeps moving them about because despite what Chloe said, she still worries it won't be appropriate. But it's a hug – probably the first one Beca has initiated in literally years.

She fucking did it.

She could almost cry with relief.

Chloe's surprise is clear and shows in her confused, slow movements, but it only lasts a short while. Within moments she's realised what's happening and sinks into the hug with all the languid pleasure of a cat curling up by the fire, even letting out a content little sigh as she tugs Beca closer.

'Where do I put my hands?' Beca asks in a strangled voice. Right now her arms are kind of half wrapped around Chloe, while her hands are clenched into tight fists at her back.

'I'll show you.' Chloe takes hold of her wrists, prising open her hands and guiding them into position. Beca expects them to be put on Chloe's back or her hips at the very least, but frowns in confusion as Chloe starts to lower them past Chloe's waist, to her…

'CHLOE!' Beca cries, practically turning purple with embarrassment as Chloe unceremoniously plants her hands over her jeans-clad behind and adds pressure, pressing Beca's hands into her ass cheeks. She tries to wriggle away, but Chloe has a firm grip on her and won't let her move.

Chloe's giggling mischievously to herself. 'I told you I don't mind where you put your hands, Beca. I'm totally comfortable with you and my body, so I'm just trying to show you there's no need to worry.'

'Can I move them now?' Beca whimpers, having to physically fight the urge to cop a feel.

'Sure.' Immediately Beca's hands escape to a safer position on Chloe's back, her arms coming up underneath her armpits. 'See? There's fine too. And you did that all on your own.'

'Don't even try and pretend that was your plan all along, Beale,' Beca grumbles, her cheeks still pink. 'When do I let go?'

Chloe nuzzles her temple, making Beca shiver and clutch to her tighter. 'Mmm. Never, please.'

Beca laughs nervously. 'Funny. Really, though.'

'Whenever you want, Beca. I won't let you go until you're ready,' Chloe promises.

'O… Okay.'

'Relax, Bec.' Her hand strokes up and down Beca's back, a throwback to her usual way of comforting Beca by stroking her arms. 'You did so well, I'm so proud of you.'

'Shut up,' Beca grumbles, but she sags a little, letting Chloe hold her up and leaning her weight onto her body; her face fits snugly in the curve created by Chloe's neck. They stay that way for a long time, simply holding each other. Gradually Beca's heart rate starts to slow, and she lets her eyes fall closed, enjoying the sensation of Chloe gently stroking her hair, all the while humming contently to herself.

'You okay there? This isn't too much for you?' Chloe asks, moving her hair to cascade over one shoulder so she can run her nails over the back of Beca's neck.

'No,' Beca responds, almost moaning at the feeling. She feels Chloe chuckle low in her chest when she tilts her head for better access and unconsciously shuffles closer to Chloe.

'You're secretly a great big softy, aren't you?'

'No. I'm a fucking badass.'

'Whatever you say, beautiful.'

The word makes Beca shift uncomfortably, breaking her out of her Chloe-induced bubble. 'Don't call me that, please.'

'Why? It's accurate.'

'No it isn't. But that's not why… It's just kind of couply, so.' Beca grimaces. 'I'd rather you didn't say it.'

She hears Chloe sigh a little next to her ear. 'You're right. I won't say it again.'

'I'm sorry,' she says, feeling guilty.

'No, you don't have to be. I'm just angry with myself for pushing you again.'

'You're not pushing me. I don't want to get your hopes up, just in case… That's all.' Beca shakes her head. 'Look, can we just do… this, for a while?' she asks, gesturing to their embracing bodies. 'And not talk. I feel like every time I open my mouth I make things worse.'

'Of course. Whatever you need.' Chloe repositions her hands to a slightly more platonic place on the small of Beca's back. Beca swallows her disappointment down and tries to lose herself in the moment again, but the conversation she just had keeps playing on her mind. This is exactly why she stopped things between her and Chloe – because she would never be able to give her what she wanted.

Beca is just about to disentangle herself from Chloe, when she suddenly finds Chloe starting to guide them onto the bed, and her body begins automatically tensing up again.

'What are you doing?'

Chloe soothes her with a hand passed down her back and a gentle comment: 'No offence, Bec, because I'm loving this, but standing up is kind of making my legs hurt. Is it okay if we sit down or lie down instead?'

