Chapter 11
I carry your heart.
"I'm seriously going to freak out if you don't tell me where you are taking me."
"Good God! Calm down Santana… You're gonna scare Dominic." Brittany said through a smile and glanced back at the preoccupied baby, comfortably strapped to the huge car seat.
Santana huffed "As if… He's too busy with that new rattle you conveniently gave him before we got in the car." Her amused tone betraying her serious words "Are you trying to kill me and take our baby?"
She gasped "How did you know?"
"Dominic," Santana started solemnly and the boy instantly perked up at the mention of his name but kept trying to chew over the top of the toy, chortling when he found Brittany's equal blue eyes on the rear-view mirror and she wiggled her eyebrows playfully "I want you to know that I loved you the most and that I'll always will…"
Brittany laughed aloud and although Dominic didn't know what the hell was so funny, he joined his mommy with his cheeks pinking. He stopped laughing as the single sock halfway off his left foot caught his attention; so naturally, he started to try and kick his feet together, effectively ridding of the offending item. Dominic preferred her feet bare, like he came to the world.
"We have arrived, my- stop trying to take off the blindfold!"
"Ok, but the minute I feel something remotely weird, I'm bailing…"
Brittany shook her head, unbuckling them both and turned to look at the observing baby "I'm so happy you like my surpri-" She paused as she saw a pair of naked but happy feet kicking "Dom… These are a gift from grand- Never mind…" Brittany just smiled back at her son.
Holding onto her hand and with Dominic strapped to her in his soft baby carrier, Brittany walked Santana; her steps were unsure but she could smell the fresh cut grass. Santana heard the excitement on Britt's voice and the babbling of their baby as she stood behind Santana and felt her taking the blindfold off. A pair of tiny hands toying with the fabric of her blouse as well, making Santana smile wider.
"Surprise!" Brittany exclaimed while holding up both of Dominic's little hands and stood next to her.
And Santana found herself speechless, something only Brittany could manage. She was standing on the huge front garden of a stunning house that was strangely familiar but seemed brand new. It was her design, the design she had made in college years ago when they did a project about how did she see her future home.
She stammered "How did you- How, Britt? Is this- Oh my God!" Her hand covered her mouth.
"Yes, it is." Her blue eyes beamed and declared nonchalantly "I figured we needed a bigger place to live as a happy family and I needed a wedding present as well. And as to how… Let's just say I explored your whole catalogue a long while ago."
Santana turned to her in awe and kissed Dominic's forehead before kissing Brittany's lips in a slow, fervent manner "This must have taken months, baby." She murmured against her lips, referring to the construction. The design was by no means small or simple one and the extension of the property was equally astounding.
"16, to be precise." They both chuckled at the sound of the boy's soft cooing and tugging on fabric, demanding attention.
"We weren't together then…" She quickly did the math in her head.
Brittany assented with a head motion, tickling Dominic's neck "But I knew sooner or later you would fall for my undeniable charm."
"Thank you… I love you so much." Santana said earnestly, standing on her tiptoes to get another kiss from awaiting lips. When they parted, they looked at each other for a moment until Santana reached for Dominic, getting him out of his kangaroo like transportation.
She showered him in teary happy kisses, making him wail in delight but when she looked up to find blue eyes again, she had to look down. Brittany was on her both knees, a ring playing in between her fingers and tears in her eyes as well.
She sniffled "You have given me the best surprise I could have dreamt of…" Her words choked in her throat "This house, this ring is nothing in comparison to what you have gifted me and I'm not just talking about that chubby little blonde you're holding… You have my heart, you carry my heart and your love means everything to me; it's what gives me strength and what keeps me sane." Santana joined her on the soft grass, Dominic on her lap, looking up curiously from one crying woman to the other "And I want to keep making you fall in love with me each and every single day because I love you in the mornings, in the afternoons, in the nights, in my sleep, when I'm awake, when you drive me crazy, when you make me laugh, when you make me cry… I love you and all of you in all those moments and the in betweens, even when I change a diaper," They were both chuckling as Santana promptly offered her left hand "So, if you'll have me as well, I'd love to be very married to you, San."
