A/N: Written for the bones_ga Sextember ficathon; the prompt was: "The FBI requires a return to therapy in order for Booth and Brennan to be in a relationship and remain partners. Sweets insists on a conversation about their sex life. What do Booth and Brennan tell him?"
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Counterstrike
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Brennan raised her eyebrows in surprise when she entered Dr. Sweets' office and found it empty except for her partner, who sat sprawled on the couch with a smug little smile on his face. Considering how on edge had been ever since Sweets had dropped this particular bombshell on them, she definitely hadn't expected to see Booth so utterly relaxed now that the moment he'd been dreading had actually arrived.
"Am I late?" It was a rhetorical question – she never would have let him walk into the metaphorical lion's den without her.
"Nope, right on time." Booth flashed her his best cocky grin, enticing her to sit down next to him and wipe it off his face with a quick kiss.
Pulling back, Brennan looked around with an air of slight confusion. "Where's Sweets? Given that he forced us into this in spite of our clearly stated unwillingness to let him pry into our personal lives, it seems very rude of him to make us wait on top of everything else."
"Oh, he was here before." The self-satisfied smirk was back on Booth's face. "And he was so psyched that he looked close to wetting himself, so I figured I might just as well get started right away before he'd need a change of underwear."
Brennan's eyebrows climbed even higher. "You voluntarily started discussing the topic of our sex life with Sweets? And without me present?
"Yep." Booth's smirk was almost splitting his face in two by now. "I didn't get very far, though, because he ran out on me."
Dr. Temperance Brennan was not only a genius, she also knew her partner (no longer "just", thank you very much) too well not to understand that something was up. "And what, exactly, did you do to make Dr. Sweets flee the room?"
"Oh, nothing much." Booth's face was pure innocence now, which – in Brennan's experience – always spelled trouble. "I just may have let slip that you're very much into heavy BDSM and also have a thing for poly, and that I'm currently trying to prove that I'm willing to embrace your lifestyle choices now that we're together."
"Interesting." If Booth's expression was innocent, Brennan's was the embodiment of a calm she didn't quite feel at the moment. "And what was the point of this… rather peculiar revelation?"
"I asked him if he was up for a threesome." Booth leaned forward a bit, a gleeful glint in his eyes. "I promised him you wouldn't even leave any visible marks."
A moment of silence followed this announcement.
"I see," Brennan finally replied evenly. "Considering that Dr. Sweets still hasn't come back to give you an answer, I take it that the topic of our sex life won't be coming up in therapy any more in the foreseeable future?"
Booth leaned back in his seat and crossed his arms behind his head with a lazy smile. "Doesn't look like it."