A/N: Thank you so much for all of your lovely reviews :-) I'm glad you all enjoyed the stupid joke, it took me hours to think of it (goes to show how good I am at humor...)

Disclaimer: Still don't own

Chronology: Between Chapters 6 and 7

"What in the bloody hell is she thinking?" Fred yelled, chucking a lime green pillow across the room and just barely missing his twin's head.

"I don't know, mate. It might help if you'd tell me what in Merlin's name you've been going on about," George snapped, leaning back into the bright blue couch with a huff of exasperation.

"It's not important."

George scoffed. "Right, that's why you've been pacing the floor for the past twenty minutes, shouting at no one and chucking pillows at my head."

"Is she mental?" Fred shouted, ignoring his twin.

"Probably. No one in their right mind agrees to be Ron's girlfriend."

"How can she even think to ask me something like that? I mean… I know I said… But… Bloody hell…"

"What'd she ask you that was so terrible? If we really are in an incestual relationship, and if she can join in next time?"

Fred stopped pacing abruptly, pointing a finger severely at his twin. "Not. Funny."

"She didn't, did she?" George gasped as Fred continued to wear a hole in the floor.

"Of course not."

"Well then-"

"Just - shut it for a moment, would you? I need to think."

George raised his eyebrows. "Fine then."

"I- I can't do this… There's no way. I can't do that to-… I mean, how would I-… Without… But she looked so- And it's not like- If we never… It'd be okay… Right?..." He turned in the middle of his pacing and caught sight of George's raised hand. "Yes, George?" he asked in annoyance.

"Oh, am I allowed to speak now?" he asked with mock surprise, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes," Fred said, rolling his eyes.

"Why, that's so kind of you. Really, I'm so flattered that you would take time out of your pointless rant to hear what I have to say. I'm all of a dither, really. I can't-"

"Did you have a question?" Fred demanded, glaring over at his twin.

"Yes. Why can't you tell me what's going on?"

"Because it's not important."

"Oi! Stop pacing! You'll wear a hole and fall into the storeroom, and there's already been enough damage done there today."

"You don't understand-"

"Oh, big shock there, seeing as you won't deign to enlighten me."

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" he roared. "Look." Fred brought his pacing to a halt and stood before George in the middle of the sitting room. "Hermione asked me to do something for her. Something… pretty big."

"What? Shag her so she'll be more comfortable when it matters?"

Fred's face began turning red as he opened and shut his mouth, searching for words.

"Fred?" George asked warningly.

"In a way… Not exactly… But…"

"Alfred Gideon Weasley, what the bloody hell did she ask you?" George asked slowly, his voice low and deadly serious.

Fred gulped as George got to his feet and took a step towards him.

"She-" he squeaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "She - … She asked me to… Oh, Merlin would you please sit down?"

"No, I will bloody not sit down!" George shouted, looking more angry than Fred had seen him in quite some time. "What the hell did she say?"

"She asked me to teach her!"

"Teach. Her. What?" George ground out through clenched teeth.

"About… About sex…" Fred answered, his voice small.

George took a deep breath, attempting to calm himself down.

"And do you plan to?" he asked.

"Plan to what?"

"Teach her." The edge was back in George's voice.

"I… Not… Not like that."

"You had better clarify what you mean right now, before I hex you," George warned. "I swear, if you-"

"No! No! I-"

"You may be my twin, but I'm not about to let you do that to R-"

"No! Listen to me!" Fred yelled. "You asked, now let me answer! What kind of brother do you think I am? What kind of man do you think I am? We're supposed to be twins, here, aren't we? You're supposed to know me better than anyone else and all that other rubbish, aren't you?" Fred grabbed another pillow and threw it across the room, where it hit the lamp. The lamp fell with a loud crash, the pieces shattering everywhere. "I would never do that to Ron."

The two twins stood glaring at each other in silence for a full minute, nose to nose, breathing heavily.

A loud, happy hoot from Bert broke them out of their stare-down.

George let out a large breath, seeming to deflate. "I'm sorry. I should have known- I do know – you wouldn't… I just-"

"I know. I only-"

"I understand. But, you know-"

"Of course. But you've got to understand-"

"I do. I'm-"

"So am I."

They smiled each other, all tension forgotten. To an outsider, their exchange may have seemed odd, but it made complete sense to them.

"So," George said, clapping his hands and sitting back down. "What are you going to do?"

"I don't know," Fred groaned, flopping into the purple armchair. "I mean, obviously, I can't really… You know. But I did promise her that I'd help her… Be there for her… I could just… Explain things… verbally… Right?"

George raised an eyebrow. "Well, I suppose it could work. Bit bizarre, but so are you."

"Thanks," Fred mumbled, staring contemplatively at the orange shag carpet.

"Forge?"

Fred looked up, meeting his twin's eye with a bit of trepidation.

"Whatever you do… Be careful. I know how you used to-"

Fred stood up abruptly and turned towards the hall leading to his bedroom door. "Don't worry about it. Not a problem."

"Fred? Fred!"

But the door had already slammed shut.