:)

AN: This chapter fullfills one of the requirements laid forth in chapter one.

Beautiful Music
THAT 70's SHOW
Jennifer Ryan
06/25/07

:)

We All Shine On

I light the last of a hundred candles and Leo's weird ass cronies help me place them strategically around Benny's pool. Irving and Josh, Shintos from a make-shift monastery in Kentucky - translation: Dave and Karen's house - claim to have followed the smell of pot smoke all the way to Wisconsin and to Leo's doorstep. Leo was thrilled, of course, he went to University with Irving and hasn't seen him, or Dave and Karen for that matter, in years.

If I'd have known they were staying here, Forman and I never would have stopped by. It was annoyance at first sight, as the monks decided we had met in a previous life. I'm not sure if I'm open to all that, but Eric was really excited to find out if he kicked someones ass ten thousand years ago. And since they brought some more of that orange jasmine tea and it is my night off, I said what the the hell, you know, let's do this thing.

"We've all been here before, man. And every time we come back, we're surrounded by the same people." Irving looks pointedly at Eric and says, "your father could have been your husband in one life and then your kid in another."

I knew to expect the jaw dropping shock and disgust, so I reached out to catch Eric's tea cup before it could hit the floor. He stutters and gestures frantically to emphasize that it has to be untrue, which is almost payment enough for the waste of my time tonight will be. My laughter only pisses him off, but he's kind of cute when he's pissed so I ruffle his hair.

"Don't laugh," Leo warns seriously. "My previous incarnations were all far-out and happening." When I ask what they were, he rambles on about being a slave, a cowboy and even a dinosaur, which actually is pretty neat.

Irving performs some sort of incantation in a language so foreign I can't even identify it and which appears to serve little purpose other than to drive Benny the goldfish nuts. Eric takes my hand and I close my eyes, mentally overlaying the chant with some hardcore Clapton guitar.

Time stands still as the chorus to Layla repeats ad nauseam, stuck in my brain for what feels like forever. The room grows colder and I'm startled when I squeeze Eric's hand but don't feel him at all. I notice how black everything is, as if I'm adrift in my own universe, but then I remember my eyes are closed. I open them and the world is still a void, but I don't panic until I'm thrown backward with such force that I cannot breath. I fall fast and forever, stopping suddenly but never hitting the ground. Gentle hands are on me and a soft, tiny voice I don't recognize calls me, far away at first, but determined.

"Please wake up. Please don't die." I open my eyes slowly and am greeted by the form of a very young girl leaning over me. Something about her is so familiar and when she puts her hand on my cheek I see that she has Eric's eyes. I look her over and smile, stunned at the hilarity and joyful at the sight of my idiot beloved in a Marsha Brady mini skirt.

I raise my hand to tangle fingers in silky raven hair and delight in each second of whatever this is. As confused as I am, I think Leo's weirdo friends actually sent me to a previous life. And what is even more amazing is that they were right about something. We are surrounded by the same people; the ones we love. Eric is here and he's a foxy teenage girl letting me move my hand up her skirt, which is so short I see red panties. I smile to myself, because this is beyond wet dream spectacular.

She seems so fragile, so afraid, so beautiful - everything that Eric is in this life, too. I try to raise my body off the ground but can't, so I pull her on top of me and tell her we should be having sex. Her worry turns slowly to shock and she slaps me so hard I'm surprised my head doesn't fly off. "You stupid jerk! I was worried you were going to die and you want to ... you want to ... YOU KNOW WHAT YOU SAID!"

I can only smile as she rises, because the resemblance of souls is undeniable. Eric puts up a similar fight whenever I ask for sex, so there's no mistake she is he. I'm distracted by a soft chuckle and turn my head to see Kelso standing over me; Kelso, but not Kelso in a black robe, like a priest. He congratulates me on a smooth move and reaches out to help me stand, "unless your not done looking at Kagome's panties," he smiles.

The girl flushes and puts both hands in front of herself, forcing her legs together as tightly as is possible. Kelso puts his arm around my shoulder and I tell him there was a kitten face on the front of her underwear. He smiles widely and says he knows. "And they say Hello Kitty across the back."

