Chapter 19

Graphed

When you were younger they always told you if you want it both ways…you have to work at it. In my situation I was told that if I worked at it things would eventually straighten out. I didn't believe in happy endings where everyone got everything and lost nothing that just wasn't how life was.

When it came to love and crushes and all that stuff…you really got a taste of life. If you weren't a popular bitch than things weren't all "played and set" for you; you really had to work and be everything you were if you wanted what you desired that bad. If you were just yourself or whatever things would already be set into motion. People get dragged into situations where they envy the ones that have what they don't or what they desire. Often the people who have these things are the people who can grasp anything…take anything from the ones who this one thing is the only chance they have. The ones who don't have it desire to become like the one who has.

This was our complicated world right now especially at my "age" I guess I was lucky when I was in Radnor I was in an all-girls school so no real drama would go on. It confused me about how all this played out so quickly how all of the sudden nothing else would matter to me. If this was like what it was like with vampires and their mates or whatever.

I was so busy wrapped up in my thoughts that I didn't even notice my siblings were engaged in an intense game of chess. Edward vs. Emmett and of course Emmett was whining because it was unfair that Edward could read his mind. I actually found myself agreeing because it was unfair since Edward could know what move you were making and then beat you. Unless you were smart and think that you were doing one move and then do the first move that jumps in your head…no Edward would probably still win anyway.

He was reading my thoughts I could tell however and not Emmett's. He seemed as if he was confused in a way. Usually if I felt confused with my own thoughts Edward would just explain the situation to me. But this was different he was my brother…my older brother. He wouldn't get this stuff. I decided to go to my sisters later and Edward smirked when he heard my thoughts. I thought in my head do you want to hang out tomorrow just Cullen siblings? And he nodded I knew that I had to make time for my siblings of course and that even though I had found my mate I would still continue loving them before I found my mate. Edward patted my head after reading my thoughts and left me to go to my room.

I texted Jason from my phone "sup J" and about five seconds later he texted me back.

Jason: "nmjcwbu"

Me: "jc em and ed r downstairs playing chess"

Jason: "lol cool"

Me: "I guess"

Jason: "what's new?"

Me: "idontknow"

Jason: "miss u"

Me: "miss u 2 3"

Jason: "wanna come over?"

Me: "kk b rite over"

Jason: c u soon

Me: k

I snapped my phone shut and went downstairs to tell Edward where I was going even though he would already know. When I got downstairs he was beating Emmett…badly.

"Hey" I said

"Sup Haze" he kissed my hair.

"I'm going to Jason's OK" I said.

"Cool with me just be back by tomorrow OK."

"Got it" and he waved to me as well as my other siblings before I left and I realized what this really was all about…it was about everything we had all been working for, for this past year and now I wasn't ready to give any of this up…never. I would never in a million years give this up.

As I sprinted through the woods I remembered the last time I went through the woods by myself…images and memories of Michael and Sammi tormented me and probably would for the rest of my existence but I would get over it. Jason's house was smaller than mine since less people lived there but it was still nicer (nicer than mine). It was obvious Kyle had invested a lot of work in spare time.

In the windows were several carved figures (by Kyle). When I walked up to the door I saw the mezuzah on the door which was something Jewish people put on their doorposts containing the Sh'ma I found that very interesting.

Jason opened the door right away and chuckled when he saw me "long time no see" he joked.

"Yes not since last night" I said and he hugged me and I hugged him back.

After I went inside we saw Kyle sitting in his office and I stopped by to say hi."Why hello Hazel" Kyle said standing up and reaching his hand out.

"Hello Kyle" I said.

"How have you been?" he asked me.

"Good and you" I said.

"Oh the usual…Jason's been helping me with some new documentation" Kyle said.

"Sounds fun" I said.

"It's a possibility" Kyle said and Jason rolled his eyes in a joking way.

"See ya Kyle, Hazel and I are going upstairs" Kyle nodded and waved to us we waved back.

Jason's room was facing the west so if there was a sunset he would have a good view and also he could clearly see the cliffs and the water. Unlike my room which was facing the woods. I took the sight all in.

"What do you think" Jason asked.

"Beautiful" I breathed.

"I wouldn't use that word…not with you standing here in comparison."I half smiled and Jason said "come on you're hot."

I rolled my eyes "OK fine" and Jason tackled me playfully onto his floor. I reversed it and had him pinned down.

"No matter how hard I try you always have me there" he said.

"Oh really" I said and leaned down to kiss him. He kissed me passionately this time…not soft like the other times…it was aggressive and I kissed him back that way too.

He cupped my face in his hands and I took in the moment as he rolled over and I was under him this time. I grabbed his hair and kissed him harder. I realized I wasn't breathing and I didn't need to…nor did I want to. We pulled away at the right time and same time again.

"You are good" Jason muttered and I slugged him "it turns me on" he said.

I shook my head "you are truly strange."

"Yup I am" he said and lay down again on the floor and took me with him, his arms draped around my shoulder and pulled me closer to him. I lay my head on his chest and he stroked my hair with his cold, marble, but soft hands.

Whatever I felt that minute it was different than anything I had ever felt in my existence. It wasn't that anything else had mattered to me mattered now. It was like I was a blind man seeing the sun for the first time…extraordinary. I felt like that in the darkness and emptiness that I had been waiting for someone…Jason. It was as if the darkness was being shown some light and I half knew what I was going to do in order to work out this tough (but amazing) situation I was in dealing with both Edward and Jason. But not in a troublesome amount it was a good thing. Jason pulled me closer to him and raised his eyebrows.

