Chapter 18
Agony
There were no words to describe it. A loud shrill scream that send a shiver down my spine NO! NO! NO! I screamed in my head and then remembered what Edward told me to do.
I looked at Jason and he stared into my eyes he nodded as if knowing my thoughts. "EDWARD" I was screaming in my head and Jason motioned for me to turn around as I saw my friends running for cover.
"WHAT'S HAPPENING?!" Ian screamed.
"I DON'T KNOW!" Brea screamed back.
I ran with my inhuman speed and didn't care who saw it. "COME ON!" I shouted at them.
"How did you run so fast?" Keri asked me and I picked her up effortlessly as my other friends stared in shock I grabbed them too and Jason got some other kids.
We ran and urged the others to follow. Jason and I told kids to go into classrooms, bolt the windows and doors, hide in closets, and be very quiet. Jason and I ran through the school and evacuated everyone in addition to pulling the fire alarm but some people thought it was just a prank since the teachers had not been warned about a fire drill and when there was usually a fire an announcement came on the loudspeaker.
One classroom we reached was in the middle of taking a test. "Evacuate the building now!" Jason yelled at them and the elderly teacher and some students followed.
The unwilling children who were basically all popular kids Jason and I had to forcefully carry them. We did that with the willing as well. Once we reached the third floor some kids were hiding under desks
"Hazel?" Jason said.
"Yeah?"
"It will be easier if we stay with everyone that way if they attack we can fight them off" Jason said.
I thought this over realizing he was right, "We have to split up then.
Jason nodded "did you send for your brothers?"
"Yeah, they're coming" I confirmed.
"OK good" Jason said and I saw him disappear
Some of the building was on fire due to a Science classroom that was in the middle of a lab that involved fire and they forgot to turn it off in addition to that some of the vampires carried guns as weapons, others just had themselves as weapons which to humans could be dangerous.
I closed my eyes and focused on the job I had to do…I couldn't let these other kids down. I made my way to the third floor and saw scared children and teacher under desks and closed doors. I would stand guard here I guess and looked through the floors to see if anyone was coming (which they weren't) because if any vampire did come I would be ready to fight.
I heard a loud scream downstairs…an antagonistic scream…a scream that was not only bloodcurdling but was enough to make me realize the reality of the situation…of how not only ruthless and cruel this was but it was just cruel.
I felt as if I were responsible for this whole tragedy, just because I existed innocent people had to die…innocent children nonetheless…CHILDREN! I had lived a full 102 years and innocent children had to die now because of me…innocent children who had only lived my life divided by 8.5 and if it came down to being me or them I would die…it might kill Edward but I had a feeling he would understand.
But what about Jason…Jason who had waited so long for me…Jason who could also die possibly at the hands of these newborns what would I do without him? What would he do without me? I didn't want to find out so I tracked the killers and saw where they were headed
A loud noise times six was the sound of four of the "army soldiers" coming up the stairs. Six was all they needed to inflict much damage and the other twenty three would focus on the rest of the school. I went to the stairwell where they were coming from.
"Edward please forgive me if I die..." I thought to him and prayed he had gotten one of my messages or both of them. I wanted him to be here and everything would be OK because I knew nothing would hurt me or anyone else as long as he was here.
The banging continued and I wondered if I would be dead soon…if the newborns would prevail and win. But then again there really wasn't much to it they probably would kill me and could with little effort. I remembered the training Jasper had taught me…distract, deceive, death. That was what I had to do, distract the newborns with something, deceive them, and then eventually kill them. That is if I was strong enough to pull it off. I had the feeling I could do it with confidence and self-belief but if I didn't have those then chances were I would lose.
"I smell another vampire" one of the newborns said.
"No shit…that's why we're here" another said.
"How are we going to kill them?" the other newborn asked.
"Remember what Joe said" another newborn said.
"I SEE HIM!" cried the smallest one, a teenager perhaps, a bit younger than Edward.
"Ah, let's see" said the newborn that appeared to be the leader of the six and he looked at his hand, "Hershel."
I almost laughed (that was a boy's name and was the name of Jason's biological father) but instead I went along with it.
"Yes" I said turning around.
"Do you think that you could defeat us?" the leader asked.
"That is for the knowledge of destiny and not either of us" I said and the five others looked at me as if I were a freak.
"Do you know a Bella Swan?" the leader asked turning back to me.
"Once again I might possibly know a Bella Swan depending on whether or not I know her however is only in the knowledge of her" I said.
They looked at me again "YOU CUT OUT THIS SMART ACT YOUNG MAN!" the leader said.
"What smart act?" I asked enjoying myself.
"YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERSHEL COLLIN!" the leader yelled in my face again.
"OK well if I know what I'm doing then what is it that you doing?" I asked and I tracked Edward who was nearing the building and I stalled some more.
"We are with the association of defeating the evil and prevailing the good" the leader said.
"Really? Well you think coming to a middle school and killing innocent children is the right idea?" I said.
"Yeah I do think it is the right idea HERSHEL!" the leader lunged himself at me and I fought back…having him pinned on the ground.
Obviously this newborn did not have great training. The other five were gone…off to the classrooms to terrorize and I followed them tackling them and desperately trying to fight them all at the same time. It would be my fault if any of these kids were killed and I knew I had to fight no matter what it cost me.
Three of the vampires had managed to get their arms around me and I was dead. They held my arms behind my back and the leader walked over to me. He had my head which was cracking and I heard a voice
"HEY CHOCOLATE BAR…FETCH!"
I heard something cut skin and smelled her blood. Two of the vampires attacked her and I escaped while defeating the two that held my arms and the leader went to help finished her off.
She screamed loud and shrill and all I could do was watch as my friend…one of the only friends I had…die because of me.
"NO, HARLEY NO!" I screamed but it was too late as I walked over to her and saw that her blood was all drained from her mangled body. I wanted to cry so badly at that minute. I walked over to the leader who was smiling "does this make you happy" I shouted at him.
