xYuzuruRengex – Thanks for sticking with this! I know that last update seemed short, but it's a lot easier for me not to feel pressured to write like 5,000 words per chapter and divide it into two updates. Did you prefer longer updates but more spread out?
haganeochibi – I'm sorry I couldn't finish that last chapter within the week, but I tried~ I really love writing both emotional parts and the action parts! Gundam Seed has always been emotional, but still balanced with action. I'm trying to keep to that balance, but the emotional parts tend to win. ;; I'm really glad to see you're still reading this! As for Mai being a clone or not, you'll just have to keep reading. :P
Blitz12 – Please don't feel bad for forgetting this, you'll make me feel even worse. ;; I'm really going to try to get back in this and update more! I'll fix the fanart link right away too.
For my readers, I give you permission to harass me if you feel I'm not writing fast enough. :P
P.S. I AM NOW PAST THE HALFWAY POINT OF THE SHOW!
"Courage is doing what you're afraid to do. There can be no courage unless you're scared."
Eddie Rickenbacker
ENTRY FIFTEEN: MEMORIES
Mai held her breath as they entered the laboratory. She was nervous, but not because of what the people would think of her companion and her, but more for the mobile suit. Even if they had been the ones to create it, it belonged to her now. The Ecran was an extension of her; if they took it away, it would only hurt her. She watched the Strike stop before her Ecran, a woman's voice telling them both to exit.
The woman introduced herself as Erica Simmons, the senior engineer of Morgenroete. Mai had learned only a little about the place, knowing it was the munitions company that created and equipped the Orb Union's armed forces.
"What is this place?" Kira asked as they followed behind her.
Erica smiled back at them and motioned to a passing vehicle carrying supplies. "We will be able to conduct complete repairs to both of your mobile suits here." She laughed. "I guess it's because, in a manner of speaking, they were both born in this facility. Come you two, there's something I want to show you."
She clapped her hands, every light in the large room turning on at once. The sight Mai saw before them halted her breath.
"But these…" Kira whispered beside her. Mai felt like she was going to be ill.
They were surrounded by mobile suits.
"You don't need to be that surprised," said Erica, slightly laughing their reactions off. "After all, you had first seen the Strike on Heliopolis, didn't you?"
Mai shook her head. "The Ecran had been somewhere else…"
The woman sighed, showing some sign of regret. "The Ecran, unlike her brothers, had been taken from us when they were still in production. The Earth Alliance no longer thought they were safe with us."
"Now you see the true face of Orb, the so called neutral nation." They turned, only to watch Cagalli storm up to them. Mai rushed to her, both girls happy to see each other. Even though Cagalli did not remember her, they had reconnected the short time they were together. Mai reached out to her friends red cheek, but Cagalli looked away before she could question her and turned back towards Kira.
Erica Simmons ignored them and motioned to one of the mobile suits. Mai walked past her and reached out to touch the surface. "It's called the M1 Astray, constructed by Morgenroete for the Orb Military."
"They're easier to mass produce…" Mai's voice was quiet, fear and disgust boiling within her.
Kira must have heard her. "Just what does Orb plan to do with these?"
Erica chuckled. "What do you mean?"
"They're to be Orb's protectors." Mai turned to watch Cagalli as she spoke, but found herself continuing her speech instead.
"Orb will not attack another nation, nor will Orb allow another nation to attack them. Orb will not intervene in the conflicts of other nations. Right?"
Cagalli seemed shocked at her words at first, but quickly nodded in approval. "These are apparently supposed to help ensure that."
Mai glanced at the machines again, the boiling feeling twisting and turning in her stomach. Unlike the Strike and her Ecran, the way the machines towered over her was more horrifying than majestic.
Cagalli sighed. "That's how Orb was supposed to be… before Father decided to betray it."
