April 22, 2013

After seven chapters and seven long months or so, Kou remains being an asshole. So here we go.

Chapter 2: Tell me

He listlessly paced his feet in the direction of her house. The sun was setting, soft hue of orange painted the background of his leading shadow. He sighed, uncomfortably shifted the school bag on his shoulder. The pain ebbed away somewhat but his facial expression remained troubling. He needed to talk to her.

So, here he was. Kou stood half lit in the fading light, at the entrance to Yoshioka's house. He watched into the direction where he came from. Dark silhouettes of two figures slowly came into focus. One was hers, and the other was a man, one he had never seen before.

His resolved quavered and his security grew very weary. Had she mentioned of another man before? A quite tall nicely built one too, Kou bitterly admitted.

They finally approached, now standing merely two yards from him.

"Uhm…, this is my brother, you can call him Ken." She introduced her voice calm yet sweet and gentle as she inclined her head cutely towards her brother. "And, here's Kou, a friend of mine," she added.

She watched the men nodded politely in a quick gesture of greeting. Her brother sent her a silent message before proceeding inside the house gate. Yoshioka turned her attention back to Kou, "let's sit over there."

Kou followed quietly as they both sat down on a bench underneath a nearby tree. The lack of overly friendly terms they used to share added to the awkward atmosphere. He wanted to ask her many questions, previous thoughts and inquiries tumbling forth in his mind, and he was at lost how to start the conversation. She had already beaten him to it.

"How are you?" she asked, her voice soft and neutral, now turning to face him.

"I'm fine. You?" Fuck. How lame! The only person who ever cares about you is stepping out your life and that is all you could say? Kou berated himself. That same unsettling feeling at the pit of his stomach recede a fraction as he allowed her lovely presence to sooth him.

"Alright," she replied, her tone dropped its usual girly sound. "Hmm… What do you need to see me for?" Not that he mind the low voice, because it sounded like a string of sensual music to his ears.

Yoshioka started to lose her patience a little. Undetermined men, she doesn't think she could handle a close relationship with them anymore – too much for her frail nerve.

Kou inhaled visibly, "Tell me something I don't know." His eyes were looking straight in the direction of the lamp post located just around the corner of the street, unsure of her answer.

"My father passed away last week. We need to take his remaining back home to Orlando," she replied calmly, while her hands busying in search of something in her school bag.

"What?" Kou snapped his head back to see Yoshioka holding out a picture of a kind looking man. His attention still glued on the small photo for he was afraid to look up and catch the look on her face. His brows furrowed all the while as he let the information sunk in his poor brain. Someone very dear to his crush just died and he had no fucking idea. The knowledge of his ignorance slowly crept back from the recess of his mind, and he felt that familiar pang in his chest began to stir.

"He worked at a nuclear plant in Fukushima. There was a technical mishap or some accident last week after the main resolve months ago, and he was unfortunate." She explained, her eyes searching Kou's sagging head.

"Did you tell the girls?" He asked, doubting that her answer of yes or no would make him feel better.

"No… don't want to worry them."

"I would eventually know any. You could have talked to me, and I would be there for you." He looked up, dark eyes frowning as he stared into the reflection of the sunset in her honey orbs.

She could see the emotions swirling in those pretty eyes of his. But she was immune to such effects now, she experienced it herself already. Futaba was slightly touched, but after all, she could care less.

"You never asked," her voice deadpan and still.

The leaves stirred, whining softly as a whiff of evening wind passed by.

….

"You never asked..."

"You never ask…" the soft voice echo in his head and he turn to look onto the road. Memories of him and her caught up to him and his eyes furrowed and squinted at the intensity the pain brought about… It was her, who stalked and chased after him to the neighboring town. It was her, who found out the death of his mother. It was always her who tried to cheer him up and brought him the joy of high school. It was her that taught him life was good, easing him the burdens of the past…

And what had he ever done to her?

