CHAPTER 5

Damon's POV

Damon was in the parlor, drinking his tenth glass of bourbon of the night. He was a little anxious. He didn't know where Irina had disappeared to, but he did know that when Irina was upset, bad things always happened. And she definitely was upset when she left, he thought. He just hoped that he didn't have to clean up her messes, if she made any.

Just as he was about to pour himself his next glass, he heard the door being opened and closed. He focused his hearing and knew that it was Elena right away. He still was super angry at her. Not only did she act like she owned the house –she does, his inner voice reminded him-, but she also caused him to question feelings he thought he had buried years ago. She was the reason he had upset Irina, with her innocent smile that pulled up her very kissable lips, and her big doe eyes that he could spend eternity looking into… What the fuck are you thinking, Salvatore! the same annoying voice in his head snapped at him. You don't feel anything for her anymore, remember? You can't the voice continued reprimanded him. He shook his head when he realized that he was probably going insane; talking and arguing with his own fucking mind? What was wrong with him!

Elena…

Shut the fuck up!

Elena's POV

Elena could really use a drink after the emotionally draining day she'd had. She made her way into the parlor and saw the man that had been in her mind all day. He was sitting on his favorite armchair –the one that was just in front of the roaring fireplace- a glass of his favorite bourbon in hand. She saw his body going rigid as soon as she entered the oversized living room. She took a deep breath to prevent herself from jumping his bones. Operation: Forget Damon, officially begins… she thought.

"Hi, Damon" she acknowledged him with a tiny shy smile. He only nodded in her direction, not even lifting his gaze from his beloved bourbon.

Elena made her way to the wet bar and poured herself a glass of scotch. She wanted to have bourbon, but knew how possessive Damon was over his whiskey. After her glass was halfway filled, she walked over to the big couch and sat on it. She knew that if she was going to back off from him, she needed to stay as far away from him as possible while he was still there; but she also knew they needed to talk, about everything.

"Damon" she asked softly, not wanting to startle him, but he didn't respond to her. "Damon" her voice was a little louder this time, but still she got no response. She scoffed; she still hated when Damon acted this childish. She stood up and walked over to him, positioning herself in front of him so he couldn't keep ignoring her; and Damon groaned.

"What?" he snapped at her, the word escaping through clenched teeth. Elena flinched at his aggressiveness, and recoiled from him like he had burned her. He sighed when he realized he'd hurt her feelings. Why does it matter if you do, huh? It's not like she ever cared about yours the voice in his head screamed at him. He shook his head. "What do you want?" his voice softened when he saw the look on her eyes, she looked like a scolded puppy. She was trying to keep her tears at bay, and he hated that he was the one that caused them. Even though he didn't care about her, he still didn't like being the reason of her pain.

"We need to talk" it sounded like a plea.

"No. We don't." Damon didn't want to talk to her about anything, at all. He considered that if they talked, it would bring up unnecessary heartache. He really didn't need to have to go through this all over again. It was enough that he had had to, when they had their last talk, three years ago.

"Yes. We do." Elena told him, lifting her eyebrows and putting emphasis in the word 'do'. She knew that in order for her to back off, she needed to get everything she felt for him out in the open. If she was going to back off, she needed him to know that it wasn't because she wanted to, but because she thought he deserved to be happy. "There's so much we haven't talked about, yet. I need to tell you some things I've never said to you.. and I think you do, too" she softly whispered.

"I think we've told each other everything we needed to. Three years ago" he said in a resented tone of voice, lifting his eyebrows sarcastically.

Hearing him say that brought out the painful memory of their last talk, right before he took off.

-FLASHBACK-

General POV

It had been a few hours since Elena had woken up gasping for air, and confused as hell. At first she didn't understand how it was possible that she was still breathing and alive, or so she thought. She was beyond happy, she was ecstatic. Right before the blackness surrounded her completely, she had resigned herself that dying would be inevitable. She knew that it was bound to happen sooner, or later. She was the doppelganger, therefore dying was written in her destiny. But she certainly was hoping to have had a little more time. Though she did not regret her decision of having Matt saved first.

As soon as she realized that she hadn't died that night and had cheated death all over again, she jumped off bed –not noticing the crying figure of Stefan sitting by her metal cold bed's side. She had touched herself on all the places she could to make sure that it was not a dream and that she was indeed alive and not dead -as she should be.-

When she realized it was the reality that she was still breathing, she was left really happy. She sported a big smile as she made her way back to her unusual metal bed. This fact confused her. Since when are hospital beds made of metal? It clicked in her when she remembered they weren't. She looked around her and saw that her surroundings weren't the usual of a hospital room either. The walls weren't painted in clean and bright white, but gray; sad and creepy gray. Up until that moment, she still hadn't noticed how cold the room really was. Since when are hospitals so cold? Her mind kept running a thousand miles an hour; trying to understand the situation she was in.