Both teenagers turned to her, confusion in their eyes. Erica Simmons chuckled again; so far Mai wasn't very fond of the woman. "Are you still going around saying that? How many times do I have to tell you that it just isn't true; Lord Uzumi had no idea that Heliopolis was helping the Earth Alliance with the production of their mobile suits."
"Shut up!" Cagalli snapped at her. "That is not an acceptable excuse! Not knowing the truth of the matter is a crime itself."
Mai's own eyes started to water, reminded of the many times she had felt her own father had betrayed her and the ones that loved him. An image tried to prickle its way into her mind as Cagalli and Erica argued, but she pushed it aside. She'll figure that out later.
"Come you two; let's leave this silly girl behind."
They followed, Mai hesitant at first. Once Cagalli had caught up to them, she felt more comfortable and slowed to let her catch up. The next door opened to a place that was more like an observatory, a giant glass window overlooking the room next to it. Three of Orbs Astray's stood in that room, the light reflecting of their colourful skin. Mai was used to her Ecran only bursting to life with the Phase Shift armor, giving another sense of superiority to her Gundam. Mai realized how defensive she was being over a weapon, but she accepted that more than the things that stood before her.
Erica Simmons was handed a headset to her by one of the workers. "Asagi, Juri, Mayura." Three different female voices enthusiastically welcomed her before beginning to tease the blonde princess.
Apparently Cagalli had once tried to pilot one of the machines, but had failed miserably. Her face was red with embarrassment. "Will you three drop it?"
Mai smiled at her reaction, but the emotion vanished the second one of the mobile suits took its first step. It almost hurt her to watch such slow and clumsy movement.
She knew then why Kira and she had been brought there.
"At least we can use them!" One of the girls snapped back at what Mai assumed was Cagalli's criticism. Kira seemed mortified at their movement speed just like Mai had.
One of the other girls joined in to defend her friend. "You don't know how hard we're trying!"
"The enemy doesn't care if you're trying your best. All that matters to them is taking you down, and they especially won't stop to check how old you are." Mai told them, borrowing Cagalli's headset before the blonde could say anything.
Erica sighed. "That's enough. You girls can't argue with what both Ms. Hitamaru and Cagalli are telling you. That's why we have to concentrate on making these machines stronger." She turned to the two pilots. "More along the lines of your mobile suits capabilities; the Ecran and the Strike." Her smile seemed friendly, but Mai knew what she was going to say. "We need your technical co-operation. We're going to have you develop a support OS for us."
Mai jumped, feeling a hand on her shoulder. When she turned to look, she realized it was Kira; his face solemn as he watched what was in front of them.
Neither of them wanted to have anything to do with the creation of weapons.
Uzumi Nara Athha sat alone in his office, his eyes unable to tear away from the two files on his desk.
On the left, a smiling girl with long blue hair stared back at him, her name a facade to who she really was. He was reminded of the last time he had seen her, the small child always laughing and dragging his daughter wherever she went. When was the last time he had seen Cagalli so happy?
On the right, a brown haired boy with no emotions, one he had not seen since the boy was a baby. He knew nothing else about him, only the history and story of his parents.
Uzumi sighed, rubbing at his temples. What were the chances the three of them were to meet like this, all aboard the same Earth warship? He knew the day would come when he'd have to tell his daughter the truth, but that was not what concerned him then. It was the chance that the other two had met with each other that worried him. It was not a good sign.
Cagalli looked over the bridge hovering over the two mobile suits that were being repaired. She had decided to talk a walk there after leaving Mai's side. The poor girl had left the presence of the others to get a drink, and Cagalli had decided to follow. She could see the ill look on the other girls face and at first had given her some air.
About ten minutes later, when the two of them sat together, Mai had whispered an apology. Cagalli felt uncomfortable and had no idea what to say.
"You know…" Mai had whispered, not taking her eyes away from her glass of water. "These weapons… everyone is always saying that they created weapons to defend themselves… but…" The way Mai had looked up was still fresh in Cagalli's mind, how her eyes shone with tears, as well as the words that followed. "If someone is killed for killing someone, and someone else is killed for killing him… I just don't understand how that kind of thinking will ever bring us peace."