He just stood there smugly, "You know Hershel life doesn't just float right on your side" he said.
"THAT'S NOT THE POINT!" I shouted and tackled him but he was stronger than me and I let him pin me.
"Make it quick" I mumbled ready to die.
"Get away from her" I heard a low snarling voice and turned my head.
The leader laughed "ooh I'm so scared" he laughed and smelled my hair I snapped at him and he growled at me, turning around I stared into the face of an angel…my brother.
Edward had finally got here and was with Emmett and Jasper. I kicked the leader in the face and got up before cracking his face. For some reason whenever Edward was there it gave me more power or something I don't know. I gestured towards Harley even though I knew she was dead…I couldn't save her.
But suddenly I realized who else may be in danger before any of my brothers could say a word I was only able to mumble one thing "Jason." I could tell they got the message.
Even though I was able to track him I still was worried about him…I saw he was OK but what if he wouldn't always be…he didn't know about me and if I was OK.
My brothers all stared at each other and Edward knew I knew where he was but Emmett and Jasper didn't. Instead he just started to tell us what we were to do.
"Emmett, go to the first floor and basement to check for any survivors although the massacre is still going on…the army is in the library now. Jasper, check the second floor, Hazel, guard the outside, I'll scan the rest of the third floor. Meet outside by the front tree" Edward said and with that he was gone and so were my other brothers.
I wasn't thinking straight anymore, the only thing I could do for Harley was make sure that she was honored as a hero…if it wasn't for her I would be dead. Something told me she knew my secret all along but I couldn't be positive. I almost jumped out the window but I didn't, instead I went over to Harley.
"I'm so sorry" I whispered but I knew she couldn't hear me I wished I could cry.
Harley's death affected me more than I could imagine but I had a job to do and I would have to do it. I ran outside and got the other survivors who were anxiously waiting for results of those still inside the building.
"This is Cameron Locke reporting to you live from Forks West Middle school where apparently a massacre has broken out. Here are some students who witnessed this horrific event that is still unfolding." Cameron Locke said.
"It was horrible, during lunch a loud bang was heard and me and my friends just ran" a girl said crying.
"We were taking a test and all of the sudden these two kids run into the room and take everyone shouting 'GET OUT GET OUT' and then my best friend was attacked by a thing" a boy said and some other girls were standing by him crying.
"Thank you for that and I am so sorry for your loss" Cameron Locke said and turned back to the camera "about twenty three students are believed to be among the dead…more coverage comes later I'm Cameron Locke CBS news" and then she started crying and comforting kids (not on camera).
The principal ran over to me when he saw me and said "are you the girl who evacuated some of the students" I froze and shrugged he walked away and put me over to where other kids were. Jason was still in the building according to my tracking and Jasper was working on killing a few vampires right now. Edward was carrying several survivors out to safety and Emmett was in a battle also.
The massacre officially ended at 3:25pm. Two hours after the official start at least twenty five students were dead and it was all my fault. Jason still hadn't come out yet…on the side I was on at least. I needed to see him though to be completely relieved that he was safe and OK.
When Edward, Emmett, & Jasper got out of the building it was pretty funny despite the fact I was still grieving over Harley and who knows how many other kids. I knew my other friends had gotten out alive.
The principal had run up to them and said "are you the perpetrators of this horrendous crime! Curse you! How dare you preying on innocent children!"
While Edward, Emmett, & Jasper just stood there speechless a little girl said "no principal Greene they rescued me from the perpetrators."
Principal Greene apologized to them and my brothers basically let it go pretty easily considering what they were accused of.
Everyone's parents were coming to pick them up and everyone was crying and hugging saddened at what happened. The only ones that knew what was really going on however were my brothers and I.
"Come on let's go back to headquarters" Jasper said.
"Wait" I said nervously.
"What?" Emmett asked me thinking I was dying or something.
"Jason" I said and ran towards the building.
Edward nodded and ran after me while Jasper and Emmett stood next to the car. I found Jason where my tracking said he was. He was stumbling around looking around.
"He's looking for you" Edward whispered to me and nudged me forward. I ran up to Jason with human speed and tackled him without thinking.
"I'm so glad you're OK" he said.
"Me too" I said.
Jason got up from off the ground and I said "need a ride home?"
Jason smirked and said "well I could always run but OK" he touched my arm "I'm so sorry about Harley" he said and I wished I could cry again. Jason put his arm on my shoulder as if to comfort me.
"Come on Haze, Jason" Edward said and took us both to the car.
. . .
"What was the outcome?" Kyle asked when we got to my house. We all had grim expressions on and he knew the truth without saying a word.
When Emmett unlocked the door I ran inside and threw myself angrily onto the sofa, hitting my head into the cushions.
Edward came to sit beside me and took me in his arms, "Shush it's OK Haze" he said.
"No it's not" I said "it's my fault Harley's dead…it's my fault everyone who was killed is dead, I should be dead right now I shouldn't exist" I said burying my head in his shirt.
Edward took my shoulders and firmly held them to make me look at him "Hazel Lucy Masen Cullen…do you know what I would do without you? You don't want to know…do you want to know what all of us would do. You don't want to know what either." Then he whispered "think about Jason.
I sighed, "Edward" I whimpered and he stroked my hair.
"I know" he said and I knew he had read my thoughts. There were so many regrets I had and I desperately wished I could go back in time and stop the massacre…I wished I had sacrificed myself so no one else would get killed.
"Well this is just insane…do you think that the Volturi would've let this happen?" Jason asked.
"It's a possibility…but then that means they're not staying true to the treaty" I said.
"Let's not jump to conclusions" Carlisle said.
Emmett rolled his eyes "Carlisle, innocent people were killed by a newborn army. How would the Volturi have no knowledge of this?" he asked and we all looked at him.
"Emmett has a point…considering what happened with the last army and the capture before." Esme said.
"Well I know one thing" Alice said.