"You know…I have never met anyone as awesome as you" he said I looked at him for a second and he said "you know you could probably have any guy…why did you choose me?"

I widened my eyes shocked by his question. "Jason Cameron Weismann!" I nearly shouted and he looked at me 'innocently.'

"What?" he asked.

"Do you have any idea what you're saying?" I asked.

"Yes" Jason said.

"No you don't because every day…ever since the day I found out about Alice's vision I have been dying inside since the day I would find you…have someone and not be the single girl of my family. You have no idea what you are Jason…no idea." I said.

He put his arm to prop up his head, "Oh really…it couldn't have been possible that you were feeling the same as me."

I nodded, "Yes…I was."

Jason looked slightly amused by this, "Hazel" he said.

"Yes" I answered.

"This is the first of many times I am going to be saying this…I love you" he said and I looked him in the eye to make sure he saw me.

"I love you too" I said and he leaned in ready to kiss me.

When I got up to go at about 7 that morning Jason and I said goodbye. I was looking forward to my sibling hang out day that was tomorrow. I had been thinking of my life to its current extent and that maybe this was the reason I had been transformed into a vampire. I knew that this is what mama would have wanted for me. I knew that deep down inside Edward wanted it for me too…he wanted me to be happy but he was probably just jealous and being Edward in his sense.

This was a similar way he had reacted with the whole Bella thing and Charlie had reacted this way as well. It was an "alpha male thing" or something like that. I probably wouldn't get it…must be something associated with a Y chromosome. I still loved my brother…a lot and maybe more than I did before (not trying to be carried away).

I needed to figure this out how I was going to make him realize that Jason was a part of my life now. I couldn't live for a longer time period without him. It was a feeling that I now realized once you had a mate. I finally understood what Edward had been going through with Bella. It was something in the vampire emotions since our emotions are stronger than humans.

I decided that I wouldn't forget everything that was going on but not make it so obvious it was on my mind. I would try and act like this was the old days…back when things weren't as complicated as they were now. I knew things would get better or work themselves out in one way or another but for now things were just twisted in knots as it seemed and it was beginning to take a toll on me.

I was thinking about everything that happened since my arrest in the Volturi. Since my meeting Jason…since we returned to Forks. I thought of everything that made me who I am…everything that made me Hazel Lucy Masen Cullen. I realized that for the first time in my existence it was OK to think of yourself and do something for YOU once in a while. I walked into the house a "different person" or a "different vampire" per say. I walked into my house with an insight on things…an insight that I hadn't had in a very long time.

I walked into the house and saw Esme, Alice, & Rosalie…they were watching The Notebook a romantic movie or whatever (well that part of me was still there). I walked upstairs to Emmett and Rosalie's room and saw Jasper boxing with Emmett. Emmett had just gotten a new punching bag for his room so he could practice now. The only thing was he just had to be careful when he punched so he wouldn't completely break everything.

"Hey it's dwarf!" Emmett called out as his usual self.

"Oh good gosh" I muttered and he picked me up.

"Put me down psycho" I kicked him in the face.

"What did you just call me and OW THAT FUCKING HURT!" I laughed and Jasper was smirking.

I tracked Edward and he was still at Bella's house. Carlisle was in his office.

"Are you taking your anger out" I asked in a joking way.

"Yes, I'm pretending this is your face" Emmett said and slammed me against the floor…pinning me by the neck in a playful way.

"OK you want to be that way…fine" and I kicked him again this time in an area that would be more painful.

"YOU LITTLE DWARF!" Emmett shouted and pretended to fall down in "so much pain" he pretended to cry.

"Jasper, can you kindly beat up dwarf for me" he asked.

"Nice job Hazel" Jasper whispered to me in a joking way.

"No problem" and then I said louder "like you said Emmett I'm just a stupid dwarf" and then Jasper laughed and Emmett shook his head. "Later bitches I'm going to my room" and my brothers saluted me…in a joking way (as usual).

I went to my room and decided to start writing a summary of my human life and then later my vampire life…maybe it would become a novel or something…nah I would just do it for fun because I was only meant to be certain things in life and a novelist was certainly NOT one of them. I heard footsteps coming towards my room and caught the scent of someone very familiar…someone who I had known basically all my life…Edward.

A faint knock came onto my door. "Come in" I said surprised at how choked up my voice sounded.

Edward had a grim expression on his face…like he had just been tortured and there was nothing he could do about it. He sat down on the edge of my bed and motioned for me to come to him…I did.

"Hazel, there's something I need to talk to you about…it's about the way I've been acting." Edward said.

"Yeah?" I mused.

"I'm sorry for being such a selfish jerk…I should just die in a…"

But I cut him off, "EDWARD DON'T GO THERE!" I shouted.

"What I should" he said with his head still down.

"Edward, you're my big brother…I look up to you…did I ever tell you this? Well guess what there's more…you're my hero…everything I want to be. Well partially but you get the point" I said slightly imitating the way he used to lecture me.

Edward did his crooked smile that I loved seeing "well I guess your right" and he tousled my hair.

"Do you know what?" Edward asked.

"What?" I said.

"That was one of the most meaningful things I have ever heard in my entire existence…oh gosh" and he pulled me closer to him. He held me tight just like the way he used to…he kissed my hair in the way he always did.

"Hey did you forget about the hang out day?" I asked him even though I knew he hadn't forgotten.

"No, but speaking of that why don't we start it a day early?" Edward hinted.

"Cool with me" I said.

"Let's get everyone else" Edward said and then he picked me up and swung me around…things were straightening out already.