Thank you for all the reviews. This chapters a bit longer :) If anyone wants to give me any advice, its always welcome! x

Chapter 3. Regrets

I awoke the next morning, my head pounding, and memories of the night before, a haze in the distance. I'd have to get used to having no memory soon. Or would I?

I climbed out of bed, realising that I was still wearing the same clothes as the night before. I wrapped a dressing gown around my body, the soft material gave me a strange comfort. Whilst walking down the stairs, I heard the sound of the kettle boiling and the radio playing quietly. Immediately thinking the worst, I closed my eyes and tried to think back to the night before. But before I could think, the kitchen door opened and Sacha appeared.

"What are you doing here?" I asked.

"I slept on your sofa last night, remember?" He reminded me, walking back into the kitchen to make us both a coffee.

"Umm, no. Where's Jonny?" I said, rubbing my forehead in pain.

"He was working. How you feeling?" He asked.

"My head is killing me." I said, quietly adding "Quite literally."

"I've got to go to work so I'm gonna drop back to mine and grab some clothes before work. You take care of yourself and call me if you need me. Ok?" He said, downing the last of his drink and grabbing his car keys.

"Fine. Now go!" I replied, ushering him out of the house.

An hour later and I was sat on the sofa watching my collection of old videos. I'd just finished watching the one that Jonny had made at Christmas the year before, Sacha and Mo singing loudly as they ate mince pies. After rummaging through the cupboard, I found the wedding video that Michael had made for us. It was still in its wrapping as it had never been watched by myself or Jonny before.

It started with the camera shaking and then zooming in to focus on myself and Jonny who were stood in the middle of a large crowd of people as we had our first dance. I watched myself kiss him before the music started and we began to dance. As I watched the two of us on the screen, I began to cry whilst mouthing the words of Mountains by Emeli Sande which, after two months of disagreeing over, had been the song we chose for our first dance.

Then suddenly our dance disappeared from the screen and instead Jonny appeared.

"Jac, this is from our family at the hospital!" He said before the screen changed again.

Michael, Sacha, Mo, Oliver, Tara, Chantelle, Elliott, Serena, Ric, Malick and Chrissie appeared holding a banner that said 'Mr & Mrs Macionie!' whilst shouting congratulations. Then, the camera flicked through messages from their friends.

Mo "Mr and Mrs Maconie, obviously I have to say congratulations but also good luck with married life. You two are a match made in heaven so don't mess this up! Anyways, congrats! Love you guys!"

Sacha "Congratulations you guys, I can't believe you're married, I'm so pleased for you both. So Jonny, make sure you look after her or you'll have me to deal with and Jac, don't let this one get away! He's perfect for you!"

Elliott "Are they the Naylors or the Maconie's? What? The camera's on? Oh, right um, yes, Jac, Jonny, congratulations on your wedding, I am so pleased for you both. Mr Maconie, I hope you take care of this one, she's very special."

Malick "Mr and Mrs Maconie, congrats on the whole marriage thing! Jonny, try to keep her tame! For all our sakes!"

Michael "Congratulations, Jac, Jonny! You both deserve to be happy with one another! Jonny, still don't know how you managed to get Jac to tie the knot! Must be true love!"

Ric "I must say, I'm slightly surprised that you two are getting married, never thought that either of you were the type. Seems I was wrong. So, good luck you two. Try not to end up like me and the other four Mrs Griffin's!"

Serena "Congratulations to you both, I hope you enjoy married life together. Now can I get back to work?"

Chantelle "CONGRATULATIONS! I can't believe it! I bet you're looking forward to being married so much! What? They're already married? But I didn't get invited! Sorry, congrats on your wedding!"

Oliver "Congratulations, Mr and Mrs Mac, good luck with being married! I'm glad that the two of you are finally settling down together!"

Tara "Umm, congratulations."

Chrissie "Congratulations you two! Still can't believe it Mrs Jac Maconie!"

Jonny "Jac, I love you so much and I can't wait to enjoy the rest of my life by your side. I really do love you!"

By the end of the video I was curled up on the sofa crying my heart out. He wouldn't even get to spend half of his life with me. Two years and then his wife dies of Cancer. How is that fair?

A younger version of myself running after Joseph in the snow, giggling as she slipped on a bit of ice. Joseph lifting me to my feet, kissing my cheek, I grinned to myself as I watched myself walk over to the pushchair close by and lift out a little baby. Baby Harry. I watched as Joseph ran towards me and kissed me gently, stroking his sons face and smiling at his family. I again grinned to myself as I heard me telling him that I loved him, knowing how much I did.

Before I was able to watch Joseph's reaction, my phone went, so I paused the video before answering it.

"Jac N-Maconie." I answered, old habits still present.

"Mrs Maconie, this is Mr Hanssen. Could you please come to the hospital and meet me in my office in an hour please. I realise that this is your day off but this is of the upmost importance." Hanssen said in his usual monotone style.

"Of course, I'll be there as soon as possible. I replied hanging up.

And an hour later I was stood outside his office as promised, my fist hovering in front of the door. I took in a deep breath before knocking.

"Come in." I heard and did as I was told. "Mrs N-Maconie, please take a seat, I've been talking to Dr Saunders, he told me about your appointment yesterday."

My eyes widened as I realised why I'd been called to his office. He knew.

"I'm sorry that the outcome wasn't good. I would like to allow you to work tomorrow and say goodbye to your colleagues, make ammends, settle differences. Obviously you can't operate but I'm sure your pressence on the ward wouldn't go unnoticed. Miss Effanga will be stepping into your place until we can find a permanent placement." He told me.

"Who says she'll need to? I'm perfectly fine to operate. My memory is fine and I'm not in any pain." I replied sternly.

"That's not strictly true though is it? Jac, if your memory is so good then what day of the week is it? What was the last operation you performed?" He asked, matching my tone.

I rubbed my forehead as I tried to think but I couldn't, my memory was a huge haze.

"See what I mean? Mrs Maconie, do you even realise the seriousness of your condition? You don't have much time and you want to spend that time at work." He said, he knew I was a workaholic but this was going too far.

"You don't understand! I have nothing else! Other than Jonny, I don't have a family to spend the time with, I don't have the friends to visit, I don't have goodbyes to say." I explained.

"You've wasted so much of your life working. Do you not see how unhappy its made you? You let Mr Byrne walk away because you couldn't leave this hospital, you let your mother ruin your life for a second time because you're a surgeon and saving people is all you know, you have spoilt so many relationships and poisoned so many friendships to further your career! Was it worth it?" He asked me.

"No." I said honestly. "But there's no way to put it right."

"You may not be able to put it right but you can always try. Talk to the people who you care about. Don't go through this alone." He advised me. "Nurse Maconie love you but he would never forgive you if you didn't tell him."

"I can't!"

"You have to!"

I nodded before saying, "Thank you, I'll do a shift now if thats alright."

"No surgery." He warned, allowing me to leave.

"Thank you." I smiled at him genuinely.

Thanks for reading, please review! x