There was no need for an answer, the ring was already resting at the base of her finger and Dominic was happily sandwiched when his mommies kissed deeply in love.
A fire burns, water calms, you cool me down.
When I'm cold inside you are warm and bright,
You know you are so good for me…
Brittany tried to remain calm as she drove. She had tried to call Santana but all she got was the recorded answer of the voicemail and when she stood on her door, there was no response to her frantic buzzing and banging. Letting out a long, hard breath she went back to her car to wait for Santana and demand an answer as to why she was quitting her job and most importantly as to why she was avoiding her all of a sudden.
Her head was hanging low but her eyes stared past the wheel when she saw the black car pulling to the reserved parking spot and as she watched Santana stepped out of the vehicle, Brittany call her again. Blue eyes paying utmost attention at the way dark ones gawked at the screen but didn't take the call. Santana blinked a few times and sighed deeply, looking strangely nervous, as if waiting for Brittany to appear before her. She paused on her steps; her eyes still locked on the screen while a second call rang and hesitated for a moment before taking a deep breath and ignored her again. Brittany just stared at her retreating form quickly disappearing inside the building.
She was about to leave when she received a text message that had her sprinting out of her car in furious strides. Santana was lying straight to her face and she would know why.
- Hey, I just saw your calls. I'm running some errands with my mom, won't be home soon. I'll call you later, ok.
Loud banging on her door prevented Santana from settling comfortably. Of course she instantly knew it was Brittany.
Her face was unusually harsh and hurt as Santana slowly opened the door. Her blue eyes pierced straight into hers, watching her almost dreadful expression intently "Britt," She swallowed visibly "Wha- what are you doing here?" Santana stammered, her heart jumping out of her chest as she stared back at Brittany, standing there motionless. Santana couldn't read her expression and that made her even more anxious.
"Can I come in?" Her tone was low and flat.
Santana silently gestured for her to enter and quietly closed the door and her eyes. She crossed her arms over her chest, turning to face the woman and the tense silence that accompanied them for a few moments until Brittany spoke first.
"I need you to tell me something Santana, I need to understand." She stood a few inches in front of Santana, who just nodded slowly.
Brittany's eyes searching hers "What are you doing?"
Santana swallowed hard, her heartbeats racing as she was being confronted sooner than she had thought. She must've known by now that running away and avoiding the inevitable was no use, at all. Her mind was still reeling and unsure; she didn't quite know what to do, what to say to the other mother of her unborn child and having said woman looking at her with such pleading and hurt eyes was no easy play.
"Why'd you do that?" She rephrased softly.
"Do what?"
Brittany rolled her eyes, moving closer "You're hiding from me."
Santana didn't answer; she had no words to form coherently. Brittany sighed and shortened the distance between them, placing a hand on her arm; the contact sending jolts of electricity through her skin and made her shiver but Brittany didn't appear to notice.
She was obviously upset but asked her calmly "Why are you avoiding me?"
"I am not."
"Santana-"
"I told you I've been busy too, okay?" She defended getting restless but Brittany was unfazed and not believing a word of it. "I've been in and out of meetings, you should know." Oh, and by the way, I'm currently carrying your baby and I don't know how to tell you or if you'll think I did it on purpose or if you'll want something to do with it…Were her thoughts following her words.
"I know... But that doesn't mean you can use that as an excuse to avoid me, it's not fair." Brittany shook her head, her voice faltering with contained anger "One day you're saying all these beautiful things, then you're backing out… Santana, I'm not- I'm not something you can play with whenever you feel like it."
Santana fought back in a murmur "I'm not playing, Brittany… I meant everything I said, I'm not backing out." and although she understood where Brittany was coming from it still hurt she doubted.
"So, you're quitting the job you love to be with me? Is that the reason for this?" Brittany surprised her by showing her the wrinkled two weeks' notice letter she materialized from her pocket.
"Who- where did you found that?"
"It doesn't matter, San."
