Chapter 5
"Zoë, don't say things like that, I'd never do anything to hurt you, I'd never do anything like that to you. You do not need to suffer at all. I forgive you, beautiful." Horatio said softly and studied her face as her muscles relaxed.
"Really?" She asked in disbelief and Horatio nodded as he moved both hands to her cheeks and skimmed his thumbs from the bottom of her eyes, to her nose then to the corners of her lips.
"Really, I forgive you." Horatio said softly as he put his forehead against hers and she exhaled as her tears slowed.
"How you could think that'd I'd ever hit you is beyond me, Zoë." Horatio said honestly after he swallowed. 'Did I give her the impression that I was going to hit her?' Horatio thought to himself.
"Sometimes even those you don't expect to do things like that, do." She whispered as she looked down and wiped her right eye with the back of her right hand.
"What makes you say that?" Horatio questioned, slightly alarmed as he lifted her head by placing his fingers under her chin. He watched a few more tears roll down her cheeks and she shrugged as she sent her eyes downward to his top button as she began to play with her engagement ring.
"Zoë, has anyone else apart from him ever hurt you?" Horatio questioned softly and she pulled her head from his hand as she looked away.
"Zoë" Horatio called as he lowered his head and tilted it to the side to try and get a look at her as she turned her face away more.
"Who's hurt you Zoë? Was it recent? Did Wolfe ever hurt you?" Horatio questioned and she looked back to him.
"No." She whispered as her eyes went skywards, moving them anywhere but his questioning and concerned eyes.
"Who's hurt you?" Horatio questioned again but she just shook her head as she looked up at the ceiling. "Has Joe hurt you before?" Horatio questioned softly as he placed his hand on her thigh.
"What? No! Joe's never touched me like that." She said sharply as she quickly looked at him, looking peeved.
"I'm sorry." Horatio apologised softly as he realised that Joe wasn't the culprit. "If you don't tell me, then how am I to know?" Horatio asked calmly and quietly as he tilted his head again and furrowed his eyebrows. She looked into his eyes and she could see him thinking.
"I don't want to tell you." She whispered again.
"Zoë, did Mike ever hit you?" Horatio questioned, he watched her mouth press into a hard line as she looked down. She glanced up at him and he'd noticed that she'd lost all colour in her face.
"Only…" She began but stopped herself as Horatio's eyes widened as his mouth fell open a little. He could now understand why she'd think that he'd hit her. He knew she thought the world of Mike too.
"Zoë, did you tell anyone about that? How many times did he hit you? Did he abuse you?" Horatio questioned as he placed both hands on her thighs.
"He only hit me twice. I gave him a whack back the second time though, he was drunk that time." She said as she looked down to his hands on her thighs and then began to entwine her fingers again.
"Did you tell anyone, Zoë? Did you report it?" Horatio questioned, concerned and she shook her head.
"Please don't tell anyone. I never even told Joe. He'd blow at me if he ever found out that Mike hit me." Zoë whispered quietly as she continued to look down. Horatio exhaled and closed his eyes as he bowed his head too.
"I will never hurt you Zoë." Horatio whispered back, sincerely as he opened his eyes and looked back up at her. He brought her head back up by placing both hands either side of her head and looked into her eyes.
"I will never hurt you." He repeated as he removed his left hand and pulled her right hand up to kiss her knuckles lightly. Her eyes skipped from his right eye to his left as her bottom lip trembled slightly.
"I don't want to lose you, Horatio." She whispered as she felt the lump in her throat enlarge.
He raised his arm and placed it around the back of her head and held her forehead against his. "You're never going to lose me. I'll always be with you." Horatio said as he took hold of one of her hands with his free hand and interlocked his fingers with hers. She placed her other hand over his thigh without thinking and he took a sharp intake of air to deal with the pain. He pulled his head away from hers slightly as he grimaced and tensed. His lower lip hardened and rolled under his upper lip. He felt the sharp shot of pain course down his leg and into his calve as well as pain shooting up into his groin. Zoë swallowed and looked at Horatio with wide eyes, realising what she'd done.
"I'm so sorry, I should get you back to the hospital, I bet you left against Nathan's wishes, didn't you?" She as she frantically moved her hand from his thigh and placed her fist on her thigh. She grimaced herself as she could feel the pain emanate from him. Horatio silently nodded at her question as he took another deep breath and tried to expel the pain through a large exhale. She peered down at his thigh and could see that he was bleeding again, she saw the shine of wet blood glint when it caught the light coming from the window. 'He's bleeding profusely!' Zoë thought to herself as her eyes widened more. Horatio released her head and placed his hand over the wound.
