Chapter 12: A whispered confession
The herald standing in by the main entrance cleared his throat and the whole hall became quiet all of sudden. The slow string music as well as the guests' chatter has stopped abruptly and everyone's attention turned towards him. The engagement ceremony was beginning.
Zero straightened his posture quickly. He was standing with other servants at the side of the large hall, the tables in front of them empty as all the guests were still standing in front of them. Everyone was waiting for the would-be fiancé to arrive.
The king was standing in the middle of the room with the council members right behind. Yuuki was right next to him, her hand on his arm. She was wearing a beautiful long beige dress, her hair decorated with small pearl tiara. Kaname too was wearing his crown and Zero realized that the pureblood was probably wearing it ever since Zero put it on his head back in the throne room. The hunter quickly looked down self-consciously as he remembered what followed after that, missing the brief glance the king sent his direction.
Kaname was surprised to see Zero among the serving staff. He thought the ex-human would be glad to have a day off, but he suspected that it had to do something with Yuuki, because ever since upon seeing the silver haired vampire she had relaxed considerably. She must have asked him to come. The pureblood frowned, he knew they were friends and he was glad that Yuuki had another person she confided in beside that gardener's girl, but he wasn't sure how he felt about them getting too close.
But now was not the time to think about it he reminded himself as he glanced back to the entrance where the young herald still stood waiting. Kaname placed his palm over Yuuki's smaller one in a protective gesture and nodded at the boy to begin.
The herald cleared his throat and announced: "Lord Takuma of the House of Ichijou!"
A blond vampire with a kind smile stepped in, followed by two varlets carrying an ornate chest. He was wearing his best clothes and code of arms on his cape belonging to his noble house was clear for everyone to see. Takuma walked slowly right in front of the royal pair and knelt. Two young knights dressed in same colors as him stayed shortly behind.
"Your Majesty, I humbly bow in presence of your esteemed presence. As your obedient subject I must most earnestly ask Your Majesty's permission to marry the princess Yuuki of the House of Kuran."
Takuma beckoned to his varlets to put down the ornate chest. They opened it before bowing, too. The chest was full of gold and pearls and various other treasures that made the surrounding nobles gasp.
"Please accept this humble offering as a token of my loyalty to the House of Kuran. As her husband I will cherish and love Yuuki and make sure no harm befalls her. This I promise on the honour of the House of Ichijou." He looked up in Kaname's eyes and added. "And on my life."
There was a moment of silence and everyone looked at the king, awaiting his answer. The pureblood stayed silent for a few pregnant seconds, making even Yuuki look up worriedly at her brother. Finally, with a sigh Kaname took Yuuki's hand fully into his and led her closer to Takuma. He beckoned for the blonde noble to stand up and offered the princess' hand to him, his expression solemn.
The pureblood put his palm over their joined hands and recited. "Lord Takuma of the House of Ichijou, you have my permission and your kings' blessings."
A wave of applause rose up from the crowd. Kaname was keeping his posture completely neutral and he might have fooled everyone else, but to Zero it strangely seemed more like the pureblood was struggling internally. As if he would rather bite his tongue off than give his consent. And the pureblood's bearing turned slightly darker when one of the councilors stepped out.
"And the council shall be your witnesses." The old Ichijou announced with a smug smile plastered on his face. He gestured with his hands towards the crowd dramatically, earning himself another wave of applause.
The newly-engaged pair, still hand in hand, headed toward the table. It was the first one on the left from the king's table. It was also the one Zero was serving at, along with three other servants. The rest of the table consisted of Yuuki's ladies-in-waiting and Takuma's varlets and some other knights bearing the symbol of the Ichijou house. The decoration in Kuran red and Ichijou white colors.
The couple waited for the king to sit down first before settling down, the guests following shortly. And soon, all the other chairs in the room were occupied as all the nobles in the room found their places. The only empty seat was by Kaname's right. The seat that used to belong to the queen was left intentionally unoccupied.
