And back I am!

This is the first chapter. It's not long but when I wrote the last sentence I just KNEW the chapter had to stop there and no later. ;)

Oh and I don't know why it says Edward & Envy for the characters. I don't really know how to use this website yet but apart from Ciela the main characters are not only Edward and Envy, but also Greed/Ling (both since they'll share a body at some point) and Kimblee.

Again, English is NOT my native language. There may be some mistakes, but since I'm a grammar nazi they shouldn't be too horrible. Let me know if you have any questions or suggestions regarding the story.

Disclaimer: I don't own Fullmetal Alchemist because if I did Riza and Roy would have kissed. I own the OC's (like Ciela) though.

Enjoy!

Chapter 1 – Goodbye days

Everything began on an ordinary spring break morning. I got out of bed, way too early for my liking, put my hair in a ponytail, and stumbled through my messy room, looking for my favorite sweatpants and a black sweater. I had a black soul after all. A glimpse out of my windows showed a bright blue sky, and hoarfrost all over the place. Just great, another cold day and it was april by now. I really like snow. I mean, snow is beautiful, the world is all white and peaceful, begging me to take pictures. But it's been freezing for what feels like a billion years, and by now I was sick and tired of everything cold. I remained a while in front of the heater, which was placed under the window, enjoying the heat on my cold skin. I opened my door and slipped into the bathroom I always used (we had four in our house) was right next to my bedroom. I took my time to shower, knowing that my younger sister who was sleeping next door, would hear it. I mean come on, it wasn't early in the morning or something. It had to be past 10.30 now and because she spent the whole night playing online games, she literally just went to bed.

I began to brush my wet hair, putting it back into a ponytail. I refused to blow dry my hair and didn't do so for all my life. It made my hair go all fuzzy and even though I never left the house I didn't feel like running around like Tina Turner. After I was ready I left the bathroom and went downstairs. Sleepy, our dog followed me, his blanket still around him. I smiled at him, I really loved him a lot, and threw the blanket back upstairs. Then I made my way through the kitchen. I passed the calendar and saw that I had my psychiatrist appointment this afternoon. Great. I really didn't feel like going at all. I didn't like leaving my house in general. I mean I had nowhere to go to and no one was ever pleased to meet me. I couldn't even remember the last time I had something like a friend. Maybe I never had something like that. I took a huge bowl and my favorite cereal out of the kitchen cabinet, took the milk and sat down at the dining room table. My father had breakfast already, he usually got up earlier than I did. He was sitting on his armchair in the living room, drinking his coffee and reading through the daily newspaper. I sighed. I knew he secretly watched me as I ate. Every once in a while he would comment on the way I ate, making it almost impossible for me to eat properly. I managed to finish my bowl of cereal whatsoever and left my bowl and my spoon in the dishwasher. Then I headed to the living room and sat down on the couch. Then I noticed my father mumbling something.

"What did you say?", I wanted to know.

"Oh nothing. Just talking to myself, as usual. It's not like I ever have anyone to talk to."

"Well if you have nothing to say then don't say anything at all."

"You're such a rude and self centered person, Ciela."

"Honestly, dad. Who do you think I got that from?"

"What did I do to deserve someone like you?", he then complained.

I sighed, annoyed. We had this discussion almost every day.

"Unprotected sex.", I then said. "Should have used a condom, eh?"

"Back then I didn't know this would happen."

"Oh come on. It's not like you were 16 and it was an accident. You were like 30 and you should have known what it means to raise a child."

"And two of them!", he added.

"See? You didn't even learn from your first mistake, you did it all over again!"

He sighed, but didn't say anything else.

I couldn't stand the silence for long, so I took the collar and got up.

„I'm going to take the dog for a walk then.", I explained and got ready to leave. Our dog, Quentin, was always beyond excited to get out. I put my beanie on and stepped out into the cold.

It only took me two minutes to get to the fields. The village I lived in really was in the middle of nowhere, but I liked it this way. The silence, the smell, everything. I wouldn't want to live in a town. I unleashed the dog and breathed in, moaning in annoyance when the cold tickled my throat. „I really hate being alive.", I whispered, knowing that no one would hear me, or care, or tell me to stop hating to be alive. That made me laugh out loud. Yeah right, no one cared. I could run away or die and no one would even miss me. I looked up into the blue sky and smiled sarcastically. I didn't believe in god at all, but sometimes it was nice to be able to put the blame on somebody else.

„Really now, god? Is this what you call being alive? Is this what you call a gift?"