We high five and as I bend to retrieve my sword, a girl flys past me, riding on a giant yellow cat. She says all men are dillholes, causing Kelso to take cover behind me. She is Sango, that's her name. I mean, she's Donna I think, but I know her as Sango in this time. When she lands, her demon cat Kirara (key-la-la) morphs into a kitten and jumps into my arms. I hold her up and she purrs for me, so I cuddle her, somehow confident that she is Jackie.

For the first time I realize the beautiful country side and it's coverage of flowery pink trees that live in my memories and that I think I might love. I pay no attention when I hear Sango slap Miroku for touching her backside; it seems somehow commonplace. The old me is fading from the surface, bit by bit, until I can no longer remember my name. I can only look at my beloved Kagome in lust and wander, which only seems to make her mad.

"Darn it, Inuyasha! What do you think you're looking at? You're such a jerk! Naraku almost nearly killed us and all you can do is put your dirty claws up my skirt!"

"Naraku?" Something stirs in me, I feel a spark, and with it comes the most venomous anger I can imagine. I look at Eric - or Kagome - and can no longer take hold of the silly lust or tender feelings that belonged to Hyde. He's becoming lost to me, and I am someone else now. I am surrounded by an unquenchable hate and a burning desire for blood and vengeance. The memories of this life rush me, come into focus and empower me. My name is Inuyasha and I am a demon.

Behind me I feel an icy presence, see the ground expand and rise into a mountain and from it springs a creature I cannot describe other than to recognize the soul that lives behind it's eyes. The voice is slow and velvet, nothing like the Red Forman who raised me. Kirara jumps from my arms and transforms for Sango. I turn to face my enemy, knowing well that all my futures depend on what happens this night.

"That's right, dumb ass. I, Naraku, have reunited all the shards of the sacred Shikon (Shee-Kahn) jewel; all but yours. And now I will take the last pieces from your dear priestess before I become the most powerful demon in the world and kill you all." His form, part monster or animal that I do not recognize, lashes out at me, but is felled an arrow from my beloved. He regenerates quickly and his giant hand reaches toward her, trying vainly to separate her from the jewel shards she's folded away in a cloth. Sango and Kirara glide through the air, pelting Naraku with weapons that are more annoying than lethal. Kelso - or his name is Miroku now, throws himself in the way and uncovers his hand, holding it out to the demon. A powerful suction springs from it and he taunts Naraku, promising that they will die together if it is the only way to spare the world.

The spirit of Kikyou (key-key-oh), the woman I loved every day until Naraku tricked us into believing we had betrayed each other and who he murdered, arrives to assist us. I focus my boiling rage on destroying Naraku until I hear Kagome scream. Kikyou has confiscated her shards of the sacred jewel and tosses them to Naraku as if she is discarding trash. "Take them, demon. Complete your transformation with their power and destroy them all."

In a voice that's not mine I hear myself scream, "Whose team are you on!" Kagome is at my side and asks if Kikyou could be under Naraku's control and my anger is overcome by the frustration that we are all living in an inescapable hell. "Damn you, Kikyou! I know you hate me, but Kagome is your own reincarnation. How can you betray her to die?"

I raise my sword to Naraku as he uses Kagome's shards to complete the sacred jewel, trembling in the knowledge that I can protect no one, least of all my idiot beloved. I pull her to me, kissing her hard, though she struggles. I expect Kikyou to become jealous, even enraged, but she surprises us both with a clever laugh that reveals she could not care less. I advance on my enemy, sword raised again and vow to die fighting, deafened to Naraku's maniacal laughter until it becomes a vile scream of anguish.

Kikyou has sacrificed herself by touching the jewel, by purifying it with her spirit. Kagome grabs hold of her and both are thrown back as Naraku is cast into Hell. Miroku rushes to the site where the demon was swallowed by earth and performs some religious ritual I ignore. Instead I rush to the women, unsure of whom to attend first. I take Kagome in my arms, unable to remember if I loved her in this life as I love Eric in mine. Was I good to her? Did I disappoint her? Did she understand the endless depth of my desire or did we never share those kind of emotions in this incarnation? I squeeze her lifeless body tight to my chest, unable to cry.

