Chapter 19

We dreamers have our ways
Of facing rainy days
And somehow we survive

We keep the feelings warm
Protect them from the storm
Until our time arrives

Then one day the sun appears
And we come shining through those lonely years

I made it through the rain
I kept my world protected
I made it through the rain
I kept my point of view
I made it through the rain
And found myself respected
By the others who
Got rained on too
And made it through

When friends are hard to find
And life seems so unkind
Sometimes you feel so afraid

Just aim beyond the clouds
And rise above the crowds
And start your own parade

Cause when I chased my fears away
That's when I knew that I could finally say

Barry Manilow – I made it through the rain.

Lunch was a quiet affair with muted general conversation between John and Molly. Sherlock for his part ate in silence and just watched them both. Molly ever aware when those laser like eyes watched her did her best to gather her thoughts, reply to John's comments and not completely fall apart. Once molly finished her meal she took her dishes back to the sink. Spying Sherlock's cigs she picked them up and flashed them at Sherlock. A silent do you mind look on her face. Sherlock just dipped his head in answer. After the first drag she sighed. "might need a run before I get started going to need a lot of nicotine and coffee for this." Another slow drag and she smiled over to John and Sherlock. "make you a deal Sherlock don't rag me about my smoking today and I will give you a pass on my nagging you about your smoking for the next month, and so will John."

Sherlock's eyebrows climbed up, how had she figured that was what I was going to say?,and he quickly closed his mouth. John just sputtered "why am I included in your deal? I don't smoke so have every right to nag!"

Molly snubbed out her smoke and just laughed at his out rage. "to sweeten the deal, John. So I am going to pop down to Tesco's and grab some of my brand (full flavored cigs had never been her vice – no that was the tall drink of water over at the kitchen table) and some more food." She made to go and get her coat. "I should be back in 30 minutes give or take."

a low grumble hit her back. "Molly..."

"no I need to go out there to show them. They didn't break me. They all most did back then, but I am not the same little girl I was."

She got down to the bottom of the stairs and just stared at the door. Then the panic set in, her mind raced of what could happen if they were out there. For five minutes she stood there before she turned around to ask for one of them to accompany her. She never had to. Sherlock was standing behind her, his coat and scarf all ready on, just waiting for her to open the door. Molly's smile split her face that he was there and she walked confidently outside.

The walk to Tesco's was quiet. Both of them lost in their own thoughts. Molly picked up what she needed and they both headed back to the flat. She got food to actually cook tonight because no way after this was she stepping out of Baker st, for a while. She might look calm to the passersby but inside she was terrified and the only one who noticed – eyes to wide, smile too forced, hands slightly unsteady at the pin machine- was not sure how to help her with it. So he stayed close to her watching for anything that could harm her.

Molly knew the moment he figured out on the way to Tesco's that she wasn't completely OK. He slowed his pace and was all most elbow to elbow with her. He hovered. It brought a true smile to her face that even though he didn't express sentiment verbally, his actions gave him away all most every time.

Her smile faltered when she realized just what was to happen next. She had made a promise and the time was upon her to follow through with it. She started worrying her bottom lip, thinking about what their reactions to her story would be. Would they believe her or scoff- stop that this instance Molly Hooper! this is Sherlock Holmes and John Watson you are talking about. Sherlock may scoff about your looks and deduce you in a glance and he can be thoughtlessly cruel but he is your friend. So have some faith and john well he is a doctor. He will have seen this all before. She was shaking her head at the internal chewing out she had just given herself. Did she think so poorly of herself after all this time, that she still believed no one truly wanted to be her friend? Maybe so. She was so deep in her thoughts that she walked past the door to the flat. Sherlock broke through to her with an "ah Molly flats this way." While hooking his thumb in the direction of the door.

Molly just chuckled as she stepped past him into the flat an embarrassed "oops" was all she said. She missed the smile that touched Sherlock's face or the amused shake of his head.

