I wasn't planning to upload this yet, but I have real life friends who read and enjoy this story, and they are able to guilt trip me physically into posting it.

Probably my favourite chapter, don't know why though.

Oh yeah. I made an askblog for the Loki from this story. It's askgoat on tumblr, go have a look! I sometimes make art for it too.

Hope you enjoy. - Hades

Muna eða Tyna

Remember and Forget

"You were gone a long time, Audolf, is everything alright?"

"Fine. Loki was able to eat a tiny amount before spiralling."

Thor sighed, "He fell to madness again?"

"Yes."

"You forced him into sleep again, didn't you?"

"No, I didn't, actually."

"What do you mean?"

"I gave him a full brain and mood tranquiliser, but one that wouldn't cause sleep."

"Again, what does that mean? He is a prisoner in his own mind, but he is still awake?"

"He doesn't know what's going on, and if he is normal, then he should be 'floating on clouds' at the moment."

"Floating on clouds?"

"He isn't dreaming, but he isn't thinking. He is so out of his mind that he is probably unaware of anything else but the comfort of the mood stabilisers. But I did manage to get some information out of him before that."

"Oh? Anything useful?"

"Thor, I need you to tell me everything that happened in his life, including things you don't feel comfortable with. It is the only way to help him."

"Why do you sound hostile, doctor? I have done nothing to him."

"Thor. Tell me."

"Do not command me, Audolf. But very well. Loki is the son of Laufey, a frost giant. He… He was adopted by my father, the All-Father, but never told of who he was. I was exiled to the Midgardian realm after a foolish bout with the frost giants, and what happened while I was gone is still unbeknown to me. After a battle with a Guardian Loki had sent after me, I was able to return. Loki had lied to me when he had come to Midgard and informed me that our father was dead. Loki tried to destroy the bridge between worlds, and eliminate the frost giants' world in the process. I managed to stop him, but he was lost in a hole in space."

"You are making it sound like he did nothing but be bad. That can't have been the case if he never even knew he was adopted. Was he always so malicious?"

"No."

"Care to elaborate?"

"No."

"Very well, what happened then? He must have ended up here to cause the destruction that brought the Avengers together."

"He planned to rule your world, we stopped him."

"Is that seriously it?"

"Yes."

"Thor! Stop this idiocy. Tell me the truth, was he ever beaten or violated?"

"What!? No! We loved him, we cared for him!"

"Being a doctor of the mind makes me awfully sensitive to when people are lying, Thor."

"Do not call me a liar, doctor!"

"Something happened! He is triggered by men, especially you! I also think it's safe to assume your father is the other demon bothering him. He was screaming at me telling me to stop raping him!"

"W-What?"

"Yes, Thor, rape! It's when someone is forcibly held down and forced to have sexual intercourse against their will! Loki shows obvious signs of this happening to him!"

"I-I-"

"Nothing happened, huh?! I bet if we do a medical examination we would find scars even today!"

"No!"

"Stop lying to save yourself! I thought you CARED for your brother!"

"DO NOT QUESTION ME, AUDOLF! YOU ARE BUT A MERE MAN!"

"Oof- P-Put me down, Thor!"

"My father and I did nothing but care and love him! We did nothing but nourish him and allow him to grow. It was him who chose the dark path he now walks."

"Put me down, Thor."

"Do not question me."

"F-Fine, I won't. I am only trying to help the brother you care for, remember?"

"Very well."

"Ah… Thank you."

"How are you planning to fix him?"

"Right now males don't seem to be able to interact with him, so my next plan was to continue with this un-human amount of sedatives and allow him to roam the active room, interacting with some of the female doctors, nurses and patients."

"You wish to let him walk free?!"

"Yes."

"Why? He could kill someone!"

"I honestly doubt he will. He is scared, Thor."

"Fear makes a man do more than anger ever will."

"I will be with him, you will not. As soon as we get there he will be fully interactive with female personal."

"Why not just send in a female doctor now!"

