whoa long chapter is long! ^^; sorry about that but this is the last update for a bit as i'm currently writing chapter 6 ~ btw WARNING

this is the chatter with a bit of abuse but its not completely detailed I just couldn't do that ,~~ I hope you like

"Fetello wake up now!.." Romano felt his shoulder being shook.
Grunting Romano opened his eyes to a rather annoyed Italy peering down at him crossed armed.
Romano yarned and rubbed his eyes "Oh ciao Italy.. What time is it?.."
"Too get up" Italy said bluntly walking out of his room.
"What's his problem?.." He thought to himself. It wasn't often Italy got mad but when he did he was pretty scary but so was himself and he really didn't feel like arguing as it always ends up in blood (yes blood.. ) and tears.. And then they both end up falling asleep exhausted from crying so much. Getting dressed he wondered what he did too piss his brother off. He put on a plan short sleeved green top with a dark teal coloured hooded buttoned top but leaving the buttons undone and black jeans. Making his way into the kitchen his brother had made him a coffee and fruit salad.
"T.. thanks.." awkwardly says Romano sitting down and eating. Italy ignored him.
"who pissed in your cereal?.." Romano asked getting quite annoyed at being given the cold shoulder. Italy turned around crossed.
"Romano I though you said you can look after yourself?.." Nearly chocking Romano swallowed his food. "what the fuck is that supposed to mean?.."
Italy crossed his arms again. "you didn't eat the dinner I prepared for you!"
"o..oh that .. Sorry forgot to eat.. Was tired.." sighing Italy looked at his brother with annoyed expression. "Romano.. You can't just forgot to eat.. Seriously fentello I thought you said you didn't need looking after yourself. Plus! You fell asleep on the sofa and Germany had to take you up to bed so you best thank him when he gets home."
"w.. wait!.. Germany took me to bed! H..how did I-"
"I undressed you don't worry.." Italy rolls his eyes. Romano made a sigh of relief and drank his coffee.
"Romano! Your not even listening to me are you? Your supposed to be older and you act as if your-.." Italy stooped himself looking at his brother who quietly sat drinking his coffee. "Romano?.. Are you okay?.." his anger deflated and he sat by his brother side.
"The tomato bastard Spain phoned.. Really insensitive well.. Kind of.. He didn't even realise what he was saying.." Italy now feeling bad softens his voice.. "do you want to talk about it?.."
"no not really.. But since you where so up my arse about not eating I had to shut you up and bring it up again.
"s…sorry.. " Italy said quietly.. "I just worry about you.. Oh.. And Romano.. I have some really good news to tell you.. I'll tell you tonight when Germany is back from work.
"oh okay" Romano shrugged and ate the rest of his fruit salad not really thinking much into what Italy had to say. Everything was good news according to Italy.
"Oh another thing!~" Italy cheerfully adds. He walks over to a pot and takes out some money and gives some to Romano. "Can you go shop for me please and get some olive oil and some ingredients for a lasagne tonight?. Groaning Romano replies
"Your fucking kidding me?.."
"pleassssssssse" Italy begged "I'm busy doing world business stuff and tidying its at least you could do~ plus fresh air would do you good." with that Romano agreed and took the money with a bit extra as Italy said he could buy a tomato to tie him over before dinner. The walk to the store wasn't long but he hated going around the narrow ally where teenage scum hung around. They all stared at him shouting offensive slurs "Does pretty boy play for another team like his brother?"
"Faggot!~"
"look who it is Mr vampire who never comes out his house"
"did you lose your way the mental hospital that way" the chanted and laughed but Romano wisely choose not to act on it. Luckily it was daytime and so other people where around making it more of an advance to get away without being beaten. They never pick on Italy due to the fact he has Germany and Germany could possibly take them all out in one go. He safely got to the shop and started to do the food shopping for Italy. It didn't take him long looking for the ingredients as he knew what he needed to get, It was the line he waited in to be served. It was being held up by one person chatting to the person who was serving him.
"Seriously?.. People like him shouldn't be allowed to talk wasting time" Romano peeked around the person in front of him to see who the moron was keeping the line busy and too his horror it was 'him'..
