*THANKS everyone for the well wishes. I think I got the job at Costco b/c the manager told me to call her back tomorrow…fingers crossed. *Update…I got the job woot woot!
She was sleeping soundly when her phone jarred her awake. She almost knocked it off the night stand reaching.
"Benson." She answered groggily.
"Oh sorry Liv I thought maybe you'd still be up."
"Nick? What time is it?" Olivia rubbed her eyes looking at her alarm clock. She asked not 100% coherent yet.
"It's almost midnight. I'm sorry to have awakened you go back to sleep."
"What's wrong? Is everything ok?" There was a long pause.
"Nick are you still there?"
"Maria has cancer."
"What? Cancer? Oh no. When did you find out?" Olivia sat up.
"Zara asked me what a cancer doctor is."
"Have you talked to her yet?"
"Not yet, I tried to call her before calling you but she didn't answer." Nick lay on top of the covers still dressed from his day out with Zara. His fingers twisted the volume button on the clock radio but it was not on. She zeroed in right away how distant he sounded.
"I'm so sorry Nick for Zara too I hope they caught it in time."
"Me too. How are you feeling?"
"I'm doing ok."
"You really need to talk with the Captain Liv and soon."
"I know and I will next week as soon as he gets back." Each waited for the other to speak up.
"We're not much of small talk are we?" Olivia said.
"No I guess not." Nick looked at his watch. "It's late so I'll let you go."
"Ok…I'll see you tomorrow."
"Uh yeah about that, I'm going to take Zara home and then see Maria."
"Sure right…yeah you need to see her." Another long pause.
"Good night Liv." Olivia lowered her head closing her eyes pinching the bridge of her nose.
"Good night Nick." Her words seemed drawn out as did his.
"I love you." he said.
"I love you too."
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Nick and Zara arrived at Union Station and caught a cab to Maria's apartment. His father in law answered the door.
"Bella." He said picking her up and giving her a kiss on each cheek. He eyed Nick as he let down his granddaughter.
"Nicholas." Nick nodded coming into the apartment. "Maria is asleep perhaps you can come back later."
"No that's ok I'll wait." The elder lifted up his hand up as to say your call and walked off. Nick took a seat in the living room.
"Daddy come see my room."
"I'd love to honey lead the way." Nick could see somewhat into Maria's room as her bedroom door was not shut all the way. She lay curled up under the covers and he could see bottles of pills that lay beside her nightstand with water and juice. Zara invited her dad to have tea with her and her Barbie's at the play table in her room. "Sure honey but I think the chairs are too small for me to sit in so how about we have a tea party Japanese style.
"What's Japanese style?"
"It's where you sit on the floor instead of sitting in chairs see I'll show you." Nick demonstrated and Zara poured all the guests at the table a cup of tea. I guess the laughter and fun Nick and Zara were having woke up Maria because she peered into her daughter's room.
"Mommy me and daddy are having a tea party." Maria looked surprised to see Nick there.
"What are you doing her Nick?" Nick stood coming close to her. Maria's mother walked up behind her.
"I hope they didn't wake you up darling."
"I told your parents to let you know that I was bringing Zara home today. I can see how well you received that message." Nick told his wife.
"You heard." Maria said. Nick leaned close in tilting his head.
"Yeah." He looked back at Zara who was busy sipping her tea having casual conversation with the dolls.
"Zara sweetheart can you go with abuelita so I can talk with mommy?"
"Maria really needs to rest." Nick gave his mother in law a cold stare.
"That's her call not yours."
"Stop it both of you. Mom it's ok." Zara went with her grandmother. Maria watched as they walked out of sight then she turned to her husband. "Nick you really shouldn't have come." He noticed how pale she was and there were dark circles under her eyes and her face looked much thinner since the last time he saw her at the deposition hearing.
"Thanks."
"No I'm serious me having cancer doesn't change anything between us."
"Maria you may think I'm the world's worst but I'm not a cold bastard that would just not give a damn." She crossed her arms standing there.
"I have ovarian cancer and I start chemo and radiation Thursday."
"What stage, what's the prognosis?"
"Three and they're treating it aggressively."
"Zara told me that she overheard your parents talking about cancer but they glossed over it when she asked so how much does Zara know?"