"The Volturi had knowledge of this" Edward said.
"We're not going into another battle with them" Jasper said.
"COME ON" Emmett said.
"This is serious…if we lose who knows what they'll do to us this time" I said and Edward winced.
"Pretty soon people will become suspicious of how you five all got out with no bruises…and were able to carry children out" Kyle said.
"I think the best thing we can do now is just do everything we can to help everyone who suffered and try to get the school back up" Esme said.
I sighed and once again was brought back to the horrors of what I had seen that day. I wanted to talk to Keri, Gabi, Brea, & Ian who had no idea what was going on…who were probably scared out of their wits. Well that part I knew because I had tracked them but I knew Harley's funeral wasn't something that was going to be easy. I went to my room silently slipping out of the room.
. . .
Ring! Ring! The sound of the phone almost startled me as I lay wrapped up in my thoughts on the floor of my room.
"Hazel, it's Brea" Alice called up to me of course she had seen this coming…she was Alice. I somberly walked over (with what was slow to humans) to the phone.
"Hello" I managed to choke out in a voice that didn't sound like me.
"Is this Hazel? Please tell me she's not dead either!" Brea wailed into the phone.
"This is Hazel" I said in a ghostly voice.
"Did you hear about Harley?" Brea asked in a calmer voice and she was crying.
"Yes" I said somberly.
"Gabi's boyfriend Gabe also was killed you know Gabe right?" Brea asked.
"Wait WHAT!" I said.
"Gabe Cruz was Gabi's boyfriend he was killed" Brea repeated.
I fell to the floor with my hands shaking and dropped the phone.
"HAZEL!" Brea shouted
"Yes I'm still here" I said.
"Oh OK I know believe me this is hard for me to take in as well. Keri, Gabi, Ian and I were going over to the Schuster's house to pay our respects before the funeral which is in two days do you want to come" Brea said.
"Sure" I said.
"OK we'll pick you up tomorrow at 12…bye" Brea hung up and I tried to force myself to cry come on Hazel cry…stupid eyes I thought to myself and actually cried in my head.
I heard banging and caught my brother's scent coming up the stairs. He saw me on the floor still holding the phone and took me in his arms.
"Two of my friends are dead and it's all my fault!" I almost shouted.
"Shush it's not your fault Hayz you didn't kill them" Edward said stroking my hair and the side of my face.
"I should be dead right now" I said.
"Hazel don't ever say that again" Edward said.
"Why it's true…if it wasn't for my stupid existence Harley and Gabe would still be here right now…the other kids would all still be here right now." I said.
"Hazel, you are one of my reasons for existing…I've heard Jason's thoughts you're his reason for existing you couldn't possibly do that to me…to him…to everyone else in our coven" Edward said.
"I guess" I mumbled.
"At least the newborns are dead" he said.
"I guess" I mumbled again.
"I didn't realize this would hit you so hard" Edward said.
"Well it did" I said.
"Come on" Edward picked me up and sat down with me on the bed in my room. He began singing my lullaby and just for one second…a second I felt like the world was fine and nothing had happened…everything was fine just for one second…and I cherished that second more than anything right now.
. . .
"You listen to me Hazel Cullen" Alice was saying and I rolled my eyes wasn't it bad enough I had to attend my friend's funeral. My friend who was only twelve years old and didn't get to even live yet.
"Brea's dad is picking me up at twelve" I said.
"I know I saw" Alice said and I scowled it wasn't unusual lately that I had been acting like a complete grouch to everyone. Even Emmett knew not to mess with me with the dwarf nonsense.
I tracked Brea "She's here" I said and Alice released her grip on my arm that was pinning me to the couch so I wouldn't go crazy again and Jasper wasn't there to calm me down which he had been doing for the past fifteen hours or so.
The doorbell rang because of course I couldn't just run outside.
Edward kissed my hair and said "don't do anything dumb please" I scowled but said nothing.
"Maybe Jazz should go with her just in case she goes insane" Alice said.
"I can handle myself" I said and stepped out the door.
"Hi" Brea said awkwardly.
"Hi" I said.
"Come on; my father is in the car and we're picking up Gabi, Ian, & Keri" Brea said.
"OK" I said shrugging.
"You're taking this harder than I thought" Brea said and I just nodded.
I couldn't tell her the truth…of course I couldn't it was against the vampire laws. However, if she figured it out on her own without my help at all it wasn't totally illegal but she would have to be killed. I couldn't risk another one of my friend's lives so I just decided to shut my stupid mouth.
We were quiet throughout the rest of the ride…no one spoke. Not Gabi not Keri not Ian not Brea not Brea's father and certainly not me. When we got to the Schuster's house we went inside and comforted Mr. and Mrs. Schuster who were sitting on the couch crying with pictures of Harley all around them. Harley's sister Taylor was stroking the last photograph of Harley and her brother was sitting on the floor crying his eyes out.
I wished I was dead…I should've died instead of Harley because clearly her family needed her they were suffering. We each gave Mrs. Schuster a bouquet of flowers and said we were sorry for the loss of Harley.
Brea's father dropped us all off at home after an hour but it went by slowly for me. I went to my room like the depressed loser I was. My siblings knew not to bother me…I was preparing for the worst tomorrow…the funerals. I would attend every single one because it was my fault everyone was dead. I might as well have been the killer because I was just as guilty.
Every time Edward would hear my thoughts he would wince at the images and feelings I was thinking of. Jasper would do the same except that he was feeling exactly what I felt. The rest of the evening I spent sitting on the bed in my room staring at the ceiling listing reason why I shouldn't exist.
2:00pm
3:00pm
4:00pm
5:00pm
6:00pm
7:00pm
8:00pm
9:00pm
REST OF THE NIGHT
Tick tock tick tock the clock might as well just have made that sound. I wanted to scream but it would just torment everyone even more. Nothing I could do to bring everyone back…I still felt guilty because Harley died saving me…who had lived a life and she didn't she gave hers up for me…STUPID ME! Couldn't this just not have happened why Harley? Why Gabe? Nice children, children who would never get to live a full life.