"Bring her to me," Kikyou says weakly, and I do as she asks. The woman I once loved, who died so many years ago and was resurrected by the Shikon jewel, who swore she hated me with every fiber of her being, asks to be forgiven for her deception. "The jewel could not be possessed, Inuyasha. We were fools to think we could harness its power to fullfill our desires. That is why I've hastened Naraku's quest all these years. I suspected it would consume the one who wished to enslave it."

The jewel and its magic, which I pursued across the island chain and had planned to use to become a full-blooded demon, was a living entity with a will of its own. No one should have died trying to protect it, especially not my Kagome. Kikyou's grip on the living world is fading fast, but from the spot where she lay she stretches forth her arms and says, "Give her to me quickly."

I place Kagome by her side and Kikyou recites a blessing of some kind, while making an invisible symbol on her forehead. "Kagome, my future reincarnation, I bequeath to you my strength and my will. May they both live on forever in your heart and in our heirs. My soul is finally free."

Kikyou closes her eyes and disappears as Kagome takes a breath. Miroku walks over to us both and says thoughtfully, "Did you see that douche bag's stupid face when he was sucked into hell? That was beyond righteous."

My world is black again and voices surround me, but this time when I open my eyes I am in a hospital room and Leo is leaning over me, swearing that I had the best freak out he has EVER seen. Eric and his father stand on the other side and I smile, reaching for Eric, but Red smacks my hand and says forget it. "They're running tests to see if you dropped acid, dumb ass. If it comes back positive, you're never laying your hands on him again."

Still groggy, I reach out for Eric, but Red tightens his grip and holds him close so he can't escape. "He's a demon, Eric. Run away."

"Yeah, that's what you told us in the car," he says, looking nervous, but entertained. "You told me I look hot in a mini skirt and that Kelso is a priest." Though my thoughts are jumbled and fading rapidly, I know somehow that it is all true. I close my eyes to rest and as Red drags Eric home, I hear him complaining that I accussed him of being a Jap. OH SHIT!

:)

Instant Karma

"So, Jackie was a giant cat, I was a demon slayer and Kelso couldn't keep his hands off my butt?"

"Or mine. At least, that's what Hyde said before they sedated him at the hospital."

Donna laughs as hard and I do, too. It wasn't funny at first, since my dad wanted to have him committed, but mom calmed him down and Hyde was allowed home a few hours later with a piece of paper that stated he was hallucinogen free. He actually couldn't wait to go to work and tell everyone he was some kind of samurai warrior, so I know everything will be OK.

Donna and I sit around the kitchen table and help each other with equations while Bob stands over us trying to act nonchalant. I'm not sure why he hovers; some combination of curiosity and boredom on his part, I guess. He asks me Bob questions, like am I sure I'm gay, because I look exactly the same as ever. He looks me over with intense concentration, genuinely puzzled as he tries to figure out what is different, but finds nothing more than a few hickies on my neck.

"The hickies my daughter used to give you were tinier. You know, dainty, like girl hickies." He looks pensive over his beer and says if Pinciotti hickies aren't good enough for me, than I'm ungrateful and undeserving. Donna clarifies that her ancestors perfected the maneuver and her father agrees that a Pinciotti love bite is the mark of a craftsman.

We laugh as he retires to the family room, beer and sandwiches in hand since Monday is Little House on the Prairie night. He's been lonely a long time, but Donna told me that for the last few months that he and Midge talk on the phone, usually on Friday nights. Donna always answers that call, chatting only a few minutes before finding something she absolutely must do and handing the line to her impatient dad. Midge might even come back soon, I think. They're working on her.

I crumple a piece of paper and rewrite my formulas neatly in the large round handwriting Hyde says signifies to the world that I'm uptight. Unlike his schizophrenic scrawling that often times must be deciphered using my Johnny Quest secret decoder ring, I take pride in clarity and have always understood that neatness counts. I stare out the window and think to myself that I'm more and more like my mother every day, which, technically, might make Donna a lesbian.

I don't realize I'm smiling and startle when Donna smacks my hand and asks what I'm thinking. I dismiss it and copy another equation, wondering if the traits Donna claimed to love are the same ones that attract Hyde. She always said I was trustworthy, comfortable and dependable - all characteristics I've heard used to define a favorite bra. Great. I'm a giant bra, easily ignored and tossed aside after years of loyal service, but no longer of use. And that was the root of our problem, I think. I loved Donna and she loved me, but it was a starter love. We did all our firsts together, we were comfortable, dependable and trustworthy; maybe too much so. I know I loved her with all my heart then and it was a happy loyal love, but it wasn't enduring or passionate. It wasn't meant to be forever.