'I don't know, Chloe…' says Beca, casting an unsure glance at her bed. To lie down with Chloe seems overly intimate considering the stage they're at in their relationship – but at the same time, Beca is rather reluctant to leave Chloe's arms.

'That's okay,' says Chloe immediately. 'We'll just stay standing, then.'

'Are you sure? I mean, don't want your legs to hurt or anything.'

'I can manage.'

'You wouldn't prefer to sit down or something?'

'I do, but you don't, and I promised I wouldn't let go until you did. So I'm not moving unless you want to.'

Beca barks out a laugh. 'You're as stubborn as I am sometimes, you know that? C'mon then.' She detaches herself from Chloe (instantly feeling a lot colder) and starts climbing to the furthest edge of her bed.

'Huh?' says Chloe blankly, not understanding.

Beca glances up at her, exasperated. 'Chloe, get over here already before I change my mind.'

Chloe doesn't need telling twice; she scrambles onto the bed, lying down beside her. She looks about as nervous as Beca feels, as though expecting her to forcibly push her out of the bed if she gets too uncomfortable. For the first time ever, it seems like Chloe doesn't know where to put her hands either – at first she has them settled in between their bodies, but seems to rethink that, almost reaches to pull Beca a little closer, rethinks that, and eventually tucks both her hands underneath the pillow.

Her elbows make a little force field in front of Chloe, not allowing Beca to get any closer, which she finds she actually wants to do. To be honest, it's mostly to avoid the slight awkwardness of having to lie so she's staring directly into Chloe's eyes.

'Can you move your arms?'

Chloe looks momentarily worried. 'Yeah, I – where should I put them?'

'Um.'

She pulls out one of Chloe's arms, hesitating for a moment before moving to place it somewhere.

'Beca.' She freezes, holding Chloe's arm an inch above her waist, intent on having it wrapped around her. 'What are you doing?'

'I don't know,' Beca says, suddenly feeling foolish. 'Sorry, this was stupid.'

'No, no, it's not. But I don't want you to… you know,' Chloe says quietly, sounding unusually vulnerable considering she was the one comforting Beca only a minute ago.

"You know" could cover a whole range of things. Freak out. Panic. Shut down. Leave. Run away. Honestly, Beca could see herself doing a lot of those things right now. But the quiet echo of Jesse's words in her head keeps her grounded her to the bed, fearful of what he said coming true.

Fine. I'll leave. But you know what, Beca? You keep pushing people away, and eventually they're just going to give up on you. Might take months or even years, but do you know how absolutely exhausting it is trying to get through to you, and getting nothing back? It drives people crazy, and it drives them away from you. One day you'll wake up and you won't have me, or Chloe, or anyone. You'll be all alone. That's what you want, isn't it?

'I'm not going to "you know".' She winds Chloe's arm over her hip, shuffling so her head rests on Chloe's collarbone, sitting just underneath her chin. It feels weirdly intimate, but somehow less intimate than staring into her eyes. Mostly, though, it feels safe, and that's absolutely terrifying but amazing at the same time.

'Whatever you're going to say, don't,' she says, blinking away tears and the sting of Jesse's words. 'Can we just do this?'

She feels Chloe nod, that ever comforting hand beginning to caress her back again.

Beca can hear Chloe's heart thumping wildly underneath her ear, and in a way, it's reassuring to know she's not the only one out of her depth.

'I missed you so much,' Beca says under her breath, not even caring how needy she sounds.

Chloe places a tiny, loving kiss on the top of Beca's head. She's pretty much clinging to Beca, but she doesn't pass comment on it since she's pretty much doing it back. 'I missed you too… More than you know.' She drops her voice to a whisper. 'I'm so, so proud of you.'

'I'm proud of us,' Beca mumbles.

'Me too…'

A/N: I know a good dentist if you all got cavities.

Just a quick note – FFN user diam0ndsinthesky, please turn your private messaging function on if you feel comfortable with me replying to you! You always leave such lovely comments and I get sad when I can't respond to them :( Same for the rest of you who don't log in. Let me love you… I swear I'm not that creepy…

Sad to say, we're approaching the end of the fic guys. I predict about three (four would be pushing it) more chapters, at the most. Because of time constraints I'm going to have to end it slightly earlier story-wise than I would have liked, but I'd rather get it to a vaguely conclusive point and perhaps add to it with one-shots later on than leave it hanging. I promise I'll post at least follow up one-shot in this universe after I'm done, since I'm absolutely awful at writing sequels.