I put on my black dress for the funeral and fixed my hair up…I wanted to look nice at least. When I walked down the stairs I saw Jason and Edward waiting. We were all going to the funerals because we wanted to pay our respects. The car ride was silent once again…the funeral probably would be worse. The funerals were all today one following another. Harley was first, then Gabe, then the twenty other kids that were killed.
"Come on Hazel" Alice was trying to pull me out of the car which was a useless attempt since I was stronger than her. Jasper made me feel like coming out of the car but I was too depressed to say anything.
Edward took my hand and we walked quietly into the funeral home. Harley's coffin was nailed shut…her mangled body was unable to be shown. There were thousands of people there and news coverage as well. Everyone was crying (literally everyone except us because we couldn't). We took our seats and I sat next to Edward and Jason who were both staring straight at the dark oak coffin that contained Harley's body.
"Family, Friends, Neighbors, and others we are here to mourn the loss of a daughter, friend, sister, granddaughter, niece, cousin, Harley Schuster. I didn't have the pleasure of knowing Harley but from what I heard she was a wonderful person. Harley went back into the school to save others from being attacked. She is being hailed as a hero and now we have Harley's mother and father. Will and Terri Schuster" the pastor said and Harley's parents walked up to the podium.
"They say that the loss of a parent to a child is one of the worst feelings you can ever imagine. I now know that this isn't an understatement. I miss my daughter…her smile, her laughter, her voice. The way she would light the room up and not ever miss a beat, I remember the day Harley was born six am on May 12, 1995. She was a sweet, quiet baby; always gentle to people and very compassionate. Harley was six years old when she held her first charity that started an annual "Save the Animals" foundation that is still up and running. Harley would be proud to see what it became today. I miss my daughter. Harley, I love you and will never ever forget you" Mr. Schuster said crying and handing the microphone over to Mrs. Schuster who was so choked up she couldn't read it. Harley's sister Taylor had to read it for her.
"Harley Jessica Mary Schuster, my beautiful 6 pound 9 ounce baby girl. Even though you grew old you were still that to me. What a joy you were. A sweet little girl who cared about others and never thought of herself, heart of gold but stubborn as an ox as gammy used to say I love you Harley, there were so many things you taught me in this life. What it meant to be a good mom and a good person, how good it can make you feel to lend a helping hand. Harley I love you and will miss you." Taylor said with tears in her eyes.
"Now we have Harley's sister and brother Taylor and Andy" the pastor said and Andy walked up to the podium as Taylor took him in her arms.
"Lee Ley every day I am missing you and waiting for you to walk in the door. Something makes me want to go back in time and save you from this mess. But now you are an angel…my angel. As your big sister I remember all those fun times we had, I remember teaching you how to ride a bike and say your first word. I remember the first day we walked into school together. I love you forever" Taylor said and turned to whisper to Andy "are you sure you can do this" and he nodded. Of course humans couldn't hear it from far away but we could (we meaning vampires).
Andy sniffed before taking the microphone from his sister. "Harley, I love you and will never forget you. You were one of the best sisters in the whole wide world" and he couldn't say anymore. Well he didn't have anything else to say rather.
After Taylor and Andy walked off the podium to their parents who were waiting for them all were crying hysterically.
"We now take time to say a moment of silence for Harley…may you rest in peace, live forever in your youth and hearts and live a nice afterlife in heaven beautiful angel" the pastor said.
I felt something poke me from behind and I turned around it was Brea, Keri, Gabi, & Ian.
"Hey" I whispered.
"Hey, we're going up to say a speech for Harley we highlighted your part in blue OK" Gabi said.
"OK"I said.
"We're speaking next" Ian said and I swallowed.
The pastor opened his eyes and read the index card in his hand "now we have Harley's best friends; Brea, Keri, Gabriella, Ian, and Hazel" he pronounced Brea like Bree – Ah, Keri like Key – Ray, and my name like Hassel. We all exchanged a glance at each other and walked up to the podium. Gabi arranged us in the order we would be speaking. Ian, Keri, Gabi, Brea, & I. We would all be saying the last line together.
"I stand here and think how I got such great friends and realized it was all because of Harley. I was a shy boy, different from my peers, I had not met anyone yet since I used to go to an all-boys academy in Rising Valley, Oregon. Harley was in my second grade class. She walked up to me and automatically included me in her group of friends who are these lovely girls standing right here. I have been friends with them ever since and Harley had been a sister to be…I don't consider these girls my friends…they're my family…my sisters and Harley was a tremendous part of that. I will miss her, the way she used to joke with me. The way we used to laugh at nothing. Harley, one of my girlies…I love you and will never forget you" Ian said and it was obvious he was the one who wrote it.
"Can I say something in my own words?" I asked Gabi.
"Yeah sure" she said and next it was Keri's turn.
"As most of you know I'm not the smartest person in the world. I wouldn't even call myself smart. But I had a great tutor and friend in Harley who made me the girl I am today." Keri said and next was Gabi's turn.
"I'm not going to sing" she joked at first since Harley would say that to her and some people who got the joke laughed "HS, it's funny HS high school as I called you sometimes. The first thing we played was high school. The first day we met I said my name was Gabi and I was in high school. But as we grew up together we knew life wasn't a joke to be taken for granted. I always remember the best times of my life were always with you and my friends. Whether it being spazzy and laughable or being serious and boring. Although I don't recall a boring time with you, I love you Harley and will always miss you…later HS" Gabi was crying and I hugged her and hugged me back.
. . .
Remind me why I don't like funerals again…oh yeah because they're sad and they bring back memories. I was fourteen (two years after my transformation. Back then I still counted my age) when I went to my first funeral. It was for a boy Carlisle had been treating in the hospital. Carlisle wasn't so sure if Edward and I could handle being around all those humans so he took us there early…not when there were humans around. I went to a real funeral in 1964 for Rosalie's little brother who died in a car crash. We disguised ourselves so no one would recognize us. It killed Rosalie that she couldn't run over to her brothers and tell them she was alive.