"I feel that would start a new trigger for him, everyone that has come through the door of his room has eventually caused him to spiral and cause harm. Tony prolonged it; he seems to be the safest. It is then myself, and then you are on the other end of the line of not-Loki's-triggers. I need him to go to someone first, not the other way around."

"I feel you are making fun of me, doctor."

"I am not, Thor."

"When do you plan to execute your foolish idea?"

"As soon as possible."

She peeked around a corner, and once she checked there was no one down the hallway, she skidded around the bend and sprinted down the tunnel, half dropping into more of a four legged gallop than a two legged run. She heard footsteps behind her stutter and pause, someone had noticed her!

Loki saw nothing but pink clouds shimmering around him. He physically couldn't think, feeling nothing but emptiness inside his skull. He was lying down on a similar cloud; limbs sprawled across the comforting texture. He wearily raised his head, watching what looked like a pink sunset in front of him. He smiled distantly, it was very pretty. He let his head fall back into the softness of the cloud and closed his eyes.

He fell asleep.

Richard sighed as the door slid automatically open into Loki's room. His fight with Thor had drained him, and he was hoping Loki was okay. "Loki, how are you doing? Are you still relaxed?" He didn't expect an answer; it shouldn't have worn off yet. But what he did receive was soft breathing, the kind when you are asleep. Worried, he approached the bed, finding Loki with his eyes closed, snoring so very, very quietly. Oh no. Unsure of what to do but hope it wasn't going to be a nightmare, Richard stepped back and sat on the table. He didn't want to go out and talk to Thor again, and he didn't feel like conveying with his other patients. He had cleaned up the room since the food accident, removing the patty and wiping the table clean of orange juice. Sighing, he raised a knee and set his foot on the table, resting his head on his kneecap. He had to deal with a god experiencing psychosis, had to figure out a diagnosis, had to deal with the patient's brother who probably caused Loki's condition, had to deal with running the entire facility, had to deal with the other patients, had to deal with Fury breathing down his neck to fix Loki so he could be shipped back to Asgard, to start the list off.

He groaned and leaned back, resting his back against the wall the metal table was bolted to. He realised if Loki awoke this would seem very unprofessional, but he hadn't slept in two days, hadn't eaten for one of them, had almost been thrown across the room by Thor, and had the pressure of diagnosing and fixing Loki. He glanced at the restrained god, no, he was still asleep. Good. He sat thinking about Loki's symptoms for a good half hour before coming back to reality and figuring he should leave and once again, converse with the god of thunder. He wasn't looking forward to it, but the armour-clad man would find him regardless of where he went. Checking Loki was okay (he hadn't moved, he hadn't twitched, he hadn't sneezed), Richard removed himself from the table and stood at the door, allowing it to slide open, before glancing over his shoulder at Loki, and leaving the room.

He was almost barrelled over by his most notorious escapee.

The clouds had passed over into Loki's dreams, and he wasn't in his regular setting of hell. Yes, he saw the figures, yes, he didn't look at them after a glance, but they didn't charge him. They didn't do anything; they might as well have been frozen. Chancing another glance he looked at them again, and was surprised. They were clean. No, he meant they weren't dead. No, he meant they weren't undead. Dammit! Thor was standing tall, a beam across his face, his face full and healthy, and his eyes normal. His armour was clean and shining brightly, no hint of blood or oil anywhere on it, and none on his cape. Odin was the same, his eye-patch gold and gleaming and his hair soft. Loki was confused, checking himself. He was back in his armour and leather; he had no stitches, horns, cuts or scars. There was no oil in his body and no glass instead of his eyelids. He actually felt at peace!

