I knew that it was important to include Joseph and I know its only a one sided conversation but I promise that there will be at least one more chapter with Jac and Joseph... Please review x

Chapter 7: Not long enough at all

I sat on the floor, leaning on one of the staffroom cupboards, cradling my knees. Tears ran down my cheeks as I stared into thin air, my mind going over my previous conversation. The uncomfort in my head was becoming increasingly unbearable and the thoughts that were cirlcing my mind weren't helping with that in the slightest. I shook with pain, both physical and emotional, thinking back on things now I realise that there were more people who cared than I have ever given myself credit for.

Although I'd miss them, this was what I had to do. But if I wanted to die the way I wanted then I had one more goodbye to say.

So, picking myself up from the mess on the floor, I got out my mobile and made the last phone call I'd ever make. Listening to the countless rings, I realised that it would go to answer phone.

"You've reached Joseph Byrne, I apoligise for not be able to answer the phone at present but I shall be sure to get back to you as soon as I possibly can, so please leave me a message." I smiled at his posh answer phone message, he was still the same old Joseph.

"Joseph, its Jac." I began, my voice shaking slightly. "I know its been a long time since we've spoken and the fact that you haven't answerred is a relief because I don't know how I'd be able to tell you this. I've got a brain tumour and I don't have much time left. I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear because you've put me behind you and you've moved on and so have I, I'm married and I'm happy but that doesn't mean that I don't still miss you. I needed to let you know how I felt before it was too late. I do still love you and there isn't a day that goes by that I don't think of what I missed out on and what we could have had. I don't regret my decision anymore but I do wish that we'd had more time together. You may not have realised but I did actually love Harry, those days we spent together were among the happiest few of my life, running around with you in the snow, the two of us cuddling up together on the sofa with Harry, rocking him to sleep with a bottle of milk. He may not have been mine but he was the closest thing I had to a son and I wouldn't have missed that for a world, no matter how painful it was when you left me. I can't have kids of my own so that really is the only chance I ever had like a mum, to protect him and love him. And Joe, I do still love you, but not in the same way, the gap you left was filled some time later by Jonny, my husband and he's shown me that my life is just as good, if not better without you. And that's not because he's better than you, its because things would have never worked between us. I cheated on him when I found out you were getting married and that was the biggest most painful mistake of my life. I hurt him so much when I left him just over two years ago and now that we're a proper family, I have to leave him again. I want you to come to my funeral, I want you to say goodbye, but remember that its his last chance to say goodbye too. And I know I need to say goodbye soon but its too difficult. I need you to know that by the time you listen to this message, I won't be here anymore. And I'm sorry, I really am. So goodbye Joseph, I'll miss you." And then a put the phone down.

I lay on the floor, tears pouring down my face and I shook.

We never had long enough...

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