It wasn't until she saw Stefan's crying and broken face that she realized that things weren't as it seemed. The wheels in her head started turning and she instantly knew what'd happened. She was dead… at least technically.

"NO!" her horrified scream came.

She was beyond horrified, she was petrified. It wasn't only that she was dead, but she had become what she never wanted to become. She was the thing that she had been avoided for the past three years.

A vampire…

She felt a few tears rolling down her cheeks, and soon her silent crying turned into whole-body wrenching sobs. She was sobbing so hard that she didn't hear Stefan as he stood up from his chair and made his way over to her and try to comfort her. She jerked away from him, ignoring his hurt look over her not wanting him to be there for her. At the moment she did not care! She did not want to be comforted! She had just lost everything she never wanted to lose: her human life. She had lost it, and along with it she had lost everything she wanted out of life. Now, she would never have children –which was what she wanted most-; she would never have grandchildren; she would never get to sit on a porch, gray haired, and with the man of his dreams –equally gray haired- by her side, watching their grandchildren play in the backyard while their parents would be starting the grill. She would never get to die after having a complete and happy life. The volume of her sobs increased as those thoughts invaded her mind. She had lost all of it! In that moment she even dared to think that dying would have been better. She was sobbing so hard, that she didn't notice the pair of blue eyes that were watching her from the doorway, nor did she notice them disappearing when her despair became too much to witness.

She kept crying her lungs out for a good thirty minutes –not allowing Stefan to comfort her-; but eventually she calmed down. Her body wrenching sobs turned into silent whimpers that eventually turned into silent tears, and then into nothing.

Only when her crying stopped did she allow Stefan to put her in his arms. He rocked her back and forth, rubbing her back softly with one hand, and the other was running through her soft straight hair. She closed her eyes and fell asleep. It had been a long day she had had.

When she woke up, she was on Stefan's bed and the sun had already raised. She looked at Stefan's clock on the bedside table and saw that it was 11 AM. She jumped from the bed, but immediately regretted it. She was too weak and her legs could carry her weight, they gave up beneath her and her body collapsed. However before she could make contact with the hard floor, two strong arms wrapped themselves around her slim form. She didn't understand why she was so weak; what'd happened to her?

She felt like crying when she remembered why exactly she was that weak. She'd hoped that it was a big awful nightmare that she had finally woken up from. But it turned out that the nightmare was her reality, and she could not wake up from it.

Damon carried her back to the bed and laid her down on it. He tucked her in the bed sheets and went to lay on the other side, right across from her. He turned to his side –an action Elena copied- so he could look at her face when he told her what he had come to tell her. But before he did, he needed to know how exactly she was.

"How are you?" he asked softly while looking into her eyes, they were burning with unshed tears.

"Not fine" she simply stated. She didn't want to lie anymore; she didn't feel the need to. What was the point of it anymore?

"I know. It was a stupid question" he smirked half-heartedly, wincing a little.

"It was" Elena agreed with him and smiled. She was surprised by how at ease she felt now in Damon's company, since when she was human she would always feel nervous and tense around him. And the sexual tension was always higher that the Empire State building…Wow, did you just say sexual tension? So you're finally admitting to yourself that you are attracted to him? Her conscience smirked at her, smugly. SHUT UP!

"You know what you're gonna do?" Damon asked, really frightened of the answer. He feared she would not go through with her transition.

"No… I don't" she whispered softly.

"What do you mean 'you don't'!" Damon snapped at her, and she flinched by the hostility in his voice. He had never yelled at her like that, and it made her want to cry. Fuck vampires and their fucking heightened emotions… "Do you want die? Do you wish not to be alive anymore? If so, I can gladly pull out your heart, right now; and we can save ourselves all this misery" his nostrils flared and his upper lip retracted showing his perfectly white teeth in a menacing way.

"I don't know what I want, Damon" she admitted in a considerably weak voice. Damon scoffed.

"As usual! You don't know what you want, so you choose to string us along!" he snarled before he could realize that those words would really leave a mark on her.