This was the first funeral I was at for someone I knew however though I figured I would have to do it sometime in my existence. I wondered if a thousand years from now I'd still be here…alive. Would the world be dead or something? But anyways why was I thinking about this now when my friend was dead.
I stared at the ceiling in my room counting the tiles for the thousandth time (literally thousandth). I heard a knock at the door.
"Hazel…Haze"
I knew it was pointless to tell him to go away because then he wouldn't so I just said "what" and he came in.
"I'm getting bored listening to how many tiles are on your ceiling" Edward joked and I didn't laugh "Oh Haze" he said sitting next to me. I buried my face in his shirt again. If I was able to cry they would be soaked with tears right now. "Harley wouldn't want you to be upset you know" Edward said.
"So what…she died saving me. The army…the leader was about to finish me off and…" I said.
"She doesn't want you to be upset" Edward said.
"You can hear her?" I asked and Edward paused for a split second before slowly nodding his head.
"She's a ghost" I said.
"Not quite a ghost…she's an angel…it's strange I can hear people sometimes when they've just passed away" Edward said.
I looked at him, "Does she blame me?" I asked.
"Are you crazy? Hell no she doesn't blame you, she thanks you…for opening up her eyes and letting her watch over her family." Edward said and his arms tightened around me. I looked into his eyes and didn't feel a vibration going off.
I realized how much I actually needed my brother right now…I needed him to help me recover…get me out of this time and I hadn't realized exactly how much he meant to me. He was the only person who understood me…my past, where I came from. The only person who I could really ever turn to with my problems.
I knew I wouldn't be able to connect to Jason at a level like this because the relationship was different. I began to drift my mind and think about other things like how mad this world was about how much time mortals were given and just how cruel people could me which brought me back to Harley and I winced at the thought. Edward held me tighter in his arms and I sighed.
"She's in a better place now Haze" Edward said and I didn't feel a vibration.
"What is she thinking?" I asked.
"She's thinking about who she's going to visit in her lifetime…that passed away such as her grandmother." Edward said.
"She's in heaven?" I asked.
Edward nodded "Can't you track her?" he asked I looked at him.
I had never really thought of tracking a dead person before and I did…I was able to track her. But I figured this had limits such as Edward's. Strangely I felt tired…not sleepy…just tired. It was a weird vampire thing that none of us could figure it out.
I stayed in Edward's arms, we stayed silent for a while but I wanted to get a conversation going.
"Edward?" I asked.
"Yes" he said.
"Do you think that maybe…by some chance…people my age in real life will finally stop cruelty and bitchiness" I said.
"You're asking me this why?" Edward said I looked at him.
"It's just I was thinking, half of the times I've been to school I was bullied and when Bella was new people were nice but not on the inside…do you think the world could ever stop their cruelness and maybe be nicer to one another. I know it sound stupid but…"
"No it's not stupid Hayz" Edward said and I looked at him for a split second before he continued talking "I've seen the insight of people's minds. They just…don't have the same ones as they used to in our time. People have gotten more into themselves and how they are not caring about anyone else. All those girls in your class how many times have they seen you alone and not done anything? Children are being brainwashed into thinking what is really 'caring' when sometimes what they're doing isn't children think they're doing the right thing but maybe they're not maybe they aren't haven't they ever thought of what is really going on in the other child's mind that they torment. I've seen it firsthand Hayz both from you and other victim's minds I've read. It's not pleasant you feel like crap honestly. It can really impact a person's life and society really needs to change." I silently clapped sarcastically at his speech which was actually pretty good and a good insight on things.
My night was rather uneventful like most boring nights. I figured I would be in my depressed state for a while and didn't want to stay that way for the rest of eternity so I decided if I wanted to shape up I should start focusing on good things in Harley's life and what she might possibly be doing right now.
The sun rose and I knew what I was going to do. No one was going to stop me. I knew that Edward would know what I was up to and would probably tell everyone else and it wasn't dangerous. I had to find Jason…I just had to. I knew where he was and was going to go there. I prayed that he wouldn't think I was stalking him although I would already know if it was a lie when I asked him.
I was beginning to wonder if he actually LIKED me. I didn't really have anyone like me before I became a vampire that is. There's just that thing about vampires having that exquisite things about being beautiful or whatever. That was a partial reason Bella was driven to Edward…she knew he was different. But usually guys are attracted to the bitches who are conformists and EXACTLY the same. Gd it frustrates me. Usually it's because at my "age" boys don't really like you if you're pretty of whatever. They just care if you're slutty and then they'll like you and utter crap like that.
I ran…faster or should I say partially the fastest I had almost ever run in Forks. At this point I didn't really care about how much I was exposed or not I needed to see Jason…it wasn't a want it was a need. I tracked him before realizing I didn't have to run any further. He had already been heading to my house and we ran into each other on the way…well not really I had caught his scent and he had caught mine.
"Hey" he said softly.
"Hey" I said and he looked into my eyes which probably were black since I had not hunted in a while.
"Do you want to hunt?" he asked.
"Hell yeah I need to" I said and Jason laughed and I slightly smiled he took my hand again and we ran further into the wooded area in Forks.
"Damn this whole Harley thing is really hitting you huh" he said and I sighed. "It's hitting me too Hazel…but you knew her well and I may have too for all I know but we both know she wouldn't want anyone grieving over this."
"I know…Edward can hear her" I muttered.
"I know…I saw your history. That's pretty amazing and he just confirmed she is in a better place" Jason said.
"Yes, but I can't help feeling guilty about this whole thing. I mean close your eyes think for a second would this have happened if I didn't exist…probably not. I think about what I did to her family…how they're grieving over her and I can't help thinking that it's my fault." I said and Jason put his hands on my shoulder.
