On My Own
Song: On My Own
By: Les Miserables
And now I'm all alone again nowhere to turn, no one to go to
without a home without a friend without a face to say hello to
And now the night is near
Now I can make believe he's here
Rossi had been holding a birthday party for Hotch at his place, and the night was winding down.
Reid sat on the couch for most of the night, just talking to JJ, or sipping at his soda. He watched as Morgan flirted with Garcia for most of the night, heart aching. Ever since Garcia had broken up with Kevin, her and Morgan had gotten a lot closer. It was around 10PM when Reid finally left, and since Reid didn't have a car, he decided to walk to the nearest metro stop, which was a few blocks away. He didn't mind though, he needed some time to clear his head.
Sometimes I walk alone at night
When everybody else is sleeping
I think of him and then I'm happy
With the company I'm keeping
The city goes to bed
And I can live inside my head
It didn't matter how long it took him to get home. It's not like he had anyone to go home to. Retreating into his head, he thought of how much Morgan and Garcia had flirted that night. All the extra 'Baby Girls' and sexual gibberish they spoke. Reid felt his heart get shredded every time he heard it. He wished he could be on the receiving end of Morgan's flirts. He wouldn't mind the extra 'Pretty Boy's' every once in a blue moon. But he knew Morgan was straight, and the thought that it was impossible made him die inside. He was always just going to be the 'kid' in Morgan's eyes.
He would be absolutely happy if that weren't true and Morgan came running up to him, telling him that he loved him and that he wanted a relationship with him. But Reid knew he was being a hopeless romantic and that he should stop dreaming.
On my own
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him till morning
Without him
I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes
And he has found me
Despite the thoughts that he should stop imagining these things, he continued. The thoughts of long walks together, hand in hand. Morgan pulling him close, and holding him as he looks into his hazel orbs.
Reid felt his heart twinge with more sadness. "Again, never gonna happen Spencer! Stop tormenting yourself!" He thought.
Just then, as if God was playing a cruel joke on him, it started to rain. But Reid just stood there, not even feeling the dampness of the cold rain drops. He continued to walk, still living in his head.
In the rain the pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
The pavement was shining as he walked. He looked up to see all the trees glistening with the rain drops. It was beautiful. He distracted himself for a few seconds before another image popped into his head. Him and Morgan kissing in the rain. Just like in that terrible movie the Notebook JJ had made him watch.
Feeling the piercing in his heart again, he shook himself out of it, and continued walking. Just a few more blocks until he got to the metro stop.
And I know it's only in my mind
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say, there's a way for us
I love him
But when the night is over
He is gone
The river's just a river
Without him
The world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere
The streets are full of strangers
Reid tried to bring up the fact that it could happen one day. Who knows, maybe Morgan had a secret thing for him after all, and he was too shy or scared to admit it. "Don't hold your breath lover boy." His subconscious says.
Reid is now where he can see people under their porches, safe from the rain, lovers, kissing under bus stops. Strangers that he would never know, but he was jealous of their lives. To be able to connect with someone so easily, and not have to worry about any consequences of circumstance or their jobs.
I love him
But every day I'm learning
All my life
I've only been pretending
Without me
His world will go on turning
A world that's full of happiness
That I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him
But only on my own
Reid breathes out a heavy sigh. At least he still had his friendship right? He could at least be a part of Morgan's life, without it being romantic.
It did make sense though. Garcia and Morgan were perfect for eachother. They were both good looking, they both loved eachother very much, and they were both very flirtatious.
As Reid turned around the corner, he began to realize why Morgan would never be interested in him. He was nothing like Garcia. She was beautiful; He was plain and gangly. She was vivacious and fun; He was boring and not good in conversations. She was flirty; He was awkward and shy. She was everything he could never be.
As he berated himself inside his head, he failed to notice someone calling his name behind him. When he snapped back to reality, he noticed the voice and fell to his knees. His grief finally won over his hope.
"Pretty Boy!" Morgan says, running over to the fallen genius. When he finally caught up to him, he heard the sobs coming from his mouth. "Pretty Boy, what are you doing? It's pouring out here. You're gonna get sick." He says, worriedly.
"I don't care!" Reid sobs out. "It's not like I have anyone to worry about me when I get home anyway!"
Morgan bends down and holds his umbrella over Reid. "What are to talking about?" He asks, wanting to wipe the tears away.
"I'm not good enough!" Reid sobs.
"Not good enough for what?" Morgan asks, wanting to hold Reid.
"You! I'm not good enough for you!" Reid sobs.
"What are you talking about Reid? You know you mean a lot to me." Morgan says, hurt that Reid would feel this way.
"I'm nothing compared to Garcia. To how much you love her." Reid's sobs growing fainter, as he curls into himself.
"What are you talking about?" Morgan asks.
"You love her. Don't you?" Reid asks, needing confirmation.
Then it dawned on Morgan. "Yes." Morgan says. Reid's sobs turn painful. Morgan needs to stop this now, before his heart shatters. "As a friend. I already have my heart set on someone else." He says, making Reid pause.
"W-Who?" Reid asks, scared to hear who it is.
"You Pretty Boy. Don't you notice when I touch you or look at you? " Morgan says, looking in the genius's deer in the headlight eyes.
Reid looks at Morgan and doesn't see any joking nature on his face. But he couldn't be serious. "B-But I'm nothing. I'm pale and gangly, and not all that social." Reid says.
Morgan frowned at Reid's self depreciation. "First of all, I love how tall and skinny you are. Second of all, I think your shyness is the cutest thing ever. You're beautiful Pretty Boy." Morgan says, stroking the tears off Reid's cheek with his free hand.
Reid looks at the ground for a second, and decides to throw caution to the wind. He lunges at Morgan and kisses him full on the mouth.
Morgan freezes for a moment and drops the umbrella. Even though he knows he has to get them out of the rain, Morgan can't help but stay and deepen the kiss. They stood there for several seconds just kissing eachother passionately. In that moment, Everyone else around them disappeared, and it was only them.
"The Notebook may have been onto something here." Reid thought as the kiss continued a few more seconds before the need for air took over. When they broke apart, they just stood there, staring into eachother's eyes. Reid's hazel orbs looked into Morgan's chocolate brown ones and saw nothing but love.
"Pretty Boy, why don't we get out of the rain and get you into some dry clothes?" Morgan says.
"C-Can you stay with me tonight?" He asks hesitantly, feeling as though he was overstepping a boundary.
Morgan smiles. "Of course Pretty Boy."
Morgan picks up the umbrella and holds it over them and Morgan walks Reid back to his car.
"By the way, why were you running after me?" Reid asks.
"I was supposed to be your ride home remember?" Morgan says.
Reid blushed as he remembers the conversation they had earlier at work. Morgan chuckles and ruffles his wet locks. "Hey, Morgan?"
"What is it Pretty Boy?" Morgan asks.
"I-I love you." Reid says, fearing it's too soon.
Morgan's smile just grows. "I love you too Pretty Boy."
And with that, they walk back to Morgan's car, with Morgan wrapping his arm around his Pretty Boy.
There ya go. I haven't written one of these in a while. As you can tell, I saw Les Miserables last night, and I loved it. So I wanted to write something from it. This song is so pretty yet so heart wrenching. Hope you all like it.