The musicians started playing their quiet melody again and it was time for the courses to be served. Just as other servants, Zero too was more than busy enough, but he still tried to keep an eye on Yuuki from time to time. She seemed to be conversing quietly with her fiancé, or more accurately she blabbed nervously while Takuma smiled attentively. Both had a hint of blush on their cheeks. Zero had to admit that Takuma looked like a kind, honorable man so unlike his grandfather. As far as future husbands were concerned, the princess seemed to make a good choice.
Still, was it really her own choice? Was this really what Yuuki wanted or was this just some attempt of her to repay Kaname? The ex-human frowned as he remembered their conversation in Yuuki's chambers. He would gladly ask her again, but he had to keep a formal act. Though, he got his opportunity soon enough.
Zero was leaning down to pour the princess another glass, whishing he could just tell her to slow down on the wine and just as he was about to walk away, Yuuki caught his hand, stopping him from retreating. She gave a quick glance around to see if anyone was paying them attention. It seemed to be the air was clear for now.
"Zero, I wanted to thank you for being here. It is nice to see at least some friendly face around." She whispered quietly.
"Is it really okay, Yuuki? Is this really what you want?" Zero had to ask. He looked her in the eyes to let her know she had a choice. He will make sure of that.
She hesitated only a second before answering firmly. "Yes, it was my choice."
Zero nodded in understanding. She was decided. Though, a part of him felt a little uneasy thinking that in a month from now she will be marrying someone. He almost felt she is too young, too innocent for things like this. To be thrown like that into court politics…
The hunter quickly looked around to make sure no one saw their little exchange. The only one that seemed to notice was Takuma who apparently witnessed their whole exchange. Zero froze for a moment, thinking he was in quite a trouble. Surprisingly, the blonde vampire's look was just curious and smiled sympathetically. Surprisingly… because any other noble born man would probably get offended seeing some low level vampire to be so familiar with their fiancé. Thinking that Takuma was indeed a very unusual vampire, Zero left to attend to other guests.
Around the time the deserts were served the group of actors and comedians dressed in various peculiar costumes and masks appeared in the middle of the hall and started with their performances. Zero had to admit they were quite talented. The musicians joined them quickly, adding appropriate sounds to certain scenes. The court jester tried to drag some of the nobles into the play and generally made fun of the most stuck up looking guests. Soon, the hall was full of laughter and applause.
Zero had to fight not to show his amusement as not to offend anyone and he wasn't alone. You could see that other servants' mouths were twitching, though they all kept their faces professionally neutral.
The only table the jester avoided has been the king's. Not only because one had to be extra careful when trying to make fun of the monarch himself, but mainly because Kaname wasn't emitting exactly the friendliest aura. The pureblood was trying to hide it, keeping his expression neutral and from time to time nodding towards the performers to signal them it was okay to continue with their antics, but the fact that he wasn't in the best of the moods was quite obvious.
The other nobles at his table generally avoided talking to him. The only one as if oblivious to the king's disposition seemed to be count Cross who happily chattered and tried to engage Kaname in conversation.
Though, Yuuki's table wasn't so lucky when the jester appeared at their table suddenly. "My beautiful, beloved princess, what are you doing marrying this foolish looking man? You're truly breaking my heart." He said with a theatrical sob and kissed her hand lovingly, earning a few embarrassed giggles from Yuuki.
"My dear, dear princess, at least give me this one last kiss. At least a little smack on the lips." Pursing his lips and still holding her hand, the joker leaned closer to her, making Yuuki back away, blushing even more.
Though, his little jesting was suddenly interrupted when the king cleared his throat. It was a small gesture but carried a lot of meaning. Everyone stilled for a few seconds. The jester too quickly stopped his charade and looked up towards the main table.
Kaname's posture seemed relaxed, his head in his hands and his expression neutral and he didn't say anything else, but the jester understood very clearly. He had overstepped his boundaries.