"Hazel…stop it this could have easily happened no matter what. This isn't your fault you didn't kill Harley did you?" Jason said
"You don't get it Jason…she died SAVING ME! Those vampires were going to kill her and she came and cut herself…she sacrificed herself." I said.
"I know…I saw what happened but she probably knew she was going to die when she saw what they were doing to you…she figured out what they were that was why she cut herself." Jason said.
"So you're saying Harley basically figured out the truth about us?"
"Yes and she probably knew there would be consequences if she knew" Jason said.
"We don't know for sure unless…" I said.
"We go to Edward and ask him to communicate with her."
"Actually I was just going to say that" I said and Jason smirked before taking my hand again and sprinting back towards my house.
"Hazel?" Jason asked pausing for a second.
"Yeah" I said.
"Is Edward going to get jealous of me since I'm now another boy in your life like how brothers get sometimes?" Jason said.
"You're crazy" I said running my hand through his hair and pushed the door open with my free hand.
Emmett was sitting watching the football game on the couch and I rolled my eyes. "Hey dwarf" he said and I rolled my eyes and slugged him but he got me in a headlock. "Hey Jason" Emmett said as he smirked.
"Um hi" Jason said awkwardly.
"EMMETT!" Alice came charging down the stairs.
"Oh fuck" Emmett muttered.
"Yes I saw you" Alice said and slugged Emmett's eye.
Emmett scowled as I got out of his grip "now that the Looney tune is taken care of let's go upstairs" I said and Jason laughed.
Edward was upstairs sitting with Bella in his arms. I knew I probably shouldn't be interrupting him so I stayed outside and Jason did too.
"I'm not going to disturb him" I said and Jason smirked.
Bella then started making out with Edward so it was a little awkward with Jason sitting right next to me. I tried my best not to look like I was "dying" per say Jason nudged me with his elbow.
"What?" I mouthed barely.
"They're getting to it" he said and I knew what he was referring to.
I took his hand and led him to my room. He sat down on my bed and I did too. He took my face in his hands and leaned in close I shut my eyes and tried to think of what I saw Bella do when she kissed Edward. Without thinking I gripped his hair tightly in my hands and kissed him back. He pushed me onto the bed but not in a forceful way it was as if I leaned back and he went with me. I felt his sweet breath on my face and told myself to remember this forever…it was pretty pathetic that at age 101 I…Hazel Lucy Masen Cullen had her first kiss on January 22. When the time was right we both almost pulled away at the exact same time to look each other in the eyes.
"So" Jason said and I smirked for a second. "What was I saying again?"
"Tell me again" I said and Jason smiled.
We remained quiet for several seconds before Jason took me in his arms and it was a different feeling when I was with him…with him it was like…like I was in heaven… drifting away and this surely couldn't be a reality. We both heard the sound of Bella leaving to go home and I was sure Edward had heard my thoughts…OH GOSH!
"I think Edward's ready for us" Jason said in almost a breath and we got up off of my bed.
I walked hesitantly to the door some part of me wasn't sure what Edward would do after reading my thoughts…it was like awkward in a way. It wasn't the way it was with Bella…I was his LITTLE sister he was my OLDER brother so of course he was going to go all into over protective Edward mode on me. I knew the setting was clear and he wanted to talk to me later about it…I was absolutely dreading the moment but had braced myself because Alice HAD seen it and I was going to ask Bella about this stuff since she went through it with her father. Jason knew better than to do anything in front of Edward so he just acted casual even though he knew Edward already heard him. I knocked on the door but he beat me.
"Come in" he said in his half angered half confused voice.
"Edward, can you communicate with Harley for us…sort of like a ghost talk show" I asked.
He smirked for a second sort of as in pain or laughing I winced knowing what I was putting him through but knew he would want me to be happy.
"Yes…now today we're going to be using the crystal ball method" he started joking and Jason and I laughed.
"Let me get something straight…you want to know if she had known about us all along and why she cut herself" and I nodded "alright" Edward said and concentrated much like he did when he told me he was reading Harley's mind.
"Harley, why did you cut yourself…asks Hazel and Jason" Edward muttered and I could tell he was thinking hard…nodding and stuff. "She said because you were her friend and she didn't want you to get hurt…she knew what they were and she didn't want to see it…she would have rather sacrificed herself and gotten away from her drug addicted boyfriend" Edward said
"WAIT WHAT!" I merely shouted even though I knew he wasn't lying
"She had a boyfriend that did drugs…no one knew about it…he was seventeen…he did some crazy things sometimes" I blinked several times taking this all in.
"Holy shit" Jason said and Edward and I looked at each other for a second. He then asked her the second question and Harley did know what we were. She had had her suspicions from the first day which was why she befriended me. Harley and her boyfriend had worked for a secret organization to helping good vampires and protecting the community from bad vampires and destroying them.
"You knew about this" I said to Edward and he paused for a second realizing I had caught him guilty
"Yes, I didn't want to trouble you" he said and I shrugged he had done the right thing.
After he was done with the "readings" or so I should call it Jason and I stayed to hang out with Edward before he went to Bella's house to pick her up since he was taking her out to dinner. He said "J" and I could come (J was his new nickname for Jason or Jas) Edward was very strange at choosing nicknames for people figures since he was the one who chose Haze for me. Of course we would have to take Edward's car to Bella's house since it would be suspicious to Charlie (not that Bella liked it when Edward drove fast).
It was agreed Edward and Jason would sit in the front and Bella and I in the back since Edward said he wanted the "girls" in the backseat or whatever crap he usually talks me into these days. I still wasn't sure how I would face him…knowing what I had done. It wasn't anything bad but you know how Edward got…overprotective and just (I don't want to think about it). If someone ever tried to hurt Bella or touch her against her will he would go nuts. Jason however, had not done any of those things to Bella or me for that matter. But Edward would probably go all psycho with his overprotective crap and how I was his little sister or whatever.