However, at the moment he didn't give a fuck if he hurt her feelings. After all, she had crushed his last night; and she'd done in remorselessly, or so he thought. Right there he was so fucking pissed that he didn't care if his words ripped her to pieces. He was pissed at everyone; at her, for stringing him along; at Stefan, for being such a free-will-defender asshole that chose to listen to an eighteen-year-old girl -that didn't even know what she fucking wanted- when she told him to save that stupid Mutt or whatever he's called -He's afucking vampire! Why the fuck couldn't he ripped Elena's seatbelt and take her out along with the Donovan boy? Or why the fuck did he save said boy's life, at all?-; at that fucking quarterback, whose life had been saved before his precious Elena's, therefore condemning her to an eternal life of misery she didn't wish to live. But most of all he was fucking pissed at himself! Why the fuck had he let himself being strung along by a chick that had obviously never stopped being in love with his brother –why had he allowed himself to hope that maybe she'd choose him?-; why had he acceded to that stupid flip coin?; why wasn't he there when Elena needed him most?; why had he trusted his fucking brother to keep her safe –when he knew how much he sucked at it-. He needed to let all his frustrations out; even if it was to Elena…

He saw her eyes shining with more tears until one dares to actually roll down her cheek. The sight almost made him back off, but he needed to ease is anger.

"How can you!" she screamed at him, trying to punch him out of bed; but she was too weak, due to her not having fed and completed the transition. The more time she went without feeding, the weaker shed become. Until inevitably, she'd die. "How dare you!" she was so angry he had chosen to bring that subject out! How dares he! It was such a sore topic for her, and she didn't want to be reminded of her wrongdoings to the oldest Salvatore. She didn't want to feel like she was Katherine, for stringing them both along, not choosing who she wanted to be with. But she was not; because she had chosen who she wanted to be with. However, that fact did not make her feel better about herself. She knew she still loved Stefan, yet she also was slowly falling for the older brother. She had done nothing else but string Damon along, knowing that in the end she would run to the safety Stefan offered. She had left him to die alone! He was probably sad or scared! Oh who are you kidding, he was definitely sad and scared! Her inner voice snapped at her.

"No, Elena! How dare you!" Damon screamed back at her. Today, he would not let her walk all over him. Today he'd be the one walking all over her! "How dared you string me along! Knowing that in the end you would choose Stefan!" he was not scared to hurt her feelings; not anymore. After all, from now on he wouldn't have to see her ever again. Today he could be completely honest; with her, and most importantly with himself.

"You don't know how it was!" she fought back. She wasn't afraid to hurt his feelings either. After all, she couldn't hurt him more than she already had.

"Of course I don't know how it was! You never trusted me enough to tell me how you felt about it! To you I was always just the guy you went to when your friends of Saint Stefan were afraid to do the dirty work! Nothing else! I'm starting to think you never even saw me as your friend! How foolish of me! How the fuck would perfect Elena Gilbert would choose the scumbag brother over the saint one, right?" he asked sarcastically, trying to hide his pain. "Of course she wouldn't! What would people think if she went from one brother to the other! How it would break St. Stefan's poor little heart, right! But mine can go to hell, as long as his is safe and sound!" Elena shook his head, really hurt by his outburst. She had never meant for it to go like that. She was never supposed to fall for the bad brother. She was supposed to still be in love with her epic love Stefan, and she should see Damon just as a friend –nothing less, nothing more-. She was never supposed to break Damon's, nor Stefan's hearts. But now, she was breaking both. And she hated it! She fucking hated it!

"It wasn't like that. I never meant to be like that. I do care about you, Damon" she pleaded with him; trying to get him to understand that it wasn't her intention to string him along. She was just afraid to lose someone else that she loved. She had already lost too many.

"Of course it was like that, Elena!" he roared in anger and jumped from the bed. He started pacing back and forth. He turned to look at her, and the look he gave her, it scared her. "'I care about you Damon, which is why I have to let you go'" he made a poor imitation of her voice, which only angered her. How dared he make fun of such a hard moment for her! "You've given me that bullshit enough times, Elena. Difference is; this time, I don't care" he told her as serious as he could be.

"You don't mean that" Elena thought that he was bluffing, and that his words were caused by the heat of the moment. Little did she know that he did mean them -or at least that what he had thought-.

"Sure, I do" he smirked. "I'm tired of trying to be what you want me to be. It's clear that it'll never be enough. So I'm done! I'm done putting up with your bullshit; I'm done pretending to be someone I'm not; I'm done of not being enough… But above all, I'm done withyou" he spat viciously in her face. The last statement did make her tears flow. Once they started flowing, it was like a waterfall, impossible to stop.

