Chapter Four: The President
Madeline knocks at the door.
"It's time for lunch if you're done Commander," she says. Paylor looks at us, I nod my head. I'm done. I'm ready to move on so I can talk to Peeta and then the President. There are just some things I want to know and I'm done waiting.
"I'm done," Paylor says turning her focus to Madeline.
"If you'll all follow me down to the café, you can go ahead and take your time eating," she says. For some reason, I think she and Effie would be great friends. When we get to the café, I tug on Peeta's hand trying to linger outside a little.
"We'll be right here so you can watch us, but we'll join you in a miniute," I say to Haymitch. He's skeptical about leaving Peeta alone with me, because he could be potentially dangerous, but I'm pretty sure, in the last two years, danger is just another word that has applied its self to every aspect of my life.
"Whats up Katniss?" he asks.
"I just wanted to talk to you. Is that alright?" I ask. I tried not to sound like a brat, but the look on his face tells me I've done just that. "I'm sorry," I say as I wrap my arms around his waist.
"What do you want to talk about?"
"How are you feeling about all of this?" I ask looking up at him. He finally decides to encircle me in his arms and we lean up against the wall.
"I don't know. This is all hard and new to me. I should probably care more than I do. People had their entire Districts and lives destroyed because of us," he says leaning his forehead against mine.
"I know. It's more my fault than it is yours. I let them use me in 13 to do what they wanted to do. If I had just been more resistant, maybe we could have avoided some of the lives that were lost," I say.
"Its not entirely your fault. The Capitol wanted the war as much as the Districts did. There would have been lives lost anyways after our move with the berries. Though there may not have been as many lives lost. If one of us had died in there. Then everything would be okay."
"But we didn't die. We couldn't kill each other," I smile, "I couldn't let you die because then I'd never be able to do this," I lean up and kiss him, moving my hands from his waist to his neck. I feel him smile against my lips as he kisses me back.
"Do you two ever get tired of that?" Haymitch comes around the corner and interupts us.
"I don't think that's possible," I say moving away from Peeta a little bit.
"Well, try to remember where you're at," Haymitch says. I look around and see Effie, Paylor, and Madeline at a table intently watching us. They turn their gazes away as we look their direction.
"I don't care," Peeta says suddenly.
"You're not yourself," Haymitch mumbles.
"I am myself. I know what I'm doing, I'm not hurting her am I? The war changed everyone, and I'm included in that. I don't care," he says again. Haymitch and I both are a little astounded at him. He's not himself. This is not Peeta Melark; but it is Peeta Melark.
"I don't care either," I whisper. I know Haymitch heard me because he throws his hands up in the air and walks away. We're not meeting the President for another several hours and I'm not currently hungry. Peeta turns his gaze back to me and rests his forehead against mine again.
"I just want answers," he says, "I want to know what's going to happen to our future. Are we even going to have a future together Katniss?" he asks.
"I'd like to think we will. Even if we're not together, I don't think I can imagine my life without you. I want to know answers too. I care about the Districts because they are people's homes just as much as 12 is our home, but I'll probably never go to any of them without reason to, and I won't live in any of them that's for sure. Chances are they'd be like District 13 which was so unfamiliar that I couldn't even try to call it home." I say.
"I just feel like we're still living in a nightmare that at this rate we'll never wake up from. Just once in my life I'd like to have some since of normality," his eyes can't even meet mine anymore and I think he's about to cry.
"We won't ever wake up from the nightmares that haunt us Peeta," I say comfortingly. "One day, things will be normal again but they wont be the normal that we knew before the war, they'll be a new normal."
"I never got to say goodbye to my parents and brothers," he whispers. I know. I didn't get the chance to say goodbye to my mother, Prim, or Gale that day either, but I was at least privleged enough to see them again and have the chance to say goodbye to them. Prim knew I loved her even though I can't remember when the last time I'd told her that was.
"You and Haymitch are the only things I have left, and if this new President takes you from me, I don't know what I'm going to do," he says. I see it. The first tear falls from his eyes.
"Please don't cry Peeta. I think the world has realized how hard it's going to be to separate us. If they manage to do that I think they know the consequenses of what happens when they do," I bring one of my hands forward and wipe away the tear that's on its way down his cheek.
"I'm sorry Katniss. I don't know what brought this on," he says.
"I do. This isn't easy for either of us. I know that your memory still isn't that great because they took the things you loved and they twisted them around so you'd remember them as something they're not. The memories you do have though are ones that you'll never be able to have again. They're something that are going to hurt to be reflected on but we can't forget them," I kiss his cheek this time, "I love you and nothing else should matter." I nestle my head in the nape of his neck as he holds me closer and I feel him break into sobs as he burries his face in my hair.
~HG~HG~HG~
Peeta finally relaxed enough to have lunch and tour the Capitol's reconstruction with everyone. Even the Capitol, which had been pretty wrecked from what I remember, had to start almost all over.
Together hand in hand, arm in arm, Peeta and I walk quietly behind Effie, Paylor, and Madeline, but in front of Haymitch.