"Horatio you're bleeding." She said frantically as she looked up at him and he nodded.
"I am, yes." Horatio said calmly and then pressed his lips into a hard line again. Zoë's brain caught up with the situation and she began to rise to her feet, all remnants of tears had dried.
"Get your trousers off." She ordered as she gently hauled him up with his help. She moved from him as he leant against the chest of draws and began to undo his trousers as she rushed out of the bedroom. He slowly walked into the en-suite so he could sit on the loo without the worry of Zoë freaking if he got blood on the carpet or on the duvet cover. She ran back into the bedroom and then into the en-suite just as Horatio kicked his trousers away with a hiss of pain as he placed both hands firmly over the blood sodden bandage. She kicked his trousers to the side, causing what looked like a drag mark of blood on the floor. She knelt in front of him and pulled the bandage off his leg after she put gloves on.
"Don't worry handsome, I've got you. You're going to be fine." Zoë reassured Horatio as he nodded and took another deep breath as he squeezed his leg above the wound. She quickly replaced it with gauze and more bandage and then applied pressure to the wound.
"Stay calm, nice long deep breaths." She said softly as she took some deep breaths of her own, he mimicked her breathing and gazed into her eyes. He placed one of his hands over her right on his thigh and applied more pressure. He exhaled a small moan as his jaw tensed.
She studied his pain-ridden face, from his panicked eyes to his tense jaw, noticing the grooves either side of his eyes had deepened. "I'm calling for an ambulance." Zoë said softly as she pulled her phone out of her pocket with her left hand.
"No, it's okay, I'll drive." Horatio said softly, leading her to frown at him 'he's bleeding profusely, in that much pain and panicking slightly, yet he's insisting on driving? Is he crazy?' She thought as her phone began to vibrate in her hand. She saw Eric's number when she glanced to the phone from his eyes.
She answered the phone. "Eric?" She asked softly with the frown slowly disappearing.
"Where are you guys? Nathan said that Horatio walked out." Eric said frantically and Zoë began to analyse Horatio's face once again, noticing that he was becoming a little pale.
"We're at home, something happened. Now Horatio's bleeding badly again and I need to get him back, where are you?" Zoë questioned as she tried to remain calm, but Horatio could see the grave expression cruise across her face.
"I'm at the hospital." Eric said softly, noticing her urgency, he'd already walked back to his car and started the engine.
"Can you come and pick us up please? He doesn't want an ambulance, but I can't drive him as I need to keep pressure on his leg and I'm likely to blackout if I drive; I'm stressed Eric." She said honestly as she peered into his eyes, trying to assess how much pain he was in. It was evident that he was in a considerable amount of pain as he had a very tight hold of her hand.
"Of course, stay calm. I'm on my way over now." Eric said warmly.
"Thank you." She said softly before handing up and dropping her phone to the floor to place her left hand over his hands.
"Zoë, I'm not going to hospital in Eric's car partially naked." Horatio exhaled as he pressed his chin to his chest and looked up through his lashes. He then took another deep breath and squeezed her hand harder as his nostrils flared with a sharp intake of air.
"Well, I don't know what else to suggest, you need to get back there and I can't put trousers on you as we need to keep these on and they'll only take them back off and probably cut them up in the process." Zoë said firmly as she looked up at him sternly. He sighed as he looked down at their hands, they appeared to have more blood on them than they did a few moments ago. He knew it was starting to get serious.
'This is all my fault.' Zoë thought as she looked down at herself and bit her lip. "If I hadn't have been such a fucking bitch, you'd still be at that hospital, not here. I'm a bloody cretin, quite literally right now." She exhaled as she shook her head, he could hear from just the tone in her voice that she was blaming herself completely and was feeling exceptionally guilty. Horatio pulled his left hand from beneath hers and checked to make sure he had no wet blood on it before he placed his fingertips under her chin. He lifted her head but her eyes remained downcast as she couldn't bear to look him in the eye.
"Zoë, beautiful" Horatio called softly and then watched her eyes rise slowly. He waited for them to connect with his. "Zoë, this isn't your fault. Stop blaming yourself. I'm fine, it doesn't even hurt too much anyway, the anaesthetic is still working, it's not too bad." Horatio assured her as he removed his hand from her chin and placed it on her shoulder, he could see the stress in her eyes. He knew he'd just lied to her and began to feel guilty himself. He realised that it was in fact a serious situation when he felt himself grow weaker as he felt a chill shoot up his spine. He swallowed and then looked into her eyes again, he could see that she needed him to give in to her before she'd say anything else.