The joker quickly stepped away from Yuuki and bowed towards the king in obvious apology. But to ease the sudden tension around the room he tried to play it off casually. He was after all a professional performer. "My princess it seems even fate itself is against our love. Oh, what am I going to do? Fortunately, there are many lovely ladies here, though all are inferior to your beauty, princess Yuuki."
He looked around, his eyes setting one another lovely lady. "What about you, Lady Ruka? Will you let me melt your icy heart? You have still yet to choose your husband, haven't you?"
Zero shook his head and turned away. He had seen enough and for once he was glad that he could use all those empty dishes he gathered as an excuse to get away from all this craziness. The last thing he saw before slipping away through servants' entrance was Lord Kain standing up and heading towards the jester in order to protect Lady Ruka's honour, but Zero didn't stick around to see how it all ended.
He used the side entrance and headed through the small servant's passage behind, that led towards the kitchens. The hunter put down the dirty dishes and was about to pick up a tray full of new refreshments when he heard someone call him.
"Kiryuu Zero, isn't it? Can I speak with you for a minute?"
Zero quickly turned towards the speaker only to see a face he expected the least. It was count Cross. That strange man he saw earlier with Yori. The ex-human nodded hesitantly.
"That's splendid!" The man's face lit up with quite an enthusiastic smile. "But could we perhaps find some place a little bit more quiet?" The man gestured towards their surroundings.
Zero glanced around noticing they were already drawing quite an attention. The other servants, while still busily running around, were sending curious looks in their direction. This was no place for a noble man to be wandering around, not to mention to come here on purpose in order to talk to one of the serving staff.
"This way, my lord." Zero motioned further down the hallway where he knew was an old, unused storage room. But before they could reach it, Cross grabbed his arm, stopping him.
"This should be enough." The man pointed towards another empty room on the side.
Reluctantly, Zero followed him inside. They didn't walk far away enough to be out of earshot, though the strange aristocrat didn't seem to mind. The reason for the man's easiness was clear quickly enough when Cross shut the door and started drawing a strange symbol on the door. Zero felt a very familiar sensation and his eyes widened… the hunter's charm? What the…?
"Now, no one should hear us." Cross nodded in satisfaction. He turned around, noticing the boy's tensed features. "Oh, there is no reason to be alarmed. I only want to talk." The man smiled kindly, confusing Zero even more.
Cross' smile turned solemn for a moment. The silver haired boy didn't look very convinced. Instead, he stayed focused, as if ready to fight if necessary. Cross decided some explanation was needed. "My name is Kaien Cross. Yagari is a close friend of mine, though Touga might not see it the same way nowadays."
The man leaned against the nearby wall and continued. "You probably don't remember, but I used to visit your house quite often when you were just a little boy." Cross gestured to show a height a little over his knees with a nostalgic expression. "You and Ichiru were such cute kids."
At the mention of his twin brother, Zero growled. "I don't care who you are, just tell me what do you want from me? Are you here to stop me?" The ex-human stepped closer his posture even more threatening, but the man played oblivious.
"Aw, Zero you're not cute at all now when you're all grown up." Cross said with quite a theatrical whine. Thought, he sobered quickly, his expression once again serious. Zero was amazed how much expressions the man managed to make in such a short time.
"But yes, you could say I came here with the intention to stop you." Cross finished.
Zero shifted slightly, comforted when he felt cold sensations from the silver dagger still hidden in his high boots. If it came to the fight… The atmosphere in the room darkened considerably. "I know you. I've heard about you. You are obviously a human, a hunter even, yet you were allowed to keep your noble title after the war… you're the one they call the Vampire without Fangs, aren't you?"
Cross grimaced bitterly in response. "If I am the Vampire without Fangs than that would make you the Hunter with fangs."
Zero growled at that, not liking it a bit and Cross raised his hands in placating gesture. Had the boy always been so quick to anger? "There is no need to be this hostile. I just wanted to tell you that I know quite well what's your mission here, what you and Touga are trying to do. It's quite amazing that you made it this far… Kuran Kaname is not a very trusting person, but for some reason he seems to trust you."