Cagalli shook her head of the thought, remaining surprised of the impact of such words. She looked into the cockpit of the Strike and watched the workers fingers dance on the keyboard.
"Wow," she called down to him, "You're really good at that." The worker looked up. Cagalli chuckled at the sight of Kira's confused face. "I was wondering who would be working on the Strike, but it makes sense that it would be you, Kira."
Kira looked down to his clothes, the beige and orange technician uniform of Orb not his favorite thing to wear. "Yeah, but they said it would be best to wear this while working in Morgenroete."
Cagalli nodded and offered for her and Kira to get a drink, which the boy had agreed to. While they walked to the vending machine, she hoped with all her heart that Mai had still been there, staring into her water again like before she had left her. Even if they weren't aware of it, Cagalli could see that the other two had a connection, and she knew if anyone could understand Mai's feelings, it was Kira.
When they arrived however, the girl was nowhere to be seen.
Mai sighed, letting her forehead gently rest on the desk beside her laptop. The information on the screen flashed, scrolling through the file until the program found what it was looking for.
Kira and she had decided to split the work, Kira working on the offensive capabilities on the Astray prototypes while Mai took the defensive. From what she had been taught from technology classes and from her father's technician teaching her secretly on the side, Mai had managed to create a shell for the information. After writing a separate program, she was beginning to put them together. She couldn't continue until the transfer was complete.
"Birdy?"
Mai looked to her bed, watching the small yellow and green bird tilt its head at the robot cat below it. Mewmo added her own noise, behind adding a hiss and swiping at the bird. When one of the attacks went a little too close, the bird flew off the railing and landed on Mai's finger. It jumped a little, before spreading its wings out. The sight brought a smile to Mai's face. The small robot looked familiar to her, but the image in her mind was unclear. Robotic animals were common, but something about Kira's bird was different, unique, a lot like her precious Mewmo. Something crossed her mind, but she couldn't place it and brushed the thought away.
She closed her laptop and brought it with her as she left her room.
"Don't you have family here as well? Why aren't you going to see them?"
Kira's fingers froze, his eyes drifting away from the computer screen. Flay's voice had turned bitter with her questions, but he had been fine not thinking about the situation. He refused to turn to her, and continued with his work. "This is taking longer than I thought it would, but Mai and I need to get this done before the Archangel leaves." It was a strange feeling, saying her name in Flay's presence. It almost left a bitter taste on his tongue.
"Liar!" Flay snapped, and he could hear her walk up behind him. "You're lying!" She slammed her hand on the desk, earning his attention; her face red with anger. "What is it? You feel bad for me, is that it?" Flay looked away from him. "You pity me…"
"No, I…" Kira didn't understand, his eyebrows creased in confusion.
Her anger grew louder, her eyes brimming with tears. "Is it because no one is coming to see me, and now you're feeling sorry for me? Is that it?"
"No Flay…" Kira stood, the urge to defend himself rising as he tried to comfort her. "That's not it!"
"Oh give me a break! I just wish you'd stop it. You're putting on this whole big sympathy act for me but I just really couldn't care less!"
Kira hadn't even though of Flay when he had made his choice to not meet with his parents. He refused to explain himself to her; she wouldn't understand his reasons, instead turn it against him as she was doing then. The only one who was even close to understanding was lost to him.
He reached out to her, but even as much as he wanted her to feel better, he found his patience for her attitude dwindling. "Come on Flay…"
Flay slapped his hand away, a few of her tears escaping her eyes. "You're the one who's actually suffering, aren't you? You're the one people should be sorry for!"
Kira never asked anyone to feel sorry for him, it was actually the opposite. He wanted to be able to sit and laugh with his friends again, back on Heliopolis. Even though he understood the situation couldn't have been avoided, he wished with all of his heart that his friends had never of gone through this, still living ordinary lives.