She unconsciously put a hand on her stomach, and Brittany's eyes flicked down to it momentarily but thought nothing of it. Muteness encased them again for a moment, before Brittany slowly moved towards Santana, barely a foot away from her.
"I thought- I thought it was the right thing to do…" Santana told her dejectedly, her shoulders slumping "I don't want you or anyone else to think I'm with you just to make my way up."
"You have been making your way up on your own and we both know it, everyone else knows it… You don't need to resign to be with me; I don't understand what's going on, why you think you have to do this." Santana cleared her throat, not sure if it was safe for her to be so close to Brittany. They locked eyes, blues never wavering as Brittany continued "We can be together without giving up on somethingSantana; I don't care about what other people think. We can't care."
"Why not?" Her voice weak, Brittany pursed her lips before answering.
"Can you pretend nothing is happening between us? That this means nothing?" Simple questions that caused Santana's head to start throbbing; she didn't know what she was thinking anymore, the welcomed news from earlier rounding her mind. She just needed time to gather the courage and tell Brittany because at the moment she couldn't muster her feelings into proper words "Why are you ignoring me. Did something happen?"
Santana nipped at her bottom lip and then whispered, avoiding her constant gaze "No, I just- I don't- I'm so confused." Brittany nodded, her expression softer than before. She was closer, Santana's warm body almost brushing against hers "This is all so intense and I can't- I don't even know what to do." A tear escaped down her cheek realizing she was finally getting her feelings out.
"I understand."
Brittany nodded again, completely closing the distance and gave her a reassuring smile while her arms encircled her waist; Santana took a shaky breath and started to play with Brittany's collar before looking straight into the gentle blue eyes "I love you so, so much… I didn't know I could be feeling like this, so vulnerable and strong at the same time."
Letting Santana's words settle in mind, a hopeful Brittany slowly leant forward and pressed her soft lips firmly against pouty ones, cupping Santana's cheek in her hand. She could feel her giving into her touch and wrapped her arms fully and tightly around Santana's waist, both kissing with abandon.
Santana hadn't realised they were stumbling back, Brittany blindly guiding their steps to have her pressed against the wall, causing a quiet whimper to leave swollen lips when Santana clearly felt how easily Brittany could disarm her and reassure her all at once. It seemed natural, it felt that way with their bodies mingling together; all it took was one look at darkened blue eyes and glistening pink lips to convince Santana that all would be absolutely and utterly right.
They both were panting as the seal broke, Santana felt those moist lips resting on her forehead equally breathless "Britt, I'm- I- …" She closed her eyes again and stumbled on words, trying to merge what both her heart and mind were telling her to reveal but Brittany's sweetness and intoxicating scent were all over her.
"San, I love you too, so much and I feel the same way about us. We have something special, everything is just the way it's supposed to… I thought that it would be even clearer or easier after that day at my apartment," Brittany started to run a hand through her long black hair soothingly; she knew there was something more. "What are you afraid of now? Why are you having second thoughts?"
Santana shook her head with furrowed brows "I am not having second thoughts... I just- I'm trying to figure something out, but I don't know how."
"What is there to figure out?" Brittany delicately probed, having not a clue of how difficult it was turning for Santana to simply voice the news "What's wrong?"
She shook her head again "Nothing's wrong, at least I hope so… Britt, I- I'm" She stopped herself, both terrified and overjoyed about the reality she was about to share.
"What is it? You're what, Santana?" Brittany's tone was an alarmed one and the way her body tensed indicated that she was afraid, thinking something was wrong with her Santana but in that moment, Santana understood she needed to know, seeing the fear in her eyes. She pecked Brittany's nose and disentangled herself from the warm embrace.
Getting to her bag, she easily found what she needed to show Brittany and tell her without words. Santana stood just a few steps away from her and stretched a shaky hand, offering the biggest piece of her heart with it; Brittany promptly reached for the sonogram.
Fair brows furrowed in concentration as she scanned the blurry black and grey image. Understanding, blue eyes widened as she read Santana's name and the Baby Pierce under it; the smile that slowly but surely stretched upon her pink lips reached her eyes, wrinkling the corners of them and Brittany let out a breathy chuckle, looking at Santana for the confirmation she urgently wanted.