"Shiiiiiiiiiiiit! Its Spain.. Please don't see me please don't see me please don't see me.." Romano tried his best not to be noticed. Finally Spain waved happily like an idiot at the one who served him and started to walk away. When Romano thought it was safe to come out Spain turn back round "Oh I nearly forgot my credit card! Oh! Hi Romano!~~"
"Great…"
"Hi…" Romano tried to sound excited putting his items on the counter as his being served.
"Um yeah" Spain replied.
"About last night-"
"Its fine" Romano interrupted "you said sorry.."
"I know but.. Can I ask what did I say exactly to get you mad?.. I want to make sure I won't say it again." getting annoyed Romano packed his own bags not even making eye contact with Spain.
"Well that just defeats the whole object of apologizing now doesn't it?" Romano imputed sarcastically.
"Why you blaming everything on me? You got angry at me when I was trying to help.."
"Sp- Antonio!.." he called him by his real name people where listening in as they always do…
Spain looked around also.. "yeah?.."
"it wasn't so much of what you said it was the way it come across and.. It.. It hurt my feelings!" He paid for the stuff. "bye.."
"no wait Romano!" Spain caught up with him and grabbed his hand. "Please Romano.. I miss you don't throw me out of your life I care about you.. I'm worried about you.."
Romano looked surprised.. "w.. why are you worried idiot?.. I'm fine!" Spain shaked his head "You live with your brother and his boyfriend.. You haven't got a job.. Your sleeping at early hours of an evening.. You hardly speak to me.. Or too anyone.. Romano.. Speak to me.. What's wrong?.."
Romano pulled away "Don't pity me! You haven't in no right to judge me!"
Spain stops him again. "NO! I wasn't trying to I-I damn it! you know am a airhead! what I'm trying to say is.. You are welcome to come here again.. You just don't seem happy.."
"well I am happy and what I do is my fucking business. I don't need you anymore let go of me. Now." Spain slowly released his hand. Romano didn't look back and went out the door. He quietly walked back home luckily the teenagers weren't there he really wasn't in the mood. Arriving home he dropped the bags onto the floor in Italy kitchen put the rest of the change on the table. and Italy looked over from the living room on his laptop. "Oh your back! Thank for doing that you really saved me a job-… Romano?.." Italy got up and put his laptop down and went over to Romano who was staring blankly at the ground. "Are you okay?.."
Romano looked up. "Hm? Oh I'm fine just have a fucking headache.. I'll be in my room." without waiting for a reply he walked up the stairs shutting the door burying his head in his hands.
"Damn it.. You Idiot.. I love you.. And all you do is treat me as if I'm your child or keep giving forced hope" He found himself sitting there for a while drifting of into another sleep and started to have a nightmare.
~~

"Leave me alone!" Romano pleaded the grim reaper.
The grim reaper didn't speak. He pointed his long skeleton finger at Romano and got out what looked like tarot card. The reaper held it backwards so what was on front was hidden. Suddenly he turn the card in his hand and on it was
"FAILURE" printed in which looked like blood writing. Romano shook with fear. "I..I said go away!" but the grim reaper just pulled out another card.
"UNLOVED"
"Stop it!" Romano begged. Another card was pulled out.
"ALONE" before Romano could open his mouth another one was yet again pulled out. "USLESS" By now Romano couldn't say anything but watch the cards that the reaper pulled up.
"WORTHLESS"
"NOTHING"
Romano held his head shaking it furiously
"NO!" he ran out of the room into completely blackness. He didn't know where he was.. Or where he was running too. But he needed to get away. There was a door it looked filmier. It was 'he's' door. Spain door. He ran too and knocked furiously but found himself falling through the door as it was open.
"S-Spain?.. H.. help me! S.. Spain?.." he looked around.. Empty.. And no reply. Without really thinking he ran upstairs and into his old room that was unchanged closing the door, and closing his eyes sliding down the wall panting.
Then he heard sobs. Child sobs. Opening his eyes he saw what be believed was a child curled up in bed. It was him.
"That time.."
He watched himself cry holding a stem of a flower. There was a noise at the door. A banging one. Romano looked at the door frightened as the handle started to turn he stood back from the door. Without realising he stood back against the bed where the he thought he's child self cried but he was no longer there. Looking down at the bed with horror.. The tarot cards where spread on the bed. Furious he started to rip the cards and turn to run out the room, but the grim reaper was there, blocking his room to move.
