Sorry it has taken me so long to update. In light of the season 3 developments regarding Mary and Matthew I felt the need to take a break. However, I finally felt inspired to write tonight. Matthew may be dead but I hope MM fiction carries on for a while as a place where their love can live on and a place where stories can exist of all the moments we didn't get to see between them. As always, rated M for a reason.
Married in the Mornings~ Chapter 4
She was pregnant. She couldn't believe it. Dr. Clarkson had confirmed it the day before and she couldn't wait to tell Matthew that their little prince was really on his way. After everything they had been through as a couple, including the struggles to find their way back to one another, the arrivals of Lavinia and Richard, the pain and loss of Sybil (not to mention the fear of repeating her fate), and of course her own struggle to conceive. They had almost lost this chance so many times. There had even been a time where they thought Matthew would never be able to experience the joy of making love, the ability to have his own child. Yes this was indeed a special event, for the both of them. She was in disbelief that a gift greater than Matthew's love, greater than her love of Downton, had actually come to her despite everything. She was content knowing that being a wife and being a mother weren't roles of duty to her, but rather things she actually wanted for herself.
She had wanted to tell him last night after she found out the joyful news, but he was up late talking of Downton's affairs with Tom and she fell asleep waiting in bed for him. The day's excitement had exhausted her and she wanted, no needed, to have a fair amount of time with him alone in order to properly tell him and to celebrate the news. She still considered themselves newlyweds and sometimes resented it when managing Downton took him away from her more than she would have liked, but he was managing the estate for her and for her family…and their family, even when it looked bleak that they might actually have a family of their own. Now she could tell him that he really was keeping Downton safe for their children and the thought filled her with a particular kind of relief and joy she hadn't felt since the first night they made love, their first kiss as husband and wife, or the first time he held her tightly in his arms as his fiancé.
Now it was morning, and he was here beside her fast asleep and she was wide awake. She had hatched a plan to tell him and hoped she didn't ruin it by blurting it out as soon as he woke. Mary was not a flowery woman, not prone to large romantic gestures, but she knew how to express herself to him so that he knew how very much she loved him. He knew the real her in a way no one else did, and it made her want to make this effort a special one. She had no idea how long she lay there, waiting for him to awake. It seemed as though every morning he woke so early while she wanted to sleep in and on this morning he seemed to sleep the sleep of the dead!
Finally she felt him flutter. She recognized the several swallows he always took as he emerged from his sleep, the way his eyelids twitched, the way he started smacking his lips. Her heart started to pound in her chest. She was actually nervous! Her heart was pounding like it did that night he kneeled down in the snow and asked for her hand. She leaned over him and softly kissed his lips. Once, twice, three times. As she went to pull back after the third kiss she felt his hand find that spot where her jaw met her neck, cupping it, holding her lips to his. She felt his tongue ghost over her lips, asking permission, and without realizing it, permission was granted and they breathed each other in and she roused him to true waking. When she pulled back she saw his clear blue eyes, he may have just woken but he was wide-awake and every cell in his body was calling for her, begging to resume their previous activity; to carry on as only husband and wife could together. He ran his hand from her jaw, down her arm to her hand resting on his chest and brought it up to kiss her fingers. She thought it a sweet gesture until he took her index finger and sucked it into his mouth, licking and sucking it, he pulled back and placed a tiny kiss on the fingertip and she softly ran it over his lips in return. He was distracting her from her mission! She wanted him so badly but she needed to tell him the news. Matthew tried to pull her down to meet his lips again but she resisted. His brows furrowed in confusion. He was worried something was wrong, the last time she had refrained from wanting him to touch her she had had a procedure and didn't even know it.
"Mary?" he asked her
"Don't worry darling, there will be plenty of time for….all that…but first there's something I want to show you."
He felt a mild relief but he was still a little disappointed and in a little bit of a physical state, to be honest. Between the nature of morning and his beautiful wife it didn't take much. She slowly climbed out of bed and put her dressing gown. She turned to the bed and looked at him still lying there in his pajamas. "Well are you coming?"
