6
I feel honored and pleased for your reviews. I hope you guys enjoy this chapter, too, even if I made some mistakes and it gets a little bit boring. Law's stuff is absolutely not my thing.
.
.
.
Part 3
.
.
.
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life
because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
[Because of you - Kelly Clarkson]
.
.
.
James McGinn would be able to make good business selling ice in the North Pole.
He is the only one who could bring you to court with evidence he wouldn't bet one penny on. False.
You have been in torment every day and night in your cell, until this moment. And as a police officer push you into the glass cage, you are even more scared, because it is like entering the lions' den, and you know for sure that no piece of you will remain at the end of it all, however things go.
In a few minutes, the most miserable part of your life - that you've always tried to hide deeper - will become public knowledge, and you have no clue how to deal with the consequences. Only the thought of Steven warms your heart, giving you courage to face the beast you has learned to keep bottled up inside of you.
The thought of Steven and a bit of recklessness.
The same recklessness that made you agree to play your role in this farce and previously decide to go to the barber of the prison because, according to James, a clean-shaven Brendan Brady looks much less threatening.
The light gray suits lend you an impeccable style and the appearance of a nice guy who is going to bare his soul in front of people who are going to decide about his fate.
Your eyes slowly slide over the courtroom, hoping not to see any familiar faces in the crowd; but, before you can sigh of relief, you recognize Nancy Osborne, with her pen, notepad and tape recorder. Fifteen years in prison suddenly are nothing compared to seeing your life placed on the front page of a local newspaper. The only thing you would like to do is running away from here right now. But you can't.
After the usual ritual formulas, James calls to depose the psychologist who has been analyzing you in the final two weeks. Antisocial personality disorder is his response. A list of what you are like, or used to be in the past, has been drawn up with cold technical rigor. James steps-in and asks about the causes of such disorder.
"Studies have shown that antisocial people come out of families with abusive parents" replies the psychologist.
"Is it possible that such disorder is a direct consequence of sexual abuse in childhood ?" asks James.
The psychologist nods. "Yes, it is."
"Is it likely that this is the case of Mr. Brady?"
The psychologist nods again. "Yes, it is."
The doctor takes back his seat in the audience. You are afraid to turn towards Nancy again. You can't imagine how her expression might be when she will find out the truth about the man who 'heroically' saved Charlie, two years ago.
And this makes you feel even worse.
A few seconds later, James calls to depose Kevin Foster and you realize, even in this uncertain situation, you would prefer not to have to meet him again. You know, deep down, that he has done what he has because of Simon Walker; you know he risked his own life because he refused to kill Maxine; you know it was thanks to him that Steven and Cheryl are still alive. However, even after years, seeing him a few feet away from you, with his empty eyes and his damn lost expression, makes the blood boil in your veins. Because it was his fault if you and Steven have been spending the most of time arguing rather than make love; it was his fault if Amy took Leah and Lucas away from you two; and still it was his fault if the beast you had managed to assuage in your chest suddenly awakened, and you hit Steven again. You had sworn, to him first and then to yourself, not to do it anymore. Your hands stained with Steven's blood and yours at that distant and mad moment; they are shaking now, and the detailed memories obscure your mind.
The prosecutor is a woman. She does not understand, or pretends not to understand, what the purpose of the defence is. But James McGinn knows how to play his cards very well, and taking the opponent by surprise is one of them.
Later, Kevin answers with trembling voice and tears in his eyes. A consummate actor, you ironically comment in your head.
"So... Simon Walker wanted you were closer to Mr. Brady. How? "
"He told me to tell him a story."
"Can you be more specific?"
"I told Brendan ... that, when I was younger, I had received ... special attentions by an uncle of mine... Roger ".
"Robert!"
Your mouth opens before you know it and you find yourself standing and your hands pressed against the glass.
"I'm sorry," you croaks to the judge and you sit back as if a ton of stones pulled you downward.
"Roger or Robert?" asks James.
Kevin takes a deep breath. "Neither. I invented that story, so a name was as good as another. "
"And why did you invent that story about sexual abuse... while you were talking about special attentions you were meaning this... weren't you? "
"Yeah."
"Why could that story have brought you closer to Mr. Brady? "
"Because Walker told me he had known a secret about Brendan."
"What secret?"
"He told me... that Brendan, as a child, was abused by his father."
A chorus of incredulous astonishment rises from the courtroom, as your eyes turn finally towards the back of the room, where Nancy looks at you with an expression of genuine horror. Now, your whole body is shaking.
In the meantime, the prosecutor tries to discredit the deponent in every possible way, but as soon as you look at James you notice a sly smile on his face and you know that he is satisfied by the impact of those statements on the jurors.
You take a deep breath and think your torture is finally over. Maybe you are going to remain still locked up for 15 years, maybe less with the extenuating circumstances. The thought that you could be a free man within tomorrow has abandoned you by now.
James calls the psychologist on the witness stand again. You turn to look at him with a questioning look, but James makes a gesture to reassure you. His face doesn't look like someone's who is improvising, but still this doesn't reassure you at all.