He let out a scream falling back onto the bed.
"Go a-a-away.. L-l-leave me a-a-alone!" but the grim reaper crawed onto the bed and went up to him and put his boney hand on Romano face and tenderly stoked it making Romano shiver at the sensations of the bone on his cheek. The reaper then lent in and spoke to him in a whisper.
"you know.. You can make the pain stop.. You can get rid of your anger.."
Romano opened his eyes that had tears in them.
"h-how!" Asks Romano desperately
The reaper wiped his tears
"come with me.. They all don't need you anyway.. Your no used to them.. Come with me.. And you will find happiness.."
Shocked at what he was saying Romano reply's..
"A.. Are you saying I should kill myself? N..no! I don't want too!"
"you can make it quick and painless.. Don't be afraid Romano… this is the only way.. your life will get worst.."
"NO I won't kill myself just because other people don't like me I won't! Never! GO AWAY NOW!"
"Your Grandpa sure didn't love you.."
"I don't care about him!"
"You're a burden to your brother.."
"S-shut up! Don't you think I know that?"
"Spain doesn't even love you.."
"I DON'T CARE ANYMORE.. He doesn't love me.. B-but h-he cares for me!"
"but he doesn't 'love' you~ no one does no one.. Your nothing but a an "UNLOVED" not even a full country who always will be "ALONE" and "USLESS" to anyone, you have no value.. Your "WORTHLESS".. your not anything .. Your nobody .. Your "NOTHING" Darkness started to eat the room. And himself. Slowly he panicked as he jumped of the bed trying to reach to the door. He fell through the darkness he kept falling and falling
"ROMANO~~"

Jerking up straight drenched in sweat he looked around his room shaken up and panting.
"it was a dream.."
"Romano!~~ Dinner is ready~~!" the voice called who woke him.
To his relive it was Italy.
"s.. si l..let me just go to the bathroom.." he got up a bit wobbly and went into the bathroom. He splashed cold water on his face and thought about his dream.
"you know.. Maybe he was right.. I don't belong in this world.." Romano shook his head to shake off the dream and dried his face and went downstairs. Italy was setting the plates down that looked delicious. Romano envied his brother cooking he was so great. Not that he couldn't cook himself, it was just Italy was so much better. He was at everything. That's why he sloved/s Envied him. Italy gasped. "Goodness! Fentello your pale! Are you sick?" he puts his forehead to Romano's"
"Italy I'm fine" Romano pulled away. "I just had a bad dream.. No big deal.." Italy hugged him
"awww bad dreams are just big meanies bullies! Don't worry about it~ its scary at first but at least you wake up and know its not real no?~"
Romano shrugged. "I don't know.." he sat down for his food and to his surprise Germany was there looking at him.
"Oh hi.." Mumbled Romano.
"Hello.." Germany replied awkwardly. Italy sat down with his food.
"Well anyway we have good news to tell you anyway so hopefully that will cheer you up. Oh by the way wasn't there something you wanted to say to Germany" Italy eyed Romano and made a little head movement to Germany direction. Sighing Romano turned to Germany and mumbled quietly "Erm.. t.. thanks. For taking ..m-me to bed last n.. night.." Germany blinked a couple of times.
"No problem Romano."
Everyone started to eat and it was silent apart from Italy asking how was Germany day at work and Germany complaining about his boss. Half way through dinner Italy speaks
"Oh right! I almost forgot~ Romano?.."
"yeah?.." Romano looked up from his plate.
"Me and Germany has too tell you something~"
"go on" Romano fiddled with his fork putting food into his mouth.
"Well I was going to tell you last night but you where sleeping and I wanted too tell you while Germany here." Italy smiled biting his bottom lip putting his hand on Germany's hand.
"Germany asked me too marry him!"
Romano raised his eyebrow and looked at Germany and back at Italy.
"eh… how weird of him.. what did you say?"
Germany rolled his eyes
"Romano that was rude" Italy said but smiled
"I said yes silly!"
"why?.." Romano said with no expression.