"Poorlittle Kira! Kira's all alone… You feel terrible because you're fighting! When you can't protect people you feel even worse! So then… you start crying…" Finally, Kira watched her eyes explode with tears, throwing herself against him and pounding her fists on his chest.
As she wept, Kira was reminded of the little girl with the paper flower. How he couldn't save her or any of the other lives lost that day. After that, everything else came flooding back to him, every battle that he fought. Why was Flay reminding him of that? He already knew what had happened and regretted it, but he had to keep fighting.
"So how… how? How can you feel any sympathy for someone like me?"
Through his memories, there she was, her blue hair bouncing as she laughed and danced around. He remembered her voice echoing through the halls while everyone listened to her peaceful song, and the tears that fell down her face when she cried with him.
Kira sighed. This was it, his chance to try and make things right. "Flay, look… stop it." His voice was quiet at first, but once he realized the sobbing Flay couldn't hear him he tried again. "Let's put an end to it. This was a mistake." He heard her breath catch, and could feel her looking up to him.
"What… what did you say?" Her anger returned in a flash. "What? What does that mean?" Flay pushed him away from her and turned away from Kira. However, as she ran out his door, he had no intentions of following after her.
He thought about what he could possibly do next. Kira knew what he wanted to do, and what he needed to do, the latter expecting to be his top priority. No, he had to go while the idea was still in his mind. The program he was writing could wait, but only for her.
Kira headed for his door, multiple possible locations crossing his mind. Maybe she was still in her room, working on her own half of the program. She might have even finished it already, waiting in the cafeteria for everyone to return. It didn't matter where she was; he was determined to find her. What he would say to her was unclear to him, as long as he saw her.
The door opened, horrifying Kira for what he saw before him. There was the girl he had wanted to see, her body facing him as if about to enter, but her eyes staring down the hall. Mai's face was in shock, her mouth slightly ajar.
Not only had she witnessed Flay's outburst as she had ran past, there was also no possible way she hadn't heard anything. Kira whispered her name, earning her attention at last.
"Oh, Kira…" her face grew flustered, avoiding any eye contact with him. He watched her fiddle uncomfortably with the laptop in her hands. "I finished my program data, but I have to go meet Ms. Marrue…" Her voice was quiet, nervous. With no one else around neither of them could ignore the awkward tension that danced in the air between them.
"Birdy!" They both turned, watching the small robotic bird land on Mai's shoulders. It tilted its head and chirped again.
Mai raised her right hand, letting the bird jump onto her fingers before offering it to Kira. "I need to bring my computer with me, so I had to transfer the file onto its data chip…"
Silence passed again, Kira trying to find something to say to her. There was so much other than 'thank you' he wished he could tell her, but they were the only words that escaped his lips.
Mai nodded, pausing as if to add something. Kira waited; he hoped that she would say something, anything, which would break the tension. Instead, she bit her bottom lip and turned away from him. As she started to walk, the door closed in front of him.
Kira sighed, knowing his chance had been lost. The thought that he had giving up so easily had him staring at the floor, fists shaking in rage. He was furious with himself. No, it wasn't too late; he had to take the opportunity before it was completely lost to him. He rushed into the hall after her, only making it a few steps, surprised at what he saw.
Mai had decided to go back, having had just turned around when Kira burst out of his room. Their eyes met, and they remained in silence for several moments more.
Her eyes melted him, destroying his anger and any words he had decided to say.
His stare covered her skin in goose bumps, her heart screaming at her for avoiding him for so long.
"Kira." Strength had returned to her voice, even still as she started her next words carefully. "You'll have to talk to them about it one day, you know."
Of course she would say that after hearing what happened with Flay; she would worry about him, she would understand. She would always understand him.
With each step she took the echoing of her footsteps increased her pain. Mai had woken up that morning with a headache that had only increased as the day continued on.