Pushing her feelings around as if he was experimenting them, kissing her then to tell her that it was a joke, touching her only to explain that it was an accident, leading her emotions on just to tell her that he wish for their friendship to remain, hugging her then to walk away and back to hugging himself and his past, not to mention hugging 'his' Narumi… How sick and loathsome!

The pressure gripped around his chest increased, a lump stuck in his throat and that burning sensation behind his nose began to form. He never asked her,… about her life, about her interest, about her family… her fucking anything.

"I think I understand what it feels like to lose someone you love now. At least, I didn't have to watch him dying. He just went on a long vacation after work." He barely caught her voice when she decided to interrupt the silence.

No. No, you don't get it. It's worse. I'm so sorry. He pleaded silently. He believed it was the other way around. At least he got to spend time with his mom. He then realized that he should treasure the memories. Doesn't she get it? Her case is worse.

"No, I knew what was to come. You didn't." The pain when you suddenly just lost someone you love. He understood it then, because the same thing is about to happen to him soon. Hell, it could be this very minute. And that said someone would be the small girl sitting right next to him.

That sting behind his eyes broke loose and hot liquid began to pool below the irises. He could feel it coming, so he lunged forth to wrap her in a tight embrace.

Coherent words failed him, and he could only mutter a chain of unintelligible syllables. "Please… I'm… I'm sorry. I'm fucking sorry. I should have been there for you." The circle of his arms reduced in size and he pulled her closer. He didn't know what he was begging for since he was aware he didn't deserve any forgiveness.

His face buried in the back of her neck, her shoulder, as he let the tears spilled. "I'm sorry for pushing you away."

"Yeah, don't worry," He heard her mumbled softly into his shirt. The warmth radiated from her was his undoing. He didn't want to let her go, out of his arms.

She chuckled then, trying to ease the escalating intensity of the emotions accumulating between them, mainly from Kou's unstable hormones. "Geez, for someone who treated my first kiss as a joke, an accidental humiliation, you're awfully nice," her lilting voice lifted off playfully.

He froze.

No. That wasn't true. It wasn't a joke. None of it was caused by male hormones. It was never meant to hurt her. Fuck, who was he kidding? It was evident enough how many times she sheds tears because of him. Never meant to hurt her? Fuck you. His shame and guilt, like corroding acids, began to eat his guts. He could feel it.

"I never meant it. It wasn't a joke." He replied, mustering any remnants of courage he could find.

She droned on a prolonged "Hmm…" as she gave him a gentle pat on his back.

"Please, believe me. I love you." He breathed, that was it.

"That was quick. You didn't even say you like me yet." Yoshioka remarked as she pushed herself out of his arms. Her pink lips parted slightly in surprise upon catching the redness in his eyes.

"Don't you get it? I am serious," Kou emphasized, his eyes diverted to the side while sat facing her.

"Okay," She replied. Her face resumed its calm and cold expression, although she tried to feign interest in looking at his handsome face.

No. This is not how it is supposed to be. Kou thought and the pain near his heart instinctively twisted and squeezed again. He felt as if the pressure of the fire inside his chest might burst out any moments. His brain was a jumble of thoughts and words. How can he really convince her? How can he worm back to become the center of her attention again? Just let him be selfish once more.

"You like me right? Why are you not blushing? Why are you so calm and resolved?" In the midst of desperation, he grabbed her shoulders, his breathing hard. His voice strained and coiled with emotions that she knew of pretty well.

Having her shoulders grabbed and manhandled after being crushed in a choking embrace was not remotely pleasant. She might have liked him, loved him even. But somehow, the feeling is foreign to her now. Perhaps it is still there, buried somewhere within the recess of her overloaded brain. She thought that she might have grown really stupid now.

And in her confusing haze, she questioned herself aloud.

"How am I am supposed to know?"

And she watched as her face was met with the front of Kou's shoulder again. She could feel his arms linked into her hair as they hung lifeless around the small of her back. The warmth seeped through and she noticed his large form slumped onto her in an apologetic manner.

…

Next chapter: When will she leave? What will he do?

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