Cross tilted his head as he regarded the boy for a moment. "I don't think you are such a good actor that you can fool even the pureblood's instincts? You used to be such a kind-hearted kid, that kindness must be still somewhere deep inside you, even if you hide it well..."
Zero opened his mouth to protest, but he didn't get the chance to interrupt Cross
"What I am trying to say is that for you to make Kaname trust you this much, there had to be at least some true feelings involved…"
"… And that's what I'm counting on. If there's even the slightest doubt in you that what you're planning to do - who you are planning to kill isn't right, then please don't do it."
There was a long pause as Cross waited for an answer, but Zero didn't offer any. Yet Kaien could see that at least some of his words must have gotten through, when the boy eased his aggressive posture and instead crossed his arms, his frown deepening into the scowl. He took it as a good sign.
"Zero, you have to realize, you're just a pawn in a very dangerous game. A pawn, that doesn't even know the rules, yet has the power to decide everything. If you kill Kuran you'll create only a chaos that will most probably turn into another bloodbath that was the vampire-human war. You're just playing into the hands of other powerful vampires that don't want to support Kaname's peaceful agenda anymore that believe that humans should be enslaved…"
"Is that really what you want? Is this all you're willing to risk just for the sake of a something as petty as revenge? If you can't kill Shizuka, will any pureblood will? Is that it?"
Zero shook his head in denial, but stopped when he realized… wasn't that exactly how he felt when he accepted the mission? Yet when did his feelings change?
Zero ran his hand through his hair. He felt so confused right now.
Cross could see his words had moved the boy, though what he couldn't see was that his words might have an opposite effect, or did they? He turned towards the door, but before he walked out he turned to Zero for the last time. "Do you really believe Kaname deserves to die? Is he really such a bad person? You're a clever boy, Zero. I'll let you figure out the answer for yourself."
With a wave of a hand Cross released the charm and opened the door. "Just please, make the right decision." Or I'll have to stop you even if it means killing you. I can't risk another war.
And with that, he left the boy alone to think. And Zero had a lot of to think about.
To say the encounter with count Cross left an impression on Zero would be quite an understatement. The ex-human started pacing here and there in the small room.
Zero felt as if he had been slapped, as if he woke up from a long dream. He had been slowly forgetting his real purpose here, his real mission. But the encounter with Cross opened his eyes. Zero wasn't here to play an obedient servant for some pureblood and… yet here he was, so prepared to abandon his mission, betray his family and for whose sake? Yuuki and Kaname's? For the sake of two purebloods - the beings that brought only dead and misery to the world and more importantly, that had the power to turn humans into the vampires. Like Shizuka had.
But as much as he wanted, Zero couldn't convince himself completely, that Kaname and Yuuki really deserved to die. Not anymore. Wasn't this exactly what Yagari had warned him about all those years ago, when he lost his eye? Saying, that Zero was too trusting, too easily swept away by vampires charm and vampires knew how to use this weakness to their advantage so very well. Was he so charmed by Kaname's personality that Zero forgot who he was… what his mission was? He shouldn't have forgotten that. He was a hunter, not some ex-human happily serving his pureblooded master.
That little exchange with Cross reminded Zero very clearly where he stood… what he came here to do, what he was born to do. He was a hunter first and foremost. But was there still time to finish his mission or will Cross tell Kaname? Was his cover blown? What should he do?
Zero stopped abruptly and leaned against the wall, head in his hands. Was it really all over? What should he do? Kill Kaname and fulfill his mission… his purpose as a hunter?
Zero refused to let the fear completely overtake him. He had to calm down and start thinking rationally. Cross didn't seem like he was about to run to Kaname and tell him everything right that moment. He gave Zero a choice after all. There was still some time left to act.
His head spinning, Zero stayed in the empty room for a good half an hour, trying to come up with some plan. He would gladly take much longer, but he knew his absence in ceremony hall would be noted soon. Reluctantly, he returned to his duties, praying to all deities that he still had some time.
