xYuzuruRengex – Longer chapters it is! xD Mai was announced dead to the public, her escape pod missing in action. I know how you feel, I hate Flay. _ But please be patient to read how Mai and Kira progress. ;D Also, I'm not sure about who I'll be pairing Athrun with, whether it's Lacus, Cagalli, or a completely new character. :3

HistoryNerd – Thank you so much! I'm so glad everyone seems to be liking this story, and I really wish I didn't get so distracted with life. D: But I think it'll be a lot easier for me to update now that I've hit an exciting part of the story!

Haganeochibi – Both are moments that I look forward to greatly. :3

Loving-you-is-a-crime – Thank you so much for reading my story and reviewing~ x3

I promise I'll try to respond to everyone's reviews from now on~ x3 Also… is it bad I cried while writing this chapter? ;; That's why I apologize if this seems a little rushed!

"Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder."

Percy Bysshe Shelley

ENTRY SIXTEEN: TURNING POINT

She was a child again, crying into her mother's lap.

Unable to remember why she was crying, she milked the attention of her mother. Maybe the boys had teased her again, or her father was being unfair. She felt her mother's hand stroke her hair, gently playing with the ends of it. Her soothing voice was a soft hum, first a lullaby she didn't recognize, then whispering calm words.

How long had she been there that time? She lost count. There was no part of her that wanted to leave her mother's side.

Mai opened her eyes. She was lying on her side, her head resting on her mother's lap. Blinking the sleep away, she understood and turned her face to look above her.

Miriallia smiled carefully back at her, wiping another tear away from her face. "Good morning."

"Mir…" she thought her voice would be stronger, but it hadn't been louder than a whistle.

Her friend helped her sit up and lean against the wall. Mai noticed she was on her bed and back in her room, and wondered how she got there. Miriallia offered her a glass of water.

The two of them sat together for several hours more, Miriallia first explaining what had happened, with Mai drifting in and out of sleep the remaining time. Mir and Tolle had been allowed to walk around Morgenroete as long as they had an escort, and both of them had wanted to find the two Ensigns and offer help. They had found her collapsed in the shadows of her mobile suits hanger, shaking and writing in pain while the tears streamed down her face. Tolle had brought her back to her room, Miriallia offering to stay with her until she was better.

The doctor had said Mai wasn't sick, but he could never be sure with Coordinators. Mai herself wondered if she had ever been sick, maybe not then, but earlier in her life. She would have liked to doubt the idea simply because she didn't remember it, but how could she trust her memories?

How could she have forgotten Kira, even after meeting him again?

Her eyes were dry, and her body sore from shaking, but she could no longer feel the pain in her head.

She laughed at the irony.

Time passed slowly as they waited for the announcement that the Archangel was leaving Orb. Kira and Mai both waited in their own mobile suits, thoughts to themselves.

Kira was confused, unsure of how to continue. He was certain Mai was ignoring him, disconnecting her communication link every time he tried to talk to her and avoiding her before they approached the hanger. For a second he had spotted her face, but she had gone out of his reach before he could ask her.

Mai's eyes had been red, dark bags bringing them to attention, and her skin an ugly pale. He tried to force the memory away; it was impossible to focus on the task at hand.

The Orb military was escorting the ship out of the territory. Once they crossed the border, they knew the enemy would attack them. Both pilots needed to be ready, despite personal feelings.

Tolle was another matter entirely, the brown haired boy had insisted to pilot one of the two Skyscrapers even after Kira had argued against him. Virtual fighting was different, so though his score had been high, he was still concerned.

Mai moved her Ecran behind the Strike, preparing to launch as they received the warning the ship would separate from the fleet. She could feel the emotions that twisted in her stomach; the fear told her that Athrun was near, preparing to attack.

How long had Athrun known his friend was aboard the Archangel, let alone the pilot of the Strike? Did he know, or had Kira and he just met on Orb? She quickly took off her helmet, wiping the tears from her eyes. The thought of them fighting filled her with sorrow, but that wasn't all that scared her.

Mai had fallen in love with the same boy twice, her memories hidden from her for so long. The poor girl was no closer to him this time, Kira further from reach than when they were younger.

The alarm scared her, returning her helmet and switching her power on. The Ecran waited as the Skygraspers launched beside them, the Strike preparing the smokescreen to hide the ship.

Kira was the first to jump towards the enemies, the familiar mobile suits out of her view. She could only wait patiently as Kira attacked them, the beat of her heart echoing in her ears.

What would she do when Athrun and Kira began to fight? Would she be able to stop them, without explaining the truth to Kira?

A laser shot passed by her right, barely missing her and the Archangel. She was letting her unfocused thoughts take over her, distracting her from her task. Ignoring Kira's worry, she jumped into the air, above the smoke.