"You don't mean that" she repeated. But her voice was so thin that it implied that not even she believed it. She wanted to believe it. It couldn't be true that Damon was done with her and that he didn't care about her anymore. He wasn't, and he did. He had to…

"I do mean that, Elena" his smirk was evil; and it broke her heart when she couldn't see the love in his eyes anymore. Those eyes that once offered her the universe, if so she desired; they were now dead, lifeless. There was no light in them, there was no warmth, there was no tenderness, there was no love…

"No, you don't! You can't!" she yelled at him, grabbing him by his shirt when he came close to her. She shook him, trying to get some sense into him.

"Why the hell can't I!" he snapped at her; pushing her hands off his shirt.

"Because you love me! That's why! You can't just be done with me!" she cried.

"You're right I do love you. But I'm not so sure if I'm still in love with you" he lied. If he was ever going to leave, he had to make her think he wasn't in love with her anymore.

"You're lying" she pleaded with him to tell her the truth. She knew that he was still in love with her. A feeling that big didn't just go away from one day to another.

"Am I? Am I really?" he mocked her, which only triggered her Petrova fire.

"Yes, you are! You can't just fall out of love with someone from a day to another! That kind of feelings don't just go away that easy" she exclaimed; half crying, half pleading. Wouldn't you know, right Elena? Her conscience teased her.

"Believe what you want, Elena. I just came upstairs to say goodbye" he knew that the best way to convince her he didn't care anymore was that he acted nonchalant about the situation that was ahead of them.

"Why?" she asked.

"I'm leaving" it was so hard for Damon to keep up his charade, but he had to if he wanted to get the hell out of Mystic Falls before the sunset.

"What do you mean 'you're leaving'? Where are you going?" she demanded to know.

"I don't know yet" he shrugged his shoulders carelessly.

"Then why are you leaving?" she once again demanded.

"Because I have to. You chose Stefan, and I have to give you both the chance to be happy" he stated matter-of-factly while shrugging his shoulders again.

"What! Don't I get a say in this?" she snapped. Damon only shook his head, no. "What if I don't want you to go?" she defied him, lifting her head.

"It wouldn't change anything. You chose him, Elena. You can't have both of us. That's why it's called a choice" he teased her, in an attempt to ease the mood.

"It doesn't matter, Damon! I don't want you to go! I can't lose you! Not you, too! Please, please, please! Don't leave!" she begged him. If she was capable of moving, she would be begging on her knees by now. But she wasn't. Damon leaned into her, and for a second, she thought he was gonna kiss her, but he didn't.

"Please don't degrade yourself more than you already have. I'm leaving, and that's final! There's nothing you can do about it!" he whispered cruelly in her ear. She gasped and pulled away from him, slapping him with all the strength she could muster in her actual state. Damon glared at her; then he stood up and vanished into thin air.

"DAMON!" she screamed, waiting for him to come back and tell her that all had been a bad joke and that everything was okay between them. He didn't. "DAMON! GET YOUR ASS BACK HERE!" but he didn't come back. He never came. He was already gone.

That was when the whole-body wrenching sobs started again and didn't stop. She felt Stefan entering the room, and making his way over to her. He took her in his arms and tried to sooth her. He didn't succeed. Nothing could calm her down after the big loss she just had. Damon leaving had felt worse than the loss she felt when she first realized she was in transition. At least when she learned that, she thought the blue eyed Salvatore would be there to help her. She'd never thought that someday he'd get tired of her hot and cold act. She'd never thought that he'd ever give up on her.

The sobs kept going on nonstop for a couple of hours. She couldn't believe pain like this existed. She couldn't believe one would survive such devastation and despair… torture. She felt like he had reached through her chest and pulled out her heart, taking it with him; leaving in its place a black hole that consumed everything that made contact with its electromagnetic field. She felt as if any second, said black hole would consume her whole. In some twisted way she felt like she wanted it to. That way all her despair would dissipate and she could forget all about the perverse things she had done in the earth; the wrongdoings she'd done to Damon.

He was never supposed to leave her; he was her savior; her friend; her best friend; he was her love...

-END FLASHBACK-

General POV

"We do need to talk, and you know it" Elena reprimanded him. She didn't want to have this talk any more than he did, but it was necessary for them to have the closure they needed and move on with their lives and with new people. Keep dreaming, Elena. Like you would ever be able to move on from him…

"Fine! You want to talk? Then we'll talk"