Zero started serving his table as if nothing was wrong. At least, he tried to appear completely normal, but he knew he was failing. He glanced at his shaking hands. He needed to calm down, his heartbeat was elevated and he was pretty sure some of the guests had already noticed. Few of them were already sending him puzzled looks, others watching him with a predatory glint in their eyes. Each a stinging reminder to Zero what vampires were really like. How could he had forgotten? He needed to get out of here, now.
Fortunately at that time only a handful of nobles still remained at his table. Most of the vampires were busy dancing or visiting guests' elsewhere. Even Yuuki and Takuma were missing, probably also at the dance floor, though Zero didn't care enough at that moment to really check. He was just glad the princess wasn't here or she would immediately know something was amiss with the ex-human and would have insisted for Zero to tell her what was wrong.
There wasn't much need for waiters anymore and most of them were unengaged, just standing nearby in case anyone needed something. At this rate no one will notice one ex-human disappearing…
Zero refilled everyone's glass of wine and made sure all the trays with refreshments were still mostly full, before he decided to use this opportunity to make himself scarce. He quickly headed to the back of the large hall, making sure he kept close to the wall so he wouldn't run to any guests or disturb those few servants that were still busy.
In case this celebration lasted till the morning, the heavy drapes have been hung over all the windows to keep the sunlight out, but Zero knew that here in the back of the hall, among those concealed windows were also a hidden doors to the balcony. Luckily, it seemed that no one else noticed or used them.
The hunter quickly slipped behind the drapes and stepped out, taking a deep breath of fresh air. He really needed some peace and quiet to think.
Though, he nearly choked as he realized suddenly that he wasn't quite alone. When he noticed who it was that was actually standing there, his heart speeded up even more.
Kaname turned quickly when he heard the door opening, for a moment thinking that Seiren had finally found him and came here to bring him back to that social melee inside. Though, very soon he realized it wasn't her and he was quite surprised that anyone else managed to find his way to the balcony.
When he saw that it was Zero, the pureblood decided that it was a rather pleasant kind of surprise. Once again they ran into each other. And once again it was when Kaname was getting a little too consumed by his own dark thoughts. Somehow Zero always appeared at the right moment. First the throne room, now here. If Kaname were more superstitious, he might have even called it fate.
And judging by the ex-human's expression, Zero was as much surprised to run into someone as the pureblood was. Kaname raised his eyebrows at how pale the boy looked and decided to hold back his questions and let him talk first.
Zero gulped loudly. He was trying to escape from his problems for a while, not to head-on crash into one. He cursed inwardly. Why was Kaname here of all places? He tried to come up with something to say… anything.
"Um… what are you doing here, my lord?" Zero started but decided that he wasn't really in a mood to be too formal and added with a smile that was as much forced as it felt. "Don't tell me, you are actually hiding here?"
The pureblood frowned at the anxious disposition Zeros still seemed to be in, but he dismissed it as a work related stress and for now decided to concentrate on the question. Of course, Zero had correctly guessed Kaname's real designs. The pureblood really was tired from seeing all those conceited faces out there. From all these people trying to get acquitted with him or worse, tried to earn his favor.
"What can I say, you caught me." Kaname raised his hands in mock surrender. "But I'm not really the one in the center of attention today. Yuuki is." He finished with a mix of relief and worry.
Zero still didn't move away from the door, looking very nervous, as if he was getting ready to bolt any minute and Kaname decided he didn't like it a bit. It was time to help the boy relieve some of the stress. He waved his empty wine glass. "What about you bring me a new glass of wine? And bring yourself one, too. You seem like you need it." The pureblood ordered and smiled. "Then, we can both hide here from the outside world together."
Zero nodded, glad he had some excuse to get away from the pureblood. He was more than relieved to have more time to compose himself.
The hunter quickly crossed the celebration hall and once again walked towards the servant entrance on the side. He didn't walk all the way to the kitchens, instead Zero headed to the room before it. Inside were long rows of counters and tables where cooks left plates with various foods and refreshments for servants to just grab. Zero took two clean glasses, pouring some wine into them from the nearest wine jar. Just as he was about to walk back a thought occurred to him.