You are confused, agitated. This time he talks about suicide and you do not know why he raised such issue.
"According to the analysis performed, are there suicidal instincts in Mr. Brady?"
"I think so. In Mr. Brady there is a combination of several factors: hopelessness, low self-esteem, an aggressiveness that he caters against himself when he's not able to punish the ones who hurt him. "
"Is it possible that people who have been sexually abused in their childhood will develop such features in adulthood?"
"Of course. Such traumas usually cause brain damage that can lead to devastating consequences over time. The cancellation of a traumatic event is a defence mechanism, but it can lead to chronic depression, self-flagellation, and even suicide if they haven't processed the trauma. They can also develop deviance. "
"And if the traumatic event is not removed, but it is right there, in all its gruesome detail, so much so that it is subject of nightmares the most of the time ?"
"The consequences are devastating in both cases without a proper psychological support."
"Do you Know if Mr. Brady has received a sort of psychological support for his trauma?"
"No, he hasn't."
Soon after, the prosecution takes his place.
She want to prove that you're not a depressed person. You've spent two years in prison so far, and you have not yet put a rope around your neck.
"Doesn't it seem strange that such a 'devastated' person, as Mr. Brady is, hasn't ever attempted suicide in the past two years. The jails usually are full of depressed people who try in every way to put an end to their own miseries."
"When I analyzed Mr. Brady, the first time I saw him, I noticed something I've seen very few times in my experience."
" Can you tell us what?"
"Mr. Brady looked resigned to his fate ... I could say almost happy. "
"Happy? Was he happy for killing his father, maybe? "
"No, I didn't mean this" replied hesitantly the psychologist, and you can almost hear him talking as man rather than as specialist. "He looked happy to be in prison. Even the prison itself may be considered a form of self-annihilation. In other words, a form of suicide. This is Mr. Brady's case at least. "
The answer gets the desired effect, so much that even the accusation falls silent, while you can almost hear James chuckling.
"The defence calls to depose Peter Joseph Hammill, from Belfast."
You weren't expecting this: Peter here, today, with his wheelchair before the Court, after winking and smiling to you.
You do not dare wonder how James knew about him and, more importantly, what he has in his mind.
You close your eyes and bury your face in your hands for a while. Your resistance is reaching the alarm level.
You can barely hear their voices.
"So ... my client tried to kiss you. And you rejected him. "
Peter nods with a slight grin. "Of course. I'm not gay. I never was. Actually, I didn't know he was until that moment. "
"Tell us, please, about the accident."
"Brendan had been drinking a lot and I blamed him for years for this, but now not any more"
"Why?"
"I went to Hollyoaks because I wanted to say everything"
"About what?"
"I wanted to tell everyone about his homosexuality, because I knew that he was in the closet and that was the only way to hurt him."
"Did you do it?"
"No, I didn't"
"Why?"
"Because we talked and I found out Brendan had tried to kill himself during that terrible night, driving the car against a truck, but then he suddenly swerved and we ended up off the road. I lost the use of my legs and my life has totally changed. Brendan disappeared from my sight. Later I knew he had married and left for Dublin. "
"Have you seen him in the long run between the accident and your arrival to Hollyoaks?"
"Occasionally, but our friendship was definitely over."
"And now how is the relationship between you two?"
Peter turns to you waiting for you are going to look up. Then he smiles.
"We aren't in contact anymore, but it doesn't mean that someone stop caring about someone else."
You release the breath you had held and then smile to him back.
"So... could you say that there is no more feelings of anger against my client?"
"Exactly."
James opens his mouth to make another question. But Peter precedes him.
"You need to know that we were both very young and, because of my job, I have unfortunately had indirectly to deal with similar cases, so I got it at the end. I realized he felt guilty and ashamed because of the fact that I knew about his secret. And I just recently found out something else"
" About what?"
"For several years he regularly sent money to my parents so that I could resume my studies. I haven't yet had the opportunity to thank him. "
"Someone could see this as a gesture to clean his own conscience" intervenes James. "Did you expect this from him?"
Peter shakes his head. "Honestly I didn't. But it reminded me about that Brendan who once used to be my best friend. If Brendan cares about you, he'll do anything for you. "
"Like what?" asks James. "Giving money? Killing someone? "
You cast an astonished glance at your lawyer. It is supposed that he should defend you, not ruin you. You hold your breath again.
Peter nods. "But, principally, get killed. He has always been extremely protective", he adds.
James stays in silent for a while and let the jury elaborate the last informations.
"Tell us about the relationship between my client and his father, please."
You can see Peter take a deep breath and his powerful shoulders rise of several inches.
"Brendan didn't use willingly to talk about his family, except about Cheryl. Brendan has always loved his sister very much. "
"So you don't know how their relationship was, Do you?"
"I saw Mr. Brady a very few times and he was nice to me, but once ..." he stops and starts staring at you very intently.
"Once... what?"
Peter turns back to James, as if he is awaking from a dream with open eyes.