She went straight up , the relief she felt being back here was immediate. Mrs. Huston met her at the top of the stairs. She got a very happy, if awkward hug, from the landlady and made her way back into the flat. Put up the food stuff for later and she sat down in the leather chair but she couldn't settle. Getting up she grabbed the ashtray (pretty piece of crystal) and walked over to the stereo. Ejecting the disc and seeing it was one of hers (breathe there girl he still can't play remember – it 's only been a week) she smiled. She replaced the disc and tried to figure out how to make the machine work. Do all stereos have this many buttons and knobs?

"No but this model is designed to record and play music in a recording studio so it is a bit more complicated than others." Sherlock's answer to her muttered thoughts, made her jump. Then she started giggling holding her sides she went and sat back down. "of course it is Sherlock. Couldn't be something simple now could it."

Seeing this teasing Molly Hooper looking up at him, happy for the moment even if at his expense, made him smile. At her correct deductions he dipped his head. "quite right." Then the soft sounds of her clarinet filled the flat.

That's when Molly's eyes landed on the envelope that bore her name at the top. Her giggles stopped abruptly. Her hand reached up to touch it but pulled back as if it burned. Sherlock knowing what she had seen walked over and sat down in John's chair. He turned to his best friend "John …"

Hearing Sherlock call his name he walked over grabbed the chair to the desk and pulled it up next to his two closet friends

Her eyes kept jumping between the two of them. The thought of what could possibly be in that slim file had turned her blood cold. Her voice cracked when she finally asked. "Why do you have a file on me, Sherlock?"

"I don't Molly."

"then what is that clippings from my most riveting postmortems?"

John came to his friends rescue. "molly that came from Mycroft."

"WHAT! You mean to tell me that the British Government has a file on me! And he has seen what's inside!"

Holding his hands out he explained. "I talked to Mycroft about what happened at the beginning of this week with you two and I mentioned what you said to me. How you have had worse. While we were dealing with everything about Sherlock's hand his pa brought this to him. He never read it. He gave it to us in case we ever needed the information within."

Molly felt relieved that Mycroft Holmes had not seen the pictures but knew after last night her friends had. "then you both know what happened."

Sherlock scooted his chair a little closer and reached out and took Molly's hand into his own. "no Molly we do not. We know cold facts. What we all need is for you to tell us. So I um uh we can help you." She stared at their hands and a memory floated back to her. Of what he had told her about himself last night. What he had been through. Her much bruised heart ached for the man holding her hand. Tears dropped from her eyes and she bowed her head.

Well Sherlock understood what the tears were for. "you remembered, how much?"

"all of it." but she didn't look up. She didn't want them to see her weep over the childhood he had.

Sherlock took his free hand and raised her face back up. His smile was gentle (john was surprised but then Sherlock was all ways surprising) and when she finally returned that smile. He dropped his hand from her face. "Thank you for the tears you shed on my behalf Molly but please I can not bear to be the cause of them so dry your eyes. For me."

Molly after she closed her mouth (did he just say that?) wiped the tears away with her free hand. He still hadn't released her other hand and she didn't think he was going to. She sat there just thinking, worrying her bottom lip. When Sherlock broke into her thoughts once again.

"Molly, you need to tell the story of what happened. To exorcise the demons as it were. We are both here for you." John reached out and grabbed Molly's other hand and gave it a warm squeeze. "you are our friend (chosen family) you matter to us, so trust us both to be here for whatever you need."

She sat there and looked at her dearest friends, the man she loved and the unexpected surprise of her close friend John Watson. She cleared her throat and began to speak...

author's note- OK so got some plot bunnies taken care of with this chapter lose ends that needed to be addressed. And yes it is a Barry Manilow song at the beginning of this chapter – it got me through a lot growing up and was right for this chapter so don't be hating on my man (the man my first fandom sigh) next chapter soon. So show me some love or hate

laters

-dga