Narrowing his eyes Italy looked at him
"Because I love him fentello.."
"Oh" Romano retreated to eat his dinner.. "congregations I guess"
Italy and Germany stared at Romano for a bit who was eating his dinner slowly. During the rest of the dinner Italy went on about the wedding plans what the colour theme was going to be. Who was going to be there, who was going to make the decorations, who was going to make the cake, until Germany nudge his shoulder and Italy looked at him.
"Romano" Germany mouthed to him, and Italy turned to see Romano looking like his going to cry as he pretends to eat. Pushing back his chair Italy gets up and walks to his brother side kneeing down, and puts his hand on Romano's who jumps a little.
"Romano, look at me."
Romano shakes his head looking down.
"Please.." Italy rubs his thumb over his hand.
Romano got up to walk away
"no no! stay" Italy demanded like he was some dog pulling him back down on the chair.
"Don't tell me what to fucking do!" Romano hisses at Italy
"Romano please! Look at me!"
"What!" Romano looked up trying making his glare look angry burying away his sadness.
"That doesn't work for me fentello and you know that.. I can feel your sadness.. Tell me what's wrong?.. Why you so angry at me getting married to Germany?.. Is it because you don't like him?.. Are you jealous because you don't have anyone?.. Or don't you want me too be happy? Is that it?"
"Its none of those things! Especially the last one!" Romano now pushes Italy aside and makes his way into his room, Italy looks at Germany apologetically and follows his brother up the stairs and into his room.
"Then what is it?" asked Italy.. Romano sighed.
"I only not long ago just reunited with you Fentello after all these years of not seeing my brother because of that stupid snobby nose Austria ripped away our connection. And now your getting married to the person who played a great part of that!"
Italy leant on the wall.
"T.. that was a long time ago now.. P.. plus! We are together now right?" Italy walked over and gave him a hug.
Romano struggled his way out of the hug. "that's going to change now though isn't it?"
"what's that supposed to mean?" Italy pleaded.
Romano started to pack his bag.
For a minute all Italy does is watch registering what was happening. "w.. wait what you doing fentello"
Packing his bags Romano looked over at his brother.
"What does it look like?.. I'm moving out.."
Panic hit Italy and he stumbled over to his brother.
"n.. no! stay! Please I don't want you too go!" tears formed in Italy's eyes
Romano wiped Italy tears softening his tone.
"I have too.. Its only mean time you want your house back. If you and potato bastard is getting married then I'm.." Romano shudders at what his going to say next. "I'm in the way of your love life" The thought of seeing his brother and Germany being all romantic all the time, kissing, saying weird romantic things, and even hearing them at night, This terrified Romano he didn't want that. It wasn't because he was jealous or the fact he hates Germany. It was he's brother. He had a hard time showing it but Romano cared a lot for Italy. He wasn't sure if he would end up killing the German if he ever heard them… well doing it.. Italy now put his hand on the bag Romano started to packing to stop him.
"No.. Romano no.. your not in the way at all! Don't ever think that!" Italy freely let his tears fall down his face. "I love you Fentello a.. and I don't want you too go! Yes I know I'm being selfish asking you too stay here but I don't want you too leave! Your not in the way at all!.." Romano sighed replying quietly
"I love you too fentello." Italy looked up and smiled lightly wiping his tears away with the back of his hand and hugged his brother hoping he wouldn't push away. Romano didn't in fact he slowly put his arms around him too. After a while they spoke for a bit Italy telling him that he would like Romano to walk him up to the Ilea and how he would make Hungary maid of honour as she did so much for him when he was young and Romano had to admit Hungary was a nice person. Italy leaves Romano alone now and goes back to the kitchen to clean up. But Romano can't help but feel as if he couldn't live with his brother anymore. He felt as if he was just a broken part of his brother. Italy could do everything better then himself he could cook better, draw better, make friends, and even have a relationship. He knew it would only be mean time that people would look down at him. As always. And the thought didn't go away of hearing his brother and Germany again he quietly shudders but made a decision. He will leave. And it will be tonight. Sonner the better he thought to himself because that way Italy can get used to him not being there. He had nowhere to go and Romano certainly was not thinking of staying at Spain's house. He waited until Italy and Germany was asleep and packed a bag of clothes to get ready to leave. For the night he would stay at a motel but will start looking for somewhere to rent. He had no idea how he was going to do it but never the less he was heading for the door. Before he left he turned to look at the house. Bring back memories of him and his brother. Times when they used too cook together, and drink red wine, flirt with girls who would swoon at the sweet pick up lines they both used to come up with. And nights when Italy used to jump into bed with himself as he hated to be alone. But it all changed as soon as he dated the potato bastard. Italy no longer needed him anymore. He had Germany to lean on. Romano put his bag down and headed for Italy room. It was quite so it was save to go in. quietly opening the door he sees Italy soundlessly sleeping looking charming. Making sure he didn't wake Germany on the other side of the bed Romano kneed down quietly and kissed Italy forehead..