He looked around, letting his eyes wander. He saw the pink, swirling, smoky clouds floating around and a bright, warm sun high above his head. The land was flat, and extended beyond his vision. All that was there were the clouds, himself, and the frozen, somewhat less-evil figures. He approached them until he was standing in front of Thor, squinting and examining. His brother had a smile stuck on his face, and he was staring at nothing. How odd. He moved to Odin, who had both his legs and was also smiling, proud of something. The sceptre was held loosely in his hand, and Loki (after careful consideration), pried it from his grasp. The weight of it was heavy, and he gasped slightly, stepping back as he adjusted to its' weight. The blue in its' tip flashed, and Loki gasped again, throwing it to the ground. It thunked to the ground and the blue flash died. Confused again, he kneeled down next to it, examining it. It was perfectly balanced, the tip sharp and the gold and silver gleaming. "What is this strange artefact?" He wondered out loud, but quickly slammed his hand over his mouth as his voice echoed and became louder as it passed around the area. He swung around and looked at the figures, no they hadn't moved, but something about their faces had changed. They seemed… less pleased.

Shaken, he turned back to the sceptre on the ground, carefully dragging a finger along its' shaft. The gold seemed to gleam brighter, and the blue shined at his touch. He frowned in concentration and wrapped a hand around the shaft of it, gently lifting it off the ground. It shined and gleamed for him, and he felt strangely powerful holding it. He got to his feet, feeling a weight grow on his body. Slightly fearful, he checked himself again, gasping slightly when he saw his outfit had changed; adding gold and bronze armour plates over the leather. His head lowered under a weight of a bronze horned helmet appearing on his head. It felt so familiar, but so terrifying, as it was the same horn design as his horns he had literally had. He was so fearful that this would all fall to pieces, and the figures would rip him to pieces again. He spun around, fear on his face as he looked at the two men. Their faces seemed to be more angry, frowns on their faces and hands curled into claw-shaped talons. Their armour seemed duller, the red of Thor's cape darker, more crimson. Loki was scared, feeling shivers run up his spine and cause tremors in his helmet. His grip on the sceptre became sweaty due to sweat forming on his hands, purely from fear.
"Y…You will not hurt me… You…" He shivered and gasped, lifting the sceptre behind his head like a bat, "YOU WILL NOT TOUCH ME EVER AGAIN!" he bellowed at the frozen figures, swinging the sceptre around with all the strength he could muster.

A hand snapped out and grabbed the blade of the sceptre before it connected with Thor's head. Loki gasped and watched a trickle of deep red blood flow down where the blade had cut into the hand of…

Who was that?

Of course he recognised her, but he couldn't remember her name, just as he hadn't been able to remember Odin's. He frowned in fear as her eyes met his, emotionless brown meeting startled, seemingly blind, emerald green.
"What is my name, Loki?"
Loki jerked back, releasing the sceptre and taking a step back, she had used his name. She must not be a figure. Oh thank gods. "Y-Your name is…" He trailed off, having literally no idea what her name was.
She spun the sceptre in the air, catching the shaft in her bleeding hand, sending rolling drops of blood down the metal. She frowned and marched up to him, jabbing and digging the sharp, pointed tip into the underside of his lower jaw. He cringed and tried to dislodge his jaw from the blade, but it had cut through the skin and was locked in the hook of his lower jaw, with blood starting to softly flow.
"What. Is my name?" She spoke slowly, anger clear in her voice. She lifted a hand to his helmet's horn and ripped it off his head, scraping his ears on the way off. She threw it to the ground with a loud BANG, causing the pleasant pink clouds to retreat and dissipate.
"I-I-I-" Loki stammered, trying to think of her name.