He slowly rose from the bed and put on his robe. She reached out her hand for his and guided him down the hall. When they arrived at their destination she discretely opened the door. She didn't want to be spotted or to wake anyone. Once they were inside, truth be told, she was a little disappointed. It had been ages since she had been in her old room and it was no longer in use and therefore a little dusty and not in the most suitable of conditions. She really wasn't very good at these gestures but she hadn't wanted to rouse any suspicious by asking for it to be cleaned or prepared in any way. So she pulled him inside and sat him in the chair next to the fire. It was quite cold in the room without the fire going. She considered that perhaps this had been a mistake and she should have just bluntly told him he was to be a papa, she knew he'd be overjoyed just the same. Never the matter, they were here now and she was ready to tell him. As she was about to sit on the stool in front of him he held out his hand for her to sit on his lap. She complied and was glad to have his body heat to warm her, his arms around her waist, the comfort of his proximity.
He had never seen the inside of this room before and was about to ask her about it when she began to speak…"This is the room I grew up in Matthew. It's where I was raised at Downton. When I was a little girl this is where I slept…." she hesitated, but went on with her confession, as strange as it was for her to be so forward "this is where dreamed of you, where I prayed for your safety, where I cried over your loss, where I feared for your life. This is where I went from being a girl to a woman. And now, our little prince can do the same in here. He can grow up in this room, at Downton, because you've saved Downton for our children. The way Perseus saved Andromeda."
He sat there in silence, staring into her eyes. He thought he knew what she was telling him. Was she speaking in the hypothetical? He wasn't being dense was he? Was he even breathing?
"Matthew you're going to be a papa" she smiled
The morning sun shone through the curtains but it was nothing compared to the beaming smile of Matthew Crawley. He hadn't felt so overjoyed since that moment he took her in his arms for the first time as his fiancé, the moment he first kissed her as his wife, the moment he first connected with her to make love. He had wanted this so badly, but never wanted her to know how much, to feel the pressure of his desire in case it should never happen. He wanted to keep Downton safe for a family he was never sure he would have, but mostly for her. He had been too proud so many times, he had almost ruined everything time and again. But from the moment he had met her he had wanted to return what he was taking from her. His dreams were surpassed in doing so by being her husband, by loving her, by giving her their own heir….by giving her everything she deserved.
He was lost in thought, but suddenly her inquiring eyes found his and brought him back to earth with her. So he kissed her. He kissed her with everything he had. He kissed her like it was the first time, he kissed her like it was he last time. He kissed her like he could never stop. And then he knew he couldn't. He was quickly untying her robe and pulling her nightgown over her head so desperately. He needed to see all of her, feel all of her, worship every part of her body and soul in gratitude. He needed to be joined with her so desperately he could barely breath. Perhaps it was silly but that was the only way he could get close enough to her in that moment. It was cold in the room but he would keep her warm.
He could tell she was as desperate as he as she worked to free him of his robe and his pajamas. Quickly they were both naked and she sat in his lap, he wanted to touch her he wanted to feel every part of her but they couldn't wait. He hadn't a moment to think before she was reaching down to guide him inside of her. They were both more than ready and deep sighs of relief filled the room at their joining. Only after that relief had it occurred to him that he had not said much of their joy. He didn't need to say much, but he wanted to say something. He brushed her hair back over her shoulder and placed a gentle kiss there. He ran his one hand down over her back in a soft caress while the other held fast to her hip, preventing her movement atop him. He looked at her and breathlessly spoke "my darling, I love you so much. You make me so very happy. Not just because of this news, though I am overjoyed, but for you. Had we never had this chance I need you to know that you would have been enough. We would have been enough. We're not perfect but we're enough." She understood is meaning in every way. They weren't perfect indeed. They had quarrels and pride, they had miscommunication and hurt, but they had each other. They had love. They could have been enough but now they were lucky to have another.