This was actually it… If he was really going to do something, this was the ideal opportunity. It was time to fulfill his purpose as a hunter.
Maybe if Zero wasn't so panicked and taken aback from his encounter with Cross, this wouldn't even come to his mind. But now, he was too shaken to really act rationally.
Zero quickly looked around. For once no one seemed to be around, proving that most of the servants weren't really busy right now and without really thinking about implications of what he was doing, Zero took out a small vial from his side pocket. He had been carrying it for some time now, along with the dagger. He closed his eyes, trying to convince himself this was the right thing to do.
He was a hunter not a vampire. Though, lately he felt like he was forgetting this important fact. Kuran was a pureblood, the same kind of creature that killed his family… the same kind that was enslaving others, humans or lower level vampires.
Zero repeated these thoughts in his head over and over to convince the part of him that screamed against what he was going to do. That part of him knew that he was just acting rashly, panicking. It knew that he was just confused and yet, it was all for no avail and with all his might Zero shut that part out.
He was a hunter first and foremost and he had a mission here. Zero had never failed a mission since he became a full pledged hunter and he wasn't going to. He made a promise to himself that he won't let his family or Yagari down ever again, just because his stupid heart had the tendency to sympathize with vampires. Well, not anymore. Cross knew about him and it was only a matter of time before his cover was blown. He looked at the small vial in his hand. It was now or never.
He poured the poison into one of the glasses. This was what he came to do in the first place.
Zero returned swiftly to the balcony, keeping in mind which glass was whose the whole time. It might only weaken a pureblood, but for the ex-human vampire it would be a deadly dose.
Kaname took the wine glass from him with a complete trust and Zero had to fight a sudden pang of guilt. For one crazy second he had an urge to grab that glass back and throw it over the balcony but… he didn't. He made a decision.
Zero let Kaname talk, too worried and anxious to really participate in an actual conversation. He drowned his own glass relatively quickly in an attempt to ease his own conscience but it didn't help much.
It didn't take long and the pureblood started feeling a little lightheaded. When he was about to head out and get some water, he felt a sudden spell of dizziness and he had to hold onto the railing to keep himself steady. What the… was he drunk? Kaname tried to remember how much he had to drink, but his own thoughts started to get sluggish.
Zero was surprised, too. It wasn't supposed to work this quickly, not until a good amount of time had passed. The plan was to bide his time for a few hours until the pureblood would go to sleep, weakened enough by the poison and wait for him in his chambers. But this was too soon. Just how much wine did Kaname have before Zero found him here?
This was bad. If someone saw the king like that, they might suspect there was something more wrong with him than just being intoxicated. Zero had to do something. And he had to play it convincingly enough to deceit not only the others, but the pureblood, too.
"Kaname are you drunk?" He tried to sound decisively enough. Of course the pureblood wasn't. "Should I help you to your chambers?" Zero suggested, hoping to get the pureblood out of here quickly.
"That's strange… I didn't know I drank so much." Kaname felt his head spinning, his words slurring a little.
He leaned against the ex-human in complete trust and let Zero support him and guide him away.
Zero decided the safest choice was to get away from any possible praying eyes. He avoided going back to the ceremony hall and used the fact they were on first floor balcony to jump down and go through gardens instead to use a different entrance to the castle. Possibly, somewhere close to the royal chambers.
For once the ex-human was grateful for Kaname's pride, because whenever they were close to some guards or servants the pureblood straightened and tried to appear completely normal and they passed without any complications. Still, Zero was quite relieved when they reached the king's chambers. Luckily, they didn't meet Seiren because she would have known immediately that something was wrong with Kaname.
Zero let Kaname lay down on the bed and the pureblood seemed to doze off the moment his back touched the soft velvet covers, nuzzling his head into the pillows.
This was it. Feeling his heart in his throat Zero reached towards his boots and took out the hidden, silver dagger slowly. The blade glinted softly in the light coming from the fireplace. This was the only chance he would probably get. Zero positioned himself so he would hit the pureblood's heart directly and swung the dagger down but...