"She knows that I'm sick but I haven't told her until I need to." Nick was always the parent that wanted to be the candid and truthful one with Zara as she grew up but Maria was just the opposite. She wanted to shield their daughter until there was a point of discussing things with her. Children are too impressionable and don't often reason well was her argument. Nick's defense was Zara was resilient like most other 6 year olds.
"We need to tell her."
"We?" She pointed to both of them. "No we don't need to do anything. I will tell her."
"Maria."
"Nick thanks for bringing Zara home but were done here ok." Nick was flabbergasted and walked out.
"Zara sweetheart daddy's going to go now."
"Back to our house in New York?"
"Yes piquita." Zara was always sad when it was time to say good bye to her father. Nick picked her up and realized how heavy she was suddenly becoming and taller.
"I won't see you next week but I'll see you in two weeks ok."
"I wish you could come to mommy's birthday party."
"Save me a piece of cake when I see you next, chocolate ok."
"Ok daddy I will." Nick kissed his daughter good bye and left. He had to wait around a few hours for the last evening train to Penn Station.
As Nick was boarding his train Olivia sat on the edge of her bed feeling her stomach. Somehow the pictures all lined up on her mirror caught her eye. They were 7 total. Baby Leo's sonograms from month 1 to month 6 and Olivia and Nick's baby at 4 ½ weeks. She got up and took the oldest one of Leo and baby Benson-Amaro and held them up side by side.
"You're going to love your daddy when you meet him because I do." She clutched the pictures to her chest breaking into sobs.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Nick pulled up the same time as Olivia. "Morning." he said clicking the key fob locking the doors on the cruiser.
"Good morning. What time did you get in last night?"
"About 1." Olivia gave his arm a light rub as they walked in together. She covered her mouth with her hand darting into the bathroom. His eyes grew wide with concern. She shooed him on just before going out of sight. He waited outside the ladies room for her. He came to her when she exited wiping her mouth.
"Is it getting worse?"
"Some days are worse than others. She scrounged through her purse before he pulled out a stick of gum offering it to her.
"Thanks, go now." He looked somberly at her before turning away.
"Detective Amaro don't sit down just yet." Sergeant Munch swept his arm in the direction of the interrogation room. "Your witness awaits." Nick looked around the room at Fin and Rollins.
"My witness? It was Fin and Rollins collar. He hung his suit coat on the back of his chair.
"Only for the fact she'd only speak to you." Nick stood with his fingers hooked into his belt. He took one last look at the other detectives then grabbed his drink. Olivia walked in as Nick shut the door behind him.
"Man what's eating him?" Fin asked surveying the room.
"Having been married to 4 Italian women I plead the 5th." Munch said. Amanda rolled her eyes and Fin made a face. Olivia hurriedly put down her things and turned on her computer doing her best not to be asked the nature of Nick's mood this Monday morning. She raised her chin in the direction of the interrogation room.
"What's up?"
"Our psycho mother is ready to cut a deal and her last dying wish is to speak only with Nick." Olivia and Munch watched as the woman openly flirted with Nick so much as to peel back her thigh high panty hose to show him a birth mark. The female perps tended to migrate to Nick because of his good looks and the knack for luring them in with his charm. When Nick finally dropped the bombshell the woman became agitated and threatened him coming dangerously close. Olivia not liking what she saw made her move towards the room. Munch stilled her placing his arm on hers. Several moments later Nick came out.
"She's requesting a private room at Sing Sing?" Nick snickered at Munch.
"I told her they're remodeling, it's all inclusive now." Munch put his hand on Nick's shoulder.
"Good work Nick." Olivia showed him a small smile as the three walked back into the squad room.
Fin was just hanging up the phone when the three returned.
"That was Warner she's got the autopsy results."
"My turn to drive." Amanda said smiling at Fin.
"Nick got a minute?" the sergeant asked. Nick looked to Olivia who met his gaze.
"Yeah."
"Let's step into my temporary digs." Nick followed him in with Olivia watching closely.
"You ok Nick despite your current situation?" Nick reclined back with his hands folded in front.
"Whatever you want to say stays in here." The two gentleman locked eyes.
