Thanks to Jazz, BeckyAdams, LoveJacNaylor, Taylor, SaintJacTheGingerNinja, Hi-World and the guest who didn't leave a name for your lovely reviews, they really keep me writing :) I hope you enjoy this chapter, a bit of Janny at the beginning and some Joliver in the next chapter ;) Please continue to send in your reviews :) x

Chapter 4: Don't loose hope

The phone rang three times before I answered it, calming myself before I spoke. "Jonny, is everything okay?" I asked.

"Where are you? Its supposed to be your day off!" He said, slightly annoyed.

"Hanssen called, they needed more help on the ward." I lied, not wanting to face Jonny at home just yet.

"Does that mean that you're going to be working until your shift this evening?"

"Sorry, but I'll see you later, maybe we can get a coffee together on our break. We're both on call tonight so we'll spend time together then, okay?" I said nervously.

"Okay. I'll see you later. I love you." He told me sweetly.

"I love you too, I've got to go, I'm needed." Another lie I didn't need to tell.

"Alright then love, bye." He replied, believing me completely.

"Oh and could you bring me in a muffin on your way in?"

"Of course." And then I hung up.

I walked into the office and fell into my chair, my eyes red, my cheeks tearstained and my face pale and lifeless. Staring at the floor, I didn't notice Elliott watching me.

"Jac, what's happened?" He asked me, making me jump, eying a tear dropping onto my desk.

"Nothing, I'm fine." I lied.

"Jac?"

"I don't have time for this. I don't have much time at all. I need to take the rest of the day off." I told him slowly, still staring intently at the floor.

"Look at me." He whispered, walking towards me. "Jac?" He pushed my chin up with his hand and stared into my stinging eyes.

"I-It's over Elliott." I said, my words barely audible.

"What's over? Jac you're not making sense!" He said, confused as to what I was referring to.

"I've got terminal cancer." I told him, looking back down at the ground.

Elliott didn't reply, instead he just stared at me, trying to figure out what was going through my head.

Like so many others, he'd tried to get to know her, to her understand her but the closed off surgeon would never let anyone close enough to figure her out. She had too much to loose, her reputation being the most obvious thing. What nobody knows is that beneath the hard extior of Jac Naylor a little girl is hiding, terrified of being hurt once more. She knew that staying in her ice cold shell would keep her safe from the world. But it also makes her lonely and issolated, no friends, no family, nobody to love her.

"Elliott." I said, breaking the awkward silence.

"When did you find out?" He asked, tears filling his eyes.

"Today, they've given me a month, two at most. They want to admit me to the Cancer ward, let me die drugged up to the eye balls. I've already decided that that'a not going to happen, I'd rather die with a little bit of dignity and more importantly, on my own terms."

"You don't mean..." He trailed off, his eyes widenning at the thought. "Jac, don't ask me to..."

"Look, I've seen patients die from cancer so many times here and its not pleasant. There is no way I'm going through that on my own. Anyway, I thought you'd understand. Gina was dying, slow and undignified so you helped her, you let her, why can't you help me?" I begged, becoming more helpless by the second.

"Yes, but" He began, no idea how to continue.

"But what? I have no family to miss me or many friends to say goodbye to. Jonny would rather that I died now than when I was in pain, no clue as to what is going on or when I'm a vegetable. I have no partner, no children, no animals. I have a will that I wrote after my bike accident. I leave all my money Jonny, I have a letter for Joseph and a note for my mum." I told him, my frustration evident.

"Fine, but what do you expect us to do for your funeral?" He asked, praying that the thought of this would make me think twice.

"Whatever you want, I just don't want a load of 'professional mourners' or anybody dancing on my grave. Tell everyone that if they get over emotional, I will haunt them!"

"This in't funny." Was the blunt reply that followed.

"I'm being serious."

"Anyway, you could have weeks before things get that bad. Would you like me to inform the staff?" He asked.

"No, I just want to end it now. I can't work now so what point is there sticking around?"

"Jac, you do realise that once its over, its over. There's no turning back! You need to sit down and think about this, you're being rash. Have you not thought about Jonny? This would kill him." He told me.

"He doesn't know." I mumbled.

"Jac, you're married to the bloke, did you not think that it would be a good idea to tell him?"

"I always knew you'd let me down like this. Don't bother. I'll see you in hell!" And with that, I grabbed my bag and stormed out of the office with no intention to ever return.

But would I?

Thanks for reading, hope you enjoyed :)