"This brings back too many memories," I say as I lean into Peeta more.
"I have to agree with you," Paylor says. We pass the strip of buildings where we were when Commander Boggs had his legs blown off. Memories hurt. I don't think my heart can sink any lower. Its when we approach the President's manor to go in and meet the new President that my heart does sink lower. It takes all my effort not to break down in tears from the memories of Prim. The memories of how the Mockingjay lost everything that mattered in bombs that were the result of her former best friend. I can't help but to stop and burry my face in Peeta's neck just so I don't have to see this again, but its too late. I see her. Her untucked shirt as she rushes into help the children who were going to die anyways. Her face as she hears me scream her name seconds before she takes her last breath. I do start sobbing.
"Katniss?" I don't know who touches me, Paylor or Effie but either way it's comforting at the same time as its not. I miss my mother. I miss Prim. This whole war was my fault.
"It's okay Katniss," Peeta whispers as he holds me.
"What's wrong?" I hear Effie ask.
"Memories.," Paylor answers, "Can you carry her? We need to go on, and it doesn't look like she's going to be able to get through this area," I don't want to be carried, but Paylor's right. I can't move forward. Peeta pushes me away enough so that he can get his arms under my legs and he lifts me up like I weigh nothing. I immediately burry my face in his neck again.
"You're going to have to calm down before we get in there," Peeta whispers. I know this. It's not like I won't try, but this is probably the most painful memory I have. I suddenly can't wait to get back to 12.
I feel Peeta begin to walk up a stair case, and someone holds the door open so that he can carry me through the entry. I've stopped sobbing by now, but I'm sure my face is red, puffy, and very tear stained. My eyes have been closed since I stopped sobbing and I am more than perfectly content to fall asleep right here in Peeta's arms.
"Are you going to be okay now?" Paylor askes me. Suddenly I'm embarrassed for my behavior.
"I don't know," I mumble.
"Can I put you down? I don't mind carrying you, but first, its not that safe in here, and second you'll want to meet the President independently." Peeta says. Reluctantly, I allow him to put me down.
"There's a bathroom over here if you want to wash your face," Madeline says, pointing to the left.
Wash my face? It seems odd to me because in District 12 we grew up just dealing with a tear stained, red eyed face. This isnt District 12 though, it's the Capitol, and I have to look presentable for the President. This thought pangs my heart too, as it reminds me of Cinna. I wonder if Venia, Flavius, and Octavia are around somewhere. I feel tears threatining to fall again as I think of the lives of people who I trusted that are no longer in existance.
I make my way to the bathroom. I see Effie hesitantly decide not to follow me. I think she cares more than she lets on. This hasn't turned out to be a good day at all. I never really properly grieved for these people. I moved on with a bland daily routine back in 12, and then things between Peeta and I gradually straightened themselves out over our bonding of nightmares.
In the bathroom, I see my face. I look awful. It's a bright red and the grey eyes that I normally have are darker than normal. Its obvious that I'm upset. There's a towel hanging on the rack so I reach over and use it to wipe my face. I contemplate escaping but I remember how Effie almost followed me and decide that I'll have to go back out there.
I take my time watching the splotches on my face dissapear and my eyes turn back to their orginal color.
Its been at least twenty minutes and it's Paylor who comes after me not Effie.
"Are you alright? You look better," she says. If I tell myself the truth, I'm not alright but I reply to her with a yes and follow her out of the bathroom.
"You going to be okay?" Peeta asks as he pulls me into a hug and the kisses the top of my head. I'm happy that he asked if I'm going to be okay, because that I can honestly say yes to.
"If we're all done, the President is waiting," Madeline says.
Maybe she and Effie are long lost sisters or something. They're so much alike.
We follow her up to the office where we wait just outside the door for Madeline to tell us we can go in. Once we're allowed to file into the office the President stands to great us. My heart stops when I see who it is and I immediately glance at Peeta. He's not reacting, maybe this is a good thing. I notice Haymitch watching Peeta carefully too.
"Good afternoon," The President smiles at us. Lyme. Hunger Games 63 survivor from District 2. Rebel Commander from the war. This is our new President. I take a second to think about it and then decide that I can't complain too much, she was a rebel commander, so she has to make changes for the better right?
"Afternoon…" Peeta trails off. He's such a gentleman.
"You are more than welcome to continue calling me Commander," she says, "everone else still does,"
"Careful Commander, he's not completely better yet," Haymitch says. She looks at him before nodding her head. I feel the irritation radiate off of Peeta. I know he hates that everyone has to be on guard for fear of attack. I hate it too.
"Right, well, I'm Commander Lyme. I know that you remember who I am Katniss, but I was warned to be careful what I say so I'll let you fill Peeta in yourself," she says.
"Hello again Commander," I say unenthusiastically. I want to know that she's going to bring positive change to Panem. I think she might, being a Hunger Games Victor and the woman who lead the rebellion in District 2, but I can't trust anyone anymore.