"Maria has cancer." Munch sighed and his face all of sudden became long.
"I'm sorry. How bad is it?"
"Stage three ovarian cancer. She starts chemo and radiation this week."
"If you need the time you certainly have it so take it."
"Thanks I will." Nick sprung forward getting up from his chair."
"We're all behind you Nick just so you know."
"I do thanks." Munch watched as Nick walked back to his desk talking to his partner.
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo
Before getting to her place he stopped at his local parish. When he walked through her front door she was happy to see him.
"There you are I was beginning to wonder." Olivia leaned in to kiss him. His kiss wasn't the usual one she got from him.
"I stopped at St. Stevens to pray." She managed a small smile nodding, touching his forearm. They ordered take out and ate outside on her patio. He wasn't much conversation throughout dinner.
"It is nice out here once that hot sun goes down." He took the last swallow nodding in agreement.
"I'll get you another one." Olivia told him starting to rise. He motioned for her to sit and he started to clear the table.
"No you sit and relax." He called out to her from the kitchen asking if she had any more rocky road ice cream. Olivia told him if it wasn't in the freezer than no.
"I'll pick up some more on my way home tomorrow." She said. Nick stood there with the freezer door open staring into the frosty cold. He came to returning to the patio.
"Her parents won't call to let you know how her treatment goes on Thursday so will you call her doctor?"
"Yeah probably." She tapped her fingers on the side of her glass of water. She looked at him, watched him. He cradled his beer in his lap.
"I'm sorry Nick I won't talk about Maria's condition. This is hard enough on you." His eyes shifted to hers.
"It's ok." A long silence fell over them. "Liv, I uh…"
"What is it?"
"I need to put my divorce on hold until-you know…Maria is out of the woods and in remission then after that we can go ahead with our plans."
"Of course." He stood up expelling a long breath looking out into the back yard. She followed him into the house.
Later as they prepared for bed he stared at her sitting at her dressing table brushing her hair. He came up behind her lifting the brush from her hands. She leaned her head back letting him run big broad strokes. She watched him in the mirror.
They gazed at one another.
He placed the brush on the table running his hands through her hair then slowly brought her to her feet turning to face him. He placed his hands on her belly as she watched him.
"Life begins and life ends." She furrowed her brows at him. Her eyes began to water.
"Nick please don't say that we don't know what's going to happen. We just have to keep the faith. It's in God's hands now." His eyes were glassy listening to her words. He lowered his head onto her shoulder. Olivia massaged his head running her fingers through his hair. She felt him tremble in her arms, his breath was hot against her skin.
"She just has to live; she just has to make it." His words came with sobs as Olivia tightened her hold on him.
"She will Nick she will." He lifted up his head; tears were trickling from his eyes. Olivia wiped them away with her finger feeling his gaze seep into her soul. Nick slowly moved his face closer to hers until his lips pressed against hers. His hands went around her waist pulling her to his chest. She hummed against his mouth as his tongue penetrated against the moist and soft recess of her mouth and his hands worked their way up her body to her head. Nick pulled back taking all her beauty in. Olivia tilted her head back exposing her neck and chest to him. His hands softly caressed her supple skin, dragging them slowly to her cleavage, kissing her neck and chest gingerly. Nick brought upright latching his mouth onto hers. Olivia lifted up her arms allowing him to remove her nightgown. He led her to the bed falling on top of her with care. Olivia felt the warmth of his breath on her nipples. He massaged each nipple with his tongue biting down gently. Olivia arched her back in pleasure, digging her fingers into the back of his muscular shoulders. She quivered as Nick's mouth trailed south down to her moistness. Her legs parted naturally, his fingers gently probing her core and soon his mouth replaced where his fingers were, tasting her for the first time. Olivia shuddered as she reached her point of climax. She raised her hips to allow his hardness to satisfy her. Nick entered her gently careful not to thrust too hard. She wrapped her legs around him. When it was all over, both having reaching their peaks, Nick laid his head on the soft recess of her stomach singing.
"Hush little baby don't say a word papa's going to buy you a mocking bird and if that mocking bird won't sing poppa's going to buy you a diamond ring…" Olivia stroked his hair as they soon fell into a deep sleep.