She had left Kira with those words, meeting her Captain in her office. Even while she was reporting the work they were doing and the progress of repairs, her mind had been elsewhere. The Captain had denied her request to return to her room for rest and to change, asking her to report to the mechanics back at Morgenroete first. Marrue had instead given her a uniform of Orbs mechanics, apologizing for the apparel. Once she had updated them on the needed repairs of her Ecran, Mai had started as fast as possible to return to the ship. She wanted so much just to be able to lay down in the darkness and rest. The medicine she had taken did not take away any of her pain. Every time she closed her eyes, even for a second, something was trying to push itself into her mind that was lost quickly after.
She could see the exit to the hanger that held her mobile suit, the orange light of the setting sun decorating the clearing between buildings. One step into the light warmed her skin, lightening some of the pain. She wished she could sleep under it, wondering if she could find a tree or a patch of grass in such a gloomy area.
"Birdy!"
The familiar voice caused her to jump, searching around for him. Her eyes caught his figure to her right, walking towards the fence that divided the civilian road from military property. Still embarrassed from the previous encounter, she decided against calling out to him and wondered if she could make the clearing without him noticing.
One step was all it took to stop her movement, her eyes catching the figure Kira was approaching. Mai's breath caught, her heart frozen. Her eyes watered at the sight of him; the distance between the two of them didn't matter, she could still make him out perfectly from where she stood.
There was no way she was mistaken; the blue hair that was only slightly darker than hers shone in the sun, the specks of green watching ahead at the brown haired boy. They both stopped at the fence, only a meter separating them.
"Athrun…" she whispered his name, wanting so much to call out to him and run to his side. What she wouldn't give to embrace her brother again, sharing with him what he already knew about war. Mai tore her eyes away from him, letting the tears escape her and stepping back into the shadows of the hanger.
The small robotic bird was resting on Athrun's finger, calling Kira's attention to it.
An image came to Mai and stayed longer than the rest, the force of it collapsing her onto her knees. Her body shook, the cold attacking her blood and bringing her shivers. The image switched, this one exploding her tears and muffling her cries. It wasn't possible, her memories lying, but everything about these images felt true; felt right.
A group of children sitting around the same table, divided equally between genders, all laughing and telling jokes as they ate their lunch. The younger Mai shyly glanced to the boy she had just met beside her brother, but his returning smile warmed her heart. She found herself giggling as they talked together.
The same group a few years later, spending a school trip at one of the natural habitats on Earth. Mai had insisted on taking pictures before the friends split up, having them make funny faces for most of them. Her favorite out of all of them was the one she had taken of her brother and his friend when they were caught off guard, both boys laughing and teasing each other.
A day among cherry blossoms. The two friends stood across from the other on the park pathway, both not moving or saying a word. Mai stood between them and the car, the driver sent by their father giving them some time. She held her parasol with both hands to try to stop her body from shaking, but she couldn't stop the tears that fell from her face. Her brother offered a robotic bird to his friend, made by him to represent their friendship.
A large white room, the medical chair in the center surrounded by equipment. Her eyes grew blurry, her hearing distorted. The only thing that was clear was her father's presence, escorting her further into the room.
The images and scenes rushed into her mind, some fresh while others began to repeat multiple times. She couldn't stop her tears, couldn't stop denying what she saw. The more that passed, the more she knew what her reality was.
Kira and Athrun had been friends, the closest one her brother had. When their father had told them they were to return home, both twins had been devastated. Neither of them wanted to leave the school or say goodbye to their friends. They had spent seven years together in that school.
Mai muffled her cry again; Kira Yamato had been the first one she had grown feelings for.
It scared me, thinking I had seen a ghost. While Athrun had approached the boy on the other side of the fence, my eyes caught sight of the blue haired singer that we were told was dead.
I tried to shake the sight of her from my mind, but the terrified look on her face remained.
Dearka Elsman
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