I shook my head in disbelief. The world around me continued to move, and only I stood still. Why couldn't I just move on? Why couldn't I get over myself and be happy? Why did I have to suffer on my own? Surely it was okay to suffer. Everyone did that. But why was I the only one that had to go through all this alone? Why was I the only one that didn't have a single friend? Just because I'm shy? Was that the reason why I was going to die alone?

The tears on my face remained unnoticed until the cold wind made them feel funny. Wiping them away, I smiled sadly. „Seriously, I can't take it anymore." More tears fell, freezing into tiny dots on the ground. I heard my dog bark from afar. „Someone give me a reason to stay alive already, or just kill me." Again I shook my head. „I'm too pathetic to kill myself anyway, so please." By now I was crying for real, sinking to the floor.

„Please..", I whispered, my voice full of pain. „Give me a reason to survive, anything, or let me freeze to death here." I let myself fall over, hitting the ground.

How long did it take to freeze to death? Did it take long? Did it hurt? Hah, it definitely couldn't hurt more than being alive, could it? I waited for what felt like hours until numbness finally took over and turned my world black.

The first thing I noticed was that the cold was gone. Nothing but silence and windlessness remained. Slowly I opened my eyes, fighting the feeling of dizziness, and sat up. Everything around me was white. So.. was I surrounded by snow now, or.. what happened? Coughing behind me caught my attention and I turned around. A white figure surrounded by what looked like black smoke smiled at me. I blinked. Was I still dreaming?

„So you're the girl that was shouting at me earlier.", the thing, I couldn't call it anything else, said. I frowned. What the actual fuck was going on? Where was I? This was familiar but I couldn't put a finger on it.

„Excuse me but.. where am I? And what are you?", I asked, my voice drowning in curiosity and fear.

„Oh I am nothing, and yet everything. I am what you would call God, but I'm also you.", it exclaimed, its voice similar to mine, but not really. „I am the Truth."

For a second I opened my mouth, couldn't find the words and closed it again.

„Speechless?" It laughed. „Now then, you're almost dead, do you really want to do that? Freezing to death, that is."

I sighed, hugging myself. „I only have one wish. Kill me or give me a reason to stay alive."

It laughed again, almost sadistically. „I'm not a magic lamp, you know. Nothing is for free here. You'll have to pay, either way."

I nodded. „I don't really care. If you give me a reason to stay alive then I don't care if I lose a leg or an arm." That reminded me of something. „Hold the fuck up!" I raised my hands. „You said you were the Truth, right?"

It nodded. „That would be correct."

I had to be sure. „I thought this only existed in Fullmetal Alchemist?"

Again it nodded. „Lets just say that your world is connected to theirs now, through you."

That didn't make any sense at all. „Huh?" Whatever that meant, it made my heart beat faster. Fullmetal Alchemist was my all time favorite anime. Every night before I went to sleep I secretly hoped to wake up in Amestris and not in my own bed.

„Nevermind, you'll understand at some point. So if I give you a reason to stay alive, you will be happy, won't you?"

I thought about that for a while. A reason to stay alive would make me feel so much better. Finally I nodded. „Yes. What do I have to pay?"

„Oh, you'll find out soon enough." A wicked smile appeared on its nonexistent face.

The gate behind the Truth opened and tiny black arms reached out for me. They caught me and pulled me in. I turned around and screamed, frightened. „Truth!"

It only waved goodbye. „Bye-bye!" Then the dark surrounded me yet again. It felt like I couldn't breathe, like I was pushed through something tight yet it seemed endless. I wondered if it felt like this to apparate. Then suddenly it felt like I became both numb and deaf. I couldn't feel nor hear anything, it was like I was dying.

„Oi!", I heard a voice calling out for me. I tried to raise my hand to reach out, but my arm was so goddamn heavy.

„Did you kill her?" A female voice asked. She didn't sound too nice.

„I didn't kill anyone this time!", the other voice answered. It sounded somewhat like the voice of a child. And it sounded familiar and again I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

My strength came back and as I slowly sat up my eyes met a pair of purple eyes.

On a scale from 1 to 10 how horrible was it? Normally I'm confident when it comes to my writing but this is my first fanfiction in English. :( Does everything make sense? I suck at beginnings, the first chapter is usually my worst, heh.

Oh on the FMA wikia site it says Envy is an „it" and that made me laugh too hard for my own good. I was ALWAYS convinced that he was a he? So sorry Envy, if you're a girl or neither male nor female, in this story you're male. Deal with it.