"Hello Katniss," she smiles, "I'm sure you've been waiting to hear what I'm going to do taking over running Panem, so have a seat and we'll get started." Once we sit down I reach over for Peeta's hand. He places his hand on my leg and I settle for interwining my fingers in his.
"The first thing I'd like to start with is the assasination of President Coin. Maybe that was for the best, maybe it wasn't. The people of District 13 aren't exactly the happy with the fact that you shot and killed her. However, I think I know your intentions and I talked it over with the right people and we're going to let you get off with it this time," she says looking directly at me.
"Second, I want you all to know that I'm doing the best I can with helping each of the Districts recover. I know I haven't done much in 12 yet, but I wanted to have the chance to talk to you before I did anything there. I'm sure Paylor told you of the distruction of each of the Districts and how bad off they are. Have you been told of my idea for a Hunger Games with Capitol Children?" she asks. Peeta and I nod out heads.
"Well, yes, I would like to continue Coin's idea to have one final Hunger Games with children of the Capitol people. Those in the Capitol have already been told that this is going to happen and we're almost done getting all the names of all the children. This is just so that the people of the Capitol can appreciate the fact that they're from the Capitol and they can experience the horrors that the Districts faced each year for the last 75 years. They should also consider themselves lucky because we're only going to do this once. The 76th Hunger Games will be the last of them. They're only losing twenty-three children where as the rest of the Districts have lost too many to count."
"But we have to mentor them," I say, trying my hardest not to complain.
"Do you not want to?" she asks.
"Not really, but I guess I should have expected that I'd have to mentor someone. At least its not someone who's left from 12," I reply sadly.
"The Reaping is going to be at the end of the week. When we get them all in we're going to test them and choose which pair will go to which District. I'd like to have all the Victors still living from each District mentor the children. There are forty of us, but seeing as though I'm the President now it wouldn't be fair for me to mentor children who get picked for District 2," she says.
Peeta stiffens as he then realizes the meaning behind her words. It sinks into his head that she too is a Hunger Games Victor and that's where he recognizes her face. He squeezes my hand gently as if to tell me that he's going to be okay this time, but this isn't over.
"Are we supposed to teach them skills that we think they might need to keep them alive?" Peeta asks.
"Yes, just like Haymitch did for you." Peeta and I look at one another and then at Haymitch.
"You're both still alive arent you?" he asks when he catches our glares. One day I'm going to have to thank him.
"You will also need to gain sponsors for them and watch them while they're in the arena," Commander Lyme says, "don't worry about it too much until they come to live in the Victors Village with you."
Since Peeta realized that Commander Lyme was a Hunger Games Victor he's been twitching and fidgiting a lot. I'm not the only one who notices this.
"Alright, well don't we need to be getting back soon Effie?" Haymitch asks.
"I don't think we do," she says looking at him.
"We don't? Well, as long as you're finished Commander we really need to get going."
"Why the sudden hurry? I mean, unless Peeta or Katniss have anymore questions then I think I'm done," she replies, just as confused as Effie.
"I'm okay Haymitch," Peeta says worriedly. I gently squeeze his hand.
"You sure?" Peeta looks at me. He's not having an attack, that much is clear in his eyes, but something in his head is not right.
"I'm fine," he says pleading with me.
"You probably just need some fresh air to clear your head," I reply.
"I don't have anymore questions Commander. I've heard all I think I can handle," Peeta turns his attantion toward the President. I can see the wonder in her eyes. Shouldn't she know what happened?
"What about you Katniss? Do you have any further questions?" she asks me. I turn to Haymitch.
"Shouldn't she know?" I ask him.
"What difference will it make? I'm still dangerous no matter who knows and who doesn't know," Peeta says angrily.
"I don't know. That's the point though, maybe she can help us help you," I look up at him. In his anger he ripped his hand away from mine and stood up.
"If you're talking about the Hijacking that the Capitol did, I already know about that. We are working toward something that might help but it's not finished yet," Commander Lyme says standing up herself.
"Go outside boy," Haymitch says putting a hand on Peeta's shoulder. "You're done here." Peeta glares at me before turning and walking out. I release a sad sigh.
"You never know what might set him off," I say.
"Well, I think we're done here anyways. I've told you that I'm working on making changes hopefully that the people will accept for the better. I've told you when I'm planning on the Reaping, and how I'm planning on working the final Hunger Games. I've also told you that I am working on something for Peeta and I hope that he gets better and returns to normal as much as the rest of you do," the Commander says. She too stands up and Effie and I then follow suit.
"Thank you," I say shaking her extended hand. Together Effie and I leave the room and head back downstairs and outside.
"Well, now that we're all done here we can all go home," Effie smiles like nothing out of the ordinary has happened. I try to smile back but all I can think of is where have Peeta and Haymitch gone? My question is soon answered when we step outside and find them sitting on the stairs. Peeta has his head in his hands and Haymitch is looking out at all the people who walk by. I walk up between them and place my hand on Peeta's shoulder. He looks up at me for a moment and then turns his head back to his hands.
"Let's go home," I say looking at Haymitch.