"This is- We're gonna have- You're- you're pregnant…" She gasped and Santana nodded once, tears welling up in her eyes "Wait, are you- are you going to…" Brittany wanted to know Santana's decision before letting her emotions completely take over her and Santana´s emotive yes was the drop to break the dam. Brittany rushed to her and lovingly hugged her with the utmost care, burying her nose in the black silkiness, breathing her in while holding the sonogram almost reverently. Happy tears accompanied Brittany's muffled laughter as Santana chuckled breathlessly in relief at her reaction.
After a while, they parted just what it seemed like an inch. Brittany chuckled as Santana sniffled timidly. The look she was giving Santana could only be described as one of adoration.
"I take it that you're happy with the news…"
Brittany bumped her nose in her ever present sweet gesture and whispered wholeheartedly "I am, I really am… This is the best thing you could have ever told me." She started to walk towards the living room, seating with Santana on the couch, lacing their fingers together "But how are you?"
Santana's heart burst "Now I am sure I'm doing the right thing and although I am completely scared to death, I know it will be all right." Her eyes smiling back at her for a whole minute.
"How far along are you? Are you feeling sick?"
"I'm on the 6th week… I've been feeling a little tired and nauseous and started to throw up at night since you left; but nothing it can't be handled."
Brittany thought for a moment "6 weeks… That means we- it happened the first time- well, one of the first 2 times we made love." She reasoned in wonderment, earning a soft blush on chiselled cheeks. Santana looked down and agreed. She started to try and explain what and why had happened but Brittany gently prevented her from doing so.
"It's been a long and exciting day for both of us and you need to rest, ok? We don't have to figure everything out now… Just know that I'm here with you, the both of you." Pink lips gifted a peck to a cute nose "Tell you what; I'll go get some dinner, whatever you're craving and can stomach, while you take a shower and then you can fill me in the details of how you and the little one are doing. How's that sound?"
"Sounds about right." Santana grinned, already leaning to return the peck, only this one was on welcoming lips.
After her shower, she sat at the kitchen table with the sonogram in her hands, observing every single detail and trying to understand how something that was still so tiny could be something so cherished. It was still so early and premature but Santana couldn't help herself and started to wonder if they were having a boy or a girl, how she or he would be, who would the baby look like…
Will their daughter or son have the slight knot in Brittany's brow when confused? The sapphire of her eyes, the way she bites her bottom lip when she's trying to hold down words, the way she sometimes nips at her lip ever so noticeable when she's deep in thought, the special and transparent look and smile she reserves only for her; Brittany often slumped while seated, taking the most comfortable position, and walked tall as her height with an optimistic energy and flowing grace; she was always patient and relentless, always wearing her heart on the sleeve. Santana hoped that she could see all of those little traits on their child.
Upon her return and after settling the cold salads, Brittany offered her a sheepish smile, the kind of smile a child flashes right before revealing a mischief. She had bought some of the best pregnancy books, and even The Diaper diaries.
"You don't like reading books online," She scratched the back of her neck "You prefer to feel them in between your fingers so I thought- well, we have to be informed and we could read them together whenever you want… I have mines as well. We can even make notes or you know…" She admitted, playing with something inside her right pants' pocket. Santana observed her adorable rambling and felt the love practically invading her whole body, starting with her heart.
"I know it's a little early but I also got these..." Brittany declared with softer tone and offered her the baby blue teeny tiny pair of socks with puppy paws on it. She took them in awe, holding in the teary chuckle singing on her lips while imagining the little feet that would wear the first present from mommy.
Santana couldn't utter a single word; instead, she opened her arms for Brittany to embrace her and showered her smiling face with kisses. Brittany sighed deeply and rested her forehead on Santana's, the tip of their noses touching as she murmured lowly and almost incredulous.
"You are having my baby… We are having a baby."
You know there's no need to hide away,
you know I tell the truth.
We are just the same…