Her Ecran burst to life, her new booster pack already in place. It was a gift from Orb, allowing easier movement while they fought on Earth. Why they did such a thing, no one was sure. Mai could only guess it was a silent thank you from Cagalli's father.

While Kira fought the Blitz, Athrun turned his attention to her. His attacks were fierce, her shields straining with each blow. She couldn't stay in the air like he could, and quickly found herself falling towards the sea. Kira had taken Nicol's Guul, a support platform that helped the Zaft members stay in the air, and the Blitz was nowhere to be seen.

Before she could fall, she used to boosters and grabbed onto the Buster, struggling against him for control. Dearka's mobile suit was not suited for close combat and was knocked back, falling to the small island below. Athrun was distracted by Kira, both Guul's destroyed.

Her breath caught when she saw her precious brother land on the same island, Kira rushing towards him with his beam saber. Quickly, she shot between them, but her attention was turned to the Duel. Mai's attempt had been enough to give Athrun time to dodge, but it had cost her the Guul she was using for support. She remained in the air for a split second, her boosters loosing energy and sending her crashing to the ground.

Disoriented from the harsh land, she could barely see the attacks made by the Duel in time to evade them. No matter how many times she blinked, her vision remained blurry. As long as she could hear the Ecran's warnings, she knew she would be able to block him.

"Retreat already! This battle's over!"

Kira's sudden voice sent her mind in a panic, frantically searching for the source. Had the land switched her radio on? It didn't matter; she needed to shut it off before it was too much of a distraction. The many keys were becoming visible again, yet she had no time to act before Yzak stuck again.

"Shut up!"

"Athrun, stop! I don't want to fight you anymore!"

An explosion went off in front of her. Mai's mind had gone blank long enough for Yzak to slice through her gun, almost too late knocking him back with her shield.

They knew. Both of them knew they were fighting each other. Both of them were fighting to protect. What she knew most of all was neither of them would be hesitant to destroy the other, no matter how much it hurt them.

"It's too late; Come on and shoot me, just like you said you would!"

She knocked Yzak back again, hurrying towards the two. Dearka shot at her, blocking her progress and she struggled against both of them. Her eyes were blurry again, but it was tears that obstructed her view. There was no way she would allow herself to lose them, even if her brother killed her in the process. She needed to do something, anything, to get them to stop. Her heart broke more with each word she heard pass between them.

"Isn't that what you said before? That you would destroy me?"

No. The images of her school days were at the front of her mind again, bringing the pain with them. Why were things suddenly so different? What had happened to the happy children full of laughter?

She watched the Aegis fall as Kira raised his blade again. A shot from the Buster damaged her arm, but it didn't matter to her. As long as she made it between them, they would stop. Even if they didn't, she would at least buy them a little more time.

A ripple across from her gained her attention, the Blitz appearing from its hiding spot.

Everything happened so fast.

Kira's blade had struck, slicing right through the cockpit of the Blitz, who had jumped between them to attack.

She could only hear the sound of her own scream.

Her body refused to move from her seat, her skin pale as she shook.

The Strike and the Ecran had returned to the Archangel after managing to retreat. Part of her wish she had stayed on that island, allowing her brother and the others to destroy her for being unable to stop it.

The realization had yet to hit her, but the fear of it froze her tears as well as her body.

Nicol was dead. Shaina's brother was gone; Kira had killed him.

The voices pulled her away from the horrifying thought, her Ecran's cockpit opening to let her free. It took everything in her power to hold on the lift as it lowered her. She noticed Kira was already on the ground floor, surrounded by excited and cheerful mechanics. The air around them almost made her sick, but she was grateful they distracted him. Mai needed to get away, to be alone. If he approached her, she would say something she would regret.

Kira pushed away one of the hands that tried to pull him into a hug, wishing the men would leave him alone. He turned, seeing the blue hair behind one of them and tried to push his way through. Her scream still echoed in his ears; he wanted to talk to her, hoping she would understand like always. He was clueless to what to say, but he wanted to try.

With the men still cheerful behind him, he reached out, stopping her by grabbing her shoulder. Startled, she spun towards him and slapped his hand away. When their eyes met, he could see the horror in her eyes as tears fell down her cheeks.

"Mai…" His voice wasn't strong, afraid of the look she gave him. "I—"

"Stay away! Murderer!"

Frozen in his spot, Kira watched her cover her mouth, realizing what she had said. Mai's helmet hit the floor with a sickening noise as she turned away from him. He was helpless, only able to watch her run from him.

"Damn it! Damn it, damn it, damn it!"

Athrun turned away as Yzak continued to scream and vent his anger on the lockers. He was the leader, needing to keep a straight face was hard for him. There was nothing more he wanted than to join Yzak, to destroy the entire room. The female scream that echoed in his head added to the frustration, making it impossible for him to focus on the buttons on his uniform.