He released his hold and she began moving a top him languidly. The desperation from moments before was replaced with a slow burning passion and gratitude. They were making love as a mature husband and wife, not newlyweds or two people feverishly trying to make a baby. There was no pressure, no intention other than communicating love in a way only two united bodies can.
Her pale face began to flush with passion and her chest covered in a soft pink hue as she rose and fell above him. After several minutes he could sense her exhaustion and he wrapped her legs around his waist. He rose up and carried her to the bed, as they remained connected. He placed her down gently as he rose above her placing his hand on her belly. They both knew there was no change yet, but knowing that their baby was forming inside filled their hearts. She placed her hand over his and smiled up at him, then her fingers twined through his to lift his hand away from her belly and up to her breast. She sighed gently when he reached the destination. He nuzzled along her bare shoulder as his thumb found her nipple, enjoying the immediate reaction of her arched back rising to meet his body as she inhaled sharply.
He watched her eyes close as her face flushed further. He tugged her ear lobe with his teeth as his finger met his thumb on her nipple and he gently squeezed. The pace of her rocking up against him increased; and her lips parted as her eyes closed tighter. He closed his mouth on her earlobe and noticed his breathing had changed and he was rocking with her but not thrusting. He brought his hand down to where they were joined and gently caressed her. She felt her nearing orgasm with increasing urgency as she panted softly. Finally he could hold back no more as her walls were beginning to quiver with her orgasm and he withdrew and slammed into her again and again, the friction extending her pleasure, pulling gasps from her throat until he was senseless with her and he felt her come apart around him.
He stilled and waited for her to calm. He was very close but he wanted this to be good for her. He wanted this to be about them, their love and commitment, a celebration that it was their love that brought about this little joy growing inside her belly. That it was this passion that breathed their baby into being and that he was wanted and loved so much already. He stared down at her and she calmed down and pressed his hand over her heart, lifted his palm and slowly dragged his fingers between her breasts and past her navel. He knew she might be sensitive after her orgasm but with his movements she felt a humming begin in her chest, a muted purr whispering out. He bent down and licked at her nipple, the contact caused her back to softly arch and increase the pressure.
He pulled back and saw that she was blushing and smiling widely up at his awestruck face, just inches from hers. She watched his lips soften to a reciprocating smile that shifted to a look of certainty as he stared into her eyes. He dropped a quick kiss on her upper lip, then kissed her lower lip, slipping his tongue between his lips and running it along her lip. Her eyes blinked shut and her lips pressed hard against his. He parted her lips by opening his, and licked her tongue. Her arms reached up, hugging around his shoulders, flexed with his pose, as she slipped her tongue into his mouth. Her left hand slipped up his neck to twist her fingers in his hair; her right hand rubbing her fingers hard against his smooth back anchoring him further to her.
He could feel her nipples scraping against his chest as he slid lower to slip his tongue along the right side of her clavicle. She shivered, and his lips moved to her breast, parting around her right nipple. He swirled his tongue around the hard aureole and pulled back to watch the nipple harden more, he pursed his lips and blew across it, eliciting another shiver from his partner. He smiled at her, watching her face as he lowered his teeth to nip at her nipple. She moaned as he worked, finally pulling his lips back to hers as she brought her knees up further around his body and pulled him deeper into her. Finally he began to thrust inside her again. "Yes!" she cried out, much to loudly.
His body strained over her, working fervently as sweat dripped down his face, between his arms and torso, pooled at his navel. He watched her shudder suddenly, her hands slapping down his back with her cry for more. Her walls again followed his lead, shuddering around his body, still pumping in and out of her as he drove home one last time, spilling into her, with her, blind to everything but her. Then he grunted and collapsed against her in exhaustion.
Everything in the world that mattered to them was right there in that room, that room at Downton. Their home. Their family. Their love. And they were truly happy.