Loki screamed when he felt two strong hands clamp down on his ribs. Those two strong hands. He couldn't see the figures. He jerked his head sideways, ripping the blade from his jaw, drawing a line from the tip of his chin to the edge of his jawbone, just missing his jugular.
"S-Sif! Your name is Sif!" He screamed as he tried to wriggle out of Thor's hands. He had no clue where the name had come from, but in fear and terror it had appeared, much like before with Odin.
Sif seemed pleased with this, and lowered the sceptre. Thor's hands removed themselves from Loki's ribs, and Loki fell to his knees, gasping and holding his sides, tiny tears forming at the edges of his eyes.
"Good job, Loki," She walked around behind him, picking up his fallen helmet with the sceptre, holding it in the air and swinging it around the tip, causing a horrible sound of metal on metal.
"Why… Why are you here… Why are you using my… my name..?" Loki kept his eyes on the ground, shivering as he remembered what had happened last time Thor's hands had been on him like that. He took a second to glance around, Thor was nowhere to be seen, and neither was Odin. Had Thor even grabbed him?
Sif pretended to ponder, bringing the sceptre to a vertical position at her side, the helmet's horn hooking into the gap between blade and blue. Her long dark hair fell gracefully around her shoulders and back, and her face was flawless.
"No wonder you are Thor's wife…" Loki muttered what he was thinking, he wasn't jealous, oh no, he didn't like Sif. But Thor would never have anything less than perfection for a bride.
Sif frowned again, not quite hearing him but hearing enough. She ignored the muttering and put on a bemused expression, "Because that is the name you had when you were shamed out of Asgard, so it is the name that you will stick with for the rest of time."
Loki frowned and raised his head, looking at the powerful goddess of war, "I have done nothing wrong, Sif," he growled. She may be stronger than him, she may be Thor's wife, but she had no right to treat him like dirt, and go a step further and rub his mistakes and failures into said dirt.
Sif laughed, a brutal, cold laugh, "Hah! You tried to rule Asgard! You tried to rule Midgard! You cannot achieve anything. Thor was easily able to best you; Odin didn't even have to try or move! You are weak, you didn't even have the courage to stand up and take Thor's place when the All-Father fell into sleep! Oh yes, I remember that, Loki," she sneered at him, giving the sceptre a jerk, causing his helmet to rattle.
Loki frowned thunder now, rage on his face, his small tears drying. He got to his feet and snarled, "Oh be silent, Sif! I never planned to rule Asgard! I just wanted recognition! And you are a fool, I never tried to rule Midgard! I simply sent the Guardian to keep Thor there!"
"You wanted him dead so you could rule! You were going to kill your father!"
"THAT IS A LIE!" Loki surged forwards, slamming the back of his forearm into the exposed area in Sif's neck, causing her to choke and stumble backwards, falling to the floor and letting the sceptre drop with a clatter. He breathed heavily, feeling power surge through him. It was glorious. He slyly looked at Sif, she was beneath him now. Ignoring the sceptre and helmet, he marched over to where she was on the floor, gasping for air, and slammed a leather boot onto her neck, forcing her to the ground, where she started to choke.

"What was that, Sif?! A failure?! Could a failure do THIS?!" He roared and pressed his foot down as hard as he could, feeling and hearing bones start to creak and bend in the godddess' neck.
"L-Loki, please!" She was pleading now, tears in her eyes as her hands scrabbled with Loki's boot and leather pants.
Loki sneered, "Pathetic," he coughed a laugh and removed his boot, letting Sif roll over and grab her neck, choking and gasping for air, massaging the now forming bruise on her throat.
Loki laughed, it felt good. He laughed louder, feeling power and joy surge through him for the first time in what felt like eons. This pathetic woman's husband and his father may scare him, but she was nothing to him. To Loki.
"YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!" He bellowed out what he was thinking, leaning down to roar in her face.
She was crying now, tears rolling down her face as she gripped her own neck, purple spreading up her jaw and down her collarbone. "Loki!" She cried out, looking past him, and Loki raised a brow, straightening up. She had spoken in not a fearful way, more of a… warning way.

Loki's eyes widened as he felt a sharp stab just left of his spine, moments before a blast. He was rocketed forward, tumbling over in the air, slamming to the ground with a crunch as his armour dug into his flesh. He choked and gasped, spinning around onto one knee to face his attacker. He froze, both in stance and body temperature. It was them.