Yzak kicked the locker again, the door swinging open. All three in the room froze; they knew whose locker it was.

"Yzak…" Dearka tried to calm him down, his face betraying his intentions.

"Why did he have to die like that?" His anger turned to Athrun. "And why out here? Answer me!"

Filled with his own anger, Athrun grabbed Yzak by the collar and pushed him against the lockers. "Why don't you just say it, Yzak!" Athrun had been unable to protect his friend, even after the loss of his sister. It was too much pain, and he knew Yzak was blaming him. Even Athrun blamed himself for the sorrow he felt. "It was my fault! All of it! He only died because he was trying to save me!"

"Athrun!" Dearka watched as they glared at each other, trying to separate them before they started a fight. "Blaming each other isn't going to help us at all! Remember the Strike is our real enemy!"

Athrun released Yzak at those words, understanding what they meant even after both of them ran out of the room.

Tears threatened to fall, the pain he felt too much to bare. He reached inside the locker for his friend's uniform, only to watch papers fall beside him. They were music sheets, each with the words "For Mai" at the top.

Athrun punched the locker, the tears finally falling freely. The memories were too much; his sister's laughter, when she shared her dreams with him, when she would always try to hide her tears behind her smile.

"I want to sing."She had said after gathering the courage to say it in front of their parents.

The images switched to Nicol, reminding him of when the two had met. He remembered when Nicol had told him why he joined the army a few days earlier, then the image flashed to his sister telling him they were going to write a song together. Sliding to the floor against the lockers, he picked one of the papers up and saw the dates.

He heard his own childish whimper at the sight of it. Nicol had been writing this song even after his sister's disappearance.

If anyone should have died, he knew it was him. It was because of his weakness against Kira that Nicol was dead, unable to strike down the enemy pilot. Athrun wished it was him that joined his sister in the afterlife instead.

The next time, he would kill Kira himself, with his own hands.

Mai's cry echoed throughout the room, feathers catching in her hair.

Collapsing to her knees, she watched the little robot cat peek her head out from under the bed. She tried to tell the pet to stay away from her, afraid she would tear it apart like the pillows she had moments before. However when the cat jumped into her arms, she held it tightly in her arms and allowed herself to cry.

It was her fault Nicol was dead, unable to take the blow instead to stop the two. Thinking back on it, Kira had reacted out of fear for his own life. It wasn't completely his fault, yet she had said such a horrible thing to him. Everything was so sudden, too many things happening at once, that she had no idea how to react to anything anymore. Between the memories she couldn't explain and the life that was lost, what was she supposed to do?

She stood, pulling the feathers from her hair and quickly wiping her tears. Running into the hall, she made her way to the hangers, but when Kira finally came into her view the alarm sounded.

What she needed to say would have to wait; her brother was here for revenge.

The force of the attacks were different than before. Mai was able to sense the anger in their movements. It was hard enough for her to keep the Aegis away from both Kira and the Archangel, but almost impossible when they hand all landed on another nearby island.

The rain was heavy, blocking her view from the attacks both the Duel and the Buster used on her. Even with Mu's aid, she was their target. They would attempt to take her down before joining Athrun against the Strike. Mai had been too distracted, and had lost the use of Ecran's left arm moments after entering the battle. Kira and Athrun were barely in her sight, but she could not abandon the Archangel while it made an emergency landing.

Mai held her gun to the Buster's cockpit after knocking it out of the sky. Ignoring orders to shoot, she waited impatiently. The Buster's cockpit opened. The familiar boy stepped out, arms above his head. Dearka had surrendered, so he was no longer a threat to them. Mai jumped away, hurrying to where the other two were, as the Archangel dealt with the pilot.

She looked up to see an explosion catch her eye, her blood going cold. Seconds before, the Aegis' shield had been thrown towards a Skygrasper.

A warning flashed on her screen. Tolle's signal had been lost.

She knew the feeling that came to her, blocking her fear and her sorrow. The last time it had happened, she remembered watching Kira fall to Earth, and the need to save him. Again, she was unaware of the change in her eyes.

The Duel attacked her again, but Mai managed to spin out of the way, piercing her beam saber in the mobile suits leg and pinning it to the ground. Her Ecran lost all color, all of its weapon's and attachments falling below as she forced it to run.

She watched them fight, tears falling heavily as she called out to them. Even if her brother heard her voice now, she wouldn't care. They were going to kill each other.

No. No! She screamed at them, pleading with them as they fought to stop. Time didn't seem to pass at all, each step she took longer than the last. The Aegis attached itself to the Strike, losing its power.

Her final scream vanished into the light.

"Athrun! Kira!"

Whenever I look back, I always wish there was more for me to say to them, to encourage them. Even if I knew whatever I did say would have had no effect on them.
Those children should never have gone through the amount of suffering that they did.

Mu La Flaga