"There's some shorts in the top draw, if you could get them for me, I'd be most grateful." Horatio said softly and she nodded as he replaced her hands with and pressed on the wound. She quickly collected a black pair of boarder shorts and then pulled them up and onto him. He stood and she pulled them up. She then pulled them up over his thigh and his wound and sat him back down and then placed another layer of gauze over the wound as the blood was starting to seep into the 2nd layer.
"Take a deep breath sweetheart, you're doing really well." Horatio said softly and she looked up at him and he saw the tears in her eyes again. She was trying her very hardest to remain calm, but to see Horatio in such pain hurt her equally as bad. She took a few short staggered breaths and bit her lip as she looked around. She looked anywhere but him to try and compose herself.
"Deep breaths Zoë." Horatio said softly and she took a couple of deep breaths, she then looked back around to him once she was calm enough and she nodded. Zoë quickly put her phone in her bra after she snapped her gloves off.
"Right let's get you down ready for Eric." She said softly as she began to take charge of the situation once she'd managed to push all tears back.
"A pair of trousers for later wouldn't go a miss, please?" Horatio asked as he looked from her to his pale, freckle-less thighs where they never received any sunlight. She nodded and then put a clean pair of trousers over her arm. She then walked back into the en-suite and threaded her right arm under his left and around his back.
"Okay, slowly." She said calmly as she then eased him up as he accepted her support and took hold of her left shoulder.
"Try and put pressure on the leg, okay?" She asked and Horatio nodded as he took a fistful of her shirt and then realised he'd probably put a bloody handprint in her crisp white shirt. She took as much of his weight as she could as she helped him out of the en-suite slowly. He couldn't put weight on his leg so he hopped out while Zoë maintained his balance for him. They slowly made their way downstairs, just as they got to the bottom there was a knock at the door. Zoë quickly answered it after she checked that it was Eric while Horatio leant against the cream wall, trying his best to keep blood off it. Eric stepped in to the hall and saw that Horatio was pale and beginning to shake slightly.
"Thank you so much sweetie." She said as she quickly walked back over to Horatio and put his arm around her neck and then helped him out just as Eric took Horatio's other arm. Eric helped Horatio into the back of his car as Zoë closed the door and then jumped into the back with Horatio and then put her hands over his leg. She glanced over to Eric as she put his seatbelt on and turned the key in the ignition.
"I'm sorry Eric, I would have rung but it's just been a little hectic." Zoë admitted quietly and Eric nodded, remaining silent when he saw her red and slightly puffy eyes. He knew she'd been crying but didn't question her because he knew it was best not to. She looked back over to Horatio as Eric reversed off the drive and began to drive.
"You're going to be okay." Zoë whispered to Horatio as she moved closer to him. She leant against his upper arm and maintained pressure on his thigh.
"You're going to be okay handsome." Zoë whispered again, reassuring herself as well as him. She looked up and into his eyes.
"I'm going to be okay." Horatio whispered back to her and she nodded and then moved closer, as close as she possibly could be. He moved his head closer to hers and closed his eyes as he nuzzled her nose with his. He didn't care that Eric was in the car with them, he didn't care what he thought, he knew Zoë needed the comfort and he'd give her that comfort no matter what anyone else thought.
"I'm sorry." She whispered, he could hear that her voice was hoarse and new she was on the verge of breaking down again.
"Don't worry about it, don't worry about anything. Just concentrate on your breathing, keep your eyes closed. Concentrate on my breathing." Horatio whispered back as he began to lightly rub her knuckles with his thumb. She nodded slowly and kept her eyes closed as her forehead connected with his. She concentrated on him and only him, she mimicked his breathing and moved her thumb over his hand in time with the movement of his thumb. Horatio concentrated on her, he could feel her minty breath moving over his lips and cheek, he felt her fringe fall from the side to his temple, releasing a hint of fragrance. She felt her lips connect with his once, then twice. She stopped to lightly bite her lip as she took another deep breath.
"I promise you that you're going to be okay." She said confidently. "I promise you." She repeated and Eric glanced back to them, to see them in this position and not moving from it. He saw their breathing in time with each other and then looked back to the road.
"We're nearly there." Eric said calmly, softly. Both Horatio and Zoë acknowledged his information but neither responded.
They arrived back at the hospital and Eric quickly got out and brought a wheelchair over to them. Zoë slowly helped Horatio into the chair as she rang Nathan, holding her phone between her shoulder and ear so both hands were free to assist Horatio.
"I'm going to park the car, I'll be right in." Eric said softly and she nodded as Nathan picked up. She took hold of the handles of the wheelchair.
"Hold that leg, Horatio." Zoë said as she looked up at the entrance of the hospital and heard Nathan ask her name.