…he stopped suddenly. The blade stayed unmoving a mere inch from the pureblood's chest. He stopped, because at that same exact moment Kaname stirred slightly and whispered the words that somehow managed to turn Zero's convictions once again upside down.
"Zero, I love you…" were those whispered words.
"W-what?" Zero's eyes widened. The blade started shaking as his hands became unsteady. He looked up at Kaname's face, his heart beating so loud that he was sure anyone in miles radius must be able to hear him.
Kaname eyes were closed and his expression relaxed in sleep. He was completely unaware that there was anyone in the room with him, probably thinking that even Zero was just a dream. His deep slumber was an after effect of the poison. Though, that didn't stop him from dreamtalking.
"I thought it was just a lust, just a sexual drive, but who am I lying to? I can't tell this to any living soul, not even you Zero. But I think I really fell in love with you…"
"…for me to care so much about an ex-human, imagine that."
Zero couldn't breathe, his chest throbbing. The dagger in his hand felt too hot, too disgusting and he threw it away quickly, the blade clanging against the floor. What was he doing? When did he become a person that would so easily murder someone that trusted him this much and obviously cared for him deeply? Even if that person was a… a pureblood. Was it all just because he panicked? Or was it because he really was blinded by his thirst for a revenge as Cross said?
Zero sat down at the side of the bed, his back turned to Kaname who became quiet again and seemed to doze off more deeply. Zero felt disgusted by himself. Disgusted and abashed. What should he do now? The only thing he was sure of was that he can't kill Kaname, not after this. Maybe, he couldn't do it before, either. Zero felt like failure, like he failed Yagari and his parents and every other hunter, but he just couldn't bring himself to think about Kaname as just another evil pureblood. Not anymore.
What were his options now… pack his things and run? He wasn't going to kill Kaname anymore, yet he couldn't stay here, either. Sooner or later his real identity will catch up with him. The same went for Yagari, Zero failed him, too. He can't go back and just tell his sensei that he wasn't able to fulfill his mission because he started caring a little too much for his target. Whatever he would do now, he would lose the persons he cared about most. His foolishness seemed to cost him everything. Somehow he lost it all.
With his head in his hands and Zero sat there dejectedly. He stayed like that for a long, long time, just feeling lost… he felt like crying. Though, he refused to give voice to the quiet tremors that shook him.
Finally, Zero turned around to look at the pureblood. He touched his face lightly, feeling the warmth of the skin beneath his fingers. Kaname was a beautiful person and not only on the outside. Somewhere during all their time together, Zero learned that simple fact. He had only panicked for a moment and nearly made something unforgivable. If he had killed Kaname Zero wouldn't be able to live with himself.
Zero snorted unamusedly, he really was a failure as a hunter to come and care for some bloodsucker like this. He should leave and never come back. Try to forget everything and everyone, even though he knew he will never forget. He can't even bring himself to face Yagari to tell him he was aborting the mission.
Was this really a goodbye? Zero stroked Kaname's cheek for the last time and he turned to get up…
...But once again a pureblood's voice stopped him.
"Zero, is that you?" It sounded much more coherent than before. Kaname stirred and finally opened his eyes to look at the ex-human. His gaze was still confused but much more lucid.
"You had a little too much to drink and I brought you here." The ex-human answered in a hoarse, defeated tone. He hoped Kaname would go back to sleep quickly.
This was it for him. He had failed. He might as well go pack his things now and hope the pureblood never learns of his true identity. Zero moved to get up. "Good night, Kaname" And goodbye.
"Zero, what's wrong?" Kaname sensed the other's despondent mood and quickly caught Zero's hand to stop him from retreating. Somehow he felt like he needed to stop the boy, like he would lose him forever if he let go of him now. Kaname's grip on Zero's arm tightened almost painfully. He tugged him closer to have a better look at his face. "Your eyes are red. Have you been crying?"