I think I knew that even then, just didn't care at the time, figured it could be ignored though I knew she was already searching. Not for someone else exactly, maybe for her own identity more than anything else. I don't know how to explain that it's just not the same as with Hyde. We don't just have the passion that was missing between Donna and I, but we have a lot of fun. We're thick as thieves, he says, and I realize that's what I've always wanted to have with someone. That incredible feeling of unbreakable connection and the knowledge that we can share everything and say anything. It's as if we are soul mates, like Irving and Josh said, bound together through time and in every life. The best part is I don't have to worry about pissing Hyde off the way I always did with Donna. I don't have to worry about a lot of things anymore.

My mom says the last few years are really confusing and hard for girls, that they still want husbands and babies, but they want to be respected for more than that. Donna thinks I'm a caveman because my father raised me to believe there's nothing more respectable than having a family and making a home for them. One day, I think the whole world will be divorced like Donna's parents and that there will be no families left. All the kids will be left alone to raise themselves, like Hyde was, and they won't respect women or even themselves. Maybe even one day there will be no more babies and no more homes. All women will work like men do, and everyone in the world will live in tiny apartments alone. In twenty years, all this could happen, if things keep going like they are. So basically, I got out just in time - saved myself from the new revolution. When every other being in the universe retreats to his or her lonely box, Hyde and I will at least have each other.

Donna offers a penny for my distant thoughts and I wonder aloud if Bob will be back to grill me during the commercial breaks. She laughs and promises he just a little weirded out by the whole situation. "Ever since we found out he brings up all this stuff about when we were babies, you know. Like when he used to give us a bath, he swears you didn't seem strange then."

"Well, I was six when my mom decided it was a good idea for Hyde and I to take a bath together. And let's be honest, by that age my heterosexuality was fading at a near frantic pace."

Her smile is huge. "It's so weird that we can laugh about it. When I went away to school, it felt like the hardest thing I ever did. I would think about you all the time and wish you were with me. I guess I dreamed that you'd be there, eventually." She brushes her hair behind her ear and hides in her homework. I return to mine for only a moment before I realize she has started to cry. I reach for her hand and she grabs me like she's drowning and says, "I knew I loved you when you didn't laugh at me because of Tina."

I would never laugh about Tina. I don't know anyone who would be sick enough to dare. "What ever happened to her? Did your mom take her to California?"

She wipes away a tear and says no, smiling a strange smile. "She's in my room." I follow her quietly up the back stairs, but Bob hears us and calls out that he won't be disturbing us and that we can do whatever we want. How I would have loved to have heard something like that a year ago! Donna closes her bedroom door behind us and kneels in front of her dresser, carefully removing Tina and her blanket from the bottom drawer. She hands me the doll as if she were a real baby and tells me she took Tina to Chicago with her. "I made a baby bed for her in the dresser drawer and Jackie let me keep it open all the time. I have to close the drawer here so my dad doesn't see."

I rock and bounce baby Tina gently, counting out that she would be almost eleven years old had she not been still born. I remember the weeks Donna slept over and my mom took us somewhere fun every single day; Wisconsin Dells, the city pool, the movies, fun world, out to eat and to the zoo. Midge spent every day draped over the living room sofa, screaming, crying and basically scaring the living hell out of all of us. And then one night Bob brought home dolly Tina and all was well on the outside if not the inside.

Donna asks me if I think all the past life stuff is real, if what Irving and Josh said could be true and if we all shine on from life to life with the same people we love. I have to admit, in a way I kind of hope it is true, that we all go on together and have fabulous adventures up until the very end when we all go to be with Jesus. Then I wonder if a baby like Tina is born to die, over and over again, or if it's just the sad luck of the draw.

"According to Irving, in your next life Tina could be your mother or your husband or even your best friend."

She takes baby Tina from me and smiles through her tears. "If Jackie can be my cat, why not?"

To be continued

:)

For those illegally downloading the soundtrack

:) Instant karma by John Lennon

:) Layla by Eric Clapton