Thor was furious, but he wasn't as deformed as he had been, it was almost as if he had been reset. Odin shared his fury, and was holding the sceptre Loki had discarded on the ground, a foot on Loki's helmet. Odin caught Loki's eye and lowered his foot, crushing the helmet into shards with one movement. Loki's eyes widened in fear, and his gaze swept down to where Sif was. She was still choking, but she turned and looked at him, a sly smile on her face as she released her hand, showing her perfect neck. She let out another fake cough and choke before standing, smoothing her hair out with one hand.
"Y-… You-" Loki choked out, hands falling to the ground in front of him, supporting his weight as the mental pressure of fear and anger built up inside of him.
"Yes, I'm sorry, Loki, but did you really think you could hurt the goddess of war?" Sif sneered, standing next to Thor.
Thor raised an eyebrow at Sif, "Don't apologise to him, he has done nothing but cause trouble, and even when he does, he cannot triumph."
Odin chuckled, "Agreed, Thor. Such a pathetic waste of my time. I'm glad he's not my son."
Loki's head whipped up and he locked eyes with Odin, "You are my father, Odin! Frigga is my mother! How could you forget this!?" he spoke with disbelief on his face.
Odin's face fell to stone, "You were never my son, Loki."

Loki tried to laugh, but all that came out was a choked breath and an expression that looked more tearful than anything. "Nice joke, father! B-But-"
Thor sneered, "You still don't get it, do you?" he walked up to the fallen Loki, kneeling so and leaning so he was eye level with his 'brother', "You, like every animal, were picked and chosen, fed and watered, taught and tamed, all the way up to the slaughterhouse," he whispered malice into the downed god's ear, "Goat,"
Loki's eyes got as wide as they could physically go, tears now falling freely, "N... No..-" he wept, pleading to Thor.
Thor sneered again, "I think you've seen far more than you deserve, Goat," he stood and waved a hand, lifting the sun, the clouds, the beautiful white into nothing, revealing that horrible place.
Loki choked as he felt his armour fade, his leather change to the simple white clothes and he screamed as he saw the chain he had for so long worn appear in front of him.
"Be quiet!" Thor backhanded Loki, sending him rolling and skidding across the floor, where he lay in a heap, sobbing.
Loki felt his horns return, slowly at first, but they then burst out, sending intense pain and pressure through his skull and neck. They were followed by his stitches, except this time, a needle appeared in front of him, and before he could do anything, it speared his cheek, and once again, started to sew his mouth tightly shut.

"N-No! I wish to speak! Get it out!" He screamed and clawed at the needle and thread, ripping his own flesh as he tried to remove the stitches that were appearing. What had happened to the power he had felt when standing over Sif? Where was his courage? He tried to remain strong, but whether intentionally by the figures or not, memories of what had happened ran through his head like a cursed film reel. Oil, blood, tears and semen ran through and soaked the reel, sending the colours askew and the quality to turn pixelated and glitched. His face fell just as his hands did when it got to the violation. He shut his eyes as tight as he could, trying to blur it out, but all he could do was watch from someone else's point of view as he was used and abused on the ground. The needle finished its' job, fading into nothing, leaving Loki with a tightly shut mouth. When it was over Loki frowned, the film didn't stop, it continued. He saw himself wake up in that room, seeing it as though he the fourth person in the room. His eyes were flashing black and white, and he physically raised a hand unconsciously to his pale eyes, touching the skin covering them. His eyelids were wet. He continued to mentally watch his conversation with Tony Stark, smiling wearily at the banter. When Tony left and Richard returned he watched carefully, seeing them strike a deal.

He had made a deal.

His eyes snapped open, ending the reel and allowing him to see the three figures in front of him. His horns were heavy, his stitches cold like ice, and his body heavy with oil. The two major cuts he had receive also appeared, one across his nose and one under his jawline. He smiled, or as much he could with his ruined face, staring into the eyes of Odin, who was standing in the middle of the three. They looked confused, angry with how Loki was reacting.

Loki had never planned even once in his life for him to do what he was about to do. He stood, reached out, grabbed the sceptre from Odin's stunned grasp, and lifted the blade to his throat, smiling one last time before swiftly drawing a line across his throat.

He fell to the ground, smiling and choking as blood and oil ran into his mouth and down his neck, choking him. He twitched for a moment, before lying still, eyes wide open, body sprawled on the ground, the bloody sceptre lying next to him. Blood ran down his cheeks from the cuts, stitches and blood flowing from his mouth, his horns cracking and falling to pieces around and in his long hair.

The figures could do nothing but stare, emotionless, as they watched Loki kill himself.