"Goodbye Italy.. And I'm sorry.." he walked out quietly and quietly left the house.
It was dark outside and cold. Romano shivers and whines.
"f…f.. fuck… I.. its…f.. fucking.. c…cold…!"
The street lights gave of dim lights but not enough it was still very dark. Romano made his was through the ally which then he realises what a big mistake that was. The teenagers where there and they all turn their heads towards Romano. He gulps and starts walking past them. Its too late to turn back now.. They will chase him. The sound of footsteps make Romano gasp and drop the bag without looking back and starts to run. But sadly the teenagers saw this coming and got to Romano fast before he could make a head start.
"whoa hey pretty boy where do you think your going at this time of this night?" one said grabbing his arm.
Romano didn't reply and tired to pull his arm away.
"looks like his running away" one says as they tip open Romano bag and kicking his clothes across the street.
"awww" one mocks making his way over to Romano. He was a bit older then the other ones. Maybe in his 30's? but for ever reason he hung around with teenagers that where age between 17 to 20. He smelled of weed strongly as he smirked in Romano face who struggled to get free from the grip of the teenager. The older one started to light a cigarette and smoked it.
It was weed. When he saw Romano curl his face up at the smell he blow the smoke directly into his face making Romano cough as he gagged.
"Why don't you speak.. Beg us not too hurt you?.. Go on.. I wanna hear your Italian accent." says the man. Romano refused to give them a show. He was not going to beg as he still had his pride. Lifting up his head he glared at the man and spat in his face. "I beg nothing but for you too wash your hands after you take a shit you fucking scumbag" there was a low hum of teenagers ohhing and hissing. "Kiss your mother with that mouth?" asks the man.
"Nah he kisses his brother with it" says the teenager who gains a few laughs.
The man raises his eyebrow amused.
"kitty sounds angry did I anger you?~" teased the man.
"here kitty, kitty!~ " the teenagers echoed. Starting to feel intimidated Romano starts to tremble. "d.. don't call me kitty! L.. leave me alone".. now there all laughing. Romano is dangerously vunable unable to keep the stubbornness up. The guy circled him like a tiger hunting its pray it was then he heard the man say something. He couldn't hear what he said but he heard the last sentences "Just don't kill him after your done he's mine.." It was then Romano felt it. Both his arms being pinned back and then a painful fist hitting him hard in the chest. It took his breath away causing him to gasp. He tried to pull himself down to the floor so they couldn't strike him there. But it was no used his arms where being held back tightly so he was dangling. The teenager hit him again and again not letting one breath escape his mouth. Something warm started to leak out his mouth. It was blood. The metallic taste made Romano dizzy. He was then thrown to the floor causing him to hit his face to the concrete. His top of his eyebrow starts to ooze blood too. He makes an attempt to crawl away. If only he didn't feel dizzy. He could of gotten onto his feet and ran as he could run really well. A painful scream escapes Romano lips as they kick his sides making him roll onto his back. They pick him up and throw him against which felt like a metal bin. Romano could no longer think. He couldn't see everything was blurry more blood dripped out his mouth. There was a figure walking up to him. It kneed down and wiped the blood of his mouth roughly. He couldn't see who it was. But knew it was the man as he smelt of weed. He brought his face close to him again and whispered in his ear.
"Don't scream or struggle or I'll kill you.." The guy then brings his lips to Romano's forcing him into a fiery kiss