I was going to have to face him and tell him the obvious reality that even though I was a vampire I was "growing up" and that I was supportive with him and Bella so he should be as supportive with Jason and I.
When we got to Bella's house Edward went to the door and told Jason and I to come so it would be easier with Charlie and so he could "watch us" I knew he was just being Edward and he was avoiding the subject while trying to not be awkward with us. I still didn't understand the point of Edward's behavior if it was really teaching me anything. But he was still my brother…my older brother who was probably just being overprotective and worried about me and stuff but I really wanted to talk to him and it was killing me. He probably knew all of my thoughts and I hated the whole awkwardness with us. Wasn't I supportive with Bella? THIS WAS SO FRUSTRATING!
Jason reached for my hand and took it to see my history again. I saw it reflecting in his eyes which was a pretty cool thing he did. After he finally put my hand down I stared out the window silently…trying my best not to make this awkward than it really was. As confusing as this whole thing seemed I knew there was a bigger reason than why Edward was acting so awkward and weird. Something more than the fact of my thoughts…something more of the fact of Jason…something that could possibly be dealing with some of our old enemies, I wanted to speak to him again. I wanted everything to be normal and have him just tell me it was OK and he wasn't mad (though I knew he wasn't mad) but I needed to hear it from him. It was also awkward for Jason and I in Edward's presence I was seriously going to have to talk a lesson into that brother of mine.
When we pulled into the restaurant parking lot Edward and Jason both ran to get the door for Bella and I which I found completely unnecessary (I was in just a general unnecessary phase).
"Your eyes are looking really pretty tonight" Jason mumbled into my ear I turned to face him and smirked.
"Do you think yours don't" I joked and wanted to kiss him so badly but knew I shouldn't because Edward was standing right there. OH GOOD GOSH weren't we past this kind of immaturity. Something was bothering Edward and it wasn't any of this…the whole Jason thing. I could even tell how he wasn't himself with Bella. I put my hand on his arm and rubbed it. He winced in pain as if he was suffering emotionally rather than physically. I hated seeing my brother in pain…it killed me inside.
Dinner was rather awkward and after we dropped Jason and Bella off at their homes it was just Edward and I. At first it was awkward I admit it but I got him to open up and it was better.
"Edward" I said in my nervous voice.
"Yes" he said hoarsely.
"Are you OK" I asked and he shook his head. "Please tell me it's not the whole Jason thing" I said.
"No it's not…I'm just being overprotective that's all." he sighed again and I knew he was lying…slightly.
"Something with Bella…she was hurt in some way" I said.
"Yes…by the leader of the vampire coven that led the attack on your school. Emmett and Jasper took care of it however" Edward said and I put my head in my hands.
"This is so my fault…if I wasn't so stupid and worried about all this crap none of it would've happened" I said.
"Haze, don't blame yourself because we all know it's my fault" Edward said.
"Can we stop with the whole guilt trip thing" I said and Edward smirked.
"Oh gosh I love you Haze" he said taking me in his arms and once again I smirked to myself knowing that I was one of the only people that could talk Edward into almost anything.
"Edward" I asked shyly.
"Yes Haze?" he said.
"Well, you know about Jason…you probably read my thoughts and…" as usual I was interrupted.
"I know I tried not to but I'm sorry" Edward said.
"Don't be you do it all the time" I said.
"It's just…I don't want you to get hurt or…or could you talk to one of your sisters about this some other time." Edward said and I smirked.
"Sure" I said and he kissed my hair.
This was why it was so easy to talk to Edward because he was so good at changing the subjects and I could talk to him about almost anything. I made a vow to myself that I would never let myself take any of the time I spent with Edward for granted. It was rare with vampires that your biological siblings stayed with you in your vampiric life and I was afraid of that after Edward left but then he came back. Vampire life was definitely complicated even to current vampires but it was definitely an experience.
As we walked into the house it was very quiet…no one was breathing and it was a faint sense I could briefly make out that was in the air. I smelled blood…lots of it and it was an amazing scent blood…like Bella but better. Edward pulled me closer to him and slowly walked over to the sofa where the rest of my coven was sitting except for Carlisle who was sitting on the floor knelt over the bleeding person. I pieced together all the pieces of the puzzle…this person had been killed and by a local vampire. I didn't believe it was someone from our coven… it couldn't have been.
Carlisle cleared his throat "the lead vampire…the one who hurt Bella…Jasper and Emmett were unable to kill him so he returned for revenge and preyed on this young victim."
My eyes widened I had had enough of this…who were these people to think they were. Edward was right the world had certainly become a crazy place. When did people become so careless? Unconcerned and lack of compassion for others they just go on with their lives. I was so sick of this! My siblings all stared back at me as it seemed and then we all looked back to Carlisle.
"Kyle Weismann believes it is the work of another union…possibly an underscore of the Volturi" Edward said.
"No…they wouldn't!" Esme said.
"The treaty could have possibly meant shit to them" Emmett declared angrily.
"OK Emmett calm down" Jasper said and calmed him down.
"As bitchy as the Volturi may have been I don't think that they are cruel enough to create another vampire coven and go against their own rules so have those vampires kill innocent humans and make a scene of it" I said.
"If Hazel's not blaming the Volturi I say there's a good bet she's right" Emmett said.
"I tracked them…they could care less about our lives right now…in a good way" I said.
"I didn't see anything either" Alice said.
"So it's confirmed…the Volturi is not a suspect" Rosalie said and we all nodded.
"It could be…" Jasper started to say and I knew where he was going.
"But he's dead" I said "so…it could've been a possibility he had another ally in his coven we hadn't gotten to that day or he didn't send them there knowing we would defeat him." Jasper said and I winced at the memory from that day in the cave.
"I think that's a good bet but for now let's leave it alone" Carlisle said.
"Innocent humans are being murdered" Esme said.
"I know and until another is committed we will act" and we all just sighed. "I advise we look into this stuff…but first we need a break" Carlisle said after a dead silence.