"Once ... I went his home. Brendan couldn't get out because he had to baby-sit her sister, and I heard him arguing with his father in the kitchen. Mr. Brady called Brendan, Brenda. After his father left, Brendan freaked out and destroyed our science project. "
"Anything else?"
"While he was demolishing the project, he was shouting: 'I am not a girl! I'm not a girl! ' Then he locked in the bathroom for about fifteen minutes and I heard him vomit. When he came out he was pale. He began to joke saying that he had eaten something rotten. We were both very young, fourteen - fifteen years at the most. Such outbursts of anger are normal at this age. We didn't talk about it and we started to study as if nothing had happened. "
Later, the prosecutor is very harsh with Peter saying that his speech is just a speculation, that he had never known the real Brendan Brady. He did not know neither you were gay, nor how your relationship with your father was. He had never heard of sexual abuse.
In these last words, you see Peter's face whiten; he murmur a weak 'Bren' as if he wanted to jump up to you and hug you. Only God knows how much you need it at this moment.
Peter leaves the courtroom with thumb up in your direction. This is enough to temper the horrible tension of the last quarter of an hour.
Soon after, it's the Chief inspector turn who arrested you and your level of patience is starting to flash red.
James asks about the dynamics of the night when your father died, eluding the confession of your crimes that have never been taken into account because you did it before the police introduced the arrest procedure. You are saved from those charges and a life sentence thanks just to a legal technicality and lack of evidence, but perhaps only right now you realize that it was a good thing.
"How did Mr. Brady react when you told him to surrender?"
"He faced us with a gun."
"Did he shoot?"
Obviously this thing has been made clear in the first trial, two years ago, but you can finally understand what your defender's intentions are. Maybe.
"He couldn't," replied the inspector hesitant. "The weapon wasn't loaded, but we found out that later."
"In your opinion, is it possible that my client did not know it?"
"I doubt it. The bullets were scattered on the floor in the club and it's impossible that the gun did it by itself. "
"So this means that my client had previously removed the bullets from the gun and then faced a whole team of cops ... with a unloaded weapon? "
"I've already said this in the trial"
"Will you repeat that, please"
"The gun wasn't loaded, but we couldn't know it, so the crack shot hit him."
"How do you define such behavior by Mr. Brady."
The inspector snorts a brief grin. "A real suicide attempt, I guess ... but we usually disarm or at most hurt a person."
"But Mr. Brady couldn't know that" replies James.
The officer remains silent. The prosecution hasn't any further questions.
You reckon it's over now and that jurors are going to declare you to be mentally insane, and so you will spent your last days in a mental hospital as James had predicted. But then you see him confer with the judge. Their mysterious confabulation adds more tension inside of you.
The judge asks for your attention.
"Mr. McGinn asks if you would get out of the courtroom. What is your decision about it, Mr. Brady? "
You frown in disbelief. "No. .. no ... I want to stay here"
"Mr. McGinn thinks that the next deposition could be ... shocking for you. "
"What?"
You stare at James, puzzled. When you refuse to leave - and you have the right to do it - he looks at you dejected, and you wonder again what he has in mind. The first name you think is Steven. Is it possible that James is going to call Steven to testify for you? You would be upset, of course. For two years, you two haven't been seeing each other; at the same time you have been constantly thinking of him. But you do not know if seeing him again, in this situation, will be a good thing.
James and the prosecution go back to their places. James asks permission to make a brief introduction before calling the next deponent.
"I would just like to point out to you, ladies and gentlemen of the court, that Brendan Brady was condemned after confessing he had killed his father, Seamus Brady, but fresh evidence has recently come to light. According to what has been declared in the first verdict, Brendan Brady have antisocial personality disorder. But, in my opinion, the causes of this disorder have been underestimated. Lately, thanks to his cooperation and the depositions, we found out other aspects of his personality, and you jurors should think about these very carefully. Brendan Brady has been victim of sexual abuse since the age of eight until the age of eleven because of someone who should have protect him, his own father. This is because the abused child often don't process the abuse and tends to have a ravaged mind in adulthood. It will remain forever that way. The last testimonies have also highlighted two other aspects of Brendan Brady's personality: a persistent guilt, that led him to desire his own death on several occasions, and a sense of obsessive protection towards people he loves: relatives, friends, his partner. Brendan Brady would do anything to protect them, like getting killed or being locked up, because of guilty feelings that characterizes him and all the victims of abuse, to who being told, over and over, that 'bad things happen to bad people. '"
Your level of resistance is exhausted. The little light is flashing red without stopping, and you can almost hear a kind of alarm, as if you were a nuclear power plant about to explode in the air. You are not sure if you can keep calm. You do not know if you won't going to explode when Steven will cross the threshold of the courtroom.
"The defence calls -"
James looks at you a second. You beg him with your eyes, shaking your head. He can't do this to you. He knows you can't handle. He was right. You shouldn't be here. You close your eyes, trying to find enough strength inside of you. You try your best. You can't. You start praying.
"Cheryl Brady!"
Jesus...
.
.
.