The Legend of Derpy: No, no offence is taken at all, I'm always happy to receive constructive feedback. If that's your opinion, you're entitled to it and entitles to share it so thank you very much. I'm glad you like the beginning of it though, that means a lot considering it's my first story. I've taken everything you've written and i understand what you essentially trying to say :]
"H-hey Holly, uh I w-was kinda wondering – hoping actually – if you, I mean you don't have to obviously but –" The boy jerked up slightly before straightening out his posture and grabbing the girl's hand gently. "Would you like to see a movie with me tomorrow night? You can pick." I bit my lip, silently squealing in joy, as the girl nodded shyly and her face bloomed like a spring rose. I dance around in a small circle and looked up, sighing. That one little couple has made my day now, with their absolute adorability.
"I can see them getting married one day." I murmured, stowing my bow inside my quiver before stiffening as the people around me gasped and gaped, pointing up.
"The Northern Lights! I've never seen them before, let along in the afternoon." One human said and I chewed my lip before untucking my wings and lifting off. If there's one thing I dislike, it's the fact that my wings are tiny. They look like a bird's wing, all soft creamy colours but they're so small they flutter like Tooth's. I darted up into the air and started to vibrate before rocketing off into the sky.
I hissed as I flew through an open roof of The Castle and headed straight for the fire, shaking my wings out and brushing the snow out of my hair.
"This better be good North." Bunny muttered, holding his leg up to the fire ad blowing on it.
"Bunny please, I would not call you unless it was important." North said, straightening up. "The Boogeyman was here…at the Pole!" I stood up slowly, twisting my hands together in worry.
"Pitch? Pitch Black was here?" Tooth asked, moving closer and North nodded firmly.
"Yes. There was black sand covering the globe," He said, wiggling his fingers around.
"W-what do ya mean, black sand?" Bunny asked, leaving his place at the fire and North shushed him.
"And then a shadow!" He continued, as if Bunny hadn't spoken.
"Wait, what happened to seeing Pitch?" I asked, fiddling with one of my arrows. "I thought you said you saw Pitch?" North rubbed the back of his head sheepishly.
"Well not exactly." He said as Bunny began to paint one of his eggs.
"Not exactly?" Bunny asked. "Can you believe this guy?" Sandy shrugged and Bunny nodded his head. "Yeah, you said it."
"Look, he is up to something." Said North. "I can feel it…in my belly!" He even jiggled his stomach for effect and I snapped my arrow in half.
"You mean you called Bunny here, a couple of days before Easter?" I started. "And me, who has to work around the clock, because of some black sand and your belly?"
"Mate, if I did this to you three days before Christmas –" Bunny threatened but North shook it off as they began to argue. I jumped as the pouch on the side of my hip jingled softly and I pulled out a piece of paper before biting my lip to keep the squeals in, jumping on the spot. I fiddled around in the second pouch before pulling out a ring with a diamond and dropping it onto the paper. I rolled it up and kissed it before dropping it back into the first pouch before turning back into the conversation. Which promptly stopped as a bell jingled loudly. I jumped and searched my pouch before realising it was Sandy, and he pointed to the Moon.
"Oh." I muttered in embarrassment.
"Man In Moon!" North cried in relief. "Sandy, why didn't you say something?" I giggled and turned back, gazing up at the thing that gave me a second life. "It has been a long time Old Friend. What is big news?" The Moon's rays glowed brighter and shone directly onto the Guardian Emblem before the shadow of a man started to show. I gritted my teeth and tightened my grip on an arrow, accidentally snapping it in half. I jumped and blew on it as it turned to dust.
"It is Pitch." I breathed before North turned to the Moon.
"Manny, what must we do?" He asked. The hatch in the middle of our emblems slid down and opened up before a pillar of crystal rose through it.
"Guys, you know what this means?" Tooth asked, fluttering from side to side.
"He's choosing a new Guardian." North muttered in disbelief. I bit my lip and crossed my fingers as the crystal started to glow.
"Please not Summer, please not Summer!" I whispered desperately. The light from the Moon ricocheted off the surface and bathed the room in silvery blue light as the form of the new Guardian started to take shape. I exhaled in relief and North blinked as the light show finished.
"Jack Frost." I grinned and punched the air, dancing around in a circle.
"I take it back, the Ground Hog is fine." Bunny said.
"As long as he helps to protect the children right?" Tooth asked, snapping out of her dreamy state. I winked at her and nodded.
"I'm fine with it, he helps get couples together and snow days are perfect for cuddling." I said, clapping my hands together.
"Jack Frost!" Bunny exploded, hopping forward. "H-he doesn't care about children! Alright? All he does is freeze water pipes and mess with my egg hunts! Okay, he's an irresponsible, selfish –"
"Guardian." North finished and I nodded.
"Jack Frost is many things but he is not a Guardian!" Bunny said with finality. I laughed before starting as my pouch jingled again. I pulled out the paper and squealed before rummaging around for a baby's dummy. Rolled up the paper and kissed it before tucking it back into the pouch.
"But he does like kids Bunny, that's why he creates snow days." I pointed out. "It gets them out of school so they can have a little fun."
"You're biased." Bunny grumbled, folding his arms.
"But I'm trying to look at it objectively." I argued. "Yes he's irresponsible, yes he possibly is a bit selfish but he does like kids. Maybe this could be good for him? Kids could start to believe in him and he'll have a feeling of responsibility." North nodded and clapped his hands.
"Right, who will fetch him?" I pointed straight at Bunny.
"Sandy got you, you got Tooth, Tooth got me and I got Bunny. It's Bunny's turn." I said, grinning. Bunny gritted his teeth and pointed a boomerang at me, opening his mouth, but North butted in.
"Excellent logic Love." He said and I folded my arms at his nickname. "Bunny will go get Jack Frost."
Guys, reviews get you chapters but I also just like to upload because I personally hate it when someone leaves a story half finished and they don't upload enough. So I'm aiming to upload every few days.
xoxo Leo