. . .
The worst thing anyone can ever feel is the feeling of guilt and regret. Mostly the fact that they know it's their fault things are happening and they know they can't do anything. The silence crept around me and I remembered why I was here…why I was still on Earth and hadn't died like I was supposed to.
"Stop it…you are worth living and being here right now. You are one of my reasons for existing think about what we would all do…we would all want to die…think about Jason these are reasons you are still here Haze" Edward said to me as I sat on the couch with Edward and Bella.
Bella sat up, "What's wrong Haze?" she asked.
"She's just upset love" Edward said.
"Is there anything I can do?" Bella asked.
But before I could answer Edward said "she's just missing Harley" and Bella sighed.
"I'm sorry" she said
"Thanks" I mumbled but remembered she couldn't hear me so I just sat back into the couch. It wasn't my fault I was acting like a sulk.
I caught his scent that hit me like a speeding bullet…warm, good, clean, pure I inhaled it just to make sure I wasn't dreaming (and I wasn't).
He knocked on the door and Edward said "it's for you" and I jumped off the couch and ran to get the door.
"Someone's excited" Emmett mumbled under his breath while playing with a football in his hands. I shot him a look and flipped him off.
"You little dwarf!" he said and I raised my eyebrows.
"You will pay little dwarf" Emmett said.
"Give it up Met" Bella said and I laughed as I opened the door.
"Sup" Jason said casually.
"Hi" I said in a more obvious tone (it was an inside joke) since he only said "sup" and never "hi."
"Wanna go to your room?" he asked
"Sure" I said and I led him up the stairs to my room. We sat down on my bed again and he laid down and sighed in a joking way. I slugged his face as he laughed before pulling me down next to him. I laughed and hit him with a pillow.
"Oh OK you want to play that game OK okay" Jason put his arms around me and pulled me down next to him and we both laughed. He ruffled my hair and said "damn your hair is luscious" and I looked at him like "what is wrong with you."
Jason laughed "Hazel, Hazel, Hazel" he said clicking his tongue in a joking way.
"Was there something you needed to ask me?" I asked him.
"No" Jason said and I felt my vibration so I raised my eyebrows. "OK yes" Jason said.
"What?" I asked him although I probably could've figured it out.
"I want to be with you" Jason said.
"Go on" I said.
Jason said, "yeah that's it."
I furrowed my eyebrows and said "aren't we already?" Jason smirked and shrugged.
"Sure" he said and pulled me on top of him.
"Damn girl" Jason said and I looked at him.
"You have issues"
"Yes I know" he said smelling my hair and combing it in a sort of way he started kissing me…sort of behind my ear and on my hair.
I kissed him back and closed my eyes…I was so in heaven right now. It was a different feeling I felt with Jason…it was probably the feeling of crushing…loving someone who wasn't related to you…someone who you would do anything for.
"I'm probably the luckiest guy in the world right now" Jason smirked.
"Oh you think so" I said.
"I know so" Jason said and he started combing my hair again.
"So…sup" Jason said and I tackled him to the bed again…his hands on my back.
"Is that the only word you know" I asked jokingly.
"It could be" Jason said.
"Shut up Weismann" I said before putting my lips against his…soft warm marble.
Once again at the right moment we both pulled away it was as if it was on instinct of something. In a way however it was just the matter of knowing whether or not to let myself do something like this for once. It wasn't something I had desire for…it was something I needed…I needed Jason now. I couldn't imagine what life would be like without him. Jason was one of my reasons for existing. Of course I knew I would have to continue to make time for my siblings (Edward) but I would have to let myself have Jason if he needed me and if I needed him.
"Oh…tomorrow…are you going to school?" Jason asked.
"The school's closed down…they're sending kids now to neighboring Quileute Schools" I said.
"I know" Jason said.
"You know we were both only sent to school so we would find each other" I said.
"Yes" Jason said and sat up against my headboard with me still sitting on top of him.
. . .
After Jason left I went downstairs to see that my siblings were sitting…just the five of them.
"Hey Haze" Edward said holding his arms out for me which I gladly went to. I shut my eyes tight as Edward stroked my hair.
"Yes now that dwarf is here I finally get my revenge" Emmett said.
"Shut up Met" Alice said.
Edward smirked, "I'm actually agreeing in a strange sort of resourceful way."
I looked at him, "Eddie, seriously?"
"Don't call me that" Edward pretended he was crying.
"You can't trust her" he said turning to Emmett. "Just kidding" he said again.
"I know" I said and he ruffled my hair and kissed it.
"Chess anyone" Alice asked.
"Who's going to win?" Emmett automatically asked.
"As of my calculations…NOT YOU" she said and we all cracked up.
"You just got served" I said and Emmett tackled me playfully and as usual he had to turn everything into wrestling (not that I minded) still things were a bit awkward around my siblings and I didn't like it to a degree. OH GOOD GOSH I WAS STARTING TO SOUND LIKE EDWARD NOW! Was it some sort of disorder you got once you found your mate? But it was strange it was as if both Jason, Edward, & all of my siblings were the reasons I was here now.
I knew things weren't always going to turn out so I would get all of my options in the end but things were starting to fall into place now and this was a life I was going to choose for myself. I was going to have to make time for everyone who meant something to me and I was going to have to show them that. I was going to have to prove myself to everyone and everything (OK maybe I'm exaggerating) but my point is that I can't just focus my life only on Jason. I have to focus my life on him and everything that mattered before I met him.
Hopefully my relationship with my brother would similarly go back to how it was but something told me this whole experience was going to bring me closer with my sisters than brothers. I was going to have to "grow up" and stop my "tomboyish" ways to maybe become more appropriate than how I should've acted all along. Maybe this was what mama and Marilynn meant by all of this. For the first time in my existence I was able to look at that and see something that wasn't completely and utterly ridiculous or stupid. I was able to look at it and say "wow…maybe they're right."
Well in a sense.