"I'm so sorry Nathan, Horatio and I are back at the hospital and he's bleeding a lot again, where shall I take him? A & E or to your ward?" She questioned and he noted the calmness in her voice, he was unsure if it was just her voice that was calm, or if she was calm herself, she wasn't even sure herself. She listened to Nathan's displeased sigh and knew he was probably running a hand through his short hair.
"Bring him up to my ward, I'll see you there." Nathan said firmly. "Thanks" Zoë replied before hanging up, she knew he wasn't happy at all, she knew she was probably going to get a good telling off.
"Okay handsome, we're going up to Nathan's ward, you stay with me and you keep pressure on your leg." Zoë directed and he nodded as he remained silent. He looked down at his thigh as he breathed through his mouth, holding his lips apart, maintaining calm breathing. She pushed Horatio in as he put pressure on his leg and grimaced more. She swallowed when she saw patients and relatives of patients stare at them, she was unsure if they were staring at her, or Horatio and the blood. 'Do they know what I did? Do they know that I'm such a bad person that I'd accuse Horatio of such disgusting things?' She thought as she began to feel insecure again, truthfully, they were all slightly confused as the A & E entrance was a few hundred yards down the main road. It was usual for bleeding patients to be wheeled into A & E, but not through the main entrance of the hospital, by the shop and café. They arrived on the ward and Nathan quickly took over for Zoë, gently pushing her to the side, politely. He pushed Horatio into the room he was previously occupying, Zoë walked in after them as she began to rub her left upper arm with her right hand. 'Nathan knows it's my fault too, he probably thinks I'm a really bad person.' Zoë thought to herself as she slowly walked over to the end of the bed as Nathan helped Horatio onto the bed and then immediately snapped a pair of gloves on and removed the bandages to get a look.
"I told you that you needed to stay here." Nathan said as he looked Horatio in the eye, Horatio saw the sullen expression, and Horatio knew that Nathan wasn't at all happy. Nathan quickly injected Horatio's thigh with more local anaesthetic.
Zoë felt bad that Nathan was giving Horatio the brunt of his mood. "It was my fault Nathan, I had a bit of a breakdown, I'm sorry." She said as she looked down at the floor and walked around the bed to Horatio's side, opposite of Nathan. She took hold of Horatio's outstretched hand as she looked up at Nathan. Nathan nodded silently, then collected the trolley from the side and sat down.
He inspected the wound again and made sure it was numb. "What have you been doing? The stitches have been pulled out basically."
"I was kneeling on the floor, I guess it could have happened then." Horatio replied as his eyes briefly connected with Nathan's once again and Nathan nodded, still clearly unhappy.
Zoë stepped back, she hated it when people were in moods, she didn't feel all that comfortable with Nathan at that point in time. "Don't you go anywhere, I need to check you out."
"I was just stepping back." She whispered as her eyes hit the floor again as she let go of Horatio's hand and crossed her arms across her body. Nathan realised he was upsetting Zoë, perhaps even scaring her, he let out a sigh as his expression softened on her. He then glanced to Horatio and then concentrated back on the wound.
"I'm going to re-stitch this." Horatio and Zoë remained silent, Horatio watched Nathan re-stitch the wound, but often glanced up at Zoë. Her eyes never left Nathan's hands, he knew she was making sure he was doing everything correctly and wasn't hurting him.
"Stay on the bed, please." Nathan said as he stood up once he was finished.
"Mmm" Zoë moaned quietly in pain as she placed her hand over her stomach. She clenched her jaw and exhaled a sharp breath. Both Nathan and Horatio looked at her as their hearts began to wildly beat, they both looked at her, Horatio more panicked than Nathan, Nathan was more concerned.
"Zoë, what's wrong?" Horatio questioned frantically as he sat up and reached over to her, but she'd stepped too far from him. She straightened herself out and looked from Nathan to Horatio with a slack jaw and soft eyes as she furrowed her eyebrows. She waved her hand to gesture that she was fine, but neither Horatio nor Nathan had it. She then doubled over a little again as she held her stomach as she took a deep breath and looked down at her feet.
"Zoë, sit down for me." Nathan said as he rushed around, he took hold of her arm and placed his hand on her back and directed her down into the light blue seat.
"I'm good." She tried to assure the both of them when she saw how worried they both were. She exhaled heavily and pushed the pain away and then gave them both a small smile as she looked up at them.
"You've just doubled over, I need to check you over." Nathan said firmly as he placed his hands on her stomach and gently eased her back. She looked up at him with a slight frown as he palpated at her stomach as she tried to pull his hands away.
"Are you pregnant?" Nathan questioned as